67 I Can’t Wait To Be An Attorney!

Notes

JP: The March theme of criminals/justice/crooks comes to an end with this grossly overdue update (mea culpa guys, been sick as a damn dog this whole month!) with the most famous victim of the Dark Age of the Law being featured here at the nadir of his misery! (that word was for you, Muhammad Sban!)

I picture this taking place with a young, determined 11-year-old Athena (before she got shipped off to Europe!) vowing this to Simon when he was incarcerated after the tragedy with Metis. She decided right there and then she’d become a lawyer and save her “big brother” from death row, with the surly, future Twisted Samurai in the making dismissing her ideal optimism as mere child babble.

This one goes out to DJJ680, and great big thanks to my amazing co-pilot for suggesting that Big Red and Reverse Panda take the roles of Athena and Simon! 🙂

CT: My wonderful cowriter has once again outdone herself with this parody, perfectly capturing Simon and Athena’s relationship. Sure, Simon may try to come off as a tough guy, but deep down, he’s a big softy who loves Athena like the little sister he never had. If Athena actually sang this song to Simon in canon, it would explain why Simon wept so many tears that he never wiped away. Seriously, those marks under Simon’s eyes aren’t crow’s feet, but rather tear stains. According to the art book, Simon would frequently cry during his time in prison and never bothered to wipe away the tears.


I Can’t Wait To Be An Attorney!”
Sung to the tune of
“I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” from
Disney’s 
 The Lion King

“Come on, Junie!” Athena tugged the frail, nervous brunette girl by the reluctant arm towards the detention center. “This will be my last time seeing Simon before he gets sent to the penitentiary, and I head out to Europe, so I want this to be a visit he’ll remember!”

“Sorry, Thena.” Juniper took a deep breath from her ever-present bloom and breathed in deeply as if for courage, eyes darting about anxiously. “It’s just that… I’ve never been to a jail before! There are so many bad people here! They scare me!”

“Well, Simon isn’t one of them,” the red-haired pre-teen declared staunchly, as she pulled her nervous friend along. “He’s a good man, who’s been wrongfully convicted, and I won’t rest until I’ve done everything in my power to make sure he’s free!”

“And how, Cykes-dono, do you plan to do that, pray tell?” Simon’s sonorous baritone sounded behind them, causing the girls to jump slightly, as they hadn’t realized he had seated himself on the other side of the table, to which his hands where immediately cuffed by the burly guard who’d escorted him. “Have another bout of histrionics like you did in the courtroom, shrieking about my innocence until someone listens?”

Determined blue eyes met lifeless, resigned steel ones.

“Don’t you dare doubt me, Simon Blackquill!” Athena jutted her chin. “We both know you’re innocent of this crime, even though you pleaded guilty – and I’m going to prove it!”

“That’s a big, bold claim to make from a mere Spring Chick,” he deadpanned, although a glint of amusement lurked in his voice at her pluck. “Exactly how will a mere child turnaround the court-ordered decision to put me on death row?”

“By becoming an attorney!” Athena cried, jumping to her feet and slapping her tiny hands down onto the table, as though in a courtroom. “I’m going to get my legal badge over in Europe then come back to the States to clear your name! You’ll see!”


[Athena]:
*breaks into song and begins to dance*

I’m gonna an attorney, so doubt me if you dare!


[Simon]:
*smirks*

Well, I’ve yet to see defense counsel with such dramatic flair!


[Athena]:
*points to herself*

Courtroom Révolutionnaire, like none you’ve seen before!
I’ll crush your doubts into the ground
This is my vow for sure!


[Simon]:
*drawls*

‘Tis balderdash! Naught more than a pipe dream


[Athena]:
Oh, I can’t wait to be an attorney!


[Simon]:
Pure naïve urchin blather! You’ll give up soon methinks


[Athena]:
*scowls*

won’t be dismissed!


[Simon]:
*blinks in surprise*

Didn’t mean to imply…


[Juniper]:
*chimes in*

She won’t ever run scared!


[Simon]:
But why get your hopes up?


[Athena]:
I’ll be saying “TAKE THAT!”


[Simon]:
*shakes his head*

Stop jawing, pint-sized!


[Athena & Juniper]:
Be a force to be feared!


[Simon]:
*exasperated*

I’m stuck here!


[Athena]:
Gonna study hard all day!


[Simon]:
*sighs*

Forgive me for having doubts


[Athena]:
Gonna make things go my way!


[Simon]:
I think you should accept cold facts and have a change of heart!


[Athena]:
Gonna re-trial your darn case – blow evidence apart!


[Simon]:
This willful little chit ignores the logic of my shouts!
Clings to belief that my verdict will somehow get a turnabout!
Law’s just one big pointless journey!


[Athena]:
Oh I can’t wait to be an attorney!

*puffs out her chest*

Rest assured that I’m deft!
Giving this all my might!
Don’t you worry, Simon
Ima make things right!


[Simon]:
*scoffs*

I’ll bet!


[Juniper]:
Each day her resolve is only growing!
Dear Simon don’t you fret about a thing!
This girl here will deliver what she sings!


[Athena]:
Oh I can’t wait to be an attorney!
Oh I can’t wait to be an attorney!
Oh I just can’t wait…
to be an attorney!


“Times up!” The guard barked, not at all moved by the performance. “Next time, keep your sing-a-longs for the playground, kids! This ain’t no musical theatre!”

“Humph! Fine, we’re going!” Athena snapped, then flashed a peace sign at Simon as he stood up. “But just you wait and see, Simon! Next time you see me, they’ll be removing those handcuffs so you can give me a big, fat hug! Cuz I’m going to make a free man out of you!”

“You believe whatever you need to believe, Cykes-dono,” the prisoner muttered under his breath as he was led away. “But I still think you should set those sights on Broadway, rather than on a courtroom career. You have some real persuasion in those pipes of yours.”

And I really meant it, Simon Blackquill thought to himself, chuckling humorlessly. That girl almost had me believing, with the power of those vocals, that there’s actually somehow a sliver of hope for this Dead Man Walking…

License

Singing in the Courtroom Copyright © by JordanPhoenix and CzarThwomp. All Rights Reserved.

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