“I’ll be Your Boss”
Sung to the tune of “You’re the Boss”
by Brian Setzer
Bluecorp was a company that most people, even the most hardened of criminals, knew not to get on the bad side of, and those who didn’t quickly learned that lesson the hard way after their darkest secrets were leaked to the press for the entire world to know. This is how Redd White, Bluecorp’s founder and president, a man who looked like a cheesy, over-the-top villain from a Saturday morning cartoon, was able to secure his position as one of the most powerful and influential men in the nation. Granted, there were a number of people who not even the ‘splendiferous’ Redd White could blackmail, but he didn’t have to worry about those few individuals toppling his empire because most of them benefitted from the services that his company was more than happy to offer. After all, no one can deny the sheer utility of having any rivals quickly silenced by utterly destroying their reputation.
However, despite garnering much fear from the nation as a whole, there was one woman who was not only unfazed by Redd’s business practices, but was more than happy to engage in them herself: April May, a secretary that had been working under Earnest Amano, CEO of the Amano Group, for the last year who was also working as Redd’s mole on the side.
It all started one evening a few days after April started working for the Amano Group. She was just sitting at home watching reality television while catching up on articles from her favorite tabloid papers when suddenly, she heard a knock at her apartment door. Upon opening the door to see who it was, she was greeted by two of Redd’s cronies who were sent on behalf of the purple-haired CEO to make a deal with her: she would use her connections as Earnest’s secretary to acquire any incriminating documents pertaining to some shady dealings between the Amano Group and the Kingdom of Allebahst that Redd had heard about through the grapevine, and in exchange, Bluecorp would pay her a handsome sum of money in return. Of course, being the greedy, amoral girl that she was, April was more than happy to accept those terms, and because of years of using her body and her cute, innocent facade to get what she wanted, she was more than capable of fulfilling her end of the bargain in record time.
Impressed by April’s skills, Redd kept the arraignment going for the next year by having her send any incriminating secrets regarding the Amano Group and any other corporations affiliated with them his way while making sure to send her a good deal of spending money to her secret P.O. box.
So on July 27, 2015, April didn’t feel the least bit fazed as she walked the halls of the topmost floor of Bluecorp to Redd’s office, where, upon arriving, she knocked on the closed door to signal her presence.
“Entrificate.” Redd called out from behind the door, prompting April to enter the room, close the door behind her, and stand before the CEO as he sat behind his desk with his usual smug grin.
“You wanted to see me, Mr. White?” April sweetly asked, her arms pressed against her sides and slightly raised in an attempt to give off an innocent kitten vibe.
“I’m going to be brunk with you and cut straight to the chase, Ms. May. You have talent- not as much as me, of course, but it’s there and it would be a real shamedy to see it being squanderfied. That’s why I’m offering you the once-in-a-lifetime chance to become my secretary. So what do you say, Ms. May? Will you ditch Earnie and work for me full-time?” Redd asked with outstretched arms.
“Oooh…! That’s a great offer, Mr. White! But why should I settle for only one hunky rich guy paying me when I can have a hunky rich guy and some gross, old, fat rich guy?” April asked, tilting her head slightly upwards and putting a finger to her chin out of contemplation.
“Well…” Red smirked, reaching into his suit pocket and pulling out a small remote which, with a single press of a button, caused some jazzy music to start playing from some hidden speakers in the room’s ceiling as he got up from his seat and leaned forward in a seductive manner.
{Redd}
If it’s nice things that you want,
I’ve got plenty of cash to flaunt.
I’m the king of prospulence.
{April}
Well, my boss is also rich,
So then why should I make the switch?
Don’t leave me in suspense.
Redd slowly sauntered over to April in a fashion that emphasized his broad frame and exuded confidence and assertiveness as he wrapped his arm around her dainty shoulders.
{Redd}
True,
But can you say you’re satisfied when the workday’s done?
Can you…?
{April}
With zest, my boss has got none,
Only talks about his son.
That’s no fun!
I’m a girl who craves action and drama every day,
Yet he doesn’t fill that need.
{Redd}
I’m a man who makes action and drama every day,
So I can doplish the deed.
{April}
I’ve heard about your ways,
How you control people with just a phrase,
Like you’re their boss.
{Redd}
In terms of zest, I’ve got a ton,
I burn pests just like the sun.
It’s fumusing!
Redd and April embraced, pausing to gaze into each other’s eyes for a brief second before continuing with the song.
{Both}
You’re the person who I need!
{April}
You’re a shark!
{Redd}
You’re a snake!
{April}
You’re a steak!
{Redd}
You’re a tart!
{Both}
You’re the person who I need!
{April}
I’ll be your best girl!
{Redd}
I’ll be the best boss!
When it comes to gathlecting someone’s dirty secrets,
You are the queen.
{April}
And when it comes to making the most out of those secrets,
You are so keen.
{Redd}
Ms. May, you’re a genius when it comes to social manipulation.
{April}
In terms of zest, you’ve got a ton,
You burn pests just like the sun.
It’s so fun!
{Redd}
I’ll be your boss.
{April}
You’ll be my boss.
{Both}
Redd’s the boss!
Redd and April proceeded to do a casual swing dance- nothing to extreme, just the two of them stepping from side to side in each other’s arms with the occasional spin, culminating in the information mogul dipping the pink-haired woman back.
{Redd}
Ms. May, you’re a genius when it comes to social manipulation.
{April}
In terms of zest, you’ve got a ton,
You burn pests just like the sun.
It’s so fun!
{Redd}
If it’s nice things that you want,
I’ve got plenty of cash to flaunt.
I’m the king of prospulence.
{April}
You’re more to me than money,
You’re as cunning as you’re funny.
So I’ll give this job a chance.
{Redd}
But can you say you’ll be satisfied when the workday’s done?
{April}
In terms of zest, you’ve got a ton,
You burn pests just like the sun.
It’s so fun!
{Redd}
I’ll be your boss!
{April}
You’ll be my boss!
{Redd}
I’ll be your boss…
And I’ll succell at it.
{April}
You know how much I love large… vocabularies…
{Redd}
Well, I have counumerous phrasings to sparulement.
{April}
So why don’t you give me a quick lesson…?
Maybe over… a little dinner?
“That would be splendiferous, Ms. May. I’ll make a reservation at the five-star resteaterlishment that’s just down the block for ten minutes from now.” Redd smirked. “Sure, the owner will be a little irrigravated that I’m making it on such short notice, but he won’t refuse me unless he wants the press to know about his little… ‘breakdown’ from his time in cooking school when he was interning as one of Manfred von Karma’s personal chefs.
{April}
See you in ten…
April purred her statement with a sultry grin, playfully tapping her new boss on the tip of his nose before leaving his embrace and sauntering out of the office, making sure to sway her hips back and force in a seductive matter.
{Redd}
I’ll enjoy being her boss.
Comments