37 Home Sweet Home

You know I’m a dreamer
But my heart’s of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn’t come home low
Just when things went right
It doesn’t mean they were always wrong
Just take this song, and you’ll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I’m comin’ off this
Long & winding road

I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home…
Tonight, tonight
I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home…
You know that I’ve seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin’ off
The silver screen

My heart’s like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing
Keeps me together
At the seams

I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home…
Tonight, tonight
I’m on my way
Just set me free
Home sweet home…

Home sweet home…
Home sweet home…
Home sweet home…

I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home…

Yeah!

I’m on my way
Just set me free
Home sweet home… 

 Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey 
Hickfield Clinic, Maya Fey’s Hospital Room
September 17, 2020, 2:00 PM

Today was the big day!

Maya stretched out her arms and did a little exultant twirl, she was still so giddy at hearing the news.

After nearly two weeks since the day she’d been admitted, the Master had finally received a clean bill of health from the hospital as well as her official discharge papers, just over an hour ago. At last, she would be free from sub-par hospital food, being used as a human pin-cushion, and the indignity of those ill-fitting nighties that didn’t fasten up in the back!

She was so close to freedom that she could almost taste it.

The patient stuck her head out of the doorway of her room, anxiously craning her neck for the sight of Phoenix coming down the hall for about the dozenth time in the last five minutes.

Still no sign of her boyfriend.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, she flopped back down on the visitor chair in her room, impatiently drummed her nails on the accompanying table,  took a long sip of ice water from her Styrofoam cup, and silently fumed about her lover’s perpetual tardiness.

Holy ma-humpin shit burgers! Where the hell is Nick?!

Much like the day of her inauguration, yet again, Phoenix was running late – albeit only a quarter of an hour in this case. And, to be fair, this time, he had ensured there was enough battery on his “Dumb Phone” and called her, letting her know he’d been unexpectedly delayed and to hang on and sit still, as he was on his way.

As if she had any other choice!

Aside from the fact that Maya had no purse, wallet, or ID on her, she also had found, when she’d been moved out of ICU and into a normal patient room four days ago, that she also had no shoes …or even clothes! She had no inkling of what had happened to the clothing she’d been wearing when she’d collapsed. The sole items within her proprietorship were the small toothbrush and personal toiletries Phoenix had thoughtfully purchased for her once she’d awakened. And she had zero desire to take any of them with her as a memento of her hellacious ordeal, any more than she wished to leave the hospital in her current attire.

The worst part was that topping Maya’s list of Things Not In Possession was any sort of underwear!

In the grand universal tradition of hospital patient garb, the flapping, open-back gown gave no option of modesty coverage for the unfortunate wearer, so wearing it home meant she’d run too high a risk of being busted for indecent exposure when the cool breeze of the outside winds blew on her naked behind!

When she’d mentioned her plight to Phoenix, he’d relayed that Pearl had taken her Master’s kimono and shoes back to the Gumshoe’s place to launder and that her cousin would bring them along when they came to collect her.

Not that the psychic could’ve returned to Kurain even if she’d had her belongings, anyway. For one thing, she had to take Pearly home with her, and for another, there was no way she was returning to Kurain before she saw Nick again. Luckily, she’d been released in the daytime, so he could come to see her off before work, while Trucy was still at school. When he’d spoken to her earlier, he’d also mysteriously mentioned having some very important items to give to her.

She desperately hoped that a bra and panty set was amongst them!

Just as Maya was crunching through the crushed ice cubes from her second water glass, Phoenix showed up at last, with Pearl at his side.

“Dip me in milk and frost my flakes!” Maya cried, racing up to the two and wrapping her arms around her cousin and boyfriend in an effusive hug. “I was losing my mind here, waiting for you guys!”

“Hey, I was only 20 minutes late this time!” The pianist lightly kissed her forehead. “I’m getting slightly better at this punctuality thing, aren’t I?”

Now that she’d gotten over the joyous relief at the arrival of the two most important people in her life, the diviner was just a wee bit peeved. She crossed her arms and looked at Phoenix pointedly.

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you, Nick? Even when you were a lawyer you were always running late for court!”

“It wasn’t his fault, Mystic Maya!” Pearl cut in anxiously. “He was waiting for Miss Sasha to come and pick him up but as soon as we got on the road, Petra threw up all over herself, and Kaya went boom-boom in her diaper, so she had to change both of them before we could head over to get him!”

“Miss Sasha?” Maya echoed blankly. “Kaya? Petra? Who the heck are they?”

“They’re Mr. Tyler’s wife and twin baby girls!” Pearl informed her cousin, as if this were common knowledge. “He’s Mr. Nick’s bartender friend from his work and he’s so nice! So is Miss Sasha! I love playing with their twin babies! They’re as much fun as little Gordy!”

“Um, that’s really nice, Pearly…” Maya was flummoxed. “But how is it you know these people?”

“Yeah, about that, Maya…” Phoenix cleared his throat awkwardly. “As you know, the Gumshoes normally watch Trucy for me while I’m at work and while you’ve been here, they’ve generously taken Pearls in the evenings too. I, of course, take care of your cousin during the daytime…”

“Uh-huh…” She said slowly, already sensing she wasn’t going to be overly impressed with the outcome of this conversation. “I do recall those were the arrangements you told me about.”

“Well, the thing is, the Gumshoes went out of town this week, to Idaho, for Gumshoe’s father’s 75th birthday party.” He spoke quickly, as if sensing her growing wariness. “This meant they weren’t around to watch the girls during the evenings when I had to work. As an interim workaround, Tyler has kindly offered to babysit both Pearl and Trucy for the past couple of nights, since his wife is home with the babies anyway…”

Maya’s jaw dropped. Phoenix had done what? He’d left her precious little girl in the care of some random people she’d never even heard of – never mind met! – without even mentioning this to her?!

“Sweet crustacea of West Asia, Nick!” She glared at him in irate disbelief, barely resisting the urge to hurl her bedside pillow in his direction again – on purpose this time! “You left Pearly in the care of strangers?! How could you make that sort of decision without telling me?”

“But they’re not strangers!” He insisted. “Tyler’s the nice guy who always gives me a ride home whom I’ve been working with for a year and a half now, Maya! And Sasha is a wonderful person and a responsible mother. She’s watched Trucy before a few times – they’ve bailed me for a couple of nights last September when I had to work and Maggey was at the hospital having Gordy.”

“I just love Trucy!” Pearl piped up happily. “My cousin and I have become best friends! We made tacos with Miss Sasha for dinner last night!”

Maya sighed, her exasperation fizzling upon learning Phoenix had left her cousin to be babysat by people he entrusted his own daughter with and hearing that her little girl appeared to have been well-treated and cared for.

“I just wish you’d told me, Nick. I am Pearly’s legal guardian, after all.”

“I’m sorry, my love.” He looked duly chastened. “I didn’t want you to worry, had you known the Gumshoes weren’t around; I just wanted you to focus on your recovery.  You have to know that Pearls means as much to me as Trucy does! I’d never have left either girl in the care of people I didn’t wholeheartedly trust! Moreover, Tyler and Sasha both passed my magatama test!”

Maya reluctantly cracked a smile at that one.

“Don’t worry, Nick, it’s all good … I guess your friend’s wife dropped you and Pearly here? That was pretty nice of her.”

“Miss Sasha’s still here!” Pearl announced while bouncing up and down in her typical adorable manner. “She’s downstairs in the car with her babies, waiting for us. She’s going to drive us to the train station!”

“Is she? That is so unbelievably kind of her.” Maya’s beam was genuine now. “But I don’t want to put your friend out, Nick, especially not when she’s got two little ones to tend to. Pearly and I can easily catch a cab to the train.”

“I didn’t ask Sasha for anything; she insisted!” Phoenix assured her. “Trust me, when you meet her, you’ll see how futile – and scary! – it is to argue with her!”

“Sounds like a gal after my own heart!” Maya grinned. For the first time, she noticed the bag and two parcels under her boyfriend’s arm. “What are those parcels you’re holding?”

“Well, the bag has your freshly washed and dried sandals, underthings, and kimono, courtesy of Gumshoe Dry Cleaners.” He waved the larger, brown-wrapped bundle at her with a flourish and placed it in her hands. “However, I’ve got a feeling you’ll want to wear what’s inside this package back home, instead.”

“Oooh! A present?! For little ol’ me?”

Maya was already delightedly tearing through the brown paper like an excited child on Christmas morning. Upon seeing what she’d unwrapped, she let out an endearing, elated squeal.

“It’s a get-well present from your fellow geek, one Mr. Miles Edgeworth.” Phoenix chuckled at the sight of the autographed Steel Samurai T-shirt Maya was holding up against herself, which despite being labeled as small size, came past the knees on her petite frame. “Gadzooks! If that’s small, I hate to imagine what a large size looks like! I can only suppose it’s constructed from a part of the Big Berry Circus Tent!”

They both snickered, then he pointed to a piece of paper that had fallen to the ground.

“That must have come with the package. I think he left you a note, too.”

Maya retrieved the paper, which bore the blue ink of Edgeworth’s customary, elegant scrawl.

“Dear Miss Fey. Get well soon. I hope you enjoy this special edition Steel Samurai movie shirt. I apologize for the size, but it’s the smallest they make. I surmise the only person for whom it would be petite is the Global Studios director, Sal Manella.” Maya hooted as she read the handwritten penmanship aloud. “Wow, did Edgy actually insert a joke here?”

“It would appear so,” Phoenix noted dryly. “Seems like he’s more likely to make a funny via letter than via email!”

Or in person. Or on the phone, where the only thing he seems to take amusement in is busting my balls…

“Wait, there’s more on the bottom…” Maya scanned the additional script. “I trust Wright to be an adequate nursemaid while you’re recovering. Should he be lacking in any area, please be advised that my offer for the use of my place and my attentive man-servant, Hendricks still withstand. I wish for you to be back in top form when our paths cross again, hopefully in the near future.”

“Aw!” Pearl grew starry-eyed as she pressed her hands to her cheeks. “That’s so sweet of Mr. Eh-ji-worth!”

“Wait, there’s still more,” Maya read. “P.S. please find, in the other parcel, the items your sister and I discussed.”

“Got them right here.” Phoenix held up the second, flat, legal-sized package. “I figure you’ve got a two-hour trip to peruse through it.”

“I suspect that would be the unidentified item you alluded to earlier?”

“It is indeed.”

“Then he wrote, I hope these assist you in alleviating your troubles.” Her eyes grew misty. “My stars and garters, how I adore that guy! Whoever knew Edgy could be such a sweetheart!”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” Phoenix admitted with a wry grin. “The sweet part depends on which mood you catch him on though!”

“Hang on, there’s one last bit on the other side…” Maya turned the paper over, then started giggling maniacally when she read what was written.

“Hey! Did you want to let me in on the gag?” Demanded her befuddled beau. “What’s so darn funny?”

“P. P.S. Please burn that atrocious beanie of your boyfriend’s post-haste!”

Maya and Pearl were both flat-out cracking up now, completely disregarding the scowl on the poker champ’s visage.

I spoke too soon! You’re still an ass, Edgeworth!

Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey
Hickfield Clinic, Main Entrance
September 17, 2020, 2:40 PM

“Free at last! Free at last!” Maya hollered at the top of her lungs as she all but skipped out the main entrance doors in her sandals and customized T-shirt-turned-dress, upon which she’d fashioned the sash of her kimono as a belt. “Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

“You’re acting like you just got out of prison,” Phoenix laughed as he ushered her to a silver SUV parked at the side of the driveway.

“In a matter of speaking, I was, though! The constant needle pricking and using me as a human pincushion can’t be much better than unsolicited anal probing, right?”

“Maya!” He admonished, casting a furtive glance at Pearl, who mercifully was oblivious to the inappropriate commentary as she was already excitedly rushing to the waiting vehicle.

His girlfriend’s embarrassed expression conveyed that for once, she’d at least caught the hint, yet nevertheless continued rambling about her time in medical captivity.

“Sowwy! But, ugh, you were in the hospital when you fell off that bridge last year, Nick! Don’t tell me you liked that slop they called food. I’d have preferred bread and water but they forced me to eat because they claimed I was malnourished. Blech! Last night’s dinner was some sort of nasty mystery meat substance drowning in some greasy gravy … it tasted like monkey butt!”

The anterior attorney barely resisted the urge to facepalm.

Ten thousand thundering typhoons! Can she be any more embarrassing? Did they slip some sort of tongue-loosening agent into said ambiguous primate posterior repast?!

Phoenix’s cheeks were pink as they neared the van, hoping against hope his unsuspecting friend hadn’t heard Maya’s unfiltered remarks. However, the musical peal of laughter he heard emerging from inside the vehicle immediately told him otherwise. He flung open the passenger door and looked apologetically at the driver.

“Sasha, I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting.”

“No worries, love, the twins have been asleep until now. They just woke up but are no worse for wear!”

Tyler’s wife was as cheery as ever, blue eyes sparkling with her customary warmth as she turned her laughing gaze to his girlfriend with a warm, kind smile as she extended her hand.

“And you, Miss Monkey Butt-Muncher, must be Maya! I’m so chuffed to finally meet you.”

The Master shook the proffered palm and smiled uncertainly before her dubious gaze slid back to Phoenix again.

“She’s British,” he whispered into her ear as he fastened Maya’s seatbelt around her after she’d climbed into the front seat. “She calls everybody love!”

Upon hearing that bit of heartening trivia, Maya visibly relaxed and flashed Sasha her most winsome smile.

The first impression you give out will last for a while and will never be taken from you or put against you.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” she declared to the pretty, lavender-locked woman, admiring the baby blue end tips of the long waves that tumbled past her shoulders. “And by the way, I love your hair.”

“You’re too kind. I’m a hairdresser so I try to keep myself as a walking advertisement for my business, which I run from my home.” Sasha responded while carefully pulling away from the driveway. “It was fire-engine red for the longest time but I decided to change it up before I had my girls last summer.”

Maya turned in her seat and took note of the cooing, dark-haired infants in the back seat between Phoenix and Pearl. The latter was entertaining them both by giving each a finger to squeeze.

“They’re both beautiful,” she stated sincerely. “Completely identical too, I see. How on earth can you differentiate them?”

“You’re such a love! Thank you so much! Their hair is my natural color, you know,” Sasha confided. “We can tell them apart because Kaya’s eyes are hazel and Petra’s are green. That, and Kaya’s the more peaceful one. Petra’s a bit more…lively.”

As if to accentuate her mother’s point, Petra suddenly reached over and tugged at Phoenix’s hat, yanking it right off his head. As soon as she saw his spikes spring free, the baby laughed gleefully and clapped her hands.

“Hold it!” The hobo yelped in mock indignation, then shrugged good-naturedly and patted the infant on the head. “You seriously hate my beanie, don’t you Petra?”

“We all do!” Maya chimed in, bursting into giggles. “See, Nick? Nobody likes that thing!”

“The first time Petra saw him, she cried,” Sasha told her merrily. “I’m telling you, that manky thing is pure female repellent!”

“That wasn’t because of my hat!” The hobo protested. “That was because you told me she was hungry and needed to be fed!”

“She did, love. But she stopped crying the minute you took that ridiculous hat off, which was way before I popped the bottle into her mouth!”

Seeing he was fighting a losing battle, Phoenix let out a rueful chuckle.

“Now do you see what I meant when I said you can’t argue with her, Maya?”

“I’m a hairdresser, Phoenix,” Sasha insisted. “Why don’t you just let me give you a quick snip so you won’t need to wear that manky thing? Or at least style your hair with some product so you don’t need to keep covering up!”

“As much as I appreciate the offer, Sasha, I’m outright vetoing any sort of snipping!” He shook his head and placed a hand protectively over his spikes. “My hidden spikes and I are doing just fine, thanks!”

Besides, I’m broke and hair gel costs extra!

“Your girls both seem to have taken to Pearly very well,” Maya observed, her expression tender as she watched her cousin playing with the twins. “It’s hard to believe you’ve all only known each other a few days.”

“Pearl is a darling poppet and is welcome to our home anytime!” Sasha declared sunnily. “Our entire family adores both her and Trucy. Just like her cousin, the little magician is also a delightful treasure. Clearly, Papa has done a fine job in rearing her!”

Phoenix smiled bashfully at the praise, and Maya was endeared that the girls proclaimed themselves as kinswomen due to the sharing of their Aunt Maggey and Uncle Gumshoe. If only Trucy knew just how closely related they could be related if the fates ever allowed it!

If Nick and I were able to openly be together, the way we want to be, she mused sadly, we’d be parents to both girls, and they’d be sisters, not just cousins!

She didn’t have much time to mull these thoughts, as the bubbly hairdresser carried on a steady friendly stream of chatter the entire car ride en route to Phoenix’s place, (where they would be dropping him off as he had work later that evening), to which Maya joyfully responded. Her boyfriend had been right to trust their girls with Sasha – she was a genuinely wonderful person as well as a doting, devoted wife and mother.

In the backseat, the card shark smiled to himself and was content to sit back quietly, his attention split between half-listening to the laughing conversation coming from the front seat and playing peek-a-boo with Petra, whose car seat was directly next to his. For a moment, he idly wondered what eye color any prospective Wright/Fey offspring could have. Would they be blue, like his, or the gorgeous mahogany of their mother’s? Or even a stunning green, like the adorable baby he was playing with, whose parents had the same eye colors he and Maya did?

He was suddenly jolted from his reverie when he realized that Sasha was talking about the Master’s hair, and chastised himself for letting such seemingly out-of-reach notions infiltrate his mind. As it was, he could barely support the one daughter he already had, never mind adding another mouth to feed to the mix! And who knew when – or if! – circumstances would ever change and become auspicious in the future?

“I’d just take off a good few inches, then add some layers, so you wouldn’t need to always wear it up in a topknot as Pearly told me you’ve been doing since you’ve been Master,” the English woman was saying enthusiastically as she stopped at a red light. “You could even wear it down more often and not have to fuss with lengthy styling time at all if you consider letting me snip it into a chic, classic bob cut, which is all the rage right now!”

“Leave it!”

He’d snapped out the order before he could stop himself or temper his tenor. Sasha and Maya swiveled around in their seats and mimicked the gaping expression little Pearl had on her face. Luckily, his outburst hadn’t awoken the twins, who were now sleeping soundly in their seats.

“But Phoenix,” Sasha protested. “Maya’s got so much hair! We could easily donate the rest to make wigs for cancer patients…”

The card shark knew it was the 21st century and that he had no right to dictate what his swain did with her appearance. He was also aware it was not his place to interfere in an entirely feminine judgment about his other half’s coiffure.

However, the mere thought of that beloved mass of glorious, raven locks lying in a shiny heap on the floor was unthinkable.

“Do not cut her hair!” He reasserted in a tone of a forceful decree, which back in his courtroom days, used to make even the most defiant witnesses on the stand scurry for cover. “Not now, not ever!”

Inexplicably, his uncharacteristic command made Pearl smile.

It made Sasha look chastened.

It made Maya momentarily consider cutting her hair off at the nape.

Maya Fey and Pearl Fey 
Kurain Village, Fey Manor
September 17, 2020, 4:45 PM

The village leader thanked Sasha again profusely as she exited the vehicle, while Pearl blew kisses to the twins. Despite her protests, the benevolent mom had insisted on driving them all the way back to Kurain, instead of just to the station, citing that her babies slept better on long car rides and that she didn’t have much else to do as she had no hair clients until later that evening. The Amazon had insisted the spirit medium take her business card, which Maya had graciously accepted, but while she would welcome the other woman’s delightful company again in a social situation, she had zero true desire of seeing her in a professional snipping capacity!

Despite her fleeting defiant thoughts upon her boyfriend’s impromptu, obnoxious, wannabe-macho,
tyrant veto, the diviner had zero intention of bidding adieu to her waist-length hair, which she’d been growing her entire life! Besides, she knew Nick would truly be heartbroken if she ever parted with her signature tresses – they were as much a part of her identity as his spikes! He reveled in running his fingers through her hair as much as she did with his. He especially enjoyed softly giving her locks gentle, erotic tugs at certain times, like whenever they were –

“Mystic Maya?” Pearl’s soft voice interrupted her lusty reverie.

Maya gave her head a shake as if to clear it. There would be plenty of time to reminisce about her steamy moments with Phoenix later, in the privacy of her chambers. Right now, she’d have to satisfy herself with one final, fleeting recollection of their bittersweet, all too hasty good-bye peck on the lips when Sasha had dropped him off earlier, along with the gut-wrenching, forlorn expression on his face as he’d waved farewell until God only knew when! She sighed soundlessly, then looked at her cousin.

“Yes, Pearly?”

“Um, why aren’t you going into the house?” Pearl bit her thumb as she looked at Maya uncertainly. “You’ve been standing here in the driveway looking into space since Miss Sasha left. Are you scared to go inside?”

“Don’t be silly!” Maya declared; with a false sense of bravado she was far from feeling. “Give me one good reason why I would be scared to enter my own home?”

“Because you never told anyone here you were coming back home today and you wouldn’t let me tell the Elders any updates on your condition, so you’re worried about how they’re going to act when they finally see you?”

OK, fine, those were two very good reasons why Maya was feeling as anxious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

“Those oldsters don’t need to know everything,” she replied defiantly, lifting her chin. “By the way, there is one thing I never did ask you, Pearly. You didn’t have an overnight bag or change of clothes the entire time you were staying with Nick and the Gumshoes. What on earth did you wear?”

“Aunt Maggey bought me some pyjamas, which she says I can keep at their place for the next time I sleep over. Also, Trucy is about the same size as me and she was nice enough to let me borrow her clothes so I didn’t need to wear my acolyte robe every day.”

My boyfriend is truly raising a gem for a daughter, the necromancer marveled, as she felt her heart filling with even more love for this wonderful child whom she’d still never met, and who remained blissfully unaware of Maya’s existence.

OK, she’d stalled long enough. It was time to go in and face the proverbial music if any at all. In all likelihood, she was probably being ridiculous with her misgivings. Phoenix’s paranoia had probably just rubbed off on her, that’s what it was! She’d merely been gone for a fortnight, after all! What sinister lurking or wrongful ill-doings could have possibly transpired during such a short period?

The Master took a deep breath and entered the foyer of Fey Manor, with her cousin in tow.

The sight that greeted them made them freeze in mid-stride.

Upon entry, Pearl gasped, and her hands flew to her cheeks in horror.

Mouth agape, Maya just stood there in frozen paralysis, completely unable to move, unable to think, unable to breathe.

Motley Crue – Home Sweet Home