1 The Third Wheel

 

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“Nick, you better not have made any plans tonight!” Maya crowed excitedly, in her usual ear-splitting decibel whenever she was uber-enthused about something.

Phoenix winced in pain.

Dammit woman, one of us is trying to get some work done here!

He discounted the statement; he was too busy going through his case files, trying to find the most current one.

I really should try to organize these in some sort of order…

“You are free after work, aren’t you?” she persisted.

“Why?” He asked his assistant absently, barely looking up from his task. “What’s so special about tonight?”

“Are you kidding me, Nick? I cannot believe you forgot!” The psychic puffed out her cheeks in a huff.

Oh boy, she’s really getting worked up. What was it? Her birthday? Damn! This is going to cost me a fortune in burgers as repentance if that’s the case! Phoenix felt a cold sweat breaking across his brow at the thought. Jeepers Creepers, I didn’t even get her a card…

“Um…sorry?” He attempted his most disarming grin. “Must have slipped my mind what with the recent Engarde trial and all…”

“You truly are getting soft in the mind, Old Man!” Maya cried in frustration.

The defense lawyer stifled a groan. This unintentional oversight was going surely going to make the Burger Queen put a Whopper-sized dent in his wallet equal to at least a month’s pay!

“I’ve only been mentioning it for the past two months!” Her lower lip trembled.

Gee willikers! With jumbo-sized  milkshakes  and  French fries!

“Happy Birthday, Maya,” he said weakly. “Um, how do you want to celebrate? We can do whatever you want tonight, I swear!”

“You spiky-headed schmuck!” The spirit medium stormed over and slammed her hands on his desk, mimicking his typical serious courtroom fashion, and sending papers flying everywhere – then cried out in pain. “Ow! That freaking hurts!”

Sulkily rubbing her hands together, she glared at him.

“It’s not my birthday, you numbskull!”

“Oh, OK, then why are you all sore at me for?” He was beyond exasperated now. “Just tell me already Maya, so I can apologize for whatever I’ve done, or whatever you think I’ve done!”

“Phoenix Wright, today is the day of the worldwide premiere of The Steel Samurai and The Pink Princess crossover movie!”

“Oh, that.” He vaguely remembered her endless prattling now; he tended to listen with only half an ear when she went off on her tangents about those mindless shows.

“Oh, that?” Maya looked mortally wounded. “I’ve only been waiting for this for ages! It’s the one where they conquer the land of Japalifornia, get married, and give birth to The Bronze Baby!”

If she already knows the whole movie plot, why does she even want to bother going to see this absolutely inane, moronic-sounding movie? He wondered. Seriously?! The Bronze Baby? What would be next? He would grow up to be The Plutonium Prince? The Platinum Pain in the Ass?

“OK…and you’re telling me this because..?” He already knew the answer though.

“You really have been living under a rock haven’t you?” Maya demanded. “First you act like you’ve never even heard of the biggest movie event of the millennium…”

“That’s because I hadn’t…”

Really? The millennium? Exaggerate much?

“And now you’re acting all clueless about the fact that I’d want my best friend in the whole wide world to go with me!”

“No.” His voice was firm. “You know your Steel Samurai TV show makes my brain go numb!”

“Oh, man! You suck Nick!” Maya wailed. “You’re such a meanie!”

“Find someone who can actually stay awake during the two hours of nonsensical violence to go with you Maya, I beg of you.” Phoenix began busying himself with the arduous task of retrieving the papers his assistant had scattered.

“Fine, I will!” She snapped, and dramatically exited the office and flounced down the hall to her bedroom, seeming to forget it was only noon and there was still work to be done.

Phoenix decided to let her have her little hissy fit.

At least now I can get some peace and quiet…

At one minute before six o’clock, the necromancer finally emerged from her chambers, for once wearing regular street clothes. Well, she wore fitted jeans and runners…along with a Pink Princess t-shirt and a Steel Samurai cap, but also a big ear-to-ear grin as she bounced on her toes.

“Ooh…I should head downstairs now to wait for him, the movie starts in 90 minutes!”

“Him?” The legist echoed blankly. “Who’s him?” I

‘d assumed she’d have asked Pearls or Penny Nichols…

“Why Mr. Edgeworth, silly!” Maya clasped her hands together and smiled brightly. “You know he’s as big a Steel Samurai fan as I am! He’s my date tonight!”

“D- date?” He stammered, feeling himself starting to sweatdrop. “Edgeworth?”

“Well, he is coming to pick me up right now in that fancy car of his!” Maya’s tone was smug. “And he did say the tickets were on him! Plus, he’s gorgeous and rich! Why wouldn’t I want to call it a date?”

Phoenix’s eyes were the size of saucers. This was his worst nightmare come true. He could not allow his assistant to go out on a date with Miles Edgeworth! It was bad enough the infamous Demon Prosecutor was his most bitter rival in the courtroom – no way was he going to let him be his rival for Maya, too!

What if he makes her reach for the popcorn bucket, and hold it in his lap? Or leans over to whisper in her ear, and gets a firsthand whiff of her intoxicating, vanilla perfume? What if…?

“W-wait!” Phoenix croaked. “I changed my mind! I’m coming, too!”

“Really, Nick?” Maya beamed happily. “That’s so great! But…I thought you said this stuff makes your brain go numb and you couldn’t stay awake?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Phoenix laughed, ushering Maya out the door. “I was just kidding!”

They went downstairs and stood at the main entrance doors, awaiting Edgeworth’s arrival. Maya was still bouncing on her toes in her excitement, and Phoenix couldn’t help but notice how adorable she looked, with the extra sparkle in her eyes and her cheeks flushed pink with pleasure.

He had always thought his office manager was a cute enough kid when he’d first met her two years ago, but she was 19 now, and he could clearly note that those words were no longer an avid description! Especially now that she was out of her usual ill-fitting acolyte robes. It was glaringly evident just how kind puberty had been to her! In those tight skinny jeans that molded against her no longer coltish but quite womanly curves, and cropped, fitted anime t-shirt that hugged a surprisingly full bosom and showed a sliver of a firm, toned midriff, it was impossible to miss that his office assistant was very much all woman now. Surely Edgeworth would think so, too?

He scowled at the thought.

At exactly 6:00, they saw the familiar red blur of the prosecutor’s Alfa Romeo zip up to them.

Edgeworth exited the sports car, a pleased smile on his normally stern but patrician features as he saw Maya … which abruptly faded when he saw Phoenix standing next to her.

“Wright.” He uttered curtly, unable to disguise the surprise in his voice. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Phoenix smiled awkwardly, obviously feeling every bit the third wheel he most definitely was.

“Um, joining my two good friends for the premiere of the metallic baby movie?”

“Nick, that’s bronze baby, you goofball! Weren’t you paying attention?” The diviner chided playfully, before turning to Edgeworth and flashing a dazzling smile. “Nick’s decided to come along, after all, Mr. Edgeworth. Isn’t that great? I have no idea what made him change his mind but lucky me – I’ll have the two most handsome escorts at my side tonight!”

Edgeworth’s smoky-grey gaze swung back and forth between the two – Maya, looking exceptionally cute in her uncustomary fan girl attire, and his rival. He was still in his typical blue suit, blushing like a schoolboy at her last choice of words, and currently staring at the ground.

The DA barely stifled back an amused chuckle as the realization of the situation dawned on him.

So the poor, unsuspecting Miss Fey genuinely seems to have no idea what made Wright change his mind and decide to tag along tonight, does she? His lips curled into his typical smirk and there was a naughty glint in his eye. Well, that makes one of us! I sense a challenge here. And Miles Edgeworth never backs away from a challenge- especially not from his favorite courtroom adversary!

Never one to miss out on an opportunity to crank up the debonair charm, the handsome prosecutor strode up to Maya and gave a slight grandeur bow, which would have looked ridiculous if done by any other man, yet on the urbane Edgeworth, just seemed swoon-worthily chivalrous.

“Well, if naught else, Wright can at least be commended for finally getting a decent taste in films, if not his choice of movie-going attire,” he drawled, ignoring the irked look Phoenix shot him. “And speaking of which, Miss Fey, your much more suitable wear for this evening looks most fetching indeed. I am most fortunate to have such a lovely companion on my arm this evening.”

“Thanks, Mr. Edgeworth,” Maya beamed. “You look pretty good yourself in casual jeans for once! And I love your Steel Samurai t-shirt!”

“Well, I try to do the merchandise justice.” Edgeworth crossed his arms across his broad chest, showing off his muscled arms under the fitted short sleeves. He arched an eyebrow at the spiky-haired attorney, who was looking most discomfited at their exchange. “But I still can’t say I do as fine a job of it as you do, Miss Fey. Wouldn’t you agree, Wright?”

“Please, Mr. Edgeworth,” she giggled as Edgeworth bent over gallantly then and placed a kiss on her hand. “It’s after work hours.  Call me Maya! And Nick here… is kind of compliment-stingy. I don’t think he even noticed that I changed my clothes!”

“I did so!” Phoenix blurted out. “I um, just didn’t say anything!”

He scratched the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly.

“Um, yeah… Maya…that is a…cute shirt! I mean, not that I’m looking at that part of you! But, er, um…”

Maya eyed him strangely; as if he had acquired a second head.

Edgeworth stifled a derisive snort and decided to put the poor man out of his misery.

“Shall we get going then, Maya?” He grandly opened the passenger door to his sports car with a flourish. “Milady, your chariot awaits. And by the way, as we are off the clock, please feel free to call me Miles.”

“Hey, does that mean I can call you Miles, too then, since it’s after hours?” Phoenix piped up, gingerly squeezing in the tiny backseat of the vehicle and grimacing as the small spacing basically had him sitting with his knees practically tucked under his chin.

Suddenly, he let out a loud sneeze.

“Gesundheit. And for the record, no, Wright, it does not.” Edgeworth turned around and shot his rival his most shit-eating grin before pulling away from the curb. “And by the way, I hope you aren’t allergic to dog hair. I had to take Pess to the vet earlier today and haven’t had a chance to clean up the backseats yet … and my sweet girl does tend to leave fur behind everywhere!”

Phoenix sneezed again and sniffled.

“Nick, are you alright?” Maya turned around in her seat and peered at him with concern.

“Don’t worry, Ide- fide,” Phoenix wheezed, sounding quite stuffy indeed. “Ide be fide once I get out od the car.”

“Wright’s a trooper,” Edgeworth said breezily. “A little dog hair on his suit won’t kill him.”

The angora look may even be an improvement on that thing…

“And it’s only a quarter-hour trip to the cinema,” he added.

Assuming I don’t feel like being a bit of a devil and taking the extra scenic route there…

He caught Phoenix’s glare in the rear-view mirror and gave him a sly smirk right back.

Get your armor, because the battle is on, Wright!  He thought, casting Maya an appreciative sideways glance. May the best man win!