9 Enter The Koopa Queen

“Finish him!” Boomed a loud, almost demonic voice as those very words appeared on the screen of the arcade cabinet.

“Do it now, Nick! Do what I told you!” Maya cried out as she shook the lawyer by his shoulders while also screaming right next to his ear!

“Geez Maya, say it, don’t spray it!” Phoenix shifted his gaze from the screen to the buttons and joystick in front of him. “Uh let’s see… I think it was…”

His hands moved quickly but carefully across the buttons for a few seconds, before he looked back to the screen, just in time to see his blue-clad ninja character grab his red opponent, lifting him in the air and using his ice powers to freeze him solid before ripping him clean in half!

“Sub-Zero wins! Fatality!” The game announced as the word “FATALITY” appeared on the screen in blood.

Phoenix turned to face his rival, a prideful, smug look on his face. “Ha! Take THAT, Edgeworth!”

The magenta-clad prosecutor, however, continued to stare at the screen in horror. “Wright, you just… Ripped a man in half! Does this not faze you at all!?”

“Huh? Edgeworth, it’s a game! You’re acting like I just committed a murder!”

“You may as well have!” Maya cried, butting into the conversation. “He just destroyed you, Miles! Your head was totally not in the game!” She began to push the prosecutor away from the machine. “Now watch out! I said I’d play the winner!”

Edgeworth watched as the young woman excitedly tapped away at the buttons on the machine, obviously having a blast. He let out a sigh and turned around, sitting on the nearby bench.

Ever since Wright’s admittedly touching performance earlier, Maya has practically been glued to his side! The tide has shifted in his favor, it seems. I must come up with some way to gain her attention again, lest the fair maiden chooses Sir Blue Knight. But what could I possibly do in this techno playground?

Edgeworth’s thoughts were cut short by the arcade machine’s loud voice.

“Finish him!” It cried.

“Wha- H-how did you –” Phoenix spluttered, apparently in utter shock of how thoroughly Maya had just decimated him.

“Aw, don’t feel too bad for losing, Nick! Here, lemme give you a kiss.”

A-A kiss!? Am I too late? Edgeworth panicked as he looked at the two at the machine. Phoenix appeared to be looking at the young beauty with anticipation as Maya stared back. However, Maya then quickly turned her attention back to the game as her fingers gracefully danced across the tabletop. Onscreen, her purple-clad character planted a kiss on Phoenix’s character. However, what appeared to be a sweet gesture quickly turned gruesome as Maya’s character swallowed her opponent whole, before quickly spitting the bones back out!

The defense attorney stared dumbfounded at the screen, unsure of what to make of what just transpired as the game spoke again. “Mileena wins! Flawless victory! Fatality!”

“Gotcha! Kiss of death, baby!” The young spirit medium guffawed at the man’s stunned response.

Even Edgeworth found himself chuckling at this, finding Maya’s purposeful misleading of the attorney to be both hilarious and relieving, knowing that he had not yet lost this match to his porcupine-headed adversary.

“Whew!” Maya pretended to wipe some sweat off her brow. “I’ll tell ya, fellas, after the dancing, the rocking, and the butt-kicking, I’ve worked up quite an appetite!”

Edgeworth’s eye widened in alarm at this.

You must be joking! We left the restaurant barely an hour ago! How could you have possibly have worked off your burgers, seafood, and many unfortunately named desserts, yet still managed to have enough alcohol in your system to squeal like an over-excited fangirl at a teenager from down under?

“C’mon, guys! How about we go try some of the food at that diner where Nick was undressing that waitress with his eyes?” Maya offered, grabbing the two men. She made a point of actually holding Phoenix’s hand, and merely grabbing Edgeworth’s sleeve while dragging them towards the aforementioned diner.

“Hey! I already told you – I was not checking out the staff!” Phoenix protested, his voice nearly reaching courtroom levels, and his denial beginning to enter the realm of the Butz!

“Oh, would you relax, Nick? I so don’t care that you were checking out that busty blonde.”

“For the billionth time – I wasn’t checking her out! And she was a redhead!” Phoenix retorted, before realizing his mistake and quickly trying to remedy it. “Er, I mean, not that… I was looking, or anything…”

Smooth, Wright. The DDR champion smirked. Real smooth.

The trio eventually made their way into the eatery. Finally entering the establishment, true to the charcoal-haired man’s scripted reading of the guidebook, the décor was that of a 50’s style diner. The floor was tiled into a checkerboard pattern. Booths and tables dotted the eatery with authentic-looking leather chairs. In the center of it all was a glossy reflective bar surrounded by bar stools, where patrons of all ages enjoyed their greasy fare. A jukebox sat in the back, blaring a pixelated-sounding song, which Edgeworth assumed had to come from some old-school video game. Pictures also lined the walls, appearing to be of different 50’s celebrities as well as records. However, something struck him as odd about them, though he couldn’t quite place it at first.

As soon as she set foot into the place, Maya let out a high squeak that was piercing enough to shatter glass.

“Oh my God! This place is so awesome! They’re playing the Super Mario Bros theme on the jukebox! And look!” She cried, pointing at one of the many photos lining the restaurant walls. “It’s Mario Presley!”

Edgeworth took a moment to inspect said picture, and true to the medium’s words, it depicted the King of Rock and Roll, but his famous visage had been replaced with that of the mustachioed plumber from the Mushroom Kingdom!

“Uh, Edgeworth,” Phoenix spoke up, pulling the prosecutor back to reality as he looked toward the blue attorney. “What was this place called again?”

“Oh, give me just a moment to check the guidebook,” he replied, reaching into his suit pocket to retrieve the pamphlet. However, before he had it in his hand, another voice cried out.

“Hey there folks, welcome to the Warp Pipe! Can I get you – Oh, hey it’s you guys!” The unmistakable accent nearly gave the newly cravat-less man a headache.

Annoyed gray eyes looked up to see none other than the wayward wallaby, Dylan.

Just my luck. It’s not bad enough that  Wright has Maya eating out of the palm of his hand, but now  Steve Irwin had to come to make his reappearance!

Maya registered her new friend’s presence as well, albeit with much more enthusiasm, rushing forward and effusively wrapping her arms around the young man, making him lose his footing and suddenly began to slip and slide, as though he had just stepped on a banana peel!

“Dylan! What are you – whoooooa!” The young spirit medium cried out as she and the teen fell to the ground in a tangled heap.

“Maya!” Phoenix and Edgeworth both called out as they rushed to the girl’s aid. The prosecutor reached her first, holding a hand out to her.

The raven-haired teen dazedly shook her head, obviously disoriented from the fall, and opened her eyes, finding herself staring straight into a pair of bright blue orbs! She flinched and fell backward as Dylan made zero attempts to move away from her, more out of inability than his lack of desire to do so!

“S-sorry about that, Dylan,” Maya apologized as she accepted Edgeworth’s hand and was pulled to her feet. “Guess I don’t know my own strength.” A blush stained her cheeks.

Dylan’s face was equally red, if not more so, as he accepted a hand from Phoenix, who helped pull the shaky boy to his feet.

“Uh, d-don’t worry about it. You probably just didn’t notice my change of shoes,” he explained, extending his leg forward. “One of the waitresses had to leave early for a family emergency, so they put me here until her replacement comes in.”

The group looked down at the young man’s foot, to see he was now sporting a pair of roller skates, as well as having changed into a more retro uniform. He wore a green shirt underneath a pair of overalls, making him look every bit the part of a server at a video game-themed 50’s diner!

An Australian dressed as an Italian stereotype? Edgeworth silently grumbled to himself. Can’t say this is where I expected this evening to go!

“So, I reckon you’ve all played up an appetite, eh? C’mon, I’ll show ya to a booth.” Dylan offered, rolling forward on his skates as he led the group to a booth not far from the jukebox. As they all took their seats, the Australian handed out some menus. “Just a heads up, drinks are free. They’re covered with the price of admission.”

Ah, free. Wright’s favorite word. Edgeworth arched an eyebrow at his rival, seeing the man exhale a sigh of relief.

“Well, I already know what I want! A Coke and two of those 1UP burgers you were hyping up earlier!” Maya cried, handing the menu back to the server.

Phoenix handed his back as well. “I’ll just have an iced tea, thanks.”

Edgeworth took a moment to peruse the drink selections, before simply settling on an iced tea as well. He closed his menu and moved to hand it back to the Australian youth.

“I will simply have –” His sentence was cut short as a sudden ruckus rang out through the restaurant.

“Sweet, merciful Christ in heaven! That’s hotter than the Devil’s nether regions!” The bellowing that echoed throughout the restaurant was in a rather distinct, yet somehow familiar, southern accent.

The group turned around to assess where the cacophony was coming from, finding themselves looking at a large group crowding around one table.

“What on earth is going on over there?” Edgeworth questioned.

“Ah, looks like we got another one. Poor bastard!” Dylan barely hid back a chuckle. “What you’re looking at is some poor soul who decided to take on the Koopa Wing challenge.”

“The what?” The prosecutor eyed the waiter strangely.

“The Koopa Wing challenge,” the teenage boy repeated, as though this were common knowledge. “Remember I mentioned our Total Carnage menu? Well, this challenge takes it a step further. A dozen chicken wings covered in a sauce that uses a mixture of spices, as well five drops of pure ghost pepper extract.”

“Are you describing food or some kind of medieval torture!?” Phoenix’s eyes widened in disbelief at the concept of any person willfully placing something so hot in their mouth.

“It’s crazy, right? Not a single person’s ever eaten ’em all. Gotta choke down all 12 with no drink and no dipping sauce. And it should go without saying that ya gotta keep ’em down, too.”

Another holler from across the room once again caught the group’s attention.

“MILK! GET ME SOME MILK, NOW! I DON’T CARE IF I GOTTA SUCK IT STRAIGHT FROM THE DANG COW’S TIT!”

“Tsk tsk. They never learn.” Dylan shook his head. “Anyway, what was it you were saying there, er… Mike?”

Phoenix smirked and Maya flat out sniggered at Dylan’s mistake, while the prosecutor narrowed his eyes at the youth.

“Miles, actually. And I was simply ordering an iced tea.” He stated in a monotone as he handed his menu to the server.

“Right, sorry. I’ll be right back with your drinks. I suggest you enjoy the show in the meantime! From the sounds of it, we may get to see a fire-breather in a minute!” With that, the grinning young man skated off to collect their drinks.

“Uh, hey guys,” Maya spoke up, catching both attorneys’ attention. “Not to sound like an ignoramus, but what’d he means by ghost pepper extract?”

“Uh…” Phoenix began, but then abruptly faltered and his voice trailed off. “Er, Edgeworth, you wanna take this one?”

Typical. Admitting ignorance isn’t that hard, Wright.

“Well, you see, Maya, the extract is essentially the oil that coats a pepper. Peppers aren’t simply spicy all on their own; it’s coated in oil that gives it the spice. The ghost pepper, or bhut jolokia, is considered the fifth hottest pepper in the world, so it should go without saying that its extract is rather potent. Furthermore, on the Sco –”

Before Edgeworth could continue his explanation any further, much to Phoenix’s delight, they were once again interrupted by the hotheaded eating challenger.

“GANGWAY! I NEED ME A DRINK AND I NEED IT NOW!”

The trio glanced up at the crowd once more, just in time to see Lotta Hart, in all her loudmouthed,
hair-raising glory, burst through the crowd.

“Water, milk, SOMETHIN’! I NEED A DRINK!” The frizzy-haired journalist roared at the top of her lungs. She looked around the restaurant frantically, her eyes scanning for anything in the immediate area to cool her flaming mouth with. Finally, her eyes stopped on Dylan, who was just coming out of the kitchen with the iced teas and soda. “YOU THERE!”

Before the poor boy could even react, Lotta rushed him like a charging bull, sending him flying into the jukebox as she snatched up the iced teas and began downing them as if her life depended on it!

“IT DOES NOTHIN’! LAWD HAVE MERCY!” Lotta cried, her eyes watering and sweat dripping from her brow. She made an immediate turn and rushed out of the restaurant, presumably hightailing it to the nearest water fountain.

Maya jumped up from her seat and rushed over to her fallen friend, who was rubbing the back of his head in pain.

“Ugh, quite a pair of lead pipes for arms she’s got there!” The teenager muttered as he brought himself to his feet.

“Dylan! Are you OK!?” Maya asked worriedly as she reached the young man, Edgeworth, and Phoenix following close behind.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. That’s not the first time we’ve had a customer lose it after, well, losing the challenge!” He flashed Maya and the two lawyers a wry grin. “Sorry, guys, your drinks will be another minute.”

That’s quite alright.” The prosecutor shook his head at the boy. “But are you sure you’re alright? It appeared as though you bumped your head rather hard.”

Dylan held up a hand and shook his head.

“I swear, I’m fine.” The Australian tapped a fist again his head. “Hard as a rock.”

The young woman stepped next to the server and stood on her toes.

“Well, here. Maybe this will make it feel better,” she said, before placing a soft kiss right on the flustered young man’s temple!

Every alarm in Edgeworth’s head went off all at once upon witnessing the affectionate gesture.

You MUST be kidding me! He screamed in his head as he watched the teenager’s face turn as red as his suit. An accent and being tackled by a woman who has more hair than brains is all it takes to win a kiss from this woman!?

Back in reality, Dylan blushed furiously at Maya as both legal geniuses gave him the death stare to end all death stares.

“Uh, t-thanks.” He managed to sputter as his cheeks burned. “I-I-I think I’m alright. Uh, y-you guys just, uh, go take your seats, I’ll be right back with your drinks… Again!”

With that, the waiter rushed back to the kitchen at breakneck speed, as Maya mischievously grinned from ear-to-ear.

“I think I just made his day, don’t you think, think, guys?” The raven-haired girl asked coyly as she walked back to the booth, apparently oblivious to the expressions on both men’s faces.

“Uh, y-yeah.” The spiky-haired attorney replied awkwardly. “Don’t think anyone saw that coming.”

“Indeed. It did seem to blindside us all.” Edgeworth added, sliding back into his seat.

“What can I say, he’s cute!” Maya shrugged. “Although I’m not entirely sure he’s my type.”

Not her type, eh? I wonder…

“Well, if X-Men lookalikes aren’t your type, pray tell, then what is?” Edgeworth asked blithely, ignoring the glare Phoenix was giving him.

Maya put a hand to her chin, her eyes looking toward the ceiling, appearing as though she was deep in thought. “Hmm, well, if I had to peg it down to just one type, I’d have to say…”

Both men studied in heavy anticipation, fervently awaiting her answer. She opened her mouth to speak again, but apparently, God seemed to love toying with attorneys, as the aforementioned lad chose that exact moment to return, this time touting a full tray of drinks, as well as Maya’s burgers.

“Here ya go, guys. Again, sorry about the wait on the drinks,” Dylan expressed regretfully as he distributed everyone’s orders.

“Oh, no need to apologize,” Maya replied, turning her attention away from the frustrated lawyers and taking her drink and food from the server. “We know what happened, Dylan. Plus, how could I be mad at any person bringing me this?”

She gestured to one of the burgers, which, true to the earlier description, had replaced the traditional bun with two halves of a glazed young spirit medium immediately attacked the sandwich, practically unhinging her jaw in the same manner as an anaconda!

Edgeworth stared on in horror as one of the monstrosities known as the 1UP burger was completely devoured within two minutes! All the while, Phoenix, more accustomed to his assistant’s hearty appetite, regarded the prosecutor’s astounded expression with barely concealed amusement. Maya reached out to grab her second burger but suddenly froze.

“Huh? What was that?” Phoenix’s confused eyes roved the restaurant with a look of trepidation on his face.

“What was what?” Edgeworth wasn’t sure what the spiky-haired man was trying to get across. However, a split second later, he understood. A quick glance at his barely touched iced tea told him that something was awry. While remaining untouched, the liquid in the glass suddenly began to ripple.

What on Earth?

Another moment later, the drink sloshed about yet again. Now the entire restaurant was looking around, trying to make sense of what was going on.

Yet another ominous reverberation, this time followed by an unmistakable shake of ground.

A – An earthquake!? The prosecutor’s insides began to quiver. N-not here! Not now!

Several rumbles and thunderous shakes later, however, Edgeworth began to understand that his fear was unfounded.

This is no quake! It’s far too rhythmic! Too perfect!

Nevertheless, he realized that something was coming. Something large. And perhaps… something hungry.

Several more moments passed and suddenly, the bell above the door to the restaurant rang, just as the tremor began to die down. The threesome all craned their necks to see what horrible monstrosity had arrived in their midst.

Maya was anticipating Browser, The Koopa King himself to suddenly materialize!

Phoenix anxiously wondered if Godzilla wasn’t merely just a cheesy Hollywood movie creation!

Edgeworth half expected to be treated to a sight straight Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park!

However, a ravenous T-Rex still would have been a far more welcome sight than the actual ghastly beast which now stood at the front of the restaurant! Slate-colored eyes watched in horror as the creature let out its horrible cry.

“Waiter! A table for one!” Commanded the grotesquely obese woman in an already displeased voice.

It was the same ham planet from the movie theatre, mercifully without her demon offspring this time.

Dylan skated out of the kitchen quickly, meeting the woman at the door. “Whoops, sorry about that ma’am, was –” The teenager’s words died in his throat as he took in the sight before him. Or at least, as much as could be seen …from a non-aerial view.

“Hmph! Shoddy service already!” The woman’s chins jiggled and swayed to and fro. “I would like to be seated, young man! At a booth, if you would.”

“A – A booth, right?” Dylan’s eyes quickly scanned the restaurant, obviously registering the fact that none of the booths appeared to be large enough to see this gargantuan mound of woman! “Uh, just one second.”

If this young lad is not careful, this manatee will devour him long before a crocodile ever gets a chance!

Edgeworth watched the server adjusting a table at one of the booths to accommodate the woman, who was currently tapping her foot at the doorway, very nearly replicating the feeling of an earthquake.

Dylan rushed back to the woman. “Er, sorry about that, right this way, ma’am.” He gestured toward the booth and began skating forward as the manatee followed closely behind, sending tremors throughout the restaurant, spilling several glasses and her wake. The woman finally slid into the booth, the act requiring her to adjust her gut, leaving her ginormous breasts to rest upon the table. The teen tentatively offered a menu, which she gruffly snatched up, nearly pulling the poor young man’s arm from its socket!

“Now then, I hope the food is better than the service.” The Blob huffed as she began to look over the menu. Dylan never even got to ask a question before she began to rattle off her order, barely giving the Australian a chance to pull out his notepad and pen. “I would two shakes, one chocolate, and one strawberry. Next, I would like two of the 1UP burgers, with extra mustard and a side of fries for one and Emerald Hill onion rings for the other.”

The woman continued to rattle off her seemingly never-ending order for what felt like eons! All the while, Edgeworth couldn’t help but feel bad for the young server, whose hand was likely beginning to cramp as he continued to write all of this information down as fast as he could.

Finally, the land whale finished her order. “And I expect much quicker service from now on!”

“R-right. I’m sorry for your wait, ma’am. I’ll get this order in and bring your shakes right away.” With that, Dylan beat a hasty retreat back to the kitchen.

Having stopped eating in time to witness the whole ordeal, Maya finally turned her attention back to her untouched burger, grabbing and speaking before taking a bite. “Wow, and I thought I ate a lot! I’m pretty sure The Koopa Queen ordered half the menu!”

I believe the entire menu would be much closer to the mark. Edgeworth thought to himself, unsure of how Maya could still have any sort of appetite after seeing the woman’s immense body jiggling like a bowlful of disgusting Jell-O!

“I just feel bad for that poor kid.” Phoenix chimed in. “Rushing back and forth between the kitchen and her table, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him collapse.”

“Indeed. If my run-in with that tub of lard at the theatre concession stand is any indication, our young Aussie friend is in for quite the workout.” Edgeworth added.

The server burst through the kitchen door, two shakes on his tray as he skated to the manatee’s booth. “Here ya are, ma’am. Your burgers should be ready in just a few minutes, so just hang tight.”

“Hmph!” The large woman huffed as she snatched up her shake. “Don’t tell me what to do, skinny!”

Dylan reeled back at this comment before turning on his heel and returning to the group’s table.

“You guys still doing alright here?” He asked in a polite but slightly strained voice.

“Yes,” Edgeworth answered as he took a quick sip of his iced tea. “Much better than you, I believe”

“Huh? Oh, that woman? Ah, this ain’t no big deal,” Dylan replied weakly. “With any luck, she’s a good tipper, right?”

Edgeworth grimaced at the young man’s use of a double negative but chose to remain silent on the matter.

“I wouldn’t be so sure. We had a run-in with her earlier that –”

“What’s this we had a run-in business, Edgeworth?” Phoenix suddenly interjected into the conversation. “I believe it was me that had a run-in with her. Or more specifically, my face did!”

“Oh jeez, are you still going on about that whole thing, Nick? So the land whale tripped and made you look like you had a most unfortunate accident. Big deal!”

Dylan couldn’t contain his snickers upon hearing this.

“Boy, sounds like you guys have had an interesting evening.”

“Heck yeah, we have!” Maya cried, pumping her fist into the air. “We went to go see the new Steel Samurai movie, then we went to LA Prime and had dinner. Did you know that they serve a dessert called Spotted Dick?”

“Spotted Dick?” Dylan burst out laughing at this. “You’re kidding! That can’t be real!”

Before the two could continue their conversation any further, a bell rang behind the counter, followed by a cry of, “Order up!”

“Ah, hold that thought. Duty calls.”

With that, Dylan dashed behind the counter, snatching up the first two of many plates for the woman, and rushed to her booth, where Bowser’s long-lost co-monarch had just sucked down the first of her two shakes.

“Here you are, ma’am. Two 1UP burgers. The rest of your order is cooking right now.”

“Very good.” The manatee took a humongous bite out of one of her sandwiches, obliterating nearly half of it in one bite as she grabbed a fistful of onion rings and stuffed them in her face.

Dylan visibly grimaced before quickly returning to the trio’s table.

“So, do you guys need anything else, or can I go ahead and get you the bill?”

Edgeworth finished off his drink before replying.

“I believe the check would be fine now. That is, if your appetite has been sated, Maya?”

Maya treated him with an adorable grin. “I should be good to go for a few more hours after this.”

I would hope so! Any more food tonight and you and Big Bertha may very well be tied for most food consumed in a single evening!

The server nodded and began to turn on his heel. “Alright, I’ll –”

The young man was cut off as the woman shouted out suddenly in her booming voice.

“Waiter! Come here at once!”

Dylan stared, wide-eyed, at the woman for a moment before turning back to Edgeworth.

“I’ll, uh, be right back.” With that, the teen rushed to the woman’s table. “What seems to be the problem, ma’am? Anything not to your liking?”

“What’s the problem!?” The cheese hog parroted her pudding of a face now puce in color. “You look at this burger and you tell me what the problem is!” She held out the remains of her sandwich, lifting the donut bun.

“Uh, I-I’m not sure what –”

“Oh, don’t play dumb with me, boy! I asked for extra mustard!” The woman was now in full rage mode, her countless jowls flapping all over the place, threatening to smack someone right in the face! “Does this look like extra mustard to you!?”

“Uh, I-I’m sorry if it’s not quite right, ma’am. I can go talk to the chef and have him make you another.” Dylan offered, his voice beginning to register genuine fear as the quaking mountain of excess flesh shouted at him.

“Another one!? The buffoon couldn’t even handle the simplest request!” Spittle was now flying from the behemoth’s mouth, with Dylan just narrowly dodging the droplets that threatened to land on his face. “The service here has been horrendous since the moment I stepped in! I demand a discount on my entire order to make up for this! No less than 50 percent!”

“Uh, I-I’m sorry, ma’am. The most I can do is have your order replaced. I don’t have the authority to give discounts.”

The manatee suddenly rose from her seat, at a speed much faster than one would expect from someone of her size.

“Don’t you dare talk back to me! The customer is always right!” She suddenly drew back her arm, forming her hand into a ham-sized fist.

Maya suddenly gasped as things began to turn violent. Edgeworth’s eyes widened and he found his body moving of its own volition.

“HOLD IT!” He bellowed out in the loudest voice he could muster, the words practically echoing through the restaurant as he stood and thrust his arm forward in his famous courtroom pose.

The entire restaurant grew silent as everyone turned to gawk at him.

“That is quite enough, you mammoth land whale!” Edgeworth rose from the booth and stalked over to the woman. Phoenix and Maya stared after him, their mouths agape at the prosecutor’s uncharacteristically rude words.

The woman’s squished up, beady eyes nearly bulged out of her fat face as she glowered at the prosecutor and turned her attention away from Dylan. “What did you just call me, you fluttering fop?”

“Oh, forgive me. I didn’t realize that your lard rolls had covered your ears, making it difficult to hear. I called you a land whale!” Edgeworth shouted as he finally came to stand between the manatee and Dylan. “And by that, I mean that all that blubber on you makes it appear as though you crawled straight out of the ocean! Am I being clear enough now?!”

The woman practically had steam spewing from her ears at this point.

“How dare you!? I’ll teach you respect, you little welp!” She drew her arm back again, blobs of flesh flying backward from her upper arm, readying a punch aimed straight at the prosecutor’s face!

However, Edgeworth stood his ground.

“I would reconsider that if I were you. That is unless you wish to spend the rest of your evening behind bars.”

“W-what?” The blubbery mass flinched at this. “Are you going to call the cops?”

The silver-haired man shut his eyes and chuckled smugly.

“Am I going to call the cops? That depends on your next action. Assault is a serious offense, no doubt. I could easily have you arrested.” He suddenly opened his eyes again. “However, if you assault me, you can be certain that your punishment would be ten times worse.”

“Y-you’re bluffing.” Was all the manatee could choke out.

“Am I?” Edgeworth reached into his pocket and pulled something out, presenting it to her. “I trust you know what this is?”

She looked down and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she looked at the unmistakable, shiny metal prosecutor’s badge.

“It would seem I was correct in my assumption.” He pocketed the object once more. “My name is Miles Edgeworth. Perhaps you’ve heard of me? Scratch that, I know you have, but allow me to fully introduce myself. I am the High Prosecutor of this district. I personally see to it that all the lowest of the low in this city are brought to justice. And after not only this display but the outright assault of my companion at the theatre earlier this evening, you seem to fit that bill rather well.”

“Y-you wouldn’t… I-I have a son!”

“Hmph.” Edgeworth snorted. “Yes, your spoiled little brat. I’m certain we can find a nice home for him while you serve your sentence.” He looked straight into the She-Thing’s eyes, the fire burning within them boring straight into the woman’s soul. “Allow me to make this perfectly simple to understand. Though I have turned a blind eye to your antics so far tonight, should you lay even one of those sausages that you call fingers on either myself or this young man…” He gestured to Dylan. “I will show you exactly why I am called the ‘Demon Prosecutor’ by ensuring that you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law! Now, have I made myself clear?”

The manatee swallowed a lump in her throat as she stepped backward, sitting back down at her booth.

“C-Crystal, sir.” She turned to look at Dylan. “Y-young man, forget everything I said earlier. I’ll eat my food and pay full price.”

Edgeworth smirked.

“Excellent.” He turned to walk away, before stopping in his track, craning his head over his shoulder. “Oh, and ma’am?”

The woman looked at him one last time, genuine fear in her puffy eyes.

He treated her with a cheeky smile. “I also trust you’ll tip your wonderful server well, correct?”

“Y-yes! You can count on it!”

With that, the triumphant prosecutor finally made his way back to the booth, taking his seat as the entire restaurant watched him in stunned silence. However, one set of eyes caught his attention, though he tried not to make it obvious that he noticed the unmistakable look of admiration in Maya Fey’s eyes as she gazed in newfound awe at High Prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth.