1 MILF Night Out

Summary

How would hot married DILF’s Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth, who think being a stay at home mom is SO easy compared to their oh-so-hard lawyer jobs, handle themselves if their wives decided to teach them the ultimate lesson, and skip out on them for a wild night out on the town – leaving them to (de)fend for themselves against their children? Simple! After all, they handle crazies and murderers – how hard can four kids, under the age of 5 be, WRIGHT? But being Ace Daddies is the ULTIMATE test… will they wind up eating their words? Set post-DD

*Stand-alone story, not part of the Turnabout Lawful Lust Trilogy

Maya Fey-Wright and Phoenix Wright
Miles Edgeworth and Franziska Von-Edgeworth
Edgeworth’s Penthouse, Los Angeles
June 21, 2034

“I won’t be very long Nick…we should be home by midnight, tops,” Maya told her husband, giving him a quick kiss as she grabbed her coat.

“No, we will not!” Franziska declared, crossing her arms. “I am celebrating my milestone birthday with a rare girl’s night out and I refuse to be subjected to a curfew! We shall return …whenever it is that we decide to come home! So take that!”

“Meine dame, 35 isn’t really a milestone,” Edgeworth reminded his wife. “Also, your birthday was last weekend. Remember? We left Mila and Gregory with Ema and Klavier, and I took you to that fancy French restaurant you were imploring me to take you to?”

“It’s a mini-milestone, Liebling. Ergo, I get a full birthday week!” The striking German woman exclaimed. Much like her stunning raven-haired companion for the evening, both women still appeared to be at most in their late-20’s, and somehow had managed to retain their trim figures from youth, without a grey hair or wrinkle in sight. “After all, when you turned 40, did you not get to spend that wild weekend in Vegas with your boys, without hearing any objections from me?”

“I remember that weekend!” Maya giggled. “Something about a Turnabout Gone Wrong, er, occurrence with a showgirl drag queen…and an embarrassing night spent in the drunk tank. It was both you guys, along with Apollo and Gumshoe if memory serves me correctly…”

“I still think Klavier has the photos on his camera,” Edgeworth chuckled.

“Maya!” Phoenix whined, who had been the victim of said drag queen incident. He glared at his best friend then looked beseechingly at his wife. “Give me a break! I was drunk! And you promised never to bring that up again!”

“She lied!” Franziska derided. “And you’re a fine one to mock, Liebling! Let us not forget my spouse, Mr. Chief Prosecutor, being a most pristine and wonderful representation, full of the dignity of his office…what with being moved to tears by his own karaoke performance of Copacabana!”

“I can’t believe you two are still bringing that up,” Edgeworth grumbled, red-faced, while it was Phoenix’s turn to snigger now. “After all, that was two years ago! Also, remind me to strangle Butz with my cravat for posting that video on YouTube!”

“I suppose I should detain you from winding up behind bars – yet again! – And no, I cannot defend you, Edgy, seeing as how you just told me your premeditated murder plans!” Phoenix sighed. “I feel compelled to remind you that said bumble butt was the one who ultimately bailed us out that night. However, that certainly didn’t give him a free pass to be such a snitch! I’m going to blame Iris’s influence for that! Even though she’s his wife now and no longer a nun, she seems to have held him fast and true to that vow of obedience!”

“OK, enough already about Mr. and Mrs. Butz!” Maya laughed. “Franziska, we really should get moving now. Ema, Maggey, and Adrian will be at the place already. And Athena wishes she could have come, but she’s still breastfeeding Dionysus. Yes, she could have totally pumped her milk, but between us, I personally don’t think she trusts Apollo alone with the baby yet!”

“Possibly because Mr. Chords of Steel hasn’t learned to use his inside voice yet on baby’s tender ears so he won’t cry as much?” Franziska kidded.

“Six months later, I profess I still find it most amusing that the Greek God couple decided to name their firstborn after the God of wine,” Edgeworth smirked.

“Probably because a little too much vino one night was the reason little Dion was conceived!” Maya snickered. “Nevertheless, it was also what got Polly to finally propose to that girl! Honestly, Nick, he was nearly as bad as you! Was your influence the real reason he took so long to make an honest woman out of Ms. Cykes?”

“Objection! Apollo made it very clear he would have done it anyway!” Phoenix protested. “And I believe him!” He scratched the back of his neck. “Ah, let’s just say little Dion being um, a surprise but welcome addition to the Justice family just happened to expedite matters is all…”

“Uh-huh…” Maya arched an eyebrow at him, and he flushed.

“Also, you seem to have forgotten the extenuating circumstances which kept me from finally getting that ring on your finger, Mrs. Wright!”

Eager to cease yet another historical round of the Wright’s infamous frequent squabbles, even though they were like clouds passing the sun in seriousness and duration most of the time, Franziska hastily changed the subject.

“I suppose the newlyweds naming their son after a Greek God was no less predictable than the two of you naming yours after a mythical bird,” she inserted, referring to Phoenix and Maya’s 2-year-old son, Roc, although his parents and everyone else, called him by his middle name, Ace. “Along with naming your daughter after Mia.”

“My late, great, sister-in-law lives on through her mini-doppelganger niece,” Phoenix grinned proudly. “As for naming him Roc, hey, father, like son. Guilty as charged!”

“Speaking of which, where is our son?” Maya asked her husband. “Did Ace go watch TV with Gregory in the den, or did he follow his sister to Mila’s room?”

“Er…” Phoenix looked at his wife blankly and blushed. “Um, I’m not sure…didn’t you see where he ran off to, Maya?”

“Nick!” Maya regarded him in disbelief. “We’ve been here barely 20 minutes and you’ve already misplaced our son?!”

Phoenix looked helplessly at his best friend, but Edgeworth merely shrugged.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Wright.”

“Miles, you guys live in a condo!” Maya snapped. “How hard is it to keep track of a set of five-year-old twins, as well the world’s noisiest 4-year-old girl and a toddler?! Honestly, I don’t know which one of you is worse at this moment!”

“And I am having second thoughts about entrusting our children to either of these two fools, even for one night!” Franziska added wryly. “Maybe we should have dropped them off at Athena and Apollo’s place. For heaven’s sake I’d ask Trucy or Pearl if I could…”

“But Trucy’s in Vegas doing a magic show, and Pearly has to tend to Kurain matters back in the village as my second in command,” Maya finished. “Don’t feel too sorry for her though, she’s got Luke to keep her company!”

“Humph! I don’t see you bugging Mr. Triton about when he plans on making an honest woman out of our eldest daughter,” Phoenix grumbled at his wife.

“That’s because he’s only 24, not 34 like you were!” Maya gave her husband a look. “And don’t even think of trying to change the subject, Old Man! I am not leaving this place until you go find our son!”

“Daddy!” A tiny voice squealed suddenly. The two couples turned around to see a miniature version of Phoenix, right down to the black spikes and sapphire eyes, come running into the living room on his tiny chubby legs.

Ace’s father hastily reached down and scooped his son up in his arms, ignoring the glare Maya shot him.

“Look, my love, I found him,” he said weakly.

Maya shook her head in dismay, then turned to Franziska, her pretty face pensive.

“You have the phone numbers of all the kid’s pediatricians, including the after-hours ones, along with the one for the local fire department and poison control center on the fridge, right?” She asked nervously.

“Affirmative. I also have Chief Gumshoe’s emergency cell number, and the Mother Nurse hotline in case someone allows their son to somehow get into the castor oil again…” Franziska stared pointedly at her husband. Edgeworth at least had the decency to blush.

“How many times can I say I’m sorry, meine Dame?!” He cried plaintively. “You’re always worrying about the twins being regular! While it wound up being a rather messy situation at least that was no longer a cause for concern with Gregory afterward, if I recall…”

Franziska was already massaging her temples at the memory.

“I’d reschedule if I could,” she muttered. “Or find another competent sitter if one were available! But it’d be too cruel to dump all four kids last minute on Athena and Apollo…”

“Hey!” Phoenix looked wounded. “Are you implying that Edgeworth and I, as the fathers of these tots, are not competent to look after our own kids for a few hours?”

“I was implying nothing, Phoenix Wright!” Franziska snapped. “I’m flat out saying it!”

“I can’t defend you, Nick, sorry.” Maya flashed an impish grin. “Besides, Franziska, there’s no way we are canceling plans here. My husband seems to have forgotten that I had a certain score to settle with him tonight!”

“What score?” Edgeworth demanded, already frowning at a suddenly sheepish-looking Phoenix. “Wright you imbecile, what have you done now?”

“Oh, honey, you mean you didn’t repeat your obnoxious, sexist comment to our friends, about how your big, important lawyer job is so much harder than me and Franziska’s roles as stay-at-home moms?” Maya asked sweetly.

“Wright you fool!” Edgeworth looked aghast. “You said what?!”

“And how you thought tonight would be a breeze,” Maya continued ruthlessly as her husband reddened further. “You told me you guys could just chill out and watch some TV and babysitting would be like getting a night off?”

“Hey, she’s putting words in my mouth!” Phoenix insisted. “I didn’t quite say it like that!”

“Oh?” Now it was Franziska’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Do tell us then, Phoenix, how you did put it?”

“Well…” Phoenix visibly withered under the three sets of eyes glowering at him – those of two indignant females and one visibly irked male. “Maya was complaining about how the kids were driving her nuts one day, and I might have said…um, if she thought that was hard, she should try coming to court and dealing with the wackos I have to contend with…”

Edgeworth was impatiently tapping his famous forefinger against his arm as he silently let his friend try to crawl out of the hole he’d dug himself into.

“Come on Edgeworth, back me up!” Phoenix begged as the women upped their withering stares. “You’ve seen the kind of witnesses and clients I’ve dealt with over the years in the quest of justice for all!”

The prosecutor dropped his stern gaze a notch and looked guiltily at his wife, who was standing in an identical stance to Maya, arms crossed and tapping her foot, in wait for his response.

“Well … meine Dame, you’ve been a lawyer as well!” He said at last. “Wright is hardly exaggerating about the kind of lunatics and cockamamie shenanigans we’ve all had to contend with! And Maya, while you weren’t an attorney, you were his legal assistant for a long time! Surely you recall the trials and tribulations of the courts…”

“Miles Edgeworth, I cannot believe you’re defending this sexist foolish fool!” Franziska fumed. “I thought you at least, were the more evolved one of the two of you! How sorely you disappoint me!”

“Meine Dame…”

“No, it’s fine,” Franziska returned crisply. “So, Phoenix, Miles…you two think our jobs being home with the kids are so much easier than yours as ace attorneys? So be it! We shall see who has the last laugh after all this – assuming this house is still standing by the time Maya and I return. Come on, Maya, let’s go!”

“That goes double for me!” Maya tossed over her shoulder with a wicked grin as she grabbed her purse and sailed out the door after her friend. “Good night fellas, and good luck! You’re going to need it!”

The condo door slammed shut behind the women, with enough force to make the walls rattle.

Phoenix looked at Edgeworth, and Edgeworth looked at Phoenix.

“Oh, man,” the spiky-haired attorney mumbled, absently bouncing Ace in his arms. “They’re pretty pissed, aren’t they? Should we um, go after them? Or call to apologize or something?”

“Not at all. They were being ridiculous, insulting our ability to look after our own children,” the Chief Prosecutor argued, crossing his arms across his broad chest. “After all, Wright, we are fully grown, professional, educated men! We handle thieves, psychos, murderers for a living! How bad can four small children be?”

Suddenly there was a loud, piercing, ear-splitting wail that echoed eerily within the condo, sounding like the combination of a demon-possessed cat being strangled…by a howling banshee.

Both men stiffened in horror.

“My kid or yours?” They shouted in unison.

“Wahhhh! I want my Mommy!”