73 You’ve Been Killed
“You’ve Been Killed”
Sung to the tune of
“You Are Dead” from
the game Total Distortion
“Mr. Edgeworth, do we really have to keep watching this video over and over again? You know I don’t like seeing this kind of stuff.” Gumshoe voiced with a pained expression on his face as he looked down at his superior’s computer which was currently playing a video of Shelly de Killer strangling Juan Corrida with his own scarf, the maroon-cladded prosecutor sitting behind his desk while the scruffy detective stood behind the chair.
“I understand your discomfort, Gumshoe, I really do, but if we want to bring de Killer to justice, we need to have a solid grasp of his escape methods. And after what that monster subjected Wright, Maya, and Franziska to last month, that mission has become all the more important. So while it may be on the unsavory side, we must watch the footage that Engarde had taped thoroughly to see- and now he’s gone.” Edgeworth sighed with exasperation. “If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that assassin isn’t a man, but actually a phantom of sorts, what with how fast and seamless he operates. Well, time to rewind again.” The maroon-cladded prosecutor stated with a shrug of his shoulders before attempting to restart the video, only to be stopped by an objection from his subordinate.
“C’mon, Mr. Edgeworth. We’ve been watching this video for three hours. Can’t we take a little break?”
“Do you think that de Killer’s taking a ‘little break’ as he stabs a dagger into his next victim’s jugular?” Edgeworth angrily retorted as he slammed his palm on his desk to emphasize his point.
“But, Mr. Edgeworth, I-” Gumshoe tried to whine, flashing his best puppy dog eyes in an attempt to sway his superior, only to be immediately cut off.
“No buts, Gumshoe. We’re going to watch this footage until we can come up with some kind of plan, and if I hear one more objection come out of your mouth, I’ll suggest that we capture de Killer by hiring him to assassinate what’s left of your-”
“Mr. Edgeworth! Someone’s entering the room!” Gumshoe exclaimed, frantically pointing his meaty finger at the monitor as Adrian appeared on the camera.
“Yes, Gumshoe. That’s Ms. Andrews,” Edgeworth growled with his fists clenched. “She was the one who discovered the body, as well as the one who helped turn that case into the nightmare that it was.”
“She really looks shaken up, Mr. Edgeworth,” the scruffy detective noted as he watched the manager let out a shriek, accidentally breaking a nearby vase as she took an instinctive step back.
“Do you blame her? You’d act the same way if you suddenly realized that your cohort was just murdered. But what is she mumbling under her breath…?” The maroon-cladded prosecutor asked, increasing the volume on his computer so that he could understand what was being said.
“I can’t believe it!” Adrian gasped. “That bastard’s finally dead! Serves him right for what he did to Celeste!” The manager added with a snarl, only to take a deep breath and quickly regain her composure. “Calm down, Adrian. Celebrate later, act now. You only have one chance to take down Engarde, and you need to act fast. But first…” she smirked, getting right in Juan’s face before proceeding to sing a song that she seemed to have been practicing for quite some time.
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
Thought you were rad,
But no one’ll be sad.
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
Your life and fame were nothing but a bad fad.
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
You’re pale and there’s no beat in your chest.
I’m glad you’ve been killed!
Serves you right for what you did to Celeste.
I’m glad you’ve been killed!
Good to know you’ll start to decay.
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
There’s no doubt that this is a wonderful day!
You’ve been killed, killed, killed!
You’re pale and there’s no beat in your chest.
I’m glad you’ve been killed!
Serves you right for what you did to Celeste.
I’m glad you’ve been killed!
Aww, sweet that you died,
Just like your fiancé. And now you’re in Hell.
You’re damned,
Screwed!
How’s it like being a corpse?
Ta-ta, you’re garbage, you’re toast,
You’re waste.
I hope Celeste spits down on you from Heaven.
Adios, muchacho,
Toodaloo.
Good riddance.
After finishing her song, Adrian proceeded to tamper with the crime scene, at which point, Edgeworth paused the video. And for the next few seconds, the maroon-cladded prosecutor and his subordinate couldn’t help but stare at the monitor with saucer-sized eyes.
“Mr. Edgeworth…?” Gumshoe asked in an unsettled tone.
“Yes, Gumshoe…?” Edgeworth responded in a similar manner.
“I don’t think that de Killer’s the most disturbing part of the video anymore. Can we go back to watching him?”
“My thoughts exactly, Detective.” Edgeworth stated as he restarted the video, making sure to never let it play beyond the point of Shelly leaving the room.
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