98 A Brand New Start
“A Brand-New Start”
Sung to the tune of “(With A) Thankful Heart”
from the movie
The Muppet Christmas Carol
District Courthouse – October 9, 2026
“Incidentally,” Apollo informed his former employer with a smug grin. “The one responsible for making this happen…was Phoenix Wright.”
Kristoph’s eye began to discernably twitch with animus upon hearing the accursed name of his most hated foe.
“Phoe…Phoenix Wright…?”
As the weight of the disclosed ultimate bluff fell upon him like a bag of cement, the periwinkle pisshead man began quaking from head to toe, such was the force of his unsuppressed rage.
“So… Everything was leading to this. Of course… Right…Wright… Wright…”
It was at that exact moment the ever-composed legist lost the last lingering shards of his sanity … then proceeded to go completely, irrevocably, snake-fuckingly crazy.
Get back, folks! The horned lawyer drew back nervously. He’s about to blow!
Standing there in the jurist’s room, alongside a dozen pairs of thunderstruck juror eyes while these surreal events occurred on live camera, Phoenix coolly watched this as impassively as a movie-goer seeing the events unfold on the silver screen.
If only I’d thought to bring a bucket of popcorn…
Eftsoons, there was an earsplitting din unlike anything ever before heard within the walls of that courthouse as in the next instant, Kristoph Gavin fell utterly apart, unhinging his jaws and emanating a deafening, puling bray of defeat that appeared to have been forcibly ripped from the German’s throat.
“Wright…Wright…WrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiGGGGGGGGgggggggggggGGGGGGGHhhhHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!”
Kristoph’s knees seemed to give out from under him right after, and a heavy thud sounded as he fell forward, then remained slumped over the witness stand.
Achtung, baby! Phoenix stared with a combination of pity and loathing at Drew Misham and Zak Gramaraye’s unraveled murderer. This show at least deserves some chocolate covered raisins!
However, despite having spent himself, and even in his limp, rag-doll state, the unglued fiend still managed to conjure up a maniacal, bone-chilling cackle; a non-stop, hysterical cachinnating that echoed through the courtroom and froze the blood of everyone within it.
Even from afar, that haunting death rattle would undoubtedly continue to resonate in the hobo’s ears and plague his dreams for years to come.
Despite this, the card shark stonily witnessed this all while feeling utterly devoid of any emotion at the downfall of his longtime tormentor. Kristoph was nothing more than a shadow of his once-formidable self now, uncaring about the wrinkling of his once pristine suit sleeves, which he clenched in his fists, while he rocked back and forth and stared sightlessly ahead like a traumatized child. He was naught more than a spasming, unkempt disarray now; a far cry from the once perfectly groomed, sophisticated Coolest Defense In The West persona he’d once prided himself on being.
Revenge was a dish served cold, indeed.
The vindicated poker champ felt himself sagging with relief back into a nearby chair at the sight of Herr Snapped Like A Twig in his seemingly catatonic state now being forcibly dragged away from the courtroom, his once chiseled features frozen into a contorted mask of hatred.
Looks like a one-way ticket to the funny farm for you, Kristoph. The spiky-haired DILF didn’t even flinch as he got up from his seat and made his way to the courtroom where his protege and daughter were. Meanwhile, this phoenix will rise from the ashes at last. It’s taken a long time since the day you thought you took me down for good, but No More Mr. Nice Guy. I got the last laugh in the end. You broke the boy in me but you couldn’t break the man.
[Phoenix]
It’s a brand-new start, world lookout, ahoy!
Risen from the ash with that jurist ploy
No more shamed Forging Attorney!
[Chorus: Apollo,Trucy, and Klavier]
(Shamed Forging Attorney!)
[Phoenix]
My verdict was NOT GUILTY!
[Chorus]
(Verdict was NOT GUILTY!)
[Phoenix]
My brand new protégé, I thank with all my heart
For your brilliant defense and your lawyer smarts
(Apollo *blushes furiously*)
[Phoenix]
I can now say: “Clients, my defense is yours!”
Scrubbing toilets hence that won’t be my chore!
*Phoenix points at the little red attorney with a smirk*
Apollo: me?! What the heck?!
[Phoenix]
Legal skills that will show new stealth!
[Chorus]
(Skills that will show new stealth!)
[Phoenix]
Cleared rep with a clean bill of health!
[Chorus]
(Cleared rep with a clean bill of health!)
[Phoenix]
I will bluff without recourse, but from truth I shan’t depart
Blessings from above, helped this brand-new start
*Phoenix looks up and the heavens and mouths: “Thank you, Chief!”*
[Phoenix]
My path as an attorney
God knows what’s round the bend?
Yet there’s one fact that I know, the reason here I stand…
*Phoenix gestures to his protege and daughter*
[Phoenix]
It’s all due to my friends!
*Apollo cough awkwardly,Trucy giggles, and Klavier doesn’t know whether to feel relieved that the truth behind that dreadful case seven years ago has been brought to light or devastated at the realization that his brother played him like a cheap fiddle*
[Phoenix]
Don’t be shy, it’s all true
Thanks to you all, I’m free
When my path led astray, you helped me on the way
And I’m back to being me!
[Phoenix]
With this brand-new start, there’s so much at stake
Will think before I act oh for heaven’s sake!
[Phoenix]
Hobo gear was just a phase!
And goodbye to my poker days!
[Phoenix]
Be the best lawyer I can be!
*Phoenix smiles fondly at Trucy*
[Phoenix]
But a father first at heart…
*Phoenix reaches out and manages to grab Apollo, Trucy, Klavier, and even the Judge in a tight group hug while they all squeal*
[Phoenix]
I embrace you lot with this brand-new start
*Phoenix’s voice breaks*
[Phoenix]
And I love each of you with all my heart!
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