49 A Bullet Dodged

“She didn’t love easily; it took a lot for her to fall. But when she did love, it was with such an intensity it could be felt from a mile away. It shook the earth and made the ocean roar. And when he felt it, it made him question if he’d ever known love at all.”

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Miles Edgeworth and Franziska Von Karma
Interpol Office Parking Lot, Borginia
August 7, 2024, 8:00 PM

Miles was supremely grateful he hadn’t been driving the six-digit valued sportscar when his fiancée had made her not-so-innocent inquiry; he’d jolted so sharply upon hearing the $64,000 question that it would have ensured an unmitigated disaster, had they actually been moving!

He shouldn’t have been caught so off-guard, though. Realistically, he should have seen the query as inescapably imminent. After all, when had Franziska Von Karma ever let sleeping dogs lie?! Taking a deep breath, he rapidly ran through his options in this most undesirable scenario that had been thrust upon him.

For the sake of his legal career, he had agreed to undercover investigations posing as a billionaire playboy. Subsequently, for a variety of reasons that were irrelevant now – but had seemed noble at the time! – he’d opted not to advise his other half about it. Now, as some sort of karmic comeuppance for this gross oversight in judgment, (or as some other form of cosmic retribution for sins he was still unaware of!), he had to feign being the present-day boyfriend of his ex-girlfriend. No, scratch that – his former illicit lover!

All the while, he was also supposed to remain cool, calm, and collected in the face of his actual current, ever-probing, slightly possessive, and now hormonal lover/future wife. Otherwise known as the Frau who had zero inklings that his current faux swain, in another lifetime, had once been his real-life one!

It all sounded like something out of a badly contrived romantic comedy or soap opera! However, the potential consequences of facing his fiancée’s wrath if she ever caught wind of his unintentional deception was more like the scenario from a B-rated horror movie – one where Miles would be the sole casualty!

He recoiled at the notion.

God’s teeth! I know that matchless Von Karma’s fury made her whip the normally unbreakable Wright into unconsciousness a few years back but is it possible to be whipped… to death?

Moreover, since Franziska was with child and had more raging hormones than an 18-year-old adolescent boy, and hence, wasn’t always fully in control of her senses, was it plausible that a jury of sympathetic women would find her not guilty of murdering her betrothed on some sort of technicality, like temporary insanity? Quite possibly! It would be so cruelly unjust should Miles become a slain homicide victim over this whole shambolic mess!

After all, just what, exactly, am I guilty of, anyway? Not declaring every single one of my past sexual dalliances to my lover – a topic that has never been brought up as even remotely relevant up until now? That would be so unfair! After all, withholding the truth isn’t the same as lying! Not technically, anyway…

Miles was disgusted with himself. Lord help him, his attempted rationalizing made him seem no better than every dishonest, corrupt bastard lawyer stereotype he’d ever known! No, worse than that!

Goddammit, I sound as bad as Larry Butz!

Taking a deep breath, the prosecutor carefully composed his features before plastering on his biggest, brightest, and most winsome smile as he then turned to face his fiancé, whose lovely visage was the picture of innocence, patience, and simple curiosity.

However, having known Franziska most of her life, he could make out the not-quite-hidden steely glint in her eyes. The one which clearly said: If you dare lie to me, you are a dead man walking, Miles Edgeworth!

“I take it by the colorful description of that inquiry, meine Dame,” he replied lightly, all the while trying to refrain from breaking out into the sweat threatening to once again form upon his brow. “That the overly made-up harlot in question you are referring to is Agent Skye?”

“It is after hours, Liebling,” Franziska reminded him, her cadence dripping with honey. “I do believe she invited us to call her Lana.”

Abruptly, her tone took on a more cutting edge.

“Do not dare attempt to play the role of the proverbial fool or worse, try to play me as one, Miles! I am neither blind nor daft and will not allow you to treat me as such!”

“Franziska, I swear I am doing no such thing!” He protested weakly. “You know that I respect you and value your intelligence and have never tried to insult it as such…”

“Then tell me why you were ogling that Schlampe like a besotted fool the whole night – while within my presence! – and were foolish enough to think I would not notice such disrespectful actions?” She demanded. “Are you honestly going to try to deny the fact that you have been – verdammt what is that vulgar term the foolish Larry Butz uses? – eye-banging Lana the entire night?!”

“I believe you’re confusing my unprecedented astonishment at seeing my former superior for the first time in a dog’s age as something more than it was, meine Dame.”

“Even if I did decide to let you get away with that pitiful, weak excuse the first time around – which I shall not, by the way– it nonetheless does nothing to excuse your foolish actions when you saw Lana after her makeover!” The German woman’s lip curled in disgust. “The way your tongue was practically hanging out of your lecherous mouth was identical to the manner of Pess when she’s begging for table scraps!”

“Verily, I say! You win, Franziska!” Miles raised his hands in mock surrender as he finally came to the closest possible admission of veracity at this point which hopefully wouldn’t get him castrated.  “I must profess that a decade ago, as a young prosecutor, I harbored jugendliche Zuneigung for Agent Skye.”

Admitting to having juvenile affections for his then-boss was the truth, after all – albeit a very condensed version of it!

“Ergo, all this time later, despite being a happily committed man, I will confess to being guilty of male approbation, as well as being genuinely taken aback at what a fine makeover job my childhood mate, Jilly, did at getting Lana to appear so … well preserved.”

I’m just sorry that you noticed me noticing her as such!

“Humph! So be it, then. I imagine I cannot fault you for noticing Lana’s feminine wiles due to the fanciful fleetings of an old crush having resurfaced – not when it was so very long ago.” Franziska eyed him suspiciously. “That is all this was then? Your foolish inability to hide your visibly blatant admiration of Jilly’s beautification talents … and naught else?”

“Lana is a comely lady, my tempestuous beauty.” He exhaled heavily, closing his eyes and accepting the fact that he was probably doomed. “Jilly did a splendid job preparing her for the role tonight. To suggest otherwise is to spurn the valiant efforts of an old friend and I do reckon you’re surely bigger than that – aren’t you?”

Taking that particular high-road attempt with my last comment was a long shot, but it was worth a try!

He could hear the gears in the former prosecutor’s mind turning as she mulled over his words, and knew without a doubt, that he had her there. She knew it as well as he did, even before she replied.

“Very well, Miles. Yes, your friend did a miraculously fine job in making your arm candy for the night look … fetching,” she assented grudgingly. “You certainly were not the only one guilty of salivating. Forget drooling – Carlos was downright frothing at the mouth, Badd’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head and the habitually brusque Lang referred to her as enchanting! So, I suppose you are right. For eine alt breit … I shall acquiesce that Lana Skye is not completely ein hässliches Entlein.”

How earth-shatteringly generous of her to decree my former flame is, the old broad is no ugly duckling!

The barrister was too relieved at the slight reprieve to even snicker at the lofty dispensation that had oh-so-generously declared. Instead, he opened his eyes and raised a brow in her direction.

“If my complimenting, or acknowledging a pulchritudinous female in your presence offended you in any way, Franziska, I sincerely apologize. However, if a lingering gander at another woman is my worst offense towards you after five years, have you fared so shabbily in the groom-to-be department?”

It was like a game of chess. Check and mate. Miles had won.

Ich kriege so eine Krawatte! Franziska grumbled to herself as she grumpily folded her arms across her chest and reluctantly admitted there was some actual validity to his words, although hating the way he’d managed to turn things around! That manipulative…methodical…logical…Grrr! Gott verdammt, why did I agree to marry a genius lawyer? I blame that mother of all fools, Phoenix Wright, for this! His foolish ways and influences have rubbed off on my fiancé in more ways than one!

Her lover was still regarding her with that arched brow, obviously waiting for a reply to his not-so-rhetorical question.

“No, Liebling, I fathom I have not done too badly in the fiancé department if this is the worst thing that I can fault you with thus far,” she finally acknowledged with a wry smile. “I know I am being silly, getting so jealous over something so foolish, but I am in the family way and just cannot help feeling just a little vulnerable! While I am not showing yet, I will be soon!”

Earnest silver orbs met bewildered steel ones.

“Put yourself in my position! Here is this attractive Frau who will be wearing all these slinky, revealing dresses –which I will no longer be able to wear anymore! – whilst clinging to your side! As for me …by comparison, I shall soon resemble a hippo with a gland problem!”

Miles let out a shout of laughter then, partially from relief, and partially because at that moment, he truly realized that he would never love any other woman for the rest of his days, the way he did Franziska Von Karma.

Never disregard a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars. I shall never be such a foolish fool. Never again.

He turned towards her then, cupping her face in his hands and smiling lovingly at her.

The most beautiful part of loving a guarded girl is this: When she lets you in, it’s not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago. It’s because she wants you. And that – that is the purest love of all.

“Meine Dame, your body may swell as the months go past but it’s because you’re having my baby.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb as a tear rolled out of her eye. “As the glowing, beatific woman carrying our child, there could never be a more beautiful sight to behold than that, in my eyes, ever. I truly mean that! Even if a parade of négligée models were to prance before my eyes, I may be guilty of glancing in that direction … but that would only stray my attention for a fleeting second. My mind, my heart, my soul… will remain with you. For now, and for always.”

Another tear leaked out of Franziska’s eye at his poignant words.

“Ich Liebe Dich, Miles Edgeworth.”

“I love you too, meine Dame.” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Shall we get going now?”

“Yes, of course.” She flashed him a radiant smile. “But there is one more thing I’m wondering about, Miles.”

“What’s that?” He turned the key in the ignition and carefully pulled out of the parking lot.

“Was in aller Welt is with you and this aversion to the word sexy?” She exclaimed, giggling. “I know your understandable aversions to earthquakes and elevators by why to such a harmless little word? It is so unlike you to be this particular level of neurotic!”

“It’s a long story…” Miles sighed, casting her a sideways look. “And while it’s not mine to tell, it just as surely did affect me as if it had happened to me…”

Translations 

Ich kriege so eine Krawatte!
(L) I get such a tie!
As in the formal item you would wear around your neck. And it comes from the pressure you feel in your throat when you get so angry you could scream.
(F) saying when finding something makes you really angry.

Was in aller Welt – what in the world