27 Dangerous Liaisons

 A/N: This chapter goes out to mi hermana dulce, Illet Moratar – thanks for your comical input, which I used in this chapter!

Above Wright Anything Agency – July 10, 2026

Phoenix jerked up on the cushions and glanced about wildly, his confused peepers landing on the very familiar, unsmiling mien of the figure standing above him.

And who was presently offering him a makeshift ice-pack!

“I trust you’re going to need this, Wright.” There was a smug smile accompanying the amused glint in the well-known slate eyes, which were now fixated on the thunderstruck, spiky-haired hobo. “I suppose I should apologize for cold cocking you, but at least on my end, it’s been a long time coming!”

“Hold it! You’re the one who clocked me and knocked me out?!” Phoenix glared indignantly at his best friend, who glowered right back and defiantly crossed his arms over his broad chest.

“Guilty as charged,” the defendant admitted, not appearing one bit contrite. “I shall acquiesce that my actions may have been … somewhat objectionable.“

“Somewhat?!” The pianist clamped the proffered bag of frozen peas against his jaw and scowled darkly. “I was out cold from that unjustified sucker punch, you Ace Asshat!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Wright.” The magenta-clad man sardonically lifted one well-groomed brow. “It was justified, trust me.”

“Objection! It most surely was not! What the hell did you deck me for, Edgeworth?!”

“For defiling my sister, you deprived, deviant scoundrel! So, take that!”

His sister?!

The icy package of vegetables fell from his astonished hands as Phoenix ogled his visitor blankly, desperately wracking his poor, disoriented brain while shuffling through the myriad of trysts he’d partaken in during his seven-year itch. It was almost the equivalent of being asked to name every ill-fated passenger who’d perished on the Titanic, all willy-nilly!

Of course, the fact that his willy had been utilized during a hazy cloud of despair-fueled dipsomania (hence why present recollection was so difficult!) was hardly something he could use as a justifiable defense!

Not considering how homicidal the normally unruffled prosecutor still appeared!

“Your lack of reminiscence speaks volumes, you licentious Lothario!” The chess enthusiast muttered darkly, as though reading the guilty-faced gigolo’s mind. “It’s most fortunate your erstwhile conquest isn’t present to see how unforgettable she wasn’t! I believe she’d want to eat you for breakfast. Or, to put it another way, whip you silly. Literally and metaphorically!”

This unaccounted blackout period during his lamentable bed-hopping phase was indubitably a side-effect of the reluctant Don Juan’s even more regrettable bibacious tendencies at the time, Phoenix acknowledged ruefully. Nonetheless, Edgeworth’s barbed reminder of the trademarked weapon of choice was exactly what’d been needed to jog the pianist’s faulty memory. The inescapable cause of the quondam Demon Prosecutor’s wrath dawned upon him at last.

Jeepers creepers! No wonder he’s so pissed off at me!

His sore jaw dropped to his chest as the jarring realization of to whom the legal eagle was referencing abruptly hit him – with the equivalent force of the inevitable iceberg which had sunken that infamously doomed ship!

Hot diggity, dagnabbit!

Veritably, no matter how much of a wino he’d been, his romp with Franziska Von Karma was definitely one for the history books!

Defile, the barrister hath claimed in his heated testimony? Clearly, there’s surmised implication that I was the first to have gone where no man hath ever gone before, and was the premier voyager upon his (foster!) kin’s “unchartered channel!” Ha! That’s a riot! It’s like April May legitimately being an actual cunning linguist when she said she liked a man with a “big…vocabulary!”

The whole thing would have been funny as hell, had the prosecutor not seemed so deadly serious about the DILF being irrefutably guilty of deflowering his sibling’s allegedly sacred floral garden!

If the Wild Mare was truly “hymenally challenged” before we copulated, I’ll eat my dang beanie right here, right now! That whip-happy harpy will forever remain ingrained in my ribald recollections for numerous reasons. But it’s probably wise not to make a rebuttal about how the most memorable thing about Franziska Von Karma is my firsthand knowledge of how unforgettably well-versed that wanton vixen was around a penis!

Phoenix gulped as he took in Edgeworth’s tight-lipped, stormy-eyed expression.

I’m in quite the conundrum, aren’t I? Silence about the matter to her fuming pseudo brother, who’s hell-bent on defending her honor, will only make things worse. Nevertheless, if I can’t prudently point out the contradiction regarding Franziska’s lack of immaculacy – lest I get punched out, yet again! So then what other possible angle can I offer as my defense?!

“It was all her idea!” He blurted out, at last, turning up his palms in helpless surrender. “I wasn’t exactly given much of a choice in the matter, for crippling fear of getting whip-lashed!”

“So, the onus was all on Franziska? She sought you out solely for casual sexual gratification, then compelled you to perform, otherwise threatening to skin you alive?!” Edgeworth narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you’re trying to claim?”

“Yes! Because it’s the God’s honest truth!”

“Do you seriously think that’s supposed to make things any better?!”

“Um, kinda…?” Phoenix offered a sickly grin. “At least, I was hoping it would?”

“Well, it most certainly does not!” Edgeworth snapped peevishly. “My sister is a beautiful, desirable woman! Ergo, I find it nigh impossible to believe you were less a victim, and more of a cajoled, if not fully willing, participant! Am I to believe you completely played along out of naught but fear?”

“Y-Yes! Up until then, I didn’t even know it was possible to get aroused while simultaneously being terrified that I’d be whipped into unconsciousness for the second time at her hand!”

“Then why, pray tell, are you stammering like you just flew over a cuckoo’s nest?”

“Because I don’t want to be assaulted again! Also, might I just state, for the record, that you are way too involved in the intimate relations of a woman whom you claim to only see a mere sibling, Edgeworth?”

Phoenix’s latent courtroom skills had now risen from the ashes.

“Furthermore, based on what you’ve told me, Manfred never formally adopted you, which means you were his ward and not his son! You called him sir rather than Dad.  On top of that, back when I was a lawyer, you two never seemed to be overly close. Therefore, I never saw Franziska as your sister, and never thought you did, either! In no way could I have ever dreamed, in a million years, that our one-time indiscretion would ever reach your ears, or that you’d get all worked up and crazy jealous over the whole matter!”

“You have some nerve, Wright!” The logic enthusiast recoiled sharply at the unexpected refutation. “I – I’m not worked up over anything or anyone in the least! And I most certainly am not jealous!”

“Well, I didn’t knock myself out, did I?” The beanie wearer countered back, immediately recognizing the textbook signs of still waters running deep within his midst. “Denial is not only a river in Egypt, you know!”

“Poppycock! I am not in denial!” The prosecutor crossed his arms, his cheeks turning the same shade as his trademarked claret suit. “You’re an only child, so what would you know about family matters? Franziska was a very respected, renowned prosecuting prodigy back in the day, and is now an esteemed part of Interpol! She is at the height of her career, which commands a non-besmirched reputation. This is something which risked becoming irrevocably tarnished, all because you chose to act like a bawdy, concupiscent canine…”

If that’s your withering Poindexter way of reproaching me for being a horn-dog, I’d like to point out it takes two to (horizontal) tango! Be that as it may, if we’re talking animal instincts, it was Franziska who was suffering from a case of severe cat scratch-fever, buster! She jumped me right in the bushes, while yowling like a frisky feline in heat the entire time!

“…and then frolicked with her in People Park, of all places, rather than have the decency to spring for a more discreet hotel room!”

“I’ll try to be a gentleman and refrain from sharing the dirty details of why we couldn’t make it to a hotel in time, you ill-informed, pretentious prig!” The poker champ returned his guest’s scathing look with one of his own. “Instead, I’m going to address the underlying message I’ve gotten from all of this, which is more tragic than anything else!”

His annoyance wilted then, and his voice was now laden with disappointment.

“Ultimately, you haven’t changed a bit, have you, Edgeworth? I thought you’d evolved beyond such pretentious matters. Nevertheless, years later, all that’s really important to you are societal great expectations and career image – even when it comes to family? Is this what you seriously would have me believe?”

Phoenix shook his head dolefully at the other man.

“I honestly believed that aloof, icy demeanor had thawed at least somewhat since we were last together. But lo and behold! I don’t see you for a few years, and your heart has since turned to sherbet!”

The maladroit tension in the room was at an all-time high as in the next instant, the two men became locked in an unflinching stare down. It seemingly went on for ages, until the slate-haired man finally averted his eyes from the unwavering indigo gaze and shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

Edgeworth finally attempted flippancy, yet failed miserably.

“I’d say more like sorbet. It is rather cold here.”

At a loss for what else to say, he then shoved his hands in his pockets and remained silent.

That was when the affable ex-attorney realized his old courtroom rival wasn’t even trying to further disprove Phoenix’s damning implications, so he decided it’d be for the better to drop the matter. Even if he hadn’t spotted the reflexive wince his harsh accusations had caused the normally stoic prosecutor, he’d always recognized an unspoken submission when he saw one.

Moreover, he knew better than to coerce divulgences that the other party was uncomfortable revealing until the right moment had come. The other man’s psyche locks that’d sprung up, visible to only his own eyes, was proof such was the case. Phoenix had no desire to shatter any souls while trying to coax out forced confessions. Besides, whatever was going on with Franziska and the prosecutor was none of his damn business.

Additionally, he fervently wished to move past this long-beaten dead horse, and try to rejoice in the event of seeing his childhood chum again after so long.

“I swear on all that is holy – I’m not the man who took your sister’s flower. I could never be such a despicable rogue with any woman’s virtue, ever! My indiscretion with the Wild Mare was more of a fumbling fiasco than anything else, and it meant nothing to either one of us!”

The barrister closed his eyes briefly and appeared to be calming down now, and the former lawyer rushed on, eager to make amends.

“It was just that one time, and for what it’s worth, the deed wasn’t even completed…”

“Wait, what’s this new level of fiendish comportment I’m hearing now?” Edgeworth exploded wrathfully, his eyes snapping open and shooting daggers at his one-time courtroom adversary. “You veraciously claim not to be a despoiler of innocents, yet think being a remiss rake in the boudoir is more condonable?”

“Wh – what’s happening here?” The pianist cringed at the unanticipated death glare he was receiving. “Where is this coming from? Why exactly are you miffed at me now?”

“Do you mean to tell me you risked subjecting Franziska to a potentially blemished reputation with your tawdry public indecency, and then to add further insult, you dared to leave her unsatisfied? What kind of failed womanizer are you, Wright?!”

“H-Hey! I’ll have you know I am vehemently objecting to this baseless conjecture! I have never purposely left any partner … ungratified! The incomplete act wasn’t mea culpa!” Phoenix protested haplessly. “We were very rudely disrupted! And more than once!”

“Coitus interruptus in a public park – imagine that!” Sarcasm was positively dripping from Edgeworth’s tongue. “Exactly what were the extenuating circumstances which resulted in you leaving my sister high and dry, you selfish, salacious sod?”

“Well…. since you asked….” Phoenix cleared his throat. “Er, at the time, we were both stripped down to our, um, birthday suits, with our clothing strewn about in the bushes nearby…”

His voice trailed off as he saw the legist’s jaw clenching.

“Um, I can stop if you want…”

“I must be a masochist for willfully subjecting myself to this!” Edgeworth gritted his teeth. “Go on, Wright.”

“First, a potentially rabid raccoon scurried by, took off with my boxers, ran up a tree, and started gnawing on them! But even though it was a frigid night, I still thought I would take one for the team and simply leave there going commando afterward…”

“How incredibly generous of you,” the attorney derided snidely. “Truly, Wright, you should be heralded for your endurance in such trying times!”

“Look, do you want to hear this or not?” Phoenix snapped. “You can save the editorial commentary for later!”

“Fine, fine.” The ruffles-loving man bit back a smirk. “Carry on.”

“Subsequently, a bald eagle swooped down, snatched my sweatshirt in its talons, and proceeded to use it as part of its nest in a mighty Sycamore nearby.” The pianist was ticking off the events on his fingers. “Right after that, a mutt came by and decided to use my jogging pants as a personal fire hydrant! Don’t worry, with my luck being what it is, all obtrusive creatures that came by only sought to make use of my discarded garments. Franziska’s items were completely unscathed.”

Edgeworth’s eyes were nearly bugging out of his head at this point.

“I couldn’t make this up if I tried!” Phoenix shrugged. “The last straw, of course, was the booming shout of the large, menacing figure wielding bird’s nest eye-brows and a giant cleaver who eventually made us scream, grab our clothes, and high-tail it out of there like a couple of scared rabbits! Small world that it is, he later turned out to be a mafia boss whose son Apollo Justice, my newly acquired employee, successfully defended against a false murder charge recently. The whole Kitaki clan are now making legitimate money as respectable bakers… But I digress.”

“I – I have no words.” This time it was the cool, calm, and collected Ace Attorney’s turn to stumble over his speech. “Although I do have many questions…”

“Hey, I’m sorry if this was a traumatic tale to hear, my friend, but I couldn’t have you believing I was lame in the sack! I’ve already lost my badge; at least allow me to keep my pride about my other, lesser-known skills, for which I’ve had zero complaints!”

Phoenix smiled smugly.

“I mean, Franziska obviously bears me no grudges, since she was seen handing out I Love Phoenix Wright buttons at a meeting of The Phoenix Wright Fan Club which took place less than two years later, at the beginning of 2025!”

“Yes, I’ve heard all about your adoring female masses – presumably previously satisfied patrons, and I don’t mean for your legal services! – who are rooting for you to get your badge back,” the chess lover commented wryly. “My sister, of course, has since been a member in absentia because it was shortly after the time she came overseas to help me with my mission for Interpol.”

“Good for her. I’m sure you two have been enjoying working together again.”

“Indeed. She’s a brilliant woman and I couldn’t ask for a better colleague to be by my side when tackling assignments. Franziska and I finally can enjoy one another – er, in a working capacity, that is – now that we finally see each other as equals, not rivals pitted against one another by Manfred Von Karma.”

Edgeworth cleared his throat.

“All things considered, I suppose, given the circumstances relayed, that I can let bygones be bygones about you and Franziska. After everything is said and done, you’ve probably learned a lesson from all this – that mayhap it isn’t the best idea to be au naturel when out in nature!”

“Yeah, you’d think so, wouldn’t you?” The spiky-haired man scratched the back of his neck. “Unfortunately, I’d be lying if I told you that was the last time I risked ah… flashing someone…”

“Surely thou jest?” The attorney goggled at him in disbelief. “You were guilty of being libidinous in public, yet again?!”

“Officially, Meekins did not convict either me or Angel at Vitamin Square! He let us off with a warning before he rushed her off to the ER for… um…”

Flashback:
Vitamin Square – June 29, 2024

Wantonness was winning; he had nearly forgotten where they were. He was just at the edge of glory when suddenly, out of nowhere, Angel released a very loud, wet, sneeze, while simultaneously, she expelled…an even louder queef.

At least, Phoenix hoped it was a queef! All he knew was that it sounded as though a million ducks had landed in the area and the unexpected blaring noise emitted seemed to resonate an echo throughout the entire park. Before he could recover though, somehow, at this exact, precise moment, Angel started pulsating and clamping around him, high-pitched screams echoing into the night for all of Los Angeles to hear.

“Fuck yeah, Steel Samurai! Stab that sword into your Pink Princess!”

“Sweet pulsating spider Christ!”

The shocking mingling sensations made him jerk backward, bare-assed, with his pants around his ankles, and catapult out of her with the speed of Rocky the flying squirrel from the Bullwinkle cartoon being shot from a canon, while the harrowing exclamation made the flustered Phoenix lose his grip on the condom. It whizzed through the air into the night, and he was so busy watching it become airborne that he forgot to keep a grip on himself, sending an uncontrollable stream of his essence sailing like a free fountain…

…Right towards the face of Angel Starr.

“What the shit?” She screeched, clapping a hand over the left side of her face. “Phoenix Wright, you absolute fuckpuddle! You just jizzed into my eye!”

End Flashback

Phoenix dropped his gaze, refusing to admit it was his own loosened grip on the condom, and the misplaced aim of his released fluids that had been the cause of the catastrophe!

“Something caught in her eye. But I didn’t get in the buff – I learned my lesson from my time at People Park, so the bumbling officer didn’t see anything! And yes, that was the last time! At least … last time in a park. But not outdoors, since technically, Iris was on a beach and she … gave me crabs, heh, heh. No, not that kind! Just the hermit variety which nearly took a chunk out of my keister because it tried to have my rear end for dinner. I wasn’t sitting pretty for a long time after that!”

The stupefied Edgeworth wordlessly sunk onto the couch like a rag-doll.

“And don’t even get me started on the hive of bees that attacked me right afterward!” Phoenix was on a roll now and didn’t even notice the aghast expression on his friend’s visage. “Though poor Iris had it rough too, what with the jellyfish that stung her foot! I am going to skip over what I had to do to ease my ex-girlfriend’s pain. Just, um, watch that infamous beach episode of Friends with Monica and Chandler to fill in the blanks! Boy, was Iris lucky I didn’t get stage fright the way Joey did! Yeesh! All I can say is that the former nun has kicked the habit in more ways than one! She’s prim no more – that freaky lady wanted more of … the cure than I was willing to give ever again!”

“Bloody hell! A children’s playground?! Angel?! Iris? Beach?!” The DA couldn’t believe his ears, he was so incredulous. “Wright, what in God’s name is wrong with you?! Are you allergic to mating privately indoors, you lecherous libertine?!”

“Oh, Edgeworth. How I admire, yet pity, your innocence,” the former wino groaned, flopping his head back against the sofa cushions. “You think it was all a bed of roses for me when I tried to go the traditional route? Trust me, it’s not like I’ve been spared humiliation whenever I kept my recreational activities indoors! That was the case with all the others!”

The poleaxed legist gawked at this profligate philanderer that used to be his best friend as though he’d been body-snatched by aliens. Surely, Phoenix’s disheveled appearance and identity-obscuring beanie were shocking enough, although not unexpected, given the pitiable loss of his badge and subsequent lifestyle changes. However, this unabashed, bawdy behavior he was hearing of sounded like it was about another person entirely! One he no longer recognized or knew – or was sure he even wanted to know!

What on earth had happened to the earnest but adorkable champion for justice I’d once known, who couldn’t even speak properly around women? He would get all tongue-tied and flustered just being within their presence?! How have things done such a turnabout that Wright’s tongue seems to have loosened itself over the years…and gotten tied in more places – and ways – than one?!

“All…the others?” Edgeworth at last choked out in a strangled voice. “For the love of the saints! What is that supposed to mean?”

“That time with Dee was theoretically in the privacy of her home,” Phoenix recalled, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “I mean, nothing sleazy about my time with her… the woman is class all the way! That pile of bricks she’s got up in Beverly Hills would rival the posh Gatewater Hotel! Granted, I imagine
some prudish sorts would consider our rendezvous at The Empire Bellagio to be … semi-public? I mean, it was before dawn, so I’d disagree with them entirely…”

“The Empire Bellagio… in Beverly Hills?!” Edgeworth drew back in horror. “Dear Lord, that’s directly across the street from Pegasus Somerset Condominiums, where I live! Ngh! It’s bad enough that I happen to be personally acquainted with three – no, four! – of these notches on your bedpost!”

Four that he is aware of, thus far! Phoenix added silently, debating about whether or not to continue now. I wonder how he would handle the news that the number of my partners he happens to know might be a wee bit higher count than he thinks…

“Please tell me why  I must be continually subjected to your debauched acts of shameless depravity, even hypothetically, Wright?”

“I’ve never had the privilege of being invited to your place, so how could I have known we were in your upscale neck of the woods?” Phoenix retorted defensively, growing sick of being at the receiving end of that accusing pointer finger by now. “Had I thought you were home, I suppose I would have waved from the penthouse balcony!”

“The balcony?!” The cravat-wearer was aghast. “Do you mean to tell me your iniquitous carnal exhibitionist … hanky-panky was committed on the top-floor glass balcony?! The very same one of which affords me a prime view from my penthouse living room windows?!”

“Oops?” A sheepish grin from the Casanova card shark, who at least had the decency to blush this time. “Guess it’s a good thing you were overseas at the time, huh?”

Indubitably, this would be conclusive proof there is a God! Edgeworth barely resisted the urge to facepalm. Gah! What was that blasted man thinking? Or… rather, not thinking? At least, not with the head above his shoulders! Imagine if I hadn’t been abroad, and was home that night? Worse, what if I’d been holding some sort of a business meeting at my residence and had unsuspecting company over, like Gumshoe or Franziska?

In his mind’s eye, he could envision the traumatizing scenario on his unsuspecting group all too clearly, had they all been subjected to the sordid shenanigans taking place in a nearby penthouse none too far away…

Edgeworth’s Envisioned Harrowing Scenario Take 1:
Pegasus Somerset Condominiums – Spring 2026

“I am most appreciative of this sublime tea, Miles Edgeworth,” Franziska praised grudgingly as she held the exquisite gold-rimmed cup to her lips. “I must remember to purchase this Singapore Yellow Gold Tea Buds blend for myself. Scruffy, do remind me about this the next time we are at the office, lest you taste my whip if you let me forget!”

“I swear to you that I’ll remember, sir.” Gumshoe gingerly held the delicate china handle in his ham-sized hand, as though fearful he’d break it; the prosecutor’s tea set value was higher than a month of the detective’s salary! “It’s kind of hard to forget tea that costs $200 a cup!”

“I just did an online search on my cell. Dayum! All I can say is that’s pretty dang steep – and I’m not talking flavor! – for tea which isn’t even made from flakes of gold!” Kay whistled disbelievingly as she glanced up from the online search of the brand on her cell. “Sum Ting Wong indeed!”

The eternal funster snickered at the tight-lipped glare she garnered from the logic genius.

“Hail to China’s Lao Zi, overpriced beverage industry, exclusively catering to all the rich Dum Gai who like drinking tea leaves made of panda bear flung dung!”

She was rewarded with a baleful glower for her unforgivable mockery by the livid tea aficionado.

“Objection!” Edgeworth pointed a reproving index at the ninja. “I demand you can your antics this instant, you impertinent heathen!”

“Wai U Shao Ting?” Kay deadpanned, not at all daunted by the flaring nostrils.

“Because you are as much of a … Philistine about the finer things in life as Detective Gumshoe!” He seethed. “I am appalled at your lack of appreciation for this exquisite libation! This rare blend is heralded and coveted by connoisseurs worldwide, Kay Faraday!”

Edgeworth halted his imagined scenario, then shuddered as he imagined just how much worse things could have been by having the unassuming, untainted  Yatagarasu present for the X-rated spectacle on the former  Global Studio producer’s balcony!

Kay! Uurrngh! Perish the thought!

The barrister could not even fathom the horror of subjecting his erstwhile assistant’s innocent eyes to such lewd vulgarities! He wasn’t delusional – he was fully aware Agent Faraday was no longer an adolescent and now a grown woman. However, to him, the former Great Thief would forever remain that plucky, yet virtuous teenager whose innocuous orbs should ever be relinquished from such scandalous sightings! He could just envision how it all would have transpired…

Edgeworth’s Hypothetical Live Horror Picture Show Take 2:
Pegasus Somerset Condominiums – Spring 2026

“Mr. Edgeworth, I am so excited to demonstrate my latest developments for Little Thief!” The Interpol Agent was burbling excitedly as she whipped out her crime scene simulation device. “Have you had a chance to fill in Ms. Von Karma and Gummy on the fact that I’ve perfected the mechanisms, so I can now project holographic images of everything that moves within a one-kilometer radius?”

Edgeworth cleared his throat, his earlier annoyance about the scatological scoffing of his prized tea being replaced by a twinge of guilt, given that the young woman was bubblier than a bottle of Cristal champagne about showing off her newest gadget updates.

“My apologies for being remiss, Kay. I’d forgotten all about it but since we’re all together here, right now it is as good a time as any for the grand unveiling.”

“No worries, Mr. Edgeworth! Gang, prepare yourselves for the invention of the century!”

“Hold on a second, guys,” Gumshoe interrupted suddenly. “I think I just saw something strange moving in the shadows of that other glass-enclosed penthouse across the street … My police instincts are telling me that something is completely off!”

“I trust you, Gummy!” Kay beamed, flipping the switch on Little Thief. “I’ll even indulge that trusted cop gut instinct and show you bunch just how nifty this contraption can be for times like this when suspicious activity is afoot.”

“Let’s not be too hasty!” Edgeworth interjected. “Don’t you think it’d be most imprudent to be digging into private affairs of strangers, without any true merit?”

“Fair enough argument. I am going to side with my Little Brother in this matter,” Franziska agreed. “Mostly because he is the lesser of the two fools in this case, and I trust the Scruffy Detective and his so-called crime instincts as far as I can throw him!”

“Hey!” Gumshoe yelped in protest, only to be immediately silenced by the German’s whip.

“Silence, fool! While it is probably just somebody watering the plants in that penthouse, there is still a less obtrusive way to know for certain,” the silver-haired woman ventured. “Perhaps we can err on the side of caution and simply project the images from across the road onto Kay’s device.”

“With all the sound now included!” Kay chirped, adjusting a small knob on the side of the contraption. “The projection will show up as if we were all in the very same room!”

“That’s all it takes to make me hard.” A strangely recognizable male tone flooded the barrister’s living room just then, in what could only be described as a lusty growl. “You: saying my name.”

“What the deuce?!” Edgeworth gasped, too horrified to even notice Gumshoe’s spit-take on his tea. “Nnngrrrrk! That’s Wright’s cadence we’re hearing!”

“Are you positively sure it’s your buddy’s heat-seeking moisture missile on apt display here?” The incredulous Kay could barely move her lips, as her mouth was hanging open in shock. “I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever heard your pal’s voice during the throes of passion before …”

“Trust me!” Edgeworth grated out. “I’d know that voice – and those tell-tale spikes – anywhere!”

Just then, as if to punctuate his point, Phoenix’s lover moaned loudly, her uncovered breasts bouncing freely with every undulating movement.

“Phoenix, please!”

“Great googly moogly!” Kay gaped at the entwined shadowy images writhing before them. “Seems like I’ve created a monster by tweaking my handy little invention, huh?!”

“Mein Gott! That is Phoenix Wright! It is unbelievable that foolish pervert you insist on calling a friend is the one subjecting us to this grotesque exhibitionism!” Franziska curled her lip in disdain. “How dare he? Has he no shame?!”

Without warning, Edgeworth reflexively clapped his hand over Franziska’s eyes, while simultaneously cursing the fact that Kay was seated too far away for him to shield her stupefied gaze as well!

“My deepest regrets for treating you like a child, Big Sister!” The prosecutor rasped. “But understand that I cannot continue to allow you witnessing such… atrocity!”

“Sweet Sassy Molassy!” Kay hooted, raising a gloved hand to her lips to smother her guffaws. “That rocket launch has reached full throttle – they’re going at it like a couple of wild jackrabbits! My childhood pet bunnies would have gawked at Mr. Wright in amazement!”

“That’s enough of that!” The burly flatfoot swiftly covered the raven-haired girl’s saucer-sized orbs with his napkin before she could say another word. “I don’t care if you’re all grown up now and no longer the kid I once knew! And I don’t wanna hear whether or not it’s anything you’ve ever seen before! This shizz just ain’t meant for your eyes, pal!”

“City of Angels, my sweet patootie!” Kay’s rambunctious tittering was muffled by the linen cloth covering her visage. “LA just keeps getting worse and worse, every day…”

A/N: I cut this one up due to length – after all this isn’t Turnabout Everlasting! Miles’s ever-mounting trauma by his best friend’s man-whore tendencies (and a certain perma-damsel in distress!) will be continued next chapter!