58 Man-nay, Man-nay, The Pool’s The Place To Be!

“Man-nay, Man-nay, The Pool’s The Place To Be”
sung to the tune of
“Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate’s Life for Me”
from Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean

[“Ugh…” Manfred groaned, his aching head feeling as if someone was crushing it with a massive weight.“Where am I…? Why are my arms and legs bound?! And why am I wearing my swimsuit?!”The veteran prosecutor exclaimed with much terror in his voice as he realized that his arms and legs were tightly bound with two sets of ropes and that he was wearing nothing but a pair of black swim trunks.“Wait a minute…”The ‘perfect’ prosecutor paused as he took a moment to take note of his surroundings- the black leather back seat of a car that was littered with a multitude of food wrappers and empty soda cups.“Please tell me that I’m not-“]

[“Rise and shine, Manny!” Gant exclaimed with a smile on his face as he turned his head, only to be met by the veteran prosecutor’s scowling face.]

[“Gant, why am I tied up and wearing nothing but a swimsuit in the back of this pigsty that you call a car?”  Manfred growled at the happy-go-lucky police chief.]

[“Sorry about the mess, Manny.” Gant stated with an embarrassed chuckle as he returned his attention to the road ahead of him.“I haven’t had much time to tidy up, what with all my responsibilities as Chief of Police.”]

[“You didn’t answer my question.” Manfred snarled through clenched teeth, his already-low patience running thin.]

[“Well, you kept on refusing my offers to come swim with me at the public pool, so I decided to take matters into my own hands by sneaking into your house and adding a little something to your orange juice carton to make you a little more agreeable and a little less conscious.” Gant nonchalantly responded.]

[“You drugged me!?”Manfred exclaimed with saucer-sized eyes.]

[“‘Drugged’ is an awfully strong word. I like to think of it as ‘covert sedation’.”]

[“You’ve gone mad, Gant! I’d expect this sort of thing from Debeste, but never from you. Debeste may do this kind of thing when he wants me to take his place at social events, like that one time I was rendered unconscious after eating my lunch, only to wake up at his son’s piano recital, but at least he’s never done so for a reason as foolish as making me go to the public pool!”]

[“There’s nothing foolish about the public pool, Manny. And if you don’t believe me, then maybe this will change your mind.” Gant chirped as he tuned on his cd player which started playing a karaoke-version of Disney’s “A Pirate’s Life for Me” as he started singing his own lyrics to the beloved song.]

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool’s the place to be.
We’ll swim, we’ll splash, we’ll all have a blast,
So put on your sunblock, Man-nay!
We’ll jump and dive and do laps so fast,
That your head will spin, Man-nay!

[“And how do you expect me to apply sunblock when I’m bound in the back of this garish abomination that you call a car?” Manfred growled as Gant continued his song.]

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool’s the place to be.
We’ll cool right down and then we’ll relax, we’ll get every snack,
I’ll buy you a soda, Man-nay!
Frolic and laugh and make many wisecracks,
It’s such a delight, Man-nay!

[“I don’t want snacks, I don’t want soda, and I don’t want to spend my day at the pool with you! Now turn this vehicle around and take me back to my home immediately!” Manfred roared, wriggling and thrashing about in a vain attempt to free himself as Gant resumed singing.]

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool’s the place to be.
We’ll play, we’ll enjoy, we’ll get you pool noodles,
So that you can float, Man-nay!
Watch and hide and splash fancy poodles,
Giggle over screams, Man-nay!

[“The only screaming you’ll be hearing will be your own when I drown you with those pool noodles if you don’t turn around this instant.” Manfred hissed, flashing Gant a death glare as the jovial chief of police kept on singing his merry song.]

Adults, teenagers, kids big and small,
No one hates the pool, Man-nay!
Even Blaisie likes it, gives it his all,
When ogling hot girls, Man-nay!

[“Objection!” Manfred bellowed.“I hate the pool almost as much as I hate your idiotic song!”]

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool’s the place to be.
We’ll play games and eat lunch and even dinner,
We’ll stay till closing, Man-nay!
Yes! But you won’t feel so very bitter,
When the day’s all done, Man-nay!

[“No, I’ll instead be feeling an overwhelming desire to see you dead.”  Manfred snapped.]

[“Well, in that case, I better avoid elevators… I wouldn’t wanna to end up like Gredgeworthy, now would I?”  Gant joked, snickering as the veteran prosecutor’s eyes widened, fearful that someone had stumbled upon his greatest secret- and not just some random person, but the Chief of Police.]

[“I-“ The ‘perfect’ prosecutor tried to state an excuse, only to get cut off by his friend .]

[“I know, Manny, you got real lucky. I mean, your most hated enemy gets murdered and you didn’t even have to lift a finger. But unfortunately for you, there are no elevators at the public pool. Speaking of which, we’re here!”  Gant cheered as he pulled into a spot right by the entrance as the veteran prosecutor repeatedly banged his head against the door in a desperate attempt to put himself out of his misery.]