14 Auntie Knows Best

 “Auntie Knows Best”
(Sung to the tune of “Mother Knows Best”
from Disney’s Tangled )

[It was finally time for Mia Fey to fulfill her destiny- her bags were packed, she was wearing her new blazer, she had been accepted to the law school of her dreams, and the bus leading to the train station had just arrived.]

[However, before Mia could board the bus, she was stopped by the calm, refined voice of her aunt.]

[“Mystic Mia, where are you going?” Morgan asked with a look of concern as she sipped some tea from her cup.]

[“I told you, Aunt Morgan, I’m going off to Law School to begin my studies to become a defense attorney and avenge my mother.”]

[“You wish to leave Kurain?” The crone asked with a refined laugh. “Why, Mystic Mia…”]

You are our future, the jewel in our crown,
The next Master, a woman they’ll flag down.
Do you know why we stay up in this little town?

[“Not this again, Aunt Morgan.” Mia groaned with a roll of her eyes, knowing what would come next after years of lectures.]

That’s right, to keep our sacred traditions alive, Mystic Mia.
With what the press did to us, I knew this day would come,
That you’d want to go on some retribution quest.
Now don’t be a diva

[“But-“ Mia tried to argue, but to no avail.]

Trust me, Mystic Mia,
Your aunt knows best.

Your aunt knows best,
Listen to your aunt,
Don’t stare at me with that scowl.
Your aunt knows best,
And in one way or another,
You’ll surely meet your end, I vow

Gangsters, guns, open manholes, dropped pianos
Maniacs and arsonists,
Drunk drivers.

[“Are you being serious?” Mia asked with an unamused look.]

[“Have you seen the news? The world outside this village is fraught with danger and psychopaths.”]

[“Yes, but-“]

Don’t forget large rats, falling debris, and –
Stop, please, for this is upsetting me.

Your aunt’s right here,
Your aunt shall guide you,
And here’s what I suggest.
Don’t be so angsty,
Remain in Kurain with me,
For your aunt knows best.

[“Go ahead, get mugged and stabbed in a dark alley!” Morgan snapped with a wave of her hand.
“Go ahead, become a lawyer and defend some lunatic who will kill you in your sleep!
What do I know? I’m just your aunt, your mother’s beloved sister and
the woman whose only crime is making lovely green tea so bitter that
you lose your tongue and jaw-droppingly large strawberry desserts.
So go ahead and leave me, just as my husband did,
and let me die a lonely, broken woman.”]

The psychotic crone sighed with a forlorn expression.

“But when it’s too late, you’ll realize, mark my words, that your aunt knows best.”]

Your aunt knows best,
Listen to your auntie,
Outside here, you won’t last a day.
Blunt, immature,
Unrefined, loosey-goosey,
And Kurain will surely wither away!
Naïve, idealistic,
Absurdly choosey,
Headstrong and a bit… unorganized.
Plus, I see,
You dressing like a floozy.

[Upon hearing that last comment, Mia didn’t hesitate to hold her blazer shut, thereby covering up her noticeable bust.]

I’m only saying this because we’re related.

Your aunt is quite wise,
Your aunt is here to guide you,
Though I do have one request.

[“Mystic Mia, never leave this village.” Morgan coldly states with a glare, her pupils completely disappearing.]

[“No.” Mia bluntly replies with crossed arms, grabbing her bags before boarding the bus.]

[As the bus drives away from the little village, a grin forms across Morgan’s face.]

[“Fine, Mystic Mia. But when something happens, don’t say that I didn’t warn you.” The crone smirks, taking a sip of bitter tea from the cup in her hand.]

[As much as Morgan wished to attend her niece’s funeral to revel in the rebellious girl’s death, she couldn’t on account of training exercises that she was directing that day. Just because Mia refused to listen to her wise words all those years ago didn’t mean that the other mediums’ training- especially that of her precious Pearl – had to suffer.]

[But on one off day, Morgan made it a point to make a trip to the city so that she could visit Mia’s grave- a plot perched on top of a small hill with a headstone that read the following:]

HERE LIES MIA FEY
MARCH 20, 1989 – SEPTEMBER 5, 2016
“A lawyer is someone who smiles no matter how bad it gets.”

[Upon reading that quote, the crone couldn’t help but laugh and shake her head.]

I don’t know how you could be so flaunty,
Boasting as if you have the moral high ground.
You shouldn’t have been a vigilante,
And just listened to auntie.

Mystic Mia knows best,
Mystic Mia’s so wise,
You feel you’re so profound.
Mystic Mia knows best,
Well, if you’re so wise,
Then why are you in the ground?

Your pride is why you’re here,
I knew this would happen,
Though, Mystic Mia, dear,
I am not so upset,
Because I now have Mystic Pearl.

And now in the cold grave you rest,
Leaving Mystic Maya behind,
Who will be gone soon, I attest.
Your sister’s a disaster,
And Mystic Pearl shall be the next Master,
For your aunt knows best.