28 Edgey-Poo, I Love You!

“Edgey-Poo, I Love You!”
(Sung to the tune of the original “Scooby-Dooby-Doo”
 TV theme song)

[On the side of a road on the outskirts of L.A., Edgeworth’s sitting behind the wheel of his car with a scowl on his face. The back half of his vehicle is currently off the road, partially submerged in mud created by a recent rainstorm, which is why Gumshoe is currently pushing at the back bumper.]

[“Mr. Edgeworth, mind telling me how you got your car stuck in the mud again?” Gumshoe asks, grunting and heaving as he tries to get his superior’s car back on the road.]

[“I don’t want to talk about it, Gumshoe…” Edgeworth sighs with a slow shake of his head. “Let’s just say that driving 70 mph while having a phone call with Franziska is a bad combination. But luckily for us, while you were traveling here, I called California Car Club to send down a tow truck. So if your efforts are fruitless, then worry not; for help shall be here in no time. In fact, I think I see the rescue party now.” The maroon-cladded prosecutor smirks as he points to an oncoming tow truck which stops near the car.]

[However, Edgeworth’s joy is short-lived when he learns who’s driving the tow truck.]

[“Don’t worry, Edgey-poo! I’ll save you!” Oldbag squeals as she exits her vehicle.]

[“Noooo! Why won’t you leave me alone!?!” Edgeworth shrieks, reeling back in horror. “Keep pushing, Gumshoe! I’ll be damned if I’m stuck on this godforsaken road with this decrepit harpy!”]

[“Don’t be so coy, Edgey-poo!” Oldbag chirps, blushing as she raises her clenched fists. “You don’t have to play hard to get with me because…”]

 
Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!
We’ll have the sweetest whoopee you knew

[“Nnnnnggghhhhhoooooooo!!” Edgeworth screams, his saucer-sized eyes filled with terror as he repeatedly slams his foot on the gas pedal, but to no avail.]

Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!
We’ll kiss and snuggle all night
Come on, Edgey-poo, I see you,
Trying to get that restraining order
But you’re not fooling me, ’cause I can see,
What those bedroom eyes will deliver

You know we’ve got a real connection
So Ima make Edgey’s loins quake!
Also, ache!

[“Push, Gumshoe, push! Push as if your life depends on it!!” Edgeworth screams at Gumshoe, prompting the scruffy detective to push even harder on the car’s back bumper.]

And, Edgey-poo, if you’re nice,
You’ll get yourself a special clambake.

Edgey-wedgey-poo, I need you!
You’re looking so dapper and strong.
If you return my love, Edgey-poo,
We’ll do many things that seem wrong!

[As if the universe heard Edgeworth’s pleas for help and decided to throw him a bone, Gumshoe finally manages to push his superior’s car back onto the road, allowing for the maroon-cladded prosecutor to speed away like a bat out of hell.]

[“Edgey-poo, wait for me!” Oldbag squeals as she rushes back to her tow truck and drives after one of the many loves of her life in hot pursuit.]