12 The Ultimate Showdown… The Final Triumph

Sir Blue Knight and Sir Red Knight stepped onto the extremely odd battlefield, surrounded by a crowd of cheering and curiously interested people, as well as the buoyant spirit medium. Dylan led the Ace Attorneys onto the battleground, and couldn’t help but a quick glance over at Maya to see her beautiful face yet again, her eyes glowing with excited anticipation.

“Alright, you guys are going to participate in what is known as jousting,” the Australian explained. The two men nodded, having heard of the event before; Edgeworth had even studied it in-depth, in light of his history with the Von Karma family. “Rules are pretty simple. I’ll explain while I get your gear and headsets.”

Phoenix thought the entire set-up looked downright ridiculous. It wasn’t very well put together, so the virtual reality had better be good! It had allegedly taken years to finish… But obviously, most of the budget had not gone into the design!

“We’re going to get you to mount these horses.”

Dylan led the lawyers over to medieval weaponry. It was absolutely insane, a vast collection of maces, Morningstar flails, and swords, and then escorted them to the mechanical bulls, which would be their noble steeds. The sight of the devices intended to be their means of conveyance resulted in both Sir Red Knight and Sir Blue Knight simultaneously subjecting the young man to incredulous, and very judgmental stares. The teen merely shrugged in response.

“You know what I meant! The rules are simple; each of you will be supplied with one of these lances, and one of these shields.”

Both men looked over to where Dylan was indicating. Two huge spears like swords stood, made with wood and having a pointed end, but not sharp enough to seriously hurt someone.

“You will each line up at either end of the field on both sides of this fence,” the youth explained, pointing to the very odd-looking, chain link fence.

“Not very medieval-like…” Phoenix muttered under his breath, but the boy heard his ungallantry nevertheless.

“Oh, shut up, Sir Blue Knight!” Dylan smirked, then continued. “When you hear the trumpets, you will charge forward. The aim is to knock your opponent off the…”

He glanced over at the dubious-looking mechanical bulls and winced.

“…horse. But, you also need to block your opponent’s attack. That’s where the shield comes in handy.”

The Down Under lad grabbed the heavy protective armament, one colored red and black, the other colored blue and white, one to suit both Phoenix and Miles. “You can block their lance with your aegis, and heck, you might even send ’em off-balance with this thing. However, if you lose your shield out there, you will not be able to resupply, meaning you’ll have to go into the charge without a defense. I’ve yet to see anyone survive that, though. You’ll keep charging at each other until one of you falls off. Whoever is still standing, wins the jousting match.”

Dylan then leaned in and lowered his tone to a whisper.

“And by winning, I mean reigns victory of the fair maiden’s hand – and heart.” He gestured at Maya. “Don’t think your little battle for love has gotten past me.”

Both the prosecutor and defense attorney reeled back in astonishment at the exact time.

This unassuming boy… He’s known all along, too?! Phoenix screamed in his head. First Maya, and now him? Was our pissing contest that glaringly evident?!

“Now, with that out of the way, onto the joust! Knights, mount your horses, and your arsenal shall be handed to you!” Dylan winked at the two men. “Good luck.”

Phoenix and Edgeworth were still in a state of shock at the brazenness of this little shit, but they dutifully traipsed ahead anyway.

“I’ll have you know, Wright, I was quite the expert in horseback riding back when I lived with the Von Karma family.” The magenta-clad man lifted his chin haughtily. “I think it’d be much easier for you to just give up and save yourself the pain.”

“Don’t get so cocky, Edgeworth.” Phoenix scoffed. “Who’s the one that keeps winning in court again?”

The spiky-haired man could feel his rival’s death glare burning into the back of his head, but he continued to march to his end of the field. Edgeworth was on the right, Phoenix on the left, and Maya watched with excitement as both men mounted their alleged… Horses.

Dylan grabbed the VR headsets, handing one to each opponent. Phoenix inspected the odd device which he had never even seen before, but Maya would know all about. He wrapped the elastic end around the back of his head and placed it around his eyes. He was met with a virtual world where an actual medieval fence was in the middle of the field, a large crowd surrounded the stadium which he was in, and at the other end of the field was a red knight mounting a horse, staring directly at him. This was Edgeworth.

“Hold out your right hand,” Dylan instructed Phoenix, and he did so, feeling the handle of the lance being slipped in. He gripped it, seeing it in the virtual world. It was quite heavy, and he nearly lost balance and toppled off the side of his mount from the unexpected weight! He saw Edgeworth holding his lance with comparable ease at the other end of the field, his extraordinary arm strength allowing for this; Phoenix had to use his mercifully well-developed core muscles to even stay on the blasted makeshift horse!

Thank God for walking and biking everywhere! He thought grimly.

“Aaaand left hand.” Dylan grabbed Phoenix’s other hand and placed the shield in it. It wasn’t as cumbersome as the lance thankfully, but was still extremely hard to carry for a man who normally wielded nothing more substantial than a toilet brush!

I have a sudden newfound respect for the strapping knights from days of yore…

“Knights!” The arcade worker called out in his best medieval voice. “Raise your weapons!”

Edgeworth did so with ease, earning an ovation from the crowd. Phoenix struggled, almost falling off the horse four times and clumsily holding the weapon in the air, his unaccustomed arm muscles shaking as he did so.

Maya couldn’t but twitter slightly at all of this, but then some music set in and she began snickering outright.

Are you kidding me?!  They’re playing the  Skyrim theme?!

The fair maiden studied Dylan as he worked at the soundboard, readying for the trumpets to start the first charge. Phoenix kept his weapon in the air, mimicking Edgeworth. He knew he’d have to lower it down when they charged, a knowledge which already made his stomach feel heavy and his forehead break out into a cold sweat.

In the next instant, the trumpets blared, and Phoenix felt his horse, or rather, mechanical bull, move forward. He tried to get his weapon down, but it was so unbelievably heavy, he didn’t know if he could do it in time. He opted instead to raise his shield to his right to block his opponent’s lance.

As soon as Sir Red Knight’s blunt end hit his shield, Phoenix lost his grip, and his sole weapon of defense fell out of his hand, hitting the floor. Edgeworth smirked at the open opportunity he had to take down his competition without any defensive protection.

“Looks like Sir Blue Knight’s shield is out! I don’t know about you guys, but my money is on Sir Red Knight!” Dylan called out to the crowd, who in turn started chanting ‘Sir Red Knight!‘

Maya gasped as Phoenix lost his defensive shield, and she could sense the utter despair in him. She knew she should be cheering for Edgeworth, as he was going to win… But what about the underdog? The loyal man who had dutifully been by her side this past last two years? She started shoving her way forward in the crowd.

My challenger has no chance, no hope, and no defense. The prosecutor smirked triumphantly. Victory is mine! Tonight, Wright… Maya Fey goes to me!

Sir Blue Knight lined his horse up, but before the charge happened, he heard a female cry out his name.

“Nick!”

Phoenix grabbed his headset, raising it to see Maya urgently pushing to the front of the masses.

“Nick, I know you can do this!” She urged fervently. “How many times have you been in a situation like this?! Cornered, no defense and it looks like all hope is lost… Don’t you remember being in a situation like this when I was kidnapped?”

The female choir part of the song at that moment sounded like a chorus of background angels, as widened indigo orbs stared searchingly into desperately imploring dark ones.

“I believe in you with every inch of my being, Nick! You can push through anything, I know you can!” Maya slammed her hands down on the table in front of her, which was also Dylan’s soundboard, causing the youth to jolt in surprise. “Do this for me, Nick!”

Phoenix and Maya gazed into each other’s eyes, and slowly, she saw that shit-eating grin of his which she loved so much.

“I will, Maya!” The Ace Attorney nodded determinedly as he lowered the headset back down and entered the medieval jousting world again.

Maya clasped her hands together, nodding at Dylan to restart the trumpets. He did so, and just as the epic choir of the theme started to pick up, the horses moved forward and Phoenix lowered the lance.

I have to do this… I  have to do this for her…this isn’t just a game to me like it is for him!  This is about winning Maya’s hand… and her heart. And for that, I’m playing for keeps!

Edgeworth moved expertly, but he had one major flaw: The shield wasn’t protecting him. He was going full attack, no defense. He was cocky. Phoenix gritted his teeth, aimed for the exposed spot, and silently prayed.

Maya held her breath as the Knights inched closer and closer towards one another…And then, the inevitable clash of the lances occurred.

Sir Blue Knight hit Sir Red Knight square in the chest, causing him to launch five meters off the back of the horse and tumble to the ground, losing his weapon, his shield… and the game.

The crowd let out a raucous cheer.

As his round, astounded eyes roamed around him, Phoenix was utterly amazed to find he was the last knight to remain to stand! By some unbelievable miracle, he’d stayed seated on his horse, while his fallen opponent was on the ground! All the while, the fickle horde, who’d been previously hailing for Sir Red Knight, were now heralding for the victorious Sir Blue Knight and continued their cheering.

The defense attorney had won. Not only the game but Maya’s heart.

Hadn’t he?

Phoenix’s anxious eyes cast back to her spot at the front of the throng and saw his assistant was no longer there. He’d half been hoping the fair maiden would have been still standing there, with a rose in her hand to show her favor to her gallant suitor! Instead, she was now standing next to Edgeworth and helping him to his feet as he dusted himself off and attempted to recapture his dignity.

“Are you OK, Miles?” Maya asked anxiously, straightening out the immaculately groomed man’s jacket. “That looked like a pretty painful landing.”

“I’m fine Maya,” he replied accordingly, forcing a smile. “But I thank you for your kind concern.”

“But you fell pretty hard on your butt!” Maya clapped a hand to her mouth to smother her giggles, even though her eyes shone with sympathy. “Although I suppose that would be a pretty cushioned fall! Tee hee!”

It looks like I won the match, but lost the girl in the end, anyway! Phoenix’s heart sank. Edgeworth has been a complete jackass the entire night, not even including ditching us and going rogue during laser tag, loses the joust, and Maya still went to him first, obviously to bestow her…maidenly favor. I – I don’t know if I can stand this…

“Er, good match, Wright.” The prosecutor graciously inclined his head towards Phoenix, who continued to stand there staring at his assistant and his rival with a dejected expression. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Yeah, great match,” he mumbled, forcing a smile before turning away as he realized Maya had remained glued to the other man’s side, and now had her hand on his shoulder. “I worked up a real sweat going head to head with you, Sir Red Knight. I’m going to go grab a drink.”

“Nick, wait! Don’t go!” Maya whipped her head around as she saw his retreating steps. Turning back to Edgeworth, she leaned forward, placed her other hand on his shoulder, and stood up on her tiptoes with her lips puckered and her face glowing.

Phoenix remained frozen in place several meters away, although he had turned around when he’d heard his name being called – and immediately wished he hadn’t. He wondered if it would look overly churlish if he were shut his eyes against the gut-wrenching vision he was about to witness.

“I was only kidding around about the two of you knights battling for the fair maiden’s heart, given that this was a medieval sort of joust, but the two of you did it anyway, just to please me!”

Her mocha orbs sparkled with a warm fondness for the debonair slate-haired lawyer.

“The only possible thing that could have been more thrilling than seeing my two favorite legal eagles duking it out in such a manner would’ve been if we had actually been in medieval times, and you were on actual horses! But I gotta tell you, I’m truly grateful we weren’t, because they were seriously barbaric back then, plus there’s no way I could’ve eaten a damn thing, what with those stitched-in, waist cinchers women were forced to wear in their gowns! It also means I wouldn’t have been able to even breathe, never mind eat a burger or five! Forget that shizz!”

She patted her flat stomach and tittered as Edgeworth gave her a puzzled smile, no doubt wondering where she was going with this ramble, while Phoenix looked on with an apprehensive expression.

“I mean, no wonder the maidens always were swooning with attacks of the vapors! It must have been from lack of oxygen from those corset-like contraptions! Plus, readily bathing was not an option for most, so everyone stunk to the heavens, which could’ve been another reason women were always fainting – it was probably from the stench!”

With a serene smile on her face, having now completed her endearingly long-winded monologue, Maya lightly brushed her puckered lips against the side of the now red-faced prosecutor’s cheek.

“Thank you for everything, tonight, Miles. There are not too many men out there who’d be so chivalrous to oblige a lady’s whims in the way you have tonight. I wanted to let you know it doesn’t matter to me whether you win or lose – just like in the courtroom, it’s about how you play the game, and whether or not you fought fair. This time, I know you did! You were just amazeballs, and I adore you for it, Sir Lancelot.”

Although the spirit medium’s physical actions with his rival hadn’t gone beyond the friendly thus far, Phoenix felt the nausea mounting in his stomach, as once more, it seemed very obvious to which victor would go the spoils. Never before in his life had he ever felt like a bigger loser.

Why did she ask me to stay? He wondered achingly. So I could stand here and be forced to endure this? I kind of wish Edgeworth’s lance had just gone straight for my heart instead of my shield because it’s exactly what witnessing this display feels like right about now!

Just as he was about to turn away again, Maya gave Edgeworth’s hand one final squeeze, then rushed over to her colleague’s side, clasping his fingers tightly and halting him from making another step, not seeming to realize, or care, that the same audience who’d been captivated by the joust had all remained in place to observe this equally enthralling spectacle.

“Nick,” she whispered. “Please don’t go.”

She’s probably feeling sorry for me, the blue attorney thought miserably, making sure his expression remained guarded so she wouldn’t see the heartache in his eyes. I can’t let on about what’s been truly been going on all night, not when she admitted to just messing with us earlier! Maya evidently had no idea just how seriously we took that jousting match, and how devastated I am by the outcome of it, because of what it represented. Regardless, she’s still my best friend, and I’m going to pretend I’m happy for her and Edgeworth – or as she called him, Sir Lancelot! At least I’ll still have her as my assistant – assuming The Demon Prosecutor doesn’t take that away from me too…

“I – I really need to get something to wet my throat. That was quite the challenge Edgeworth gave me.” He averted his gaze. “Plus it’s getting late…”

“Stop being such a dope, Old Man! Phoenix Wright, you are my Sir Galahad, and it’s not very chivalrous or gallant for a knight to go anywhere without his fair maiden, who is giving him her hand!” Maya exclaimed with fervor. “Now come here and let me congratulate you properly on your victory!”

With that declaration, and with surprising strength, considering her diminutive size, the tiny raven-haired brunette gave his hand a sharp tug, turning him towards her and standing up on her tiptoes again so they were at eye level and he could see the intensity in her gaze.

Phoenix still couldn’t raise his hopes to try to believe she loved him back, yet couldn’t resist as she yanked at his tie and drew his head downward. He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching. Dear God, he couldn’t fight against the ardent thoughts going through him. Her sweet scent was flooding his senses now…

And right there and then, in front of a hundred breathless with anticipation, starry-eyed witnesses of the remaining Crossfire assembly, in the middle of Joypolis of Japalifornia, Maya Fey planted a firm kiss right on the unsuspecting Phoenix Wright’s mouth, at last making it crystal clear, beyond the shadow of a doubt, which knight had won the favor of the fair maiden.

The crowd burst into a smattering of applause at the romantic display, even louder than when Sir Blue Knight had just won the match. Because it was quite apparent he’d won so much more than just the joust.

---

Phoenix was stunned at the feeling of his assistant’s warm lips pressed against his. He was completely unprepared. He would have thought after all the hours he’d spent with his best friend- watching her talk, laugh, and eat – that he would know all there was to know about her lips. But he never could have imagined how incredible they would feel pressed up against his own. He no longer had any doubts as to how Maya felt.

It was the first time Maya had ever kissed a man in her entire life. She cursed herself for not having done it sooner. But she was beyond ecstatic that she’d reserved herself for Phoenix.

Kissing Nick, being able to finally express to him after all this time what words never could – it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. The heat seemed to travel through Maya’s veins, warming her and she felt a rush of euphoric bliss enveloping her, making her heart sing with pure joy. Her eyes closed fearlessly, but the closure didn’t let her see darkness, it instead created colors of romantic passion. Her tense nerves soon began to relax, her troubles and her worries began to melt away, and their surroundings began to disappear, leaving only her and Phoenix. This. This feels true. This feels good. This feels right.

His eyes widened and it took approximately 1.3 seconds to realize Maya was no longer kidding him about anything and a further 3.8 seconds to realize that he was shyly, hesitantly, almost not daring to believe this was real, kissing her back. Her eyes had fluttered shut and he closed his eyes as well, although even behind the darkness of his eyelids, he saw sparks of light exploding.

When Maya kissed me, my brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout my entire body. Her lips were so soft, Phoenix felt the panging ache in him subside and he didn’t even care that she was kissing him in a public video arcade. After this, I can finally confess to myself – I love her. I can’t bear to be without her and I could barely breathe when she wasn’t around. This kiss is my salvation and my torment. I live for this girl, and I would gladly die with the memory of her sweet lips on mine. I dedicate my life to being with her, loving her, protecting her, from the moment of this first kiss, for I knew that if I lost her, I would lose myself. She is the half that makes me whole.

---

Along with the enraptured onlookers, Edgeworth regarded the duo in their lingering clinch with a mixture of wry amusement and very little chagrin. A slight smirk played on his lips as he observed his flummoxed rival, at last, overcoming his bewilderment and then melting into a pile of goo in the embrace of the spirit medium.

His genuine happiness for the two far outweighed any disappointment about losing this battle to his courtroom rival. While Maya was a delightful companion and a lot of fun as a fellow Steel Samurai fan, he was also well aware, deep in his heart, that this was the way it always should have been. Yes, the fetching spirit medium was indeed a catch, but she was a person, not a prize to be won. Evidently, for the defense attorney, it had never been merely a game or about winning, as it had admittedly mostly been for the prosecutor.

Miles Edgeworth liked Maya Fey very much, but Phoenix Wright loved her. The High Prosecutor had become entirely aware of his childhood friend’s feelings when he’d witnessed the defense lawyer’s crazed, desperate antics in the courtroom when the young woman had been kidnapped. Also, it would have been impossible to miss Phoenix’s desolate, puppy dog eyes in those agonizing few moments when it’d seemed like Maya had chosen Sir Red Knight over Sir Blue Knight.

All’s well and ends well, the prosecutor shrugged mentally, jabbing his hands in his pockets and chortling inwardly at how red-faced Phoenix was as he awkwardly held his assistant in his arms. Even though he and Maya’s fused mouths had now parted, she continued hanging off his neck like a baby chimpanzee, and Edgeworth couldn’t help but wonder if it was due to her ardor…or because of a need to steady herself on her feet? Even if the fair maiden did commit such a public display solely for the merriment of the crowd, it’s pretty evident Sir Galahad was one who’s had her heart all along – he just didn’t know it until now, the clueless imbecile that he is! However, I can’t help but wonder if the formerly tipsy Maya could remain standing on her own if Wright wasn’t presently holding her upright?

The logic genius figured he was allowed this hint of waspishness in his inner musings. After all, Phoenix Wright was still his all-time greatest courtroom rival! As gracious as Edgeworth could be at this well-fought loss, the lofty lawyer refused to believe the effects of the spiky-haired man’s lips against Maya’s had caused her to be so weak in the knees, she now needed physical support due to it!

I have very little doubt Maya would’ve chosen Wright, regardless of whether or not she was drunk or sober; Stevie Wonder and everyone around them could see the chemistry these two besotted fools have together – except for said fools themselves! He chuckled to himself. Yet I can’t help but wonder if she would have made her impromptu affection for her colleague quite so palpable, were it not for the assistance of the Dutch courage she may still have in her system? I suppose in the end, does it even matter, since I just ruefully acknowledged those two have loved each other for quite some time now. “In vino veritas” as they say…

Unfortunately for Miles Edgeworth, he didn’t have any more time for further reflection upon this, because in the next instant, the most spine-chilling, nerve-grating sound in the world pierced his unprepared ears, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end!

“That silly whippersnapper picked the wrong fella! Little girl-child brat like that wouldn’t know what to do with the real man like you anyway, lover boy!” An alarmingly familiar voice cooed over the din. “Don’t be sad! Let Wendy kiss away those tears! My shift is done, and I’m all dressed up and ready for a night on the town with my sexy-wexy Edgey-poo!”

The aghast magenta-clad man drew back in horror at the unexpected sight of his geriatric stalker, who idly Phoenix noted, his arm still slung around Maya’s waist, had changed from her security uniform, into a distinctly different – and definitely more … noticeable little number.

“Ngh! Wright!” Panic-stricken grey eyes swiveled in the new couple’s direction. “Why is it you don’t look gobsmacked at all? Did you know she was here?!”

Oops! The spiky-haired man bit back a knowing grin as his frenemy’s normally austere, fair visage turned ghostly pale at the sight of the old woman. I guess I did forget to warn Sir Lancelot his ultimate fangirl was working security here! Oh no, it must have slipped my overheated mind, considering it was after Edgey-Poo made me sweat buckets on the dancing machine, after wiping the floor with my two-left footed ass trying to keep up with him on the expert level of “Gangnam Style!”

Edgeworth’s horrified orbs were the size of silver dollars as he took in the harrowing sight of the old woman wearing – oh God, why?! – a gaudy little black dress that was short enough to show parts of her which he considered gouging out his eyes to un-see! She’d also applied copious amounts of makeup, including garish red lipstick. Rather than having the intended effect, her colorfully painted mug only served to make the decrepit she-thing instead resemble an ancient demon clown whore from a bad horror movie!

Somehow, the determined barracuda had managed to sneak up behind him until she was only less than a foot away; Edgeworth realized he’d be so distracted with his ponderings about the new lovebirds that he’d ignored the chill he normally felt as his protective, subconscious “Oldbag proximity alert” system, developed out of an evolutionary need to adapt after two years of stalking! It wouldn’t do him any good now, though… he would need to up and run while he still could…As soon as he could command his paralyzed with fright limbs to obey his impulse to whirl around and sprint out of there as though the hounds of hell were on his tail!

Wendy’s heavily made-up, smoky eyes bore an unnervingly lascivious glint. “Oh, Edgey-poo, what a wonderful coincidence! I never expected to run into you here when I ran into the barbed-headed annoying brat from the courtroom earlier tonight!”

Gah! So he did know The Wicked Witch of the Witness Stand was already here! Phoenix Wright, I will end you!

Edgeworth felt a bead of sweat form on his forehead and cleared his throat. “Well, I was actually, ah, just leaving, so…”

Fighting against the urge to scream lasted long enough to provide him with the next horror, as suddenly, the smitten, toothless mountain lion (she’d surpassed the cougar stage centuries ago!) wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself tight against his body, undaunted by his involuntary quaking. She reeked of potent menthol Vicks VapoRub, pungent floral perfume so strong he could almost taste it, and overpowering… desperation.

“Where have you been hiding? Didn’t you know how hard I’ve been looking for you, my dear, sweet Edgey-poo?” The security guard murmured seductively, overly mascaraed eyes half-lidded in what she obviously deemed to be a sultry fashion. “There’s no need to be so shy…”

Edgeworth was too shocked to do anything but remain frozen in fear, mouth agape; after a moment or two, he started to shudder, feeling as if there were thousands of tiny insects crawling around under his skin. He writhed in her grip, and it took a freakish amount of willpower to keep from vomiting up the escargot he’d had for dinner.

“NGHOOOOOOO!” he screamed and tried desperately to push the old woman off of him.

Unfortunately, all those years working as a security guard had made the ancient crone strong enough to restrain a raging bull, as she refused to loosen her hold on him, despite his valiant struggles, and pouted her grossly over-lined lips, resembling a fish with its mouth full of seaweed.

“Really, now, I think we’ve reached the point in our relationship where a little public display of affection shouldn’t be too much for you, Edgey-poo! Is that any way to treat a lady?” Wendy huffed, still raising her pencil-thin eyebrows in what was, apparently, her attempt at looking sexy. “Why, in my day, the young men always knew how to show the proper respect to a lady of such dainty and delicate constitution as myself and all the fellas I had a face that moved them to tears, I was such a looker back then! I used to have swooning men of all kinds dropping at my feet, judges, doctors, politicians, even a Duke once…”

You now bear a countenance that I fear will turn me to stone! Edgeworth thought wretchedly as the cloying scent which would surely plague his nightmares for the next millennia continued to assault his nostrils. And they were undoubtedly rendered unconscious by your stifling perfume!

The prosecutor struggled, gasping for air, but it was no use. His whole body twitched and shuddered with spasms of horror as the old woman blathered on. He managed to turn his head to glance, hysterically, at Phoenix and Maya, still standing close together to the side. The defense attorney did his best to avoid meeting his rival’s frantic gaze, while the spirit medium at least gave him a look of intense pity and shrugged, shaking her head.

“Shouldn’t we help him, Nick?” Maya hissed into Phoenix’s ear, looking half-sympathetic, half-ready to burst into spasms of mirth at the scene of the unruffled lawyer losing his signature cool entirely. “Or…do….something?!”

“If I could, I would…” the dark-haired attorney replied, biting his lip so hard to contain his bark of laughter it nearly bled. “Although I don’t think anything short of a Taser, like the kind we got from Von Karma a few years back, would peel her off him…that blasted harpy’s stuck to the poor guy like a tattoo!”

Although at this point I’m sure Edgey would welcome ink poisoning over this particular fate…

The traumatized prosecutor closed his eyes. He was winded and quivering like a leaf. He was doomed.

Suddenly, the ground became to tremble beneath his feet.

“Stop dragging your feet, Cody!” A familiar, rumbling voice thundered, out of the blue. “I said we have to go home now!”

Edgeworth’s head shot up, and saw it was none other than the manatee from earlier that evening who was lumbering past, dragging her bratty, recalcitrant son towards the exit with one ham-sized fist while the boy sulked and kept wailing, “I don’t wanna!” Over and over again.

The mammoth land whale clomped past the over-amorous senior, still with the wriggling prosecutor in her clutches, and smiled smugly.

“I’d let go of him if I were you, granny,” the behemoth’s multiple chins wavered as she snorted while pointing a doughy finger at the struggling lawyer. “That there is High Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth! You don’t want him to sue your old ass for assault and putting you in jail, do you?”

“Of all the nerve!” The harridan momentarily loosened her grip on her captive and glared at The Koopa Queen. “You don’t know what you’re jabbering about! This is my honey man, my sexy-wexy Edgey-poo! I would never hurt him! He loves me! He just doesn’t realize it yet!”

Taking advantage of the distraction, the prosecutor ducked down from the claws of death and without another look around, hightailed it out of there so fast, he practically left smoke trails in his wake!

“Edgey-poo!” Wendy screeched, already giving chase. “Where are you going?! Come back, sugar buns!”

“Yup, crazy little thing called love indeed!” The lard bucket roared uproariously, her stomach shaking like a bowl full of jelly as the surprisingly spry geriatric guard sprinted after the prosecutor. “The Road Runner’s got nothing on that fluttering fop!”

The last words Phoenix, Maya, The Koopa Queen, and Cody Hackins heard was the unmistakable shriek of the petrified prosecutor as he raced towards the exit doors.

“Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses deaaaaaatttttttth…!”

 

The End