30 You’re Only Third-Rate
Notes
CT: Fitting, a parody of a song from a third-rate sequel for a third-rate “Ace Attorney” villain. Too bad they didn’t have Wellington sing something like this in “The Lost Turnabout”. Otherwise, he could have actually been memorable.
JP: How fitting that a lackluster villain/large banana enthusiast stars in one of the most ho-hum Disney movies of all – the beast that began the horrible, shudder-worthy chain of (mostly direct to video!) sequel! I hope you guys enjoy this – because my co-pilot managed to make the parody more enjoyable and hopefully memorable than the film/original song!
“You’re Only Third-Rate”
(Sung to the tune of “You’re Only Second-Rate”
from Disney’s Return of Jafar)
I must confess,
Your bluffs are quite comedic.
I wager you’ll say that the Earth is flat.
Now here’s your chance to expose me,
Hope your evidence is feasible.
Come, Attorney,
Are you reasonable?
You’ve tried to press my testimony,
But you’ve just come off as a big phony.
To this court, I’ll elate,
I must advocate,
You’re only third-rate!
You think you’ve got a shot,
But you’re firing a blank.
How you got this far,
You’ve only got luck to thank.
So just so you know,
It’s no debate,
You’re only third-rate!
Plebes quail,
At the scale,
Of my genius!
Colleges vie for my mighty first-rate mind.
But if you doubt my wondrous splendor,
You’ve doomed your client friend!
Because this trial will soon come to a painful end!
Go ahead and slam me with your turnabout,
Mock my eyesight,
Use a glove that’s all worn out.
It’ll be a cinch to deflate,
It’s just your fate,
You’re only third-rate!
You see, your reasoning is paper-thin,
And you lack the mental capacity to win.
To your case, I’ll negate,
As I restate,
You’re only third-rate!
Pourquoi tu as triste?
Because you’ll be begging on your knees!
Tu ne connais pas,
How your cross-examination is one big gaffe!
So spare me your finger-pointing,
For it’s rather quite disappointing.
And I can barely wait,
To declare this checkmate!
Your case has been roasted,
And served on a plate!
You’d make a better living,
Selling fishing bait!
You’re only third-rate!
[“Very well, Mr. Wellington.” The Judge states with a nod of his head as if this is an everyday occurrence for him.“Mr. Wright, would you care to cross-examine the witness?”]
[“S-Sure…” Phoenix stutters, hunched over as a few beads of sweat drip down his brow.]
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