38 Inga’s King of Khura’in

 Notes

CT: At one point when I was writing “The Imperial Daddy”, LemonSmoothie brought up how they imagine Inga having Jim Cunning’s Pete voice- something that I agree with after seeing how similar Pete’s voice is to the one I use when writing for Inga, as well as how Pete’s relationship with Maleficent in “Kingdom Hearts 2” is eerily similar to our favorite Minister of Justice’s marriage to Ga’ran. So when JP and I started this fanfic, one of the first things I did was look up songs sung by Pete, and the second I saw “Pete’s King of France” and heard the lyrics, I knew that this song was made for Inga and that it would be a crime if I didn’t write this parody.

JP: Inga is the epitome despicable, nefarious and abominable as a human being and (if you read CT’s works, according to the Bloodthirsty Spider,, as a husband!) and those are his better qualities! However, as is tradition, anything my co-pilot touches turns to hilarity, and this is no exception. Also, it made me watch the movie, which was beyond adorable! 🙂


 

“Inga’s King of Khura’in”
Sung to the tune of “Petey’s King of France” from Disney’s
Mickey, Donald, and Goofy: The Three Musketeers

Some say I’m nasty and crass
That I’m rude, and an ass.
You wanna know why I’m a prick,
Here’s my reason why:


After my marriage was forced,
Wifey yelled:

{Mocking Ga’ran’s voice}
Why me?
He’s such a bother!
Holy Mother,
His manhood’s a little flea!


{Mocking Amara’s voice}
Inga’s brutish,
He’s a slob,
He’s an impious, foolish snob.


Shut up, in-law,
‘Cause I’ll claw,
To get what I want!


So I’m a jerk,
So I’m mean,
I’ll be king,
And’ll be seen!
You’ll be dead,
After I overthrow that cantankerous queen!
Ha!


If ya can’t be nice,
Be feared.
Don’t take follies twice,
Have ’em speared.
Rule with an iron fist,
And you’ll surely be revered.


I’m so excited,
I feel wise,
And with my spies,
I’ll surely rise!


I’ll pull the strings,
Give me nice things,
‘Cause Inga’s King of Khura’in!


I’ll pull the strings,
Give me nice things,
‘Cause Inga’s King of Khuraaaaaaaaaa’in!


[“Hey, why are you all laughing?!”]


Les Garçons

Notes

JP: Back to school/end of summer, as we now see you in September! New season, new month – perfect time for funny man and I to switch it up and do a couple more “opposite spectrum songs” as requested by readers, as in, I throw a couple of villain songs into the mix to change things up for this next round, and next chapter, we once again get to see CT’s softer side in song-fics.
My readers who’ve read Turnabout Everlasting (it’s back this month – so help me God!) have equally been groaning/grinning at my own portrayal zee man of disturbing torso wriggling, Jean Armstrong in the story. Moreover, my pal/loyal reader TheFreelancerSeal had no qualms letting me know that reading about the man who butchered French as much as Redd White did English, quite often made his own lunch want to come up and take a bow! That’s why when Seal asked me to parody the famous “villainous chef” tune through the eyes of a poor crab, I HAD to use the phony Frenchman because I’m evil like that! XD

CT: After reading several comments we’ve received after “Edgey-poo, I Love You!”, I feel that it’s only right to warn you that this parody contains large quantities of Jean Armstrong, which has been linked to symptoms including but not limited to, stomach nausea, a phobia of the color pink and/or Franglish, and a strong desire to jump off a cliff. If you experience any of these symptoms, consult your a doctor or local bartender immediately.
But seriously, JP outdid herself with this parody. I thought I reached the apex of twisted songs with “Edgey-Poo, I Love You!”, but JP managed to reach that apex and crash through the ceiling with the big pink creampuff cannonball that we all know and cringe at. If Phoenix heard Jean say all those things to him, it explains why he was so willing to run across that burning bridge to save Maya. As for Godot, he probably missed being in a coma with each passing second.

[The following singing witness testimony of one, Jean Armstrong, sole proprietor and chef of the restaurant Trés Bien, has been stricken from the court records of the State vs. Maggey Byrde trial by unanimous decree of His Honor, Jughead Chambers, The Prosecution, Defense Counsel and Detective in charge. This was due to the reasons of Mr. Godot nearly choking on his own hot beverage, Mr. Wright suffering insurmountable nausea, and Detective Gumshoe alarmingly declaring he’d never eat again, despite existing entirely on a diet consisting of nothing but Ramen noodles. This transcript is the only known remaining copy]

License

Singing in the Courtroom Copyright © by JordanPhoenix and CzarThwomp. All Rights Reserved.

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