“You Must Learn To Let It Go”
Sung to the tune of
“Turn the Other Cheek”
From “Moral Orel”
“I can’t believe this is happening to me!” Nahyuta growled, squeezing the life out of his steering wheel as he glared at the noontime traffic that was causing his vehicle to creep forward on and off at a snail’s pace. “First, despite my countless hours of preparation, I lost that trial against some oblivious rookie who didn’t even know the most basic details of the case until she entered the courtroom. And now, when my only desire is to go to Burger Barn to get a Southwestern burger with jalapeno jack cheese for lunch after forgoing breakfast to make time for my morning prayers, I’m stuck in this putrid traffic!”
The monk sighed, taking a deep breath as he sighed and slowly shook his head. “Well, at least this day can only improve from here. After all, as the holy scrolls say, ‘The path to the mountain’s peak starts at the valley’s floor.’ Yes, I may have encountered a few hardships today, but with Her Holiness by my side, I will prevail.” Nahyuta smirked, only for his moment of reprieve to be suddenly ended by his cellphone ringing, which he took out of his pocket, only to wince as he saw Inga’s cellphone number on the caller ID. “Though not before dealing with one last hurdle…” Nahyuta groans as he answers the call. “Hello…?”
“Nahyuta, what the hell is up with you lately?!” Inga roared. “First, you botch up Inmee’s trial, allowing that foreign attorney who upset my little girl to make me and the rest of the Ga’ran administration look like a bunch of heartless monsters, and now this– losing a trial to some rookie defense attorney brat and her edgy o-tecku or however the hell you pronounce it prosecutor friend? Why are you doing this to me? Are you like your succubus aunt and thrive off of my pain and misery?!”
“Minister Inga, I deeply apologize to both you and the Holy Mother for my blunders lately, but I swear upon Lady Kee’ra’s dagger that none of it has been intentional. Do you honestly believe that I would willingly subject myself and my country to humiliation at the hands of that putrid spikey-haired attorney and his putrid subordinates? I can’t help it that my last few trials have been the epitome of unpredictability and stubbornness.”
“Look, I don’t care what reasons you have for these mess-ups. I just want them to stop because when you screw up like this, Ga’ran gets angry, and when she gets angry, she gets horny, and when she gets horny, I’m stuck hiding out in a janitor’s closet in the Ministry of Justice to avoid her doing things to me below the belt that’ll make me contemplate swan diving off the top of Mt. Poniponi!”
“I understand, Minister Inga.” Nahyuta nodded. “I will do everything in my power to prevent any additional follies on my part.”
“Good. ‘Cause if something like this happens again, I’ll- Oh no…” Inga gasped, his tone suddenly going from intimidating to terrified.
“What’s wrong, Minister Inga?” Nahyuta asked with concern in his voice. “Do you need-“
“Keep quiet!” Inga hissed in a hushed tone. “I think Ga’ran found the closet that I’m currently hiding in!”
“Too late, Inga!” Ga’ran cackled as the sound of a wooden door being thrust open could be heard in the background before being gently closed. “I hope you did not have anything planned, husband, because we are going to be here for a long, long time discussing our nephew’s latest blunder…” The sound of fabric dropping to the floor was heard in the background. “Among other things.”
“NOOOO!!!! HEL-” Inga screamed at the top of his lungs as the call was abruptly ended.
Nahyuta returned his cell phone to his pocket with a sigh as he focused on the traffic ahead of him. “Now this day can’t get any worse. It would be one thing if my courtroom defeats were entirely due to any incompetency on my part. If that were the case, I would simply need to try harder, study harder, and pray harder, but it isn’t. All of my failures have been the result of the eccentric people and absurd coincidences that surface during the trials that these putrid defense attorneys handle, and trying to control such chaotic absurdities is like trying to control the wind. After all, no string can pull the sun. So what am I to do?” The monk asked, directing his gaze upwards. “Holy Mother, how can I go about solving this issue that plagues me so?”
At that moment, Nahyuta heard his phone go off once again. However, this time, instead of ringing, it was vibrating, signifying that one of the apps he had installed had sent a notification. So out of a combination of curiosity and a desire for something to take his mind off the traffic that surrounded him, the prosecutor took his phone out of his pocket and noticed that the Take-2 app that he had downloaded in preparation for the State vs. Trucy Wright trial was live-streaming with Roger Retinz from the prison, and clicked on the stream to listen to it as background noise before putting his phone down on his dashboard in order to focus on the traffic.
“Hang… loose, baby…” A stiff female voice awkwardly stated, making it abundantly clear to all watching that this was outside of her comfort zone.
“Olly, I’m hurt!” Roger jokingly responded. “We’ve known each other for, what, 19 years, and yet you’re struggling to say my catchphrase?”
“S-Sorry, Roger…” The woman stammered, pausing to regain her composition. “It’s just that this is a lot to take in- you being arrested and ownership of the studio transferring over to me- and I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I mean, you’re just so charismatic, energetic, and extroverted, while I’m just the awkward girl who likes working behind the scenes. What if the viewers hate me? What if the studio shuts down because I can’t fill your shoes?! What if- What if-,” Olly’s breathing became shallower as it sounded like she was on the verge of a breakdown.
“Wow, if only our younger selves could hear this…” Roger chuckled. “Olly, listen to me, you’ve got this! I have no doubt that Take-2’s in good hands with you around. You helped start the company, you’ve made appearances on several of the shows- heck, there are several fans who ship us together and draw spicy artwork of us if you can believe it.”
“But… But, I-“
“No ‘buts’, Olly. ‘But’ is for quitters, and you’re no quitter. When that jerk Magnifi kicked me out of his little ragtag troupe for being too real, did I say ‘but… but…’? No, I got off my ass, made the best of things, took control of the situation, and built an empire while Magnifi’s legacy was reduced to some rundown hovel run by a teenage girl that’s practically a hoarder’s den with all the junk lying around. Seriously, I went in there and thought I’d get a disease, it was so messy. And don’t get me started on the fugly-ass red coat that was draped on top of one of the ratty couches… Look, what I’m trying to say is that when life throws you a curveball, you catch it and you throw it right back. And if people are giving you problems due to conflicting personalities, you stand firm and show them that you mean business. You make them think twice before acting like their ways are better than yours. You getting what I’m throwing down?”
“Yes, Roger.” The woman responded, her tone becoming more confident. “Hang tight, folks! O-Olivia Lee here with an interview that you won’t want to miss!”
“There you go!” Roger exclaimed. “You’ve got a flavor at this ice cream parlor called life, so serve it!”
“Of course!” Nahyuta exclaimed, reaching over to pause the stream. “If I’m to quell the storms of chaos that impede my righteous path, then I must go to the source, reforming the putrid minds of those who have wronged me and reshaping them in my image! And I know how to go about doing just that… but first, lunch. After all, the famished yak produces little milk. And before that, I must get out of this putrid gridlock. For the love of the Holy Mother, it’s a green light!” The monk yelled as he honked his horn.
Two hours later, in the Anything Agency, Athena was lying on one of the couches skimming through the latest issue of Oh! Cult! Magazine, a hobby that she picked up thanks to Pearl’s monthly subscription being addressed to the office, as Apollo slaved away at cleaning the toilet.
“Apolooo, I’m bored!” Athena groaned, tilting her head back as she placed the magazine on her lap.
“In that case, how about subbing in for me on toilet duty? Never a dull moment there.” Apollo sighed in discontent.
“Nice try, Apollo. But cleaning the toilet’s not my idea of fun.”
“Well, what about watching TV?”
“Nothing good’s on.”
“Watering Charlie?”
“Trucy did that this morning.”
“The aquarium that I wasn’t good enough to go to?” Apollo wryly asked.
“I swear, Apollo, when are you going to let that go?” Athena replied with a hint of irritation in her voice. “Though as cool as it would be to go to the Shipshape Aquarium, there wouldn’t be much to do since about half of the place is undergoing renovations, including the area where Orla’s shows are held.”
“In that case, besides cleaning the toilet and waiting for Trucy to get back from the library with the books she needs for her history report, your only hope for entertainment is for a potential client to come here looking to speak with you.
At that moment, Nahyuta burst into the Anything Agency with a backpack filled to the brim on his back.
“Athena Cykes, we need to talk.” Nahyuta calmly, yet firmly stated as he closed the door behind him and made his way towards Athena, who had decided to sit up and place the magazine she was reading on the coffee table.
“About what?” Athena coldly asked as she scowled at the prosecutor, a question he responded to by bursting out into song.
{Nahyuta}
You must learn to let it go,
Learn to let it go.
You must know that no sin should be allowed to stand or show.
I must rid you of all putridness so your soul can glow.
You must renounce your sins,
Or straight to Hell you’ll go.
“I.e. what you’ve been telling me and Apollo ever since we met. Anything else?” Athena snidely asked as she picked up the magazine.
“Yes, Ms. Cykes. Luckily for you, like the Holy Mother, I am merciful and believe that even the most putrid of souls can be redeemed with enough effort. As such, I have come here today to help reform your life and save you from the fires of Hell, starting with getting rid of this.” Nahyuta stated as he grabbed the magazine, prompting Athena to shoot the monk a death glare as he shook his head disapprovingly while skimming through the pages. “Ms. Cykes, you’re already on thin ice with the Holy Mother. Do you truly wish to further push your luck by reading blasphemous, tawdry text such as this?”
“Do you want me to ram my foot up where the sun doesn’t shine?” Widget angrily beeped, his monitor turning red as Athena ripped the magazine out of the monk’s hands without saying another word.
“Well, I shouldn’t be surprised to receive this reaction,” Nahyuta responded with a smirk, closing his eyes and raising a hand so that an ethereal butterfly could land on his finger. “In Khura’in’ism, we have a saying: ‘A house is only as clean as its messiest room.’ That is to say, a putrid tongue is the product of a putrid mind. Luckily for you, I have brought you some worthwhile literature that your mind and soul will both greatly appreciate.”
Nahyuta proceeded to place the backpack that he brought with him on the ground next to the couch before opening it up and taking out three thick books, which he proceeded to place in a neat stack on top of the coffee table. “Thoroughly read through these books in their entirety every three months, making sure to earnestly say the daily prayers on the first ten pages on the topmost one upon waking up in the morning and once before going to bed, and maybe your soul will be saved.”
“Hold the phone, Sahdmadhi.” Athena snapped. “Just a few hours ago in that courtroom, you were telling me, Simon, and Bucky nonstop that we were going to Hell, as well as had the gallery berate me to use my sensitive hearing against me, and now you come marching into my workplace acting like you have room to say what is and isn’t sinful behavior?”
“Yes. And?” Nahyuta stated matter-of-factly.
“You’re unbelievable!” Athena roared, her fists clenched as she flashed the monk the death glare to end all death glares. “If becoming a ‘good person’ means becoming a big jerk like you, then I’ll take my chances in Hell, thank you very much!” The psychology-loving attorney proceeded to get up from her seat, grab the books off of the coffee table, and drop them on the ground in front of Nahyuta’s feet.
“This must be how the Holy Mother felt when she was spreading Her wisdom to the people.” Nahyuta condescendingly noted as he picked up the books and returned them to his backpack before zipping it up and placing it upon his back. “Many turned Her away because they knew that She spoke the truth, and like how a single point on a wheel touches the rocky road, so too does history repeat itself. But I warn you, Ms. Cykes, just like those who rejected Her Holiness, you too will suffer for your sins. Though unlike them, once your time in the fires of Hell ends, you will be reborn in this world as a small, ugly, horned troll, reviled by all who gaze upon your hideous, childlike face and massive forehead; fated to spend your days wallowing in misfortune and human excrement.”
And with that, Nahyuta left the Anything Agency without saying another word just as Apollo exited the bathroom with a toilet brush in hand.
“Don’t worry, Athena. You get used to it.” Apollo wryly responded as his coworker sat down with a huff and proceeded to read from her magazine without saying another word, her feeling of boredom clearly passed.
Later, in the precinct, Ema was busy talking on her cell phone as she was munching from a bag of Snackoos.
“Look, Mr. Edgeworth, I don’t hate Prosecutor Sahdmadhi. He’s calm, he speaks intelligently, and he doesn’t have a legion of screaming airhead fangirls following him wherever he goes, which is a big step up from working with the Fop. But unlike Gavin, I always feel scared exploring possibilities that don’t benefit the prosecution. For example, when he learned that I helped Apollo and Athena when Trucy was arrested, he made me listen to sermon after sermon for several hours straight with no bathroom breaks. And just recently, for having the audacity to help Mr. Wright when Maya was arrested just recently in Khura’in, he did the exact same thing- only this time, it was while we were going through airport security for our flight back here, as well as the first three hours of the flight itself while some demon kid kept kicking my seat. And don’t get me started on that weird constricting rosary that he uses on anyone who gets on his bad side. Sure, Ms. von Karma goes crazy with her whip, but at least there’s a rational reason as to why that thing hurts.”
“Thank you for telling me this, Ms. Skye. This, coupled with the complaints that I’ve received from Prosecutor Blackquill regarding his and Athena’s experience in court this morning, definitely warrants me sitting down with Prosecutor Sahdmadhi and discussing his behavior.”
“Thank you, Mr. Edgeworth!” Ema chirped. “Bye!”
With that, Ema ended her call, sitting back in her seat and breathing a sigh of relief after being able to voice her complaints.
“I take it that you enjoyed your conversation at my expense, Detective Skye?” Nahyuta calmly asked as he stood behind Ema’s swivel chair at her tiny desk, prompting her to let out a shriek as she quickly turned around to greet him with wide eyes filled with terror.
“Prosecutor Sahdmadhi! You scared me!” Ema gasped, a hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath.
“My deepest apologies, Detective Skye,” Nahyuta answered with closed eyes and a raised hand. “Though more importantly…”
{Nahyuta}
You must learn to let it go,
Learn to let it go.
Laziness is a putrid sin that won’t let you grow.
So I’ll save your soul by teaching you all that I know.
Change your putrid ways,
Or your soul will burn down below.
“Me? Lazy?!” Ema snarled as she tossed a Snackoo at her superior, an act which left him unfazed as the chocolatey treat bounced off of his forehead. “How can I be lazy when I spent the last month working nonstop as we kept going back and forth between here and Khura’in? And mind you, Khura’in isn’t some paragon of forensics. If I were the kind of person to not carry around my own supplies, I would’ve had nothing to work with while I was there.”
“Well, they say that actions speak louder than works. So by that logic, your shortcomings that resulted in my downfall in court today screamed out to the world louder than Mr. Justice with a megaphone.” Nahyuta smirked. “If you had only put in a little more effort, you could have found and analyzed those dumplings in the yard of that theater, as well as performed the proper background checks needed to confirm that performer’s dissociative identity disorder, then you could have avoided bringing shame to me, and by extension the Holy Mother.”
“One, I’m a forensic scientist, not a psychologist. As such, just like you, I thought that Uendo was merely acting in character because he loves his job- something that I can relate to. Two, as I recall, I wanted to investigate the yard area for the sake of thoroughness, but when I asked you, you refused, and told me ‘Why search for sticks in the forest when there are countless on the tree before you?’, and then threatened me with another one of your endless sermons if I continued to press the matter. And three, how could I have been thorough during the investigation on only four hours of sleep since we had just arrived back in the country the day before and I was getting used to the change in time zones?”
“And that is why I told you to take a nap on the plane.”
“Easy for you to say!” Ema huffed, placing a hand on her hip. “You got an entire row to yourself since you bought seats for you, the Holy Mother, and your spiritual energy- whatever that last one’s supposed to mean! Meanwhile, I was stuck in a center seat between a slimeball who was wearing about five tons of smelly cologne and kept asking me if I wanted to join the mile-high club with him and some other creepy guy wearing a porcelain clown mask and no shirt who wanted to stroke my hair nonstop! And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was some screaming little brat who wouldn’t stop kicking the back of my seat while his mother was busy listening to her endless collection of Gavinners songs on her phone while gushing about how hot Gavin was! So excuse me for being unable to sleep in those conditions!”
“Excuses are merely a safe haven for the lazy, Detective Skye. But worry not, for I have come here to free you of this putrid sloth that consumes you.” Nahyuta smirked as he unzipped his backpack and pulled out an especially large scroll.
“No, please! Anything but that!” Ema begged as she took out her bag of Snackoos and began consuming its contents at an alarming rate.
“Ms. Skye, you can either listen to the contents of this most informative of scrolls of your own volition or I can read it to you after I teach you the value of a dollar by trimming your salary. So what will it be?”
Ema merely gulped in response, a look of resignation forming on her face, earning her a nod of approval from the monk as he unfurled the scroll.
“Good. Anyways, ‘The road to Her Holiness’ grace is a long one, my child; but fret not, for I shall never once leave your side as we embark on the Journey of Ten Thousand Steps. The first step is an intense, undying love for Her Holiness, for without Her light, there is no warmth, no wisdom, no joy, or anything, for that matter- just emptiness. The second step…”
Unfortunately for Nahyuta and fortunately for Ema, after being forced to endure four hours of nonstop preaching, she received an escape in the form of Gumshoe calling her cellphone and requesting that she bring him some files.
But this was of little concern for Nahyuta. After all, as Ema’s superior, he could easily have her come to his office and continue the sermon from where they left off. However, before the monk could return to his own office to do just that, he had business to attend to at a different prosecutor’s office, one that belonged to a certain putrid Panda.
Upon arriving at Simon’s office, Nahyuta wasted no time barging into the room without knocking, interrupting the Twisted Samurai from the work that he was doing on his laptop by singing yet another song.
{Nahyuta}
You must learn to let it go,
Learn to let it go.
Her Holiness’ anger towards you overflows.
Whenever you wrong me,
The Holy Mother’s filled with woe.
That’s why your time in Hell,
Will be painful and slow.
“Well, fortunately for me, Prosecutor Sad Monk, you’ll be there to greet me. You see, while you were singing your little ditty, I sent an IM to a certain someone who’s been itching to give you a special lesson of her own since she returned to the country this morning.” Simon smirked with a hand to his chin.
“Is that supposed to be a threat? Because if it is, then your mind is as delusional as your soul is putrid.” Nahyuta closed his eyes and raised his hand, allowing for an ethereal butterfly to land on his finger. “For you see, you putrid panda, as a servant of the Holy Mother, I fear nothing since no being can come close to matching her pow-argh!” The monk grunted as he felt a stinging pain in his back.
Upon turning around to see what had just hit him, Nahyuta was greeted by the sight of Franziska glaring at him, whip in hand, as she entered the office, making sure to close the door behind her.
“Hello, Nahyuta Sahdmadhi.” Franziska growled as she brandished her trusty weapon.
“Ah, Prosecutor von Karma. I have heard many great things about you and am pleased to meet you and your whip.” Nahyuta calmly stated, which did nothing to calm the silver-haired woman.
“Well, it would appear that you haven’t heard enough, Nahyuta Sahdmadhi.” Franziska coldly stated as she walked right up to the monk, prompting him to take a step back. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have tried to send Phoenix Wright to his doom in your country’s death court. You see, Phoenix Wright may be a foolish fool who foolishly relies on bluffing and luck to win his trials, but he’s my foolish fool and no one, and I mean no one, is allowed to humiliate him or endanger him physically but me!”
“Any endangerment that befell that putrid attorney during that trial was of his own doing.” Nahyuta calmly answered as he closed his eyes and raised his hand in a meditative pose. “The mouse that rides the elephant’s back is doomed to be crushed.’, an ancient Khura’inese saying that might as well be the motto of Wright’s entire family if his actions in Khura’in are of any indication, as well as how his putrid daughter was performing dangerous magic tricks that led to her being arrested for murder.”
“Simon Blackquill, move your desk to the side. I wouldn’t want to see it get damaged as I send this foolishly foolish fool flying when I give him a one-way ticket to meet this Holy Mother that he keeps going on about nonstop!” Franziska demanded as she readied her whip and flashed the monk an icy glare.
“Not if I send your soul to burn for eternity in the same hell as your putrid father’s first.” Nahyuta sneered as he readied his rosary.
However, despite Nahyuta’s years of physical and spiritual training that had made him quite the formidable foe in combat, he was no match for the wrath of an angry von Karma, a lesson that he learned the hard way as Franziska whipped him unconsciousness before he could even think to defend himself, all while Simon sat back in his seat and enjoyed the show.
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