56 The Cups Runneth Over

A/N: Did you really think Phoenix’s misadventures in fatherhood were over? I don’t know why I get such sadistic pleasure out of torturing my favorite guy, but I know I was snickering my BUTZ off writing this final puberty peril featuring the horrors of Nick having to buy Trucy her first bra as my last installment of Phoenix’s struggles of being a Papa! Enjoy!

“Stupidity is a talent for misconception”
~Edgar Allan Poe~

Phoenix Wright and Trucy Wright
Wright Talent Agency
October 13, 2024, 4:14 PM

Despite being dragged back to earth about his not-so-ideal loss of badge situation and Kristoph Gavin admittedly being the probable cause of it, Phoenix’s overall outlook about life was still positive for the most part. Pertaining to fatherhood, in comparison, he was downright chipper, as Trucy was, for the most part, a parent’s dream as a daughter.

After the infamous dual destinies that had simultaneously ricocheted both Pearls and Trucy into womanhood under his very roof, the pianist had somehow, foolishly, convinced himself he had done his due time. That he’d successfully surpassed the all embarrassing hardships of fatherhood now that his little girl was 13, and that the most traumatic of it was over.

It wasn’t as if he was intentionally being naïve about the strife that came with being a single parent of a young girl. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy.  He’d even read the articles online in hopes to get some insight – along with some very effective brain bleach sites to erase both the mortifying DILF/PMS
incidents shortly thereafter.

All things considered, he’d prided himself somewhat on having dealt with the whole sexy at the pool debacle and the entire period fiascos with some level of aplomb. Therefore, as Trucy veered into adolescence, Phoenix assumed he now could take a slight step back, as the worst of it all had passed, and just reap the rewards of having raised a mostly well-behaved, happy daughter. A little girl who, although teetering on the brink of womanhood – now that he’d mastered the fine art of nodding, smiling, and staying the hell out of her way when Nature’s Fury reared its ugly monthly head! – was still generally mature, helpful, and delightfully low-maintenance, her voracious growing appetite notwithstanding!

Just how wrong could a person be?

The worst, it seemed, was yet to come.

“Daddy, I need to talk to you,” Trucy told him nervously, for once barely pecking at her after-school snack, which she normally demolished in seconds.

Phoenix furrowed his brow. He’d tried his hand at baking some blueberry muffins lately – after all, he’d mastered the art of pancakes now after the first dozen had been written off as charred Frisbees. He’d figured muffins would be the next step – and while his first few attempts had been dryer than chalk dust and/or overly hardened hockey pucks, he’d figured this latest batch was at least edible. And his daughter claimed she loved his muffins.

So then why had she left his latest attempt at creativity – a blueberry lemon muffin – go untouched?

Oh dear Lord don’t tell me another one of her teachers was saying inappropriate things about me again! He thought wildly.  Do I need her to send her to a Catholic school taught by actual nuns and pray the pious sisters would at least have more appropriate conduct?

“What is it, Truce?” He asked wearily. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that.”

My insides may quell at hearing some of those things, but it is my parental duty to grin and bear it after all…

“Well, we’ve started co-ed gym this year…” Trucy mumbled, absently breaking off a piece of the muffin top and popping it into her mouth, not looking at him in the eye. “And we were playing volleyball against the boys…and lately, it’s been kind of hurting me whenever I’ve had to jump up for the ball, you know? And my gym uniform has been becoming a wee bit tight lately…”

Phoenix cast a quick, appraising eye at his tiny daughter’s rail-thin form in surprise. Had he somehow shrunken her clothes in the wash? She didn’t appear to have gained even a pound as far as he could tell…

“Um…in my chest area, Daddy,” she finished, her voice barely above a whisper as her cheeks turned pink. “It really hurt today when the ball hit me there … the gym teacher told me to tell you that I need to get a bra.”

A bra?!

Phoenix cleared his throat uncomfortably and fought back the urge to smack himself in the forehead for being so completely daft and blind. Of course, his baby girl was growing up! Why hadn’t he thought of this before?

Because he was a single father and … Trucy hadn’t exactly come with an instruction manual?

Also, there were few people he could consult about this without feeling like some sort of weirdo. The Gumshoes, after all, had a son, and Tyler’s twin girls were only in kindergarten. Sure, Maya was guardian to Pearls, but exactly how exactly did one bring up the discomfiting topic, (without coming across as some sort of Dr. Hotti creeper/pervert) if little Pearls was wearing a bra yet, and for how long?!

“Don’t worry about it, baby girl,” he assured her. “Whatever you need. We’ll take you shopping at Lordly Tailor tonight. Uncle Larry is coming to take us out to dinner, and he can drive us to the store right after.”

“I can’t go shopping tonight, Daddy,” Trucy reminded him. “After dinner, I need to get to work at the Wonder Bar.”

“Oops, I forgot! Sorry, Truce, at my old age, it’s hard to keep track of my own work schedule, never mind yours!” Phoenix flashed a sheepish grin. “Did you want to go shopping maybe tomorrow night? No wait, I’m working then…”

His forehead creased as he mentally ran over the rest of the week, and found to his dismay neither of their work schedules would align for the rest of the days after. This was quite the proverbial pickle they were in!

“Daddy, you’re so silly! You’re not that old!” Trucy giggled. “The problem is, I have gym class every day! It’s going to be so uncomfortable for me to participate unless I get some sort of…support, you know? Do you think maybe you and Uncle Larry could get a bra for me tonight?”

Her father moaned inwardly.

Ugh, I was hoping she wouldn’t say that! 

He’d never gone bra-shopping in his life, not even with a girlfriend. And thanks to Maggey’s gargantuan Costco supply of feminine products the year before, despite being reluctantly schooled in the matter, he’d still not yet needed to pick up any embarrassing monthly necessities for his daughter as of yet.

Nevertheless, it looked like life was only going to let him play dodgeball with humiliation for so long…

Should he ask Gumshoe’s wife to come along?

Nah. He’d be fine. He’d bought Trucy roller skates before. Ladies skates, too! So really, how difficult could it be to buy a bra?

“Of course we can, baby girl,” Phoenix reassured her, forcing a smile. “I’m sure Uncle Larry won’t mind at all!”

Mostly, because I’m not exactly going to give him a choice!

Phoenix Wright and Larry Butz
Lordly Tailor Department Store
October 14, 2024, 6:30 PM

“I thought you hated shopping Nick,” Larry said as they entered the doors of the large, multi-level department store. “What did you need to buy?”

“Nothing for me in particular,” Phoenix hedged, smiling as Adrian Andrews walked up to them, a friendly smile on her lovely face.

“Are we here for a gift for a special someone?” Larry asked slyly, nudging him discreetly in the side, while still carefully refraining from mentioning Maya by name.

“Well, I am here to pick up something for a very special little lady.”

“I should have figured as much since you made me drive you to the fanciest and most expensive department store in all of Los Angeles!”

Phoenix ignored the comment and smiled pleasantly at the pretty blonde, still as immaculately groomed as ever, with her dark blonde topknot and wire-rim glasses over warm brown eyes, which were now regarding him with curiosity and surprise as recognition in his hobo attire finally dawned on her.

“Phoenix Wright, is that you?”

“In the flesh, Adrian.”

“Well stranger, long time no see!” She exclaimed, reaching over and giving him an unexpected, effusive hug before doing the same to the artist, who looked as happy as puppy with two tails at being in the vicinity of an attractive female. “And Larry, so nice to see you too! What are you guys doing here?”

“Every six years or so I figure you’re owed a visit,” Phoenix joked. “I figured I was due a quick check to see if you had any more special exhibits in motion? I’m partial to the urn variety as you know.”

“Yes, because the last one wasn’t a complete unmitigated disaster!” She laughed. “By the way, how is Maya doing? She’s got that urn in a safer place now, I should hope?”

“She’s just fine, I expect,” the hobo replied serenely, his poker face betraying nothing. “She left about five years ago to become master of her village but appears to be doing quite well, from what her cousin Pearls tells us. She and my daughter Trucy are best friends, and the two get together whenever she comes down to the city to visit.”

“A daughter?” While decorum had kept her from bringing up anything with regards to his disbarring, Adrian was unable to conceal her stunned reaction to this news. “H – how nice…um, when did you get married?”

“He’s not,” Larry intervened, never one to enjoy not partaking in conversation, even ones with naught to do with him. “Nick here is a single Papa.”

“Single?” Adrian pushed her glasses up her nose and gave a shy, appreciative smile. “I can’t imagine why! Phoenix, I didn’t think it was possible, but you look like you’ve gotten even fitter since the last time I saw you. Working out really seems to agree with you!”

Phoenix blushed at the unexpected compliment and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Trucy’s horny teachers had been correct in the fact that his bulky sweatsuit didn’t hide the results of his daily jogging or exercising whatsoever!

“Thanks, Adrian,” he murmured bashfully. “My daughter is the reason we’re here. I need to pick up something for her. Can you tell us where the girl’s department is?”

“Well, children’s clothing is on the second floor…”

“Oops, sorry I should have clarified, Trucy is 13. Definitely not in kid’s clothing anymore, heh, heh.”

“She’s 13?” Adrian repeated, her eyes widening as she did the mental math. “Um, I didn’t know you had a daughter when I saw you last? You must have had her when you were a teenager then?”

“Trucy’s adopted,” Larry offered, deciding to put the poor woman out of her misery with all these bombshells. “Cute as a button.”

“Oh, I see,” she said, all smiles again. “Well, then you need the Junior Miss department, which is next to ladies’ wear on the third-floor level.”

“Is that where they have the…” Phoenix wracked his mind for the right word. “Underclothing garments as well?”

“It is indeed. Happy shopping, you two. See you around.”

“See you later, Adrian,” Phoenix waved as she walked off, just as Larry looked at his friend in alarm as he digested what he’d just said.

“Underclothing garments?” He echoed, his eyes widening in panic. “You didn’t tell me we were shopping for that, Nick!”

Phoenix shrugged as he yanked his friend’s shirt and tugged him towards the escalators. “You didn’t ask.”

“Nuh-uh! No way, José!” Larry struggled to pull himself free from the pianist’s clasp. “You made me endure that whole dueling cyclone that was Trucy and Pearl last year, and then forced me to stick around – and get insulted by Maggey! – during that whole lecture on things with wings…but this is just too much!”

He wrestled free and shook his head, already starting to walk downwards on the ascending escalator.

“Nothing doing, Nick! This is where I draw the line!”

Without warning, Phoenix stepped down and easily grabbed the back of Larry’s collar, as though he were a scruffy dog, and jerked him back up next to him again on the moving stairway, ignoring the other man’s choking gasps of protests as he did so.

“Nick! Stawp! I can’t breathe!”

Phoenix relaxed his grasp enough to allow Larry oxygen but maintained his tenacious grip. “If you want to breathe, all you need to do is stop struggling, Larry,” he said calmly as they reached the second-floor landing and took the next escalator headed upwards to the third floor. “You know, you’re the one who makes these things unnecessarily hard on yourself.”

“And you’re the one who makes unnecessary use of those muscles Adrian was admiring!” The children’s illustrator scowled as the card shark released him and rubbed his poor, abused windpipe. “Talk about your abuse of strength, you big bully!”

“This isn’t exactly my ideal way to spend one of the rare evenings you’re in town either, Larry.” Phoenix shrugged again but this time he flashed an impish grin. “In fact, I’m sure this will be an experience that rivals last years’ on the excruciating scale, which I look forward to about as much as a month in the dentist’s chair! However, you are my oldest pal … and what is it they say? Buddies, who suffer together, stay together?”

“Well then this incident should take us through to our golden years,” Larry grumbled as they arrived at their destination floor and looked around. “Look, there’s the Junior Miss section in the far corner, can we just hurry up and get this over with already?”

“I have no desire to prolong this either, you know.” Phoenix strode over to the section and then looked further into the aisle in search of the underwear section. “The sooner we find Trucy her training bra, the sooner we can leave.”

“And then hopefully participate in a somewhat less emasculating activity, like playing pool or going for beers, I hope!” Larry flipped through some of the boxes stacked neatly on display and looked up questioningly at Phoenix. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for here, Nick! What size is Trucy?”

“Size?”

“Yeah, Nick, you know, her cup size? Of her bra?”

“Howdy, y’all. Can I give ya fellas a hand?”

Phoenix froze at the sound of the familiar voice behind him.

No way! It can’t be! God couldn’t hate me that much!

Yet when the blushing former defense attorney turned around, there, fully clothed, in a chic navy women’s business suit, stood Tiffany Pierce.

Otherwise known to him as the normally scantily-clad, friendly neighborhood Borscht Bowl waitress.

Oh, boy. This is going to be even more harrowing than I thought. He cast a quick surreptitious glance heavenward and shook his head at the Man upstairs. You’ve got quite the twisted sense of humor, don’t you?

“Um, hey Tiffany,” he gulped, his cheeks warm. “Fancy running into you here.”

It was a Godsend that he hadn’t brought Trucy with him! The last thing Phoenix needed was his daughter asking Tiffany if she was going to be her new mommy! Or perhaps even worse, ask the waitress if she thought her Daddy was sexy! He wasn’t sure he or his daughter would be prepared to hear the potentially traumatizing answer to that!

“I work here Mondays through Wednesday, stud,” Tiffany winked. “Although I reckoned this would be the last place I’d be bumping into yer fine behind!”

Why do I have the inexplicable urge to run away screaming?

Although he and Tiffany had made peace years ago and were on friendly enough terms at the bar, the hobo had always tried to maintain his distance and keep his personal and work life separate from the still slightly too flirtatious blonde. He saw Maya often enough now to make fleeting thoughts of temptation have diminished almost entirely, yet the server’s overt sexuality and saucy winks still made him feel a trifle nervous around her.

Like now, as the bombshell’s heavily made-up eyes scrutinized him from head to toe then back up again, before drifting over to Larry, who was still clutching a package with a picture of a baby-pink brassiere on it, with “My First Training Bra” written on it while gawking back at her with a thunderstruck expression.

Suddenly, a look of understanding dawned on Tiffany’s tanned face, and her full lips curled into a knowing smirk.

“Well, come to think of it, maybe I shouldn’t be as lost as last year’s Easter egg after all,” she drawled. “This makes things one helluva lot of sense, now that I think of it!”

She nodded in approval at the now guilty-looking, flustered artist, who’d dropped the package back on the table as if it were a hot potato.

“Good call, suga. That fo sho wasn’t yer color at all!”

“Hey!” Larry yelped indignantly. “That wasn’t for me, it was for Nick, here!”

“I’m not judging ya, sweetie!” Tiffany tittered and waved her scarlet-tipped hand. “In this here modern day and age, it’s no longer considered a sin to be Light in the Loafers! Well, maybe to the Baptist church it is, but this is LA…. we’re a fair bit away from Birmingham anyway…”

“W- what?” Larry spluttered. “Nick, say something! Tell your friend here that you and I…that we, so totally are not …”

“Confirmed bachelors?” Tiffany arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms around her tremendous bosom, which strained against the buttons of her white shirt. “Friends of Dorothy?”

“Larry’s telling the truth, Tiffany,” Phoenix, at last, found his voice. “We were shopping for me. Well, not for me, per se! But he just happened to have found that bra and was inquiring about sizes when you came along…”

“Does your girlfriend know about this side of you?” Tiffany queried; her eyes bright with unabashed interest. “Or is she no longer in the picture? Never did see her come around since that night I met her …”

She gestured to Larry.

“I reckon this is what you’ve upgraded her to?”

“I am not gay!” Phoenix shouted as he placed his hands on either side of his head and flung them forward with palpable exasperation. “And if I were gay, I’d like to think I could do better than him!”

“Objection! That’s way harsh, man!”  The goateed man’s lower lip trembled. “Why you gotta be such a meanie?”

“Will you just give it a rest, Larry!”

“I will not! What the shit, Nick? Just what was that crack supposed to mean?”

“You mean aside from being fed up with this entirely erroneous assumption that we Ying Yang each other’s wing wangs? A misconception, by the way, which you are doing nothing to refute right now with your theatrics?” The spiky-haired man glared at his friend, who’d magically managed to get teary-eyed over this utterly ludicrous situation! “For the record, it also means that you don’t turn me on, alright?”

“Wah! Just admit it, you big meanie jerk-face! You hate my artist’s ensemble, don’t you!” Larry was both wailing and in full waterworks mode now. “You loathe this pink sweater, don’t you?  No, wait! It’s the hat, isn’t it?  That’s why you’re always yanking at it!”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” The DILF groaned and clapped a hand to his forehead. “My giddy God’s pajamas, Larry…”

“Fine, then! Have it your way, Phoenix Wright!” The drama king cried. “See if I ever come bra shopping for you ever again!”

“Will you please shut up?! People are staring at us!” The card shark pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Also, you’re not helping our case here, Larry!”

“I guess ya don’t have to be a fruit smoothie to want to dress the part,” Tiffany murmured to herself, looking thoughtful. “I hear some fellas just like to gussy up all girly like, in their private time, but still swear that they’re happy as a pig in mud when it comes to their wives or girlfriends. Is that the case for ya folks here? I remember yer gal pal was a tiny little thing, Phoenix, so I guess ya don’t fit into her things?  Is that why ya’ll two are lookin’ fer yer own?”

“Tiffany, I’m here for my daughter!” The poker champ was beyond exasperated. “Trucy? Remember, you’ve seen her at the bar once or twice? And for the record, Larry and I are neither gay nor cross-dressers!”

“Oh, that’s right!” Tiffany slapped her halo of platinum curls. “Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I remember her now. Cute as a June bug, that one!”

“Yes, my Trucy.” Phoenix was relieved to have finally alleviated that misunderstanding. “Well said June bug is 13 now, and we’re looking for –”

“Hell to the no I ain’t gay, gorgeous!” Larry instantly recovered from his tears and ogled at Tiffany with his normal lascivious expression. “Trust me, I’ve had more pie than Paula Deen!”

Phoenix facepalmed at that one.

Completely oblivious, Larry shamelessly continued.

“And I remember you were the sexy waitress that night of Maya’s birthday! Damn girl, like a fine wine, you’ve only improved with age!” Larry’s eyes traveled admiringly over the blonde’s statuesque body. “You look just as good covered up as you do in that tiny uniform, which let me tell ya, is the stuff naughty dreams are made of!”

“For the love of all that is holy, please stop, Larry!” Phoenix begged as Tiffany silently stared at the artist in disbelief. “You’re completely overcompensating here!”

“Hey you may be spoken for, but I’m not! Your friend here is smokin’ hot, Nick!”

“Er, as flattering as all this is…” Tiffany interjected awkwardly. “I do believe ya were sayin’ ya were looking for over-the-shoulder boulder holders for yer little girl, Phoenix?”

“Yes, yes I am,” he said quickly, eager to get back to business. “As I said, she’s 13.”

“Nowhere near your league, of course,” Larry leered, his tongue wagging as he gestured to Tiffany’s ample bosom. “You’re at least what, a 36 DD right?”

“Not bad,” Tiffany grinned, proudly thrusting out her chest even more for inspection. “34 DD as a matter of fact. That was a good guess, mister. You want a job here?”

“Well when you’ve had as much experience with the female form as I have, both painting and otherwise it comes naturally,” Larry bragged. “I’m an artist, you see.”

Tiffany disregarded this and kept her eyes on her colleague, all professional mode again.

“So I reckon this is her first foundation garment?” she asked.

“Yup,” he nodded. “Mine too, actually…”

Tiffany’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline.

“I swear to you this is for her,” he added hastily. “I meant, it’s my first time, buying her a foundation garment.”

“I’d hope so because if we were shopping for something for those mighty pecs of yers, Phoenix, I’d say maybe a 38A,” Tiffany joked. She winked as he started blushing again and began expertly flipping through the rows of boxes on the table Larry had abandoned. “What size is she?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know her size…” the ex-lawyer scratched the back of his head. “She um, takes about a 5.5 roller skate?”

Tiffany only looked at him, and his blush deepened as he stared back at her helplessly.

“I dunno, she’s a 13-year-old girl size?”

“I got it.” Tiffany held up a box, pulled the garment out, and held it up for inspection. “This here is our most popular early teen and preteen model.”

“Really?” Larry snickered. “It looks like a surgical bandage!”

Tiffany sighed and once again kept her focus on the DILF, who glared at his friend.

“Does your daughter need something larger then?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Hmmm….this one here is purty,” the blonde offered, holding up another box. “With a little pink bow.”

“I don’t know about pink bows.” The Baron of Bluffing scrunched up his face and shook his head. “It’s kinda fancy, I don’t usually like that kind of stuff…”

“But y’all claim ya aren’t shopping for yerself, right?” The Southern belle waved her finger at him playfully. “Yer thinking like a man, Phoenix. Yer supposed to be thinking like a 13-year-old girl!”

“I’m having a hard time thinking like a 31-year-old father!” Phoenix groaned. “We’ll um, just take that first one you showed us, OK?”

“Excellent choice,” Tiffany beamed, headed towards the cash register. “It’s the one I started with.”

“When you were 13?” Phoenix asked.

“No suga, bless yer heart!” Tiffany let out a tinkling laugh, gesturing towards her buxom physique again. “When I was 9! By the time I was 13, I was up to a 34 C!”

“No kidding!” Larry let out a wolf whistle of appreciation. “I totally would have been hitting on you if you’d been in my class!”

“All the boys did, suga,” Tiffany flashed him a wink and a flirty smile. “And for the record, they still do!”

Phoenix Wright and Trucy Wright
Wright Talent Agency
October 14, 2024, 10:30 PM

“Here you go baby girl,” Phoenix handed his daughter the package when Larry dropped them home after she was done work that night. “I hope it fits.”

“You’re the best, Daddy!” Trucy excitedly tore into the bag, pulled the bra out of the box, and held it up for inspection. Her face fell with disappointment. “Oh. Thanks, Daddy.”

“What’s wrong, Truce?” Phoenix asked nervously, noting her crestfallen expression. “Did I get the wrong size?”

“No, it’s the right size,” she answered. “It’s just…I kinda wanted the same one as Jinxie has. With the little pink bow on it.”

“You wanted the pink bow?” Phoenix asked, biting back a curse. “Why’s that?”

“Because everyone’s going to see it!”

“Hold it!” He pointed a stern finger at the teen. “It’s enough that you wave your magic panties in public, missy! Who’s going to see your bra?”

“Everyone, Daddy! All the girls in gym class, and at the slumber parties…”

“Oh, I see.” He expelled a huge breath of relief.

“You just don’t get it, Daddy,” the magician explained patiently. “You have to have the little pink bow.”

“It’s fine, Truce.” Phoenix cleared his throat. “I’ll go someplace else and get you your little pink bow.”

“Why go through all that jazz? Why don’t you just take that one back to where you got it from?”

Phoenix’s eyes widened in horror at the thought.

“No way in hell…” he caught himself in time as Trucy stared at him.

Return it to where I bought it, though?! Not in a million years! Perish the thought!

“I mean, nope! It’s fine!” He insisted. “Honestly, it’s um, good to have more than one, anyway.”

“I hope it wasn’t too much trouble, Daddy.”

Nah. I just wound up at the snooty, overpriced department store where my bawdy, overly friendly neighborhood waitress worked, where I had to con Larry into taking me in the first place, requiring me to physically restrain The Butz from taking off on me once he realized what we needed to buy! Then, I endured the humiliating experience of a lifetime of having to convince said man-eater server turned saleswoman that no, I’m not “light in the loafers” and that I do indeed love women… but not enough to wear their clothing as my alter ego. Despite my protests though, thanks to that whiny crybaby’s shenanigans, a part of me remains convinced Tiffany still thinks this bra was for me! And finally, I then had to spend the rest of the night soothing my old chum’s wounded ego and assure Larry Butz that I found him attractive! It was the only way to get him to stop the waterworks, which resumed the minute we left the store, and drive me home!

“Don’t give it another thought, Truce. What are fathers for?” Phoenix dropped a kiss on his daughter’s forehead. “It was no trouble at all.”