125 Joy To The Court
CT: When it comes to DL-6, my headcanon is that Manfred views it as a second Christmas. After all, when Manfred was at his lowest point, his world was shattered as he struggled to grasp the situation; the universe gave him the ‘perfect’ gift in the form of the man who ruined his life being presented to him unconscious, a loaded gun right next to him, and no witnesses. Granted, Blaise and Gant probably had to pull a lot of strings (and make some people disappear) behind the scenes in order to keep people from discovering the truth, such as Manfred’s fingerprints being found on the gun since he wasn’t wearing gloves or the bullet hole in the elevator’s window (if Phoenix picked up on that, then chances are everyone in the legal world did).
Though with how self-absorbed Manfred can be, he was probably completely oblivious to those details and wouldn’t hesitate to celebrate that joyous day to him with the same fervor as Christmas, complete with feasting, singing, and a bit of dancing on Gregory’s grave.
JP: Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for reading and for your ongoing support. It’s so much fun – like the equivalent of riding in a one-horse open sleigh!—to do holiday-themed stuff, and I hope you have fun with the very odd behavior of Manfred and the merry day of DL-6. This chapter had a very playful mix of hilarious and some really twisted headcanon, so I hope it brought a smile to your face, even if it was a bit disturbing!
Special thanks to CzarThwomp for keeping this crazy train going! There’s more chaos to come —we’ll get you there! Thank you, as always, for the kind reviews, feedback, and for saying you enjoy it. You guys make this series very enjoyable to write! 💖
“Joy to the Court”
Sung to the tune of
“Joy to the World”
After Manfred von Karma received his first penalty thanks to the meddling of Gregory Edgeworth, he was left broken, something that could be plainly seen when he requested to take a vacation following the events of DL-6. To put things into perspective, Manfred didn’t even take a half-day when either of his daughters was born or when his wife died. And on top of that, when Manfred returned to prosecuting, while he was still winning cases with the same precision and flawless skill that he had always demonstrated, those who were familiar with his strategies were noticing that he was prosecuting more defensively, preferring to let his opponents attack first and then counter with brutal, airtight retorts rather than his usual tactic of firebombing them right from the get-go with logic and evidence. Not to mention, Gant and Blaise, his closest acquaintances, were noticing that he was acting more distant and closed-off than normal, which they both saw as disturbing- for the former, because he hated seeing his childhood friend suffer, and for the latter, because it made the perfectionist prosecutor more unpredictable and potentially less likely to follow orders.
Thankfully, with the passage of time and the adoption of Miles Edgeworth, Gregory’s son, who was starting to take to Manfred’s prosecutorial wisdom like a fish to water, the perfectionist prosecutor was able to make a full emotional recovery and return to his old self. Granted, Manfred still made sure to be especially careful when interrogating suspects, but at the end of the day, it appeared that within the course of around nine months, everything was back to normal. But before Gant and Blaise could celebrate, there was one concern that they had to address: What would they do when the anniversary of DL-6 neared?
After all, Manfred had the memory of an elephant and the emotional intelligence of a flea, so chances are, if he was left to his own devices, he could easily enter an emotional downward spiral that could put his life, and by extension, those of the people associated with him, in jeopardy.
So, in order to avoid the possibility of Manfred inadvertently taking down half of the legal world, as well as several government officials from around the world, Blaise and Gant used their influence to orchestrate DL-6 Day, a festival dedicated to celebrating the death of Gregory Edgeworth. Sure, the festival’s theme was morbid and it attracted its fair share of protestors, but thanks to how much fun this free-to-access carnival was for everyone residing in the city- complete with games, food, rides, and entertainment from hit bands- and how much it helped local business due to subsidies from a combination of various governments and shady corporations, it was steadfastly supported ever since the first one was held on December 28th, 2002.
In fact, DL-6 day was so widely beloved that despite Edgeworth’s attempts to abolish the festival upon becoming Chief Prosecutor, the only ground he could really make on the matter was the addition of a ‘Truth of Gregory Edgeworth’ exhibit, which explained the history of the man’s life, his dedication to justice, and how he was a martyr for truth. But unfortunately, like all things educational in a sea of amusement, the museum was, for the most part, ignored.
Though one thing that was never ignored was the festival’s main event: the Running of the Gregory, which consisted of a deranged hobo, who was dressed in the same suit that Gregory would wear, chasing after the prosecutors who volunteered to be part of the event through an obstacle course. Then, once the majority of the prosecutors reached the end, the most accomplished courtroom bailiff that year would have the honor of ‘killing Gregory’ by shooting the hobo with some high-strength tranquilizer darts.
In order to ensure that the hobo was frenzied enough to do ‘Gregory’s evil rampage of ignorance and hate’ justice, he would undergo a vigorous preparation process the day before, which consisted of pumping him full of LSD, repeatedly poking him with a sharp stick, making him have a conversation with Sebastian, and forcing him to listen to Perfect Christmas, a collection of Christmas carols that Manfred made back in 2001, which was so horrible that it was added to the Geneva Convention as a war crime and was the main reason why he was penalized when it was discovered that he made Jeff Master listen to it during that fateful interrogation session.
Of course, once Edgeworth became chief prosecutor, he abolished that inhumane tradition in favor of having a respectable-looking volunteer, who was in possession of all of their faculties, chase down the prosecutors in the hopes of ‘bringing them to justice’.
But regardless of changes in tradition, there was one constant: after the Running of the Gregory was finished, the people in attendance would have to listen to Manfred sing a parody of Joy to the World that he wrote to commemorate the occasion, which sounded just as bad as all of the songs in Prefect Christmas. As such, the only people who would actually stick around to listen to this song would be those whose salaries were controlled by Manfred and Blaise.
{Manfred}
Joy to the court,
Edgeworth’s been slain,
A saint has blessed us all!
Yanni Yogi helped to free us all from that wretched pain,
So in court he shall not fall,
So in court he shall not fall,
So in court he shall not fall!
Joy to the court,
Justice was served,
A madman was put down!
Edgeworth spread vicious lies,
challenged my perfect word,
And acted like a clown,
And acted like a clown,
And acted like a clown!
I lead the court,
With a perfect hand,
Fighting for what is right!
So when that bullet was shot through Edgeworth’s black heart that day,
The world cheered in delight,
The world cheered in delight,
The world cheered in delight!
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