13 Phoenix’s Worst Nightmare
Mr. Coffee: And here’s a story that I only describe as being so wrong…but so Wright at the same time…
“Trucy, your dad will be furious with us if he ever finds out.”
“Tee Hee… I don’t plan on telling Daddy about this, Polly. It’ll be our little secret.”
That was the last thing Phoenix Wright wanted to hear from the security app on his phone, connected to a microphone planted in his office. The sensors had sent him a notification that Apollo and Trucy had returned from their trial to the Wright Anything Agency while he was out walking, and so he decided to listen in to see how it had gone. But he hadn’t expected this.
Not this!
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’m 15, Polly. I’m old enough to know what I want.”
Um, excuse me? Phoenix worried. Of course, she’s not old enough! Whatever they’re about to do, it better not be…
Trucy continued. “I-I’ve never done it before. I was thinking… Maybe, I’d like it to be with you, my first time?”
Dammit, where did this come from? They’re siblings! And she’s 15! This is so wrong on so many levels…
Apollo’s voice quivered. “No strings attached? I’m not gonna promise to do this with you more than once. Mr. Wright is my boss, and if he finds out-”
“He won’t find out!” she insisted.
The former defense attorney folded his hands, sending up a silent prayer.
Please, Apollo. You’re a good kid. I know it. Do the right thing here!
“A-a-alright. Just this once, Truce.”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
“Yay! You’re the best, Polly! I love you!”
“Is the couch okay?”
“Well, I wasn’t thinking Daddy’s bed!”
Turning sharply on his heel, Phoenix sprinted back in the direction of his office at top speed.
I have to stop this, fast!
There was a moment of silence in the office, other than a few sounds of ruffling that Phoenix chose to ignore. Suddenly, Trucy stuttered in amazement, “It’s so hard.”
GAH!
A nervous Apollo started. “Maybe you should- AAH! Tr-trucy, don’t grab it like that without any warning!”
Phoenix was really tempted to stop listening but simultaneously didn’t want to give the two the privacy they clearly thought they had. He just tried his very best not to picture what was going on.
“Does that feel…good?”
“Yeah, Trucy, that’s good…rub it like that…”
Hell. No. Make it stop!
“Ugh, Trucy…this is so wrong, but feels so right…”
“Mmmmm… Polly!”
“Mmmaaaa, Trucy, this is…”
“Polly, are you gonna put it in me now?”
“O-okay! Just, give me a minute…”
We have clients sit on that couch, guys! Wait that should be the least of my worries! GYAH, I need to…
That was when Phoenix reached the Wright Anything Agency. Without a second thought, he threw open the door, shouting in full-on objection voice.
“STOP! DON’T DO THIS, YOU’RE SIBLINGS!”
“D-Daddy!” exclaimed a fully-clothed Trucy, seated on the couch a few feet away from Apollo.
“AAH!” Apollo screamed Chords of Steel activated, nearly dropping the spoonful of chocolate ice cream he was about to put in his half-sister’s mouth. The child magician took the opportunity to snatch the spoon, shoving it into her mouth with a satisfied “Mmmm!”
Polly fell to the floor in an apologetic bow. “Mr. Wright, I’m so, SO sorry that we’re eating the last of your chocolate ice cream! Um, we won the case, but I’m too broke to celebrate, and Trucy said we should take it…”
“Only because it’s been in the freezer forever!” The girl chimed in, taking another bite of the creamy dessert. “I mean, that thing was so hard when we took it out, I had to warm it up before we could eat it!”
Phoenix groaned with a facepalm. Of course, his teenage daughter had been rigorously rubbing the ice cream container in an attempt to melt it, not rubbing other things!
Trucy rose, offering an apologetic smile. “I’ve never stolen your sweets before, Daddy, even though it’s really tempting. I thought Polly deserved it, though! He really did do great in court!”
Upon seeing her father’s frustrated expression, she gasped, “Daddy, you’re not actually mad about this, right? I’m so sorry! It was all my idea, I swear!”
Phoenix shook his head. “It’s fine, Truce. I’m not mad at all, just… don’t worry about it.”
“Wait,” Apollo looked up, “Did you just say we’re siblings!?”
“…Oops.”
JP: Thanks for another side-splitter, Jove’s Boy! 😂
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