4 Phoenix Wright, Love Guru

LAX Airport, Departures Lounge – March 23, 2018, 9:30 pm

Ever the perceptive attorney, Phoenix noted the unusual angst in his friend’s normally composed tone.

“Edgeworth, is everything alright?” He asked kindly. “You sound like you just lost your best friend.”

Miles blindly felt behind him for the back of a lounge chair and sank into it gratefully, gripping the phone to his ear. After the unexpected emotional scene with Franziska, having Phoenix the Psychic be on the phone right after was a bit too much, even for him.

“I don’t know,” he replied frankly, surprising himself. “I just…don’t know if alright would be an apropos word for my current disposition, Wright.”

“OK…” Phoenix’s tone went from sympathetic to uncertain. “Um…do you want to talk about it, Edgeworth?”

“Not unless you have any suggestions for sealing a 9200-mile gap between here and Germany.”

“Sorry, my port key is currently on loan to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,” Phoenix joked. “Hold it! Is this about Franziska leaving? Are you feeling blue because you’re going to miss your sister?”

“Objection!” Miles recoiled at the words. “She is not my sister, Wright!”

“Easy, buddy! Don’t bite my head off!”

Phoenix chuckled for a moment, then sobered when he was met with dead silence on the phone.

“Jumpin’ Jacks and a half stack of hat racks!” The spiky-haired man exclaimed as newfound comprehension filled his tone, replacing his amused one. “You’re in love with her.”

The prolonged silence on the line was his answer.

“Edgeworth, hey, are you still there?” The blue attorney began punching the keys of his telephone, creating irritating loud beeping noises over the line. “Hey, Edgeworth! Hello?!”

“Yes, Wright! Stop that at once!” Miles commanded, taking the phone away from his poor, abused ear. “I’m right here, you fool!”

“Sor-ry! Next time say something already! Or at least hum so I know you’re still on the line!”

I must be in love, Miles realized disgustedly. How else could he possibly justify his moment of temporary insanity that had made him want to confide in Phoenix Wright, of all people? The anti-ladies’ man whose romantic history entailed dating serial-killer sociopaths and risking losing his morals and ethics in the name of still undeclared love for his teenage office assistant?

“Wright, please!” The prosecutor began rubbing his temple with his free hand. “I implore you, please stop talking! And button punching!”

“I said I was sorry! But just tell me if I’m right or wrong with my conclusion?”

“You’re not wrong,” He confessed. “I do love Franziska, Wright. Not the way a brother loves a sister. But the way a man loves a woman.”

“So then why so glum, chum? Does she not feel the same way about you?”

“No…” Miles said slowly, trying to correctly put things into proper words. “I have reason to believe my devotions are not unrequited. But there is that pesky little problem I just mentioned, if you have already forgotten, of that whole 9200 miles apart I am now from the object of my affection.”

“I don’t know if I’m just exhausted from today’s trial and subsequent after-party so I’m not too quick on the draw right now,” Phoenix sounded puzzled. “But I’m still not seeing what the issue here is. Did you not ask her to stay?”

“I did. She left anyway, for various reasons that had naught to do with me.”

“But she’s only a plane ride away!” Phoenix exclaimed. “It’s not like she moved to Mars or something! You’re Mr. Moneybags Prosecutor…surely you can afford a ticket to go visit her, right?”

“It’s not that simple, Wright. Europe is hardly next door! We are talking…”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you. 9200 miles and a 10-hour time difference. And I still don’t get the problem here. You make it sound like all ties were severed just because she’s leaving on a jet plane…”

Phoenix’s last words were sung to the tune of the famous John Denver song. While his voice wasn’t entirely unpleasant, quite the contrary, actually. However, Miles was in no temperament to be serenaded at that moment.

“Save the romantic lyrics for your own lady love, Wright, I beg you,” he sighed. “I suppose you couldn’t possibly understand my plight as the person who your heart holds dear both lives and works with you.”

“Lady love?” Phoenix echoed blankly. “Lives and works with me…wait are you implying that I’m in love with Maya?”

“Gotcha! Are you implying you aren’t, Wright?” Miles asked dryly. “Or have you forgotten you’ve spent the last few days in court desperately trying to get a guilty scumbag declared innocent so that you could save the life of, and I quote, ‘the person closest’ to you?”

“I think being in love has made you turn mad, Edgeworth!” Phoenix laughed, but it sounded forced, to both their ears. “Maya and me, it’s not the same thing. She’s my subordinate! She’s Mia’s baby sister! She’s…”

“The woman you love.”

“OK, we aren’t talking about me here, are we? Although, hypothetically, even if what you accused me of were true, it still isn’t the same thing. For one thing, unlike in your case, the supposed object of my affection doesn’t share said supposed feelings and sees me as an older brother.”

“Um hmmm…” Miles was in no mood to argue with such a ridiculous claim. He’d seen the way the raven-haired medium acted around his friend on more than enough occasions to know that at the very least, she harbored a huge crush on the spiky-haired attorney. He was surprised that almost losing her to a kidnapper hadn’t scared Wright into declaring his feelings at all. After all, what more could it possibly take?

“And secondly,” Phoenix went on. “She’s not going to be with me as my assistant forever. Eventually, she will have to take over as Master of Kurain Village and probably have to live there and take Pearls with her. Yes, I know it’s only a two-hour train ride compared to a 14-hour plane trip. But the point is, regardless of what kind of relationship I have with Maya now or then, she is the person closest to me. I would still move heaven and earth to ensure we stayed in touch and she remained in my life. And I’m not going to let a little thing like distance separate us!”

“Nick, that is so sweet! Of course Pearly and I are going to stay in touch if we ever move back to Kurain, silly!”

“Maya!? I thought you were in bed?! How long have you been listening in on the other line?”

“I woke up to go to the bathroom and heard you playing Dr. Love so I just had to find out who you were comparing us to!”

Miles groaned. “Miss Fey – ”

“Maya, get off the phone. Edgeworth and I were talking about guy stuff!”

“Ohh…like juicy sex stuff?”

“No, like personal matters of the heart, Miss Nosy. Now hang up the phone!”

“It’s about Ms. Von Karma, isn’t it?” Maya crowed excitedly.

“Yes!” Phoenix said in exasperation just as Miles yelled out, “No!”

“I knew it!” Maya clapped her hands together. At least, he assumed she clapped her hands, it would have been very hard holding a phone but that’s what it sounded like.

Miles resumed rubbing his temple. He had a full-blown headache now.

“Hey, you didn’t have to carry the phone all the way in here! We’re right next to each other now!”

“Hush, you’ll wake up Pearly!”

“Hold it! Enough!” Miles groaned. “It’s OK, Wright. Let her stay. It may not hurt to have a woman’s perspective on the matter.”

“Alright, fine. Maya, Edgeworth is all bummed out because he’s in love with Franziska and she seems to feel the same way back but she just got on a plane to go back to Germany anyway.”

“So why can’t he go to visit her? He’s loaded, right? You’ve seen that red sports car he drives. He can cough up the fare for a plane ticket. He’s not a cheapo like you are!”

“Hold it! I am not a cheapskate because I refused to buy that red-headed hellion a $3000 camera!”

“You still made her pay for her own plate! Not exactly gentlemanly of you!”

“Objection! I paid for you, me, and Pearls! On top of that, I supply your daily minimal three burgers a day habit, so take that! Money doesn’t grow on trees, Maya! What more do you want from my life?”

“Silence!” Miles ordered. “You two have all night to bicker at each other! Could we please get back to my plight now?”

“Sorry,” Phoenix and Maya mumbled in sheepish unison.

“OK, Mr. Edgeworth, if you really want to know what I think, as a woman, here goes. If you love Ms. Von Karma so much, why are you still here talking to us about it then, rather than proving it to her?”

“Yeah Edgeworth. If you’re so worried that she’s gone for good, why on earth didn’t you go chase after her?”

“Mr. Edgeworth,” Maya said quietly, sounding uncharacteristically serious for once. “A woman shouldn’t have to nearly die in order for a man to realize how he feels about her, or to finally hear him tell her how he feels. When you love somebody, you don’t let them go. You fight for them.”

“It’s true, Edgeworth,” Phoenix agreed. “You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t follow your heart on this one. So what if she got on a plane to Germany? It’s not like you haven’t taken off to Europe on a whim before, right? What’s stopping you from joining her?”

Miles was amazed at how simple the answer sounded. Why hadn’t he begged her not to go? Why had he not just gone on the plane with her? Because he was a damned coward, that was why. And because of his foolish pride. He hadn’t wanted to appear to be the needy or overly emotional love-fool.

Which was utterly ridiculous. After all, if he wasn’t a fool, how else could he explain the fact that he was still on the telephone listening to the inane ramblings of a couple, (albeit one in denial), while they argued about trivialities, instead of in Franziska’s arms?

“Thank you, both of you,” the barrister said humbly, sincerely touched. “I really appreciate you two taking the time away from your lover’s quarrel to try to play Masters and Johnson with me. Now if you two will excuse me, I have a plane to catch…”

“Lovers quarrel? Edgeworth, what the hell?!”

“Nick! Why does he think that about us? What did you say to him before I picked up the phone?!”

“Objection! Me?! You’re the one with the cousin who goes around telling the whole world that we’re Special Someones! Explain to me where she got that idea from, Little Miss Eavesdrops On My Personal Calls!”

It took them a long time after to realize that Miles had already hung up.