6 Putrid Hellfire
Notes
CzarThwomp: When I first played SoJ back in 2016, “Hellfire” immediately popped into my head the second Nahyuta started talking about people being damned for their sins. Though immediately after, I knew that was an unjust comparison- Frollo is waaaay more pleasant and benevolent than Prosecutor Elsa. Sure, Frollo may have tried to commit genocide, but at least he wasn’t telling everyone to move on and let it go whenever someone challenged him.
JP: So many Disney songs, so little time! While we are open to ideas, it doesn’t mean we will or even can write them exactly the way it’s requested. As the authors, we have the right to alter and tweak them as we see fit, or at times can’t get the desired parody to gel with the requested song. That being said, we’re having a blast doing these, and will do our best to accommodate as many song suggestions as possible! 🙂
“Putrid Hellfire”
( Sung by Prosecutor Flutter to the tune of “Hellfire”
from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
[The afternoon after Trucy is acquitted for the murder of Manov Mistree, Nahyuta is pacing around his temporary office, thinking of how this case could have gone so wrong for him. When suddenly, thoughts of Detective Ema Skye enter the monk’s mind, compelling him to burst into song.]
Holy Mother,
You know I try my very best,
To maintain order and piety in the name of Your holy land.
Holy Mother,
You’ve seen my talents do Your work,
To push the putrid, sinful rebels towards disband.
Then explain to me, Holy Mother,
Why I see her investigating there,
Her teal eyes boring into my most holy soul?
I hear her, I see her,
Her dainty hand gripping Snackoos,
Makes me wish that she was holding mine instead!
Like fire,
Putrid hellfire,
This moral filth under my skin!
This putrid,
Desire,
Is leading me down a path of sin!
[A multitude of ghostly men wearing emerald-colored robes that shroud their faces in darkness surround Nahyuta and serve as the chorus.]
I did no wrong!
(Commodo conclusi.)
I do right always!
(Commodo abire.)
It’s the detective girl,
with her putrid scientific ways!
(Cur non hoc culus omittamus?)
I do right always!
(Nemo amat vos.)
But why is it,
(Tu pessima accusator semper.)
Where I have putrid desires,
That make me a hypocrite?
(Etiam habemus fines!)
[The robed men vanish in a burst of flames.]
Save me, Holy Mother!
Please don’t let her evil science win,
Don’t let her poison my soul like a blight!
Destroy Detective Skye,
And make her suffer for that putrid sin,
Or have her be mine so she can see Your holy light!
[Suddenly, Nahyuta’s song is interrupted by a knock at his door.]
[“Come in.” The monk calmly responds, prompting Ema to open the door and enter the room. “Ah, Detective Skye. To what do I owe this pleasure?”]
[“I’m just here to remind you that our flight to Khura’in leaves in two hours. And if you’re forcing me to come with you, the least you can do is focus less on songs that I can’t really hear through these thick walls and more on getting your stuff ready so we don’t miss our flight.” The forensic investigator irritably states with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.]
[“Don’t worry, Detective Skye. The Holy Mother will ensure that we are on time. Just please give me a minute so I can finish what I was doing.” Nahyuta warmly requests.]
[“*Sigh…* Fine. But only a minute! Any more and I’ll be pelting you with Snackoos until you ARE ready!” Ema growls as she pulls out a bag of her favorite snacks and starts devouring the chocolaty treats inside.]
[“Thank you. Oh, and Detective Skye, please close the door on your way out.”]
[As soon as the door closes, Nahyuta resumes singing as if nothing happened.]
Putrid hellfire,
Sinful acts,
Now Detective, it’s your choice:
Join me or,
Face the axe.
Be damned or love me and rejoice!
Holy Mother have mercy on me…
Holy Mother Have mercy on Detective Skye…
But she shall choose me,
Or she shall diiiiieeeeeee!
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