21 Special Victims’ Unit

Dee Vasquez’s Bedroom – April 15, 2026

From his time as a defense attorney, Phoenix was wholly aware when reporting an incident as gruesome and harrowing as the one he was presently facing, that not only would an ambulance be immediately dispatched, but the cops as well, with the latter more than likely getting there before the former.

Therefore, while he had not anticipated the nightmare of what had happened to his latest lover, at least this time when the police arrived, he was already dressed and not once more literally caught with his pants down!

His frantic pacing had practically worn a groove in the expensive Persian rug which covered Dee’s bedroom floor by the time he heard the thumping on the door.

“Open up! LAPD!”

His heart hammering erratically in his chest, the poker champ flung the door open, and let out a gasp of startled dismay as his saucer-sized eyes fell upon the all too familiar figure standing there.

Fuck me with a broken stick! Phoenix’s jaw dropped to his chest. Of all the condos of illicit trysts, in all the towns, in all the world, he had to walk into this one?!

“Jeepers Creepers!” The surprise was stamped on Dick Gumshoe’s broad face. “Not you again!”

Silence met this statement.

“Hey – at least you calling nine/eleven means you still remember my number! It’s always nice to see you again, pal!” The big man affectionately clapped the disconcerted pianist on the back. “I just wish it wasn’t under these circumstances! I left you a message a few months ago to come to have dinner with Maggey and me at our place, but you never replied –”

“Seriously?!” Phoenix blurted out before he could stop himself, still too shaken up from the earlier events to be Mr. Congeniality.  “Are you the only cop in the entire Los Angeles Police Department?!”

“Are you the only guy getting laid in the state of California?” Gumshoe returned, chuckling and lightly punching his old friend in the shoulder with a ham-sized fist. “Who then happens to require police intervention every time he does, because his sex life has hit some sort of snafu? What happened this time? You give it to some lucky or rather, not so lucky, lady a bit too hard and accidentally kill her? Ha-Ha!”

The kindhearted Detective had been joking around and was clearly expecting the former lawyer to say something flippant in response, but his jovial expression faded as he saw the DILF’s face had turned ghostly white.

“Christ on a crutch, pal!” The bandaged oaf gaped at the poker champ in horror. “I was just kidding! Don’t tell me I need to haul you to the station for murder?!”

“Um, well… about that…” The hobo scratched the back of his neck and gave his friend a sickly grin. “I’m hoping at the most I’d get charged with was manslaughter!  I assure you this tribulation was
completely accidental, and technically not even my fault…”

“I’d still be exercising my right to remain silent if I were you, pal!” The wild-eyed flat-foot was already rushing into the apartment, and with a long-suffering sigh, the pianist led the way to Dee’s master bathroom, which was the scene of the crime.

“Jiminy Cricket!” Gumshoe gasped, seeing the nude figure of Dee Vasquez lying on the cold tiles in a puddle of sanguine fluid. He crouched down next to the producer’s still form, careful not to touch anything. “Why is it every time I see you lately, I’ve got to look at some sort of naked body?!”

“Erm…” Phoenix offered weakly, unsure of what to say as he began to sweatdrop. “At least this time it wasn’t mine?”

“Suffering Serpent and the Rainbow – don’t remind me! I’m still trying to get that disturbing image erased from my mind!” Gumshoe shook his head as if attempting to clear it, and stared up at his friend, aghast. “You want to tell me what the heck happened here, pal?”

The detective grimaced and held up a hand.

“Just give me the condensed version, alright? Spare me the gory, X-rated details! Even though I keep stumbling upon you and your conquests in their birthday suits, I happen to be a respectable, happily married man now!”

Flashback: 20 Minutes Earlier

Dee Vasquez’s Bathroom – April 15, 2026

Under the steamy waterfall of water cascading down on them, Dee’s lips parted as she inhaled deeply and drank in the sight of the dripping wet Phoenix, who occupied the large shower stall with her. Liquid beads dripped down his hair softly, his wet spikes flattened ever so slightly, and the water drops slowly gliding down his wet physique defined every virile, sculpted inch of him.

He lowered his head to kiss her. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and she sucked it deep. He pulled her closer, grinding her pelvic bone against his, crushing his cock between their bodies as he claimed control. His fingertips ran down the crack of her ass until he found the puckered flesh he sought and dipped the tip of his ring finger inside her. It was an unfamiliar, but not at all unpleasant sensation; despite preferring to always be the one in charge with her partners, with Phoenix, Dee didn’t mind him taking charge with her at times like this. She innately trusted his sexual expertise and inventiveness, which possibly surpassed even her own. He didn’t hurt her but kept her anchored there as he played her body until she had to bite down on her lip to keep from crying out at the sensations being stirred within her, driving her passion to a searing blaze she could no longer control.

“You drive me crazy, Dee,” Phoenix murmured against her ear, his bare chest pressed against hers as the water cascaded down on them. “God, I can’t get enough of you. I want you.”

He punctuated his request by rubbing her clit with an expert thumb before plundering her mouth with his tongue. The flood of lust that coursed through her body was punctuated with an inrush of breath. She jerked and tugged her mouth away from his, panting slightly.

“Now? Again?”

She was astounded by his voracious sexual appetite not even four hours later – post balcony bang, he’d made love to her again in her bedroom, this time until the crack of dawn, and it was barely 10:00 now! It was too soon post an all-night, overnight phantasmagoric fuck, after which she’d wanted nothing more except to stay coupled with his body for as long as possible. She still felt as pommeled as tenderized veal, but just seeing that look of flagrant desire in his eyes drew her attention to the hot ache between her thighs. Why did it keep being like this with Phoenix? He made her so wet and needy. Another reason to hate him for the control he continued to have over her…yet she still wanted him so badly, she ached.

“Yeah. Hold on tight.” He gripped her hips and lifted her feet off the ground, stretching her body out in front of him, settling his hips between her legs.

His arms circled her, lifting her. She grabbed his shaft, easing it toward her entrance, wrapping her legs around his waist, trying to slowly lower her still tender sex onto the burgeoning rod, but he was having none of it, and she let out a loud gasp as he surged forward, filling her with one deep thrust, planting himself in her like a thick tree, watching her face intensity as he did so. He was so big, she felt the walls of her sheath expand as he penetrated her, each nerve ending clutching at the stiff flesh as it entered her. His mouth descended to claim her lips, pushing his tongue deep inside just as his cock claimed her pussy, while his lips seized her mouth.

She broke the kiss and turned her head away as she fought for control, the command she had always known with the lovers she’d claimed. But he was having no part of it. He demanded the right of the aggressor, pressing her against the shower tile, claiming superiority as he began to move inside her. Time and time again he pushed deep and then retreated, penetrating her needy passage again and again.

She undulated against him, rose up, and slid back down, circling her hips. She felt him expand her channel and she stopped moving, the tip of his cock snug against the opening of her cervix. She felt the sharp pleasure overtake her. She was in control, driving the action, but somehow with his hard fingers pressed into her skin, she felt his power surround her, the desire to lead.

His cock would press against her clitoris, sending a sharp zing through her body, and just as she was ready to dive off the edge, he would stop. Continually he kept her at the edge of her climax. She fought against it, fought to fight her responses to him but it was a losing battle. He felt too good to think of anything but his thick cock filling her, receding, then filling her again. In this glorious, yet acrobatic, position, he rubbed against her G-spot with each penetrating thrust.

“No!” She cried out. “I will not allow this!”

“You want it, Dee, reach for it. Let me give this to you.” He thrust into her and rubbed against her clit and she growled in frustration.

“Ah, God, Phoenix…” Her back arched involuntarily. “Fuck me hard. I wanna come. I wanna…”

He thrust into her harder, his fingers digging into her flesh as he pounded against her.

“Oh. Oh. Oh, yes,” her vocalizations grew louder and needier with each thrust. Her excitement and pleasure built and built and built, her head tilted back in ecstasy.

He moved expertly, rolling his hips to bore deeper inside her. His mouth seduced her, sucking her tongue until she tipped into a long slow orgastic slide. Her climax came thick and slow, seeping down between her legs, and knotting tightly at her center to trigger a hard rocketing grenade of pleasure, and her entire body convulsed as she came. He almost dropped her and had to strengthen his hold as she screamed into the dewy mist. She shuddered violently as ripples of pleasure spread from her pulsating core, down her thighs, and up her belly and back. He refused to relent. Kept pounding into her – harder, harder, oh God, yes, harder – until another orgasm shook her and another. She knew she was chanting his name at the top of her lungs, but couldn’t stop. As another orgasm pulsated through her, he thrust deep and held still, waiting for her to regain her bearings. When her body relaxed, Phoenix finally lost himself in the dark grip of passion, and his body tensed.

“I’m creaming for you.”

She caught her breath as he convulsed and let it rip.

Arching his back against the explosive need, he let his own savage lust lead him into oblivion, then squatted and lowered her feet to the ground, only they were too shaky for her to stand up yet.

And that was when the disaster happened.

Unbeknownst to both of them, while being slammed repeatedly back in against the glass shower wall mid-copulation, Dee’s butt cheek had hit the soap holder mounted to it, knocking the slippery bar to the shower stall floor. As she attempted to regain her footing on her as unsteady as cooked spaghetti, worn out legs, her foot slipped against the soap and out from under her before her lover could catch her in time. The water-slicked Latina went hurtling downward at an alarming rate, hitting her open mouth against the metal chrome faucet, splitting her lip as she then fell back against the glass shower door. Phoenix tried to catch her, but his fingers slipped against her slickened, soapy flesh, and the orally hemorrhaging woman fell, face first, onto the floor in a thud as an expanding crimson pool formed beneath her head.

The sickening crack of her skull meeting marble tile would haunt him for ages to come.

The wet and naked Dee Vasquez was lying prostrate in a bloody, completely motionless position on the bathroom floor as the horrified and shrieking Phoenix Wright bolted from the shower and into the bedroom to call 9-1-1.

End Flashback

Gumshoe was still shaking his head in disbelief as the ex-lawyer concluded his tale of woe.

“So you see, it was an accident!” The card shark turned his palms upward in a helpless gesture. “I didn’t do anything!”

“Holy Christ-ola! This is unbelievable!” The big man breathed in awe, eyeing his friend warily. “Were you born on Friday the 13^th or something? Have you considered carrying a crucifix with you, or even a rabbit’s foot?! Pal, you have the worst luck I’ve ever seen, in my entire life! And this is coming from me – the man who married Maggey Byrde! The woman who was dubbed Goddess of Misfortune! Who, when she was six months old, fell off the ninth floor of an apartment building!”

“I know!” The one-time King of the Turnabout dragged a hand down his face. “Thanks for the reminder!”

“My own Lady Luckless has gotten sick from all sorts of foods…” Gumshoe began ticking off his wife’s former hardships on his fingers. “Failed almost every test she’s ever taken, and even lost every game of tic-tac-toe she’s ever played, on top of being hit by various vehicles…”

“Gumshoe!” Phoenix cast an agonized expression. “Are you trying to make me want to fall off another burning bridge already?!”

“Oops! Sorry, pal!” The Detective scratched his head and smiled apologetically. “Hey! Er, at least nobody’s hit you with a car! So, uh, maybe your luck can go nowhere but up from here!”

Phoenix eyed him dubiously, then glanced back down at the prone producer.

“Gosh, I wish Mr. Edgeworth were still in the country and not working on some top-secret Interpol case in Europe,” Gumshoe lamented. “He’s your best friend. I’m sure he could make sure the prosecution would go easier on you, and ensure you don’t get charged with first-degree murder in this case! Jeez, this would be your third time wouldn’t it?”

“Yup. Trouble comes in threes!” The disbarred legist failed to crack a smile. “Let’s hope the third time’s not the charm!”

“It’s almost like you and Maya are trying to start a Detention Center Frequent Flyer Club! Last time I checked, she’d been thrice accused of murder as well!”

Four if you count that time in Labyrinthia, but let’s not go down this painful nostalgic path, shall we?

“The ties that bind, right?” Phoenix slumped down against the wall and buried his head in his hands. “Maybe if Maya gets wind of my latest charge, for shits and giggles, she’ll send me a burger with a file in it!”

“You two aren’t in touch at all anymore, are you?” Gumshoe asked sadly. “Whatever happened anyway, to make the two of you just lose complete contact after you lost your badge?”

“I guess she didn’t want anything to do with the low-life, disgraced forgin’ attorney since Miss Fey is now the prestigious Master of Kurain,” Phoenix replied tightly, hoping his curt tone masked the bitter pain which instinctively flared up whenever any mention or memory of his former assistant flared up. “Although for old time’s sake, you’d think I’d have at least gotten just one lousy, stinking phone call after the debacle! Or had just a single email or text get answered!”

Before the trenchcoated man could muster some sort of comforting or sympathetic response, a quiet moan was heard from the motionless Latina on the floor.

“Holy Toledo!” Gumshoe was so startled by the sound that he fell off his haunches, as he’d been squatted next to the body, and tumbled over backward onto his butt with a clunk. “Did you hear that, pal?”

“Dee!” Phoenix’s heart leaped in his chest as a thin ray of hope shined through him. “Did you hear that, Gumshoe? She’s alive! She’s not dead! And – I didn’t kill anybody!” He held his breath as the Detective leaned over the unmoving woman, whose eyes remained closed, and smiled with hopeful anticipation. “Is she conscious?”

“Nooo…she’s still completely knocked out – wait what?” Gumshoe made a motion to silence the possibly accused before he could utter another word and leaned closer to the fallen Latina. “What the heck is she babbling?!”

Phoenix bent forward as well and listened intently, just to make sure that neither his frayed mind nor ears were playing tricks on him.

“Iron Infant… good boy… Ohhhh … Steel Samurai…spear me now… Yeaaaahhhh …. stab me, Evil Magistrate … ummmmm Pink Princess…”

“I don’t believe this!” The spiky-haired man clapped a hand to his forehead and slumped back against the wall. “The woman is completely unconscious and somehow calling out the names of the Steel Samurai characters?!”

“Er, is it just me, or does some of the context sound almost … naughty?” Gumshoe’s cheeks were pink. “I mean…it was a children’s show!”

“Sal! Vamonos! Vamonos! Rapido! Rapido! Culo! Culo!”

“I wish I could somehow un-hear all of that!” The Detective clapped a hand over his defiled ears. “Also, what I would give to say yo no comprendo español!”

“You and me both!” Phoenix muttered disgustedly. “Even my sorry Anglophone culo can understand that mucho obsceno stuff!”

What in the name of Satan’s tap-dancing taint… Sal?!  As in that Sal Manella, that disgusting soggy hog of a man whose very voice even sounded… moist?! Nasty! Fictional TV character fetishes are one thing, but bestiality proclivities are where I draw the line! This chick is way too kinky, even for me!

He shot up to his feet, his concern vanishing and replaced by newfound nausea as he headed to the door.

“I think I heard a knock out front.” Relief and amusement disgust coursed through him as he ventured to the living room. “Praise the Lord, the paramedics have arrived at last!”

Hickfield Clinic – April 15, 2026

Once Gumshoe had finished snickering at the producer’s unconventional ramblings and filed the report clearing Phoenix of any and all suspected unlawful activity, the big man left the condo after emergency services arrived. Prior to departure, however, he made the former defense attorney promise to keep in touch – and keep his pants on for a long time after this! – before the poker champ joined the still insentient but bizarrely gabbling producer in the back of the ambulance on the way to the emergency room.

Dee was taken in right away, but the pianist still ended up pacing the ER waiting room for what felt like ages before the nurse told him that the doctor wished to have a word with him.

The former wino could’ve sworn his eyes were playing tricks on him when he found his thunderstruck eyes resting on the very same, comically named, Desi medic who’d attended to him just earlier that morning!

Tending to the unconscious brunette on the gurney was none other than Dr. Sukhdeep Mann himself.

“Phoenix! Phoenix Wright!” Dr. Mann greeted the visibly dumbfounded former defense attorney warmly. “Long time no see! It’s been at least…” He glimpsed down at his watch and flashed the mortified hobo a shit-eating grin. “Six hours! You’ve changed so much! I hardly recognized you!”

Fuck me running backward with a chainsaw! Is there anything worse than a doctor with a sick sense of humor?

Phoenix groaned inwardly and wished he could disappear into the ground beneath him. If the same accursed kismet would allow him to once again lay eyes upon the very physician he’d prayed to never to see again (because…reasons!) only earlier that very morning, it also meant there was a very high chance Dr. Mann would surely remember why the former Ace Attorney had looked so familiar to him in the first place!

“Heh, heh.  Nice to see you again, doc.” He smiled faintly. “At least this time I’m not the patient.”

“Try to curb your enthusiasm about our reunion, my good man!” Dr. Mann’s mischievous smirk only widened at the other man’s visible discomfort. “Although I completely understand we doctors are the equivalent of car mechanics and dentists! We’re hopefully pleasant enough to associate with, but you nevertheless aspire not to see either of them too often, because means something is very wrong with the functioning of something very relevant to you – your car, or your dental health.”

The card shark cast an anxious glance at his ill-fated conquest, whose face was incredibly pale, although the blood on it had since been wiped off.

“Um, speaking of health, how is she? Is she going to be alright?”

“She miraculously only suffered a minor concussion from hitting her head on the bathroom tile,” Dr. Mann assured him. “However, she split her lip very badly when she hit it against the metal faucet, and it did require stitches.”

“¡Ay, caramba!” Phoenix winced sympathetically as he looked down at his paramour du jour. “Is that why there was so much blood? Just from a cut to the lip?”

“No, there was blood everywhere and loose nerves hanging out due to the force of the impact knocking out her two front teeth, as well as a few others in the process.” Dr. Mann didn’t even flinch as he recounted the gory details. “On the topic of dentists, Ms. Vasquez is going to need to see one to replace the chompers she lost today.”

“Ouch!” The beanie wearer was flat-out cringing now. “That’s terrible! I had no idea the shower faucet could do that much damage!”

“A shower faucet was it?” The Punjabi man smirked slightly. “Might I presume then that your impromptu return to the ER today, albeit not as a patient this time, was because you lovebirds were a bit too vigorous in proving certain parts of your anatomy were still… functioning?”

“Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!”

The anterior Ace Attorney felt his cheeks flaming as he yanked his hat over his eyes to mask his shame, all the while desperately trying to find some other way to claim his alleged fiancé had managed to knock out her molars with such gusto. Unfortunately, he could think of nothing whatsoever! Not that it mattered. The knowing grin on Dr. Mann’s face was bad enough already.

I can hear God laughing at me…

“Eureka!” Recognition dawned on the doctor’s face as he pointed at the furiously blushing black-haired man, his eyes lighting up with mirth. “Just now – when you did that motion with your hat! It jogged my memory!”

Sweet Mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz NO! The patient regarded the physician with a growing feeling of dread.  Please don’t let him remember!

“As you said earlier, Dr. Mann…” He mumbled, beginning to inch his way backward out of the cubicle in what he hoped was a discreet manner. “You’ve seen so many people over your long career in the ER that all faces seem to blend together after a while, right? You’re probably just mistaking me for somebody else…”

“The irony of you trying to hide your face with that beanie, yet that motion was exactly what triggered my recollection…” the medic noted wryly, folding his arms over his chest. “Has not been lost on me.”

“The bane of my entire existence…AKA my whole life is just… one, gigantic irony.” Phoenix attempted to laugh, even though he was already drowning in waves of degradation. “You don’t know the half of it!”

“At another time, aside from tonight, I am now positive that I treated you as a  patient, for an unrelated situation!” The doctor idly stroked his mustache as he reminisced. “This was presumably before you became engaged to Ms. Vasquez though? Not that I judge either way! But I now vividly even remember there was a different girl that came in with you at the time. Another lovely brunette. You certainly do have a type don’t you?”

“No, I most certainly don’t!” Phoenix denied hotly, then flushed. “I mean, not really. Not that I know of, anyway. Although, um, to be honest, a lot of these last few years have kinda been a blur…”

The doctor’s eyes were dancing with mirth.

“Regardless, I have the memory of an elephant, and I now remember the exact occasion which brought you into the emergency room three years ago! Also, if I’m not mistaken, while nowhere near the BAC of tonight, you were pretty liquored up back then too…”

Flashback

Viola Cadaverini’s House – Aug 7, 2023

“Hope you like what you see.” The Italian beauty flashed a sultry smile as she emerged from the bathroom adjoined to her bedroom, a vision wearing nothing but a red, strapless corset and matching lacy panties. “All this liquor has me craving something beyond the traditional sense!”

She leaned forward on the bed and winked at her date over her shoulder.

“I’m toeier than a Roman sandal … and I want to smash your back out, but before you stick it in me jut, first, I want you to go ahead and chuck it in me dumpa!”

Lounging on her bed, the lusty music man, who’d stripped down to nothing but his skivvies in eager anticipation for her return, froze in place. His wine-buzzed mind took several moments to compute the massive overflow of Australian lingo he’d just heard from the Mafia Princess who’d picked him up at The Borscht Bowl Club that night. Viola Cadaverini had managed to maintain her sexy accent from Down Under, where she’d spent four years immediately after the Trés Bien fiasco.

Am I totally blitzed, or did she just say what I thought she did?! Is this another Tiffany Pearce repeat, where she’s in “presenting” position, and I go to do as directed, but then she starts screaming biblical obscenities at me? Do I even want to venture down that path again? I mean, sure, there’s a first time for everything, but do I even wanna go to fifth base with the nefarious Bruno Cadaverini’s granddaughter? The same mobster who orchestrated some of his men to start a prison fight so they could break in and bust Furio Tigre’s kneecaps after Viola’s head injury became public knowledge?! Catch a tiger by the toe indubitably! But still – ow! Would it even be worth risking the wrath of either Cadaverini if I did go for it – then deemed lackluster somehow?!

Viola noticed his hesitation, straightened up, and sidled back up to him.

“Couldn’t be bothered? I reckon, since you’ve not been quick to crack a fat and give it a burl, it’s because you’ve never tried backstage pass before? No worries, allow me to show you how good this formerly untrodden path can be! But first….” She wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her head up. “Give me those lips.”

There was no pause, no decision to be made, no slow approach as Phoenix moved in, his mouth consuming hers. He tasted like wine…and something sweeter, darker. His tongue swept out against her lips and she let him in, begged him in. He filled her mouth, stroking the most sensitive spots and retreating only to return. She couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped as his mouth slanted over hers again. She arched into him, bringing her breasts in contact with his chest, and he made a sound like a growl. It was a heady feeling, that power, and Viola knew she would do whatever she needed to hear it again.

His fingers sank into her waist and he lowered his head, his dark eyes intense as he sealed his mouth over hers and stole her breath in a scorching kiss. Her lips parted and their tongues met, tangled, thrust together, deep and wet, as he took control.

Her hands glided along the sides of his neck and into his thick mane. She pulled him closer and strained upward. He started slow and searching because he needed to keep himself in check now more than ever. Her mouth was sweet, and his velvet tongue came out to touch hers, tasting, testing, tentative…and exploring the feel and texture as she did the same. Despite his desire to savor the experience, Viola’s fingers tightened almost painfully in his hair. Her nails scratched his scalp as she tried to get closer. Relinquishing his already limited restraint, he snaked an arm around her waist and deepened the kiss before allowing his lips to trail downward, sucking feverishly at her neck while his fingers teased her nipples through the lacy lingerie fabric.

She gasped as he lowered his head, freed one breast from the cup of the corset, and sucked one creamy globe into his mouth, his tongue working against her rigid peak. Her free hand moved to the soft, spikes on the back of his head, while her other hand slowly stroked the length of his cock. Her hand shifted to his balls, finding them hot and full. He shuddered.

“You’re so damn hot!” He released her aching breast from his mouth. “You’re making me crazy!”

“Kiss me,” she commanded, her dark gaze intense.

His arm tightened around Viola’s waist as her hand slipped between their bodies and wrapped it around his cock. He jerked, his breath catching in his throat.

Despite wanting to accomplish this want and taste him, she knew getting him there was half the fun. It felt like ages since she’d gotten to give a man an unforgettable Australian Kiss (it was like a French kiss, except it was Down Under!) and even longer than she’d pined for this particular shaft, from the moment she’d set eyes on him at the bar.

He sucked in a deep breath as she freed him from his boxers. Then her delicious hot, wet, mouth clamped firmly around where he’d wanted it to be from the minute he’d walked into her home. With lips and tongue and teeth she attended his throbbing member, utilizing a catalog of divine expertise until he was seeing stars.

The moist, thick head rubbed along her lips, coating them with his silky pre-cum. She darted her tongue out and ran it over the swollen head, tasting the saltiness of his essence. The flavor was purely masculine, potent even. She couldn’t hold onto the moan that spilled from her mouth. The vibrations had Phoenix gripping each side of her head, her hair in his fists. His head fell back, his beanie tumbling to the floor as he groaned in that primeval way that made her pussy clench. She clutched his muscular thighs as she sucked him, drawing her head back and then taking him deep into her throat again. She bobbed her head faster, sucked harder, knowing he needed release. The only thing that mattered at that moment was feeling his cum shooting down her throat.

Suddenly, a slick finger pressed inside him, and he reared up. It hardly penetrated at all, but the searing sensation arrowed straight through him.

“Do you like that?” Viola murmured against his member. Before he could respond, she did it again. Phoenix could only thrash back and forth, fighting the need to admit how much he enjoyed the penetration.

She removed her finger as before with the tip barely penetrating. This time she left it there without moving, allowing him to become accustomed to its presence. She patted his thigh, humming steadily against his cock while inching the finger in a bit farther, then began to move the digit.

Hot Damn! Phoenix cried out at the immense pleasure that began to build inside him and started moving his hips with more force. She really knows what she’s doing back there! This is a first! Not that I’m complaining!

He pushed his dick into her mouth and pulled it back out. She could feel the thick vein that lined the underside of his erection rub along her tongue with every move he made. Over and over he did this, slowly increasing his speed until the tip of his rod was hitting the back of her throat. He groaned above her, a low rich sound of pleasure, and tightened his hold on her hair, closing his eyes to focus on the rhythm of her sweet mouth. He gritted his teeth and held on.

Her mouth worked him more urgently as he neared orgasm. His hips began lifting on their own accord. As the pinnacle drew near, she enveloped more of him, sucking him as if she wished to consume him. The small jets of cum that filled her mouth let her know he was close.

Poor guy’s about to explode…

A glance into his eyes showed his strength was breaking. She moved her tongue along the underside of his cock before bringing it back to the opening at the tip and pressing her tongue inside, and that was when he went over the edge at last.

Phoenix gave a deep growl and stilled his thrusting. Jet after jet of his hot cum filled her mouth and she greedily swallowed. The taste of him was potent and extreme. When he finally went limp, he pulled out and leaned back against the dresser to stare down at her. Sweat dripped down from his hairline, his cheeks were flushed and the fullness sensation in his orifice was still lingering.

“Good onya, hey?” Viola grinned cheekily and slapped his ass. “As I said, come good, yeah?”

“Oh hell yeah!”

As he came back to earth, he frowned as he realized Viola was gripping his thighs now as she smirked at him with a knowledge of a job well done. Which, of course, it had been! Very much so – an intense sensory overload had indeed occurred.

Except for one teensy, weensy little thing…

“Viola…if both your hands are on me right now, why do I feel like there’s something still inside my…um… back door?”

“Oh!” The brunette flushed and flashed what could only be described as an embarrassed grin. “I thought I’d play around a bit. You know, show you what a hedonistic experience it could be back there. I reckoned if I could prove to you how much you liked it, you’d see how much I surely would, yeah?”

“Um, yes…it was quite nice…what you were doing with your finger….yet I remain with the lingering sensation of feeling rather, er, occupied.” Phoenix began to sweatdrop nervously. “Did you lose a ring or something?!”

“Or something…” She sheepishly reached over and showed him a small velvet-lined box from atop her night table. “These are Sir’s Large Inamorata Balls. They’re brand new, of course –”

“Well thank Christ for that!” A sinking suspicion filled his stomach. “Large?! Inna my what now?!”

“I only used one!” She retorted defensively. “They’re completely safe and made of ABS plastic –”

Snatching the package out from her hands, the DILF felt the blood visibly drain from his face.

“What the shit, Viola?! Did you not read the box?! These balls were made to go exclusively into a woman’s much  shallower … And traditional orifice!”

“Well, I’ve come a gutser then, yeah?” She blushed a deep red. “It said Sir and large balls, so I naturally assumed they were for masculine pleasure!”

Lord have mercy! Phoenix felt his buttocks clench with discomposure as he facepalmed. I sure know how to pick em! As uncharitable as it is to think, Viola is freakin’ lucky she’s cute…and stands to inherit a fortune when Bruno kicks the bucket…because she’s up there with lemmings in both brains and survival odds otherwise!

“Well, now that I’ve given you a good gobby, I’m feeling mighty randy now!” Viola walked over to the bottle of vodka on her dresser, took a long swig, and slapped her ass. “Are you as in the mood to cop a root as I am?”

“Are you shitting me?!” Phoenix goggled at her in disbelief. “Nothing is going into anything else until we get these balls of hell out of me!”

“Ball, not balls! It’s only just the one, mate! No need to sound as cross as a frog in a sock!” Viola was sulky now. “I thought you’d enjoy it, rather than be whinging about it! The ball had further reach than a bloody finger! It’s supposed to give the prostate a nice massage feel in the male G-spot!”

“The only thing it’s doing is making me feel like I need to scream and then go pee!” He snapped, his cheeks flushing with anger and agitation as he leaned over the bed, bracing himself on his palms. “Now get this damn thing out of me!”

“No need to spit the dummy! She’ll be right!”

Easy for her to say!  I’m the one with a foreign object jammed up where the sun doesn’t shine! Phoenix grumbled to himself as Viola proceeded to “go fish.” And I wish she’d speak American dammit! As panic replaces my formerly wine-buzzed state, that accent is no longer as sexy as I thought! In fact, I’m starting to feel a serious language barrier here, even though we’re both supposedly speaking English!

After several torturous moments, Viola let out a frustrated cry.

“Fair suck of the sav! It’s gone walkabout!”

“Er, translation please?!” He hollered, the dread mounting within him. “What the hell does that mean?!”

“You’re going to be as mad as a cut snake when I tell you…”

One Hour Later

Hickfield Clinic – August 7, 2023

“What do you mean your stupid ball is lodged so high in my rectum, that neither you nor any of these godforsaken quacks can get it out?!” Phoenix hollered at Viola, who flushed guiltily as she delivered the bad news the doctor had just told her. “Don’t these guys have specialized medical speculums or retractors or anything?!”

“No need to go troppo on the messenger, mate!” Viola protested lamely, her cheeks turning pinker by the second. “They can tell from the X-rays it’s wedged too high up there for any of their equipment to actually reach! Dr. Mann is paging a surgeon as we speak…”

“A surgeon?!” He squawked in horror and pushed himself up off the gurney, where he’d been lying face down for the past half hour, bare ass feeling the drafty breeze around him in his flapping nightgown. He glared daggers at the mafia princess. “Are you telling me they’re going to need to cut me open because you felt like shoving a random foreign object into my down under without even first consulting me?!”

“Well, what would you prefer as an alternative?” Viola cried. “You can’t spend the rest of your life refusing to sit down! Crikey! It was bad enough listening to you whinge the whole car ride over here about how uncomfortable you were!”

Phoenix was so horrorstruck and flustered by the news, he felt his mouth going dry and his throat closing up, slowly choking him from within.

“Jesus take the wheel, I’m going to need to be operated on! They’re going to need to put me out…and with any surgery and anesthesia, there’s always the risk of death! Meanwhile, I have a little girl blissfully away at magic camp, who has no idea Daddy’s life may be in peril…”

He began hyperventilating.

“This – this can’t be happening to me! I’m not even 30 years old yet!”

He started coughing and spluttering violently then, and Viola’s brown eyes widened in alarm. She quickly turned to pour him a glass of ice water from the nearby trolley.

“Relax, mate!” She urged, handing the glass to the now hacking pianist and thumping him on the back. “Your mouth’s like the bottom of a cocky’s cage from all that wine and not enough water! Drink up now! Just skull it!”

Phoenix waved his arms to push the glass away and continued to hack away.

I don’t need any stinking water! I need this object to be dislodged from my sphincter, ASAP! I also need to start rethinking my taste in women, as well as give second thoughts to my ever-present wino habit! My wine penchant is what constantly lowers my inhibitions, and is what got me into this particular mess in the first place!

“Mr. Wright!” Dr. Mann returned to the cubicle at that moment. “Good news! The surgeon is on his way and you’ll be sitting pretty in no time… Oh dear, that’s a nasty-sounding cough you seemed to have suddenly developed…”

“Oooaughoaua!”

In the next instant, in a scene which could only be compared to a Looney Tunes cartoon, the ill-fated Phoenix Wright, who at this point, was hacking like a cat with a furball, gave one final wheezing cough. This time, it was expelled with so much force, the buried ball came catapulting out of his anal cavity at that exact moment, and with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the completely astonished Dr. Sukhdeep Mann – right in the forehead!

“Good news,m mate!” Viola cheered, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze and forcing the straw to his lips so he had no choice but to take another long swallow of water, subsiding his coughing at last. “You don’t need to have surgery after all! That sucker just came flying right out of there at warp ten-speed!”

She wrinkled her nose.

“The bad news was I’m guessing the bloody thing did not smell daisy fresh when it came out, and beaned the poor doc right in the kisser, yeah? I mean, that was beyond revolting!”

“Gah!” Phoenix glanced back over his shoulder at the still gobsmacked Dr. Mann, who remained frozen in place, then groaned and yanked his beanie down over his eyes, too humiliated to even be relieved. “Someone,
anyone… just kill me now…”

End Flashback

“I knew it was you!” Dr. Mann crowed, snapping his fingers and smiling triumphantly. “I should have known it before! After all, it’s not as if Phoenix is that common of a name!”

“Dr. Mann,” the ER frequent flier croaked, his gaze imploring. “At this point in my life I’ve bid farewell to any and all dignity I have ever had, but I beg of you…for the love of God, please don’t bring that balls – er, ball – flying at your face episode up ever again! Never before in my whole life have I ever wanted to cut my own wrists, slice my own throat, and bury myself alive than I did at that precise moment! Much like I wish I could do now! However, yet again, there’s nobody kind enough to put me out of misery to do it for me! I’d do it myself, but as is tradition, with my craptastic luck, I’m in a freakin’ hospital, with life resuscitating equipment!”

There was a drawn-out pause after his outburst. Phoenix’s breath was ragged afterward, even as his beseeching eyes remained on the physician, waiting for him to speak.

“You are my second most memorable patient in this regard,” the Punjab mused thoughtfully, as though the humiliated music man hadn’t just pathetically pleaded for sudden and immediate death! “There was another, equally unforgettable young man, who I saw four years before meeting you. It was the beginning of 2019. And even though I only met him once, and he was no a three-time Special Victims Unit champion like you are –”

“Objection!” Phoenix injected sullenly. “I’ve been your actual patient only twice! This third unplanned visit is merely due to being guilty by association!”

“Spoken like the true lawyer you once were!” Dr. Mann laughed heartily. “Just like you, this particular patient forever remains in my memories due to the active tomfoolery which landed him in the emergency ward. While you are a hopeless victim of admittedly comical circumstance, this 17-year-old boy, a teenage prosecutor actually – he had the most strange and ironic name! Detest? No, DeBeste, I believe! Anyhow, he ended up with 60% of his right hand covered in scar tissue, all with nothing more than his own buffoonery to blame!”

Intrigued, despite his embarrassment, Phoenix’s head jerked up sharply upon hearing the surname, which he’d heard about from his High Prosecutor best friend. DeBeste? As in Sebastian? As in the idiot son of that nefarious Head of the Prosecutorial Investigation Committee, Blaise Debeste, whom Edgeworth helped take down and bring to justice?

“I was afraid he’d lose some mobility in his hand,” Dr. Mann continued. “I suppose if he’d managed to hurt himself while saving orphans from a burning ice cream shop or something equally heroic, it wouldn’t stand out in my mind so much. Unfortunately, it was from an undeniably stupid attempt at ridiculously weird science. Apparently, he’d heard that artificial sweetener would burn with a purple flame when ignited. He soon discovered that Splenda on its own did not seem to be particularly combustible… so he mixed it with a generous amount of rubbing alcohol, dumped the resulting mess onto a ceramic plate, and set the whole thing ablaze. All of this, incidentally, took place atop a wooden desk in a carpeted room.”

Phoenix gawked at this story of absolute ludicrousness, which was so bizarre, he knew it had to be true! He nodded eagerly at the doctor to continue.

“As could probably be expected, things got out of control pretty fast. Sebastian soon realized he couldn’t extinguish the flames via conventional means, like blowing on it really hard. Furthermore, he didn’t have anything with which he could smother the conflagration… so he decided his only option was to carefully pick up the plate and carry it to the kitchen sink.”

Dr. Mann’s lips twitched at the memory.

“Despite his slow, measured steps, he still managed to stumble, splashing the back of his hand with liquid fire in the process, while attempting to make it to the sink and not set his entire room on fire! He was in tears when he came into the ER, so I imagine it hurt like the dickens! True story.”

“Wow.” The ex-lawyer shook his head despairingly. “The truth is stranger than fiction! What’s even worse is this teenage boy is going to be part of the next generation of attorneys running our courts!”

“The young prosecutor still wears white gloves to this day to mask the scar tissue on his hand.” Dr. Mann added. “Worst of all, he told me he didn’t even notice if the flames were purple or not!”

Phoenix clapped a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud and rustling Dee, and only barely just succeeded.

“How do you remember these things, Sukhdeep?” He asked in awe, at last deciding that at this point, he and the doctor were most definitely on a first name basis!  “Of the hundreds, if not thousands of patients you’ve seen over the years, and considering how long ago mine and DeBeste’s cases were, how can you possibly remember ours out of the lot?”

“There are some things in life one simply cannot forget, Phoenix,” Dr. Mann replied smugly. “Getting hit in the face with an airborne spherical sex object which shot out of a patient’s anus like a cannonball most definitely joins the ranks of unforgettable.”

He chuckled as Phoenix moaned softly in humiliation at the reminder.

“In the case of this young lawyer, I suppose his ill-starred circumstances, naturally, helped in making him memorable to me, along his family name being DeBeste. After all, it’s a prime example of irony itself, since he was the worst at demonstrating any logic or common sense outside the courtroom!” The Indian derided. “Life’s ironies come in many forms, Phoenix. Sometimes in dramatic events, sometimes in names … regardless, we must learn to laugh at these things, otherwise, we end up crying instead. My parents would know this firsthand, considering the name they gave my sister.”

“That’s right, you mentioned she was given a more common, westernized name than you were,” the spiky-haired man recalled, tapping his chin with his finger. “What did they name her?”

“My unwed sister still bears the family surname, and her first name is Anita.”

“Anita Mann?” Phoenix repeated thoughtfully. “I can see how that might sound kind of funny and makes her sound a bit like a desperate man-eater of sorts since she’s still not married? So was that the reason for the irony of her name?”

“Not at all!” Dr. Mann chortled. “The irony is that my sister is named Anita Mann, the gym teacher, is a bra-burning feminist and activist for women’s rights. Gloria Steinem is her idol, and her favorite quote is: a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

He caught the bewildered look on the pianist’s mien and snorted.

“Anita is also what my conservative Hindu parents call… The Gay.”

Phoenix blinked.

“You mean…?”

“My westernized named sister, Anita Mann is one of those man-hating… how do you say… Militant lesbians,” Dr. Mann affirmed, his eyes twinkling. “Whereas their son, with the more ethnic, yet hilariously provocative, gay porn star name, is completely heterosexual, and married with children.”

“I – I am speechless,” the pianist admitted, now openly snickering along with the medic. “I mean, what I can say to this, except what’s in a name? Evidently … the makings for some interesting dinner conversation and back story with the Mann clan?”

“Abso-freaking-lutely!” Sukhdeep Mann winked. “So you see Phoenix Wright, you are not the sole person in the world who had not only had to laugh through the pain, but who is intimately familiar with the concept of irony!”