162 With A Little Help From My Friends

Oh carry me, would you carry me?
Hold me and touch my hand.
Oh carry me, would you carry me?
Take my footprints from the sand.

As time goes by, we search for joy
And the weight of our burden grows
As darkness falls and twilight calls
It’s our faith that will carry us through.

As companions fall, we try to stay tall
And we lean on each other in love
It’s through sorrow and pain that grace is gained
And through prayers, hearts grow strong.

On the other side of the great divide
We’ll be strong and we’ll stand on our own.
There’ll be no pain, and joy will reign
And together we’ll make tracks in the sand.

But until then, we’ll stand as friends
And we’ll all sing together for fun.
Through the darkness of night, we’ll all shed light
And together we will sing as one.

Phaya and Miles Edgeworth
Ballroom, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026, 10:45 PM

“Ahh ha ha!”

“Shut up, Edgeworth!”

“Forgive me, Wright!” Edgeworth wheezed, bracing one hand against the bar to support himself as he doubled over. “But to hear that your lover just garrulously asked that poor, innocent girl if she and her gentleman friend have been engaging in vigorous coitus…”

“Miles, you are being unbelievably inconsiderate and immature right now!” Maya puffed out her cheeks, which were flaming with embarrassment and anger as she shot daggers at the still-howling prosecutor. “You cease that tasteless snorting this instant!”

Her indignation only served to make the normally stoic Ace Attorney chortle even harder.

 “Nick!” The necromancer stamped her foot. “Make the Demon Prosecutor stop it already!”

“Bwahaha!”

“God, you are a total ass when you’re drinking, you know that?” Phoenix glowered at his undaunted pal, who continued to cackle. “I think I liked you better as a grumpy drunk!”

“Ahh ha ha !”

The magenta-clad man erupted into another fit of laughter, which he’d been doing for the past five minutes straight, ever since Maya had returned from the ladies’ room and told the courtroom rivals what had transpired with Pearl.

“Cut it out, you meanie!” The Master scowled. “It’s not that funny!”

“Like hell, it isn’t!” Edgeworth dabbed at his eyes, which were streaming tears of mirth, with his cravat, while he slapped at his knee with his free hand. “I cannot believe neither Wright nor you are unable to see the hilarity of asking your surely mortified adolescent daughter if she was enceinte…”

“I didn’t ask Pearly if she was in sand!” The infuriated spirit medium shrieked, clearly not comprehending the French term for up the duff! “I asked her if she was pregnant!”

“I was trying to be discreet, Maya!” Edgeworth’s drunken merriment had subsided now to somewhat less uproarious guffaws. “Would you rather I’d stated that I cannot fathom the awkwardness dear, innocent Pearl must have suffered when her guardian then proceeded to inquire if she was in the family way…”

“Grrr! Shut up, Miles! You wouldn’t be laughing so hard if it were your daughter who made you think you were going to be a grandparent before you even turned 30!”

The provoked village leader spun around to recruit her boyfriend’s assistance, then narrowed her eyes dangerously upon seeing that even Phoenix had let out an impromptu snigger at his friend’s last quip.

“Nick! You insensitive… jerk face!”

Flushing slightly at having been busted for his improper reaction, and in an attempt to escape Edgeworth’s smirk and Maya’s withering stare, the pianist quickly turned to the bartender, who’d chosen that second to present the spiky-haired man his requested “surprise me” cocktail.

“That’s quite good!” The flustered Phoenix tossed back half the drink in one gulp. “What’s in this divine concoction?”

“A combination of equal parts strawberry tequila and Irish cream liquor, sir,” the bartender told him. “It’s called a Pearl Necklace.”

“Gah!”

The horrified poker champ had just taken a second swig, and nearly gagged at hearing the beyond inappropriate mixture name, hacking so violently that eventually, Edgeworth had to be the one to mercifully thump him on the back, since Maya had cried umbrage towards both men, and didn’t seem to care at that moment if either of them had choked to death on laughter or drinks!

“Pearl necklace?” A fourth voice chimed in. “Well, that’s one to prevent becoming with child!”

The startled trio glanced up and saw the forever ill-timed cameraman and his ever-present video camera. He smiled sheepishly as his unpropitious joke made him the newest subject to the death glare Maya shot him.

“Jesse Ventura, if I find out you actually recorded any of my private conversation with these two louts concerning my little girl’s virtue, I swear to Mystic Ami you will be the next spirit that needs channeling!” She threatened. “What the heck are you doing here, anyway? And where’s your Mouth of the South sidekick?”

Jesse appeared downright terrified, as, at that moment, the tiny but incensed woman seemed fully capable of committing the most grievous bodily harm upon his person, despite being only half his size.

“I swear I didn’t record anything you guys were saying!” The videographer swore. “And Lotta is taking group table shots of all the guests, while I go around filming everyone’s good wishes, and perhaps some fun love or marital advice for the newlyweds.”

Upon hearing this, Maya’s irate expression immediately melted away, like cotton candy in the rain, and she clasped her hands together with delight.

“Oh, what an über cute idea!” The young man was treated to a blindingly white smile as the now sunny Master faced the camera. “I’m ready whenever you are! Nick, get over here!”

The surprised Phoenix found himself being hauled against his inamorata’s side while Jesse focused his shot to now include the couple, nodding encouragingly at them to begin.

Hating to be put on the spot in such a manner, the card shark smiled weakly at the camera as he wrapped an arm around Maya’s waist, wracking his brain for something worthwhile to say which would be forever captured on film … that he hadn’t already articulated in his best man speech! He jolted slightly as he felt his girlfriend elbow him in the side, indicating she wanted him to speak first.

“I’m afraid I gave you guys the finest I had to offer during my public oration!” Phoenix joked gauchely as he scrambled for inspiration. “However, knowing that you already have my best material forever encapsulated in earlier footage, Larry and Iris I have only this left to say to you:  People say that real love must go through many tests. And I wish you from all my heart to stand these tests and keep the love till the end. Congratulations!”

He felt a surge of relief wash over him as Jesse gave a thumbs-up sign and then zeroed in on the beaming spirit medium, smiling indulgently as his lover rested her satiny head against his shoulder while she spoke into the camera.

“Cousin…Larry…They say that a good beginning makes a good ending and today is going to be a very exciting day – the beginning of your family life.” Maya was back to her normal vivacious self.  “And I believe that your love story is going to have a happy end. Or, as the love of my life said earlier, no end at all because true love stories never have endings. Congratulations on your wedding, beloved bride and groom!”

“That was great, guys!” Jesse enthused, turning off the camera and then quizzically regarding the sullen prosecutor, who’d begun inching away the moment the videographer had started filming. “Hey, where are you going, Mr. Edgeworth? Aren’t you going to give some sort of marital advice or well wishes to Larry and Iris?”

“I am hardly an expert on matters of the heart, nor am I in a particularly congratulatory mood at this instant,” Edgeworth dismissed, his former jovial mood completely dissipated now as he grabbed his tumbler from the bar. “I’m going back to the table now – try to catch me later, perhaps when I come back for the next round!”

Mia Fey and Luke Triton
Ladies Room, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026, 10:47 PM

Pretending not to notice that her gobsmacked companion still hadn’t uttered a peep, Mia blithely scrolled through the text messages on Pearl’s cell.

“My family is really taking advantage of the fact that I get to retain my memories of all events I’ve been witnessing from the heavens today,” she remarked sunnily. “However, the only one who was privy to the information is Phoenix, hence the ah …detailed notation my little cousin left me on her phone about how much she thinks you stink, and why she channeled me in the first place, Mr. Triton! Oh my! Pearly certainly was …colorful in describing what happened between you two, wasn’t she? I wonder where and when such a sweet, polite girl could have learned such …creative yet profane terminology! I’ve never even heard of the term wankpuffin!”

Luke dropped his gaze to the ground in shame as the buxom beauty tittered merrily at whatever else was written on the small screen of the device in her hand.

“OK, I get the gist, as indecorously put as it was! Hee! Ah, here are a few text messages she’s exchanged with Trucy today. Hmmm… I may as well kill a few birds with one stone while I’m here, so bear with me a moment while I send a set of instructions to the little magician, which will be beneficial to my sister and her reunited lover a bit later, once I help straighten out a few loose ends with those crazy kids! But first things first…you and Pearly!”

The legal legend stuck her hand to the dumbfounded English lad and treated him to her most engaging smile.

“It appears you’re at a disadvantage here since I  know who you are, yet I know we still haven’t been formally introduced.” Another impish grin. “I’m Mia Fey, Maya’s sister, Pearly’s cousin, and Phoenix’s old boss. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Luke.”

The Brit simply continued to gape at the gorgeous woman in Pearl’s pink dress who stood before him, remaining entirely incapable of speech, as he was so utterly thunderstruck by this first-time witnessing of his girlfriend’s mind-blowing spiritual powers.

“Cat got your tongue, kind sir?” She tilted her head to the side, topaz orbs twinkling mischievously. “I know you’re capable of speaking! After all, I’ve been watching you from my omniscient jumbotron in the sky, opening thy mouth and inserting foot the entire night with my cousin …or would she technically be more, my niece, at this point, since she’s essentially Maya’s daughter?”

He opened his mouth to speak, yet the normally articulate youth only managed to make a strangled guttural sound that sounded like a feline choking on a hairball!

Thoroughly humiliated, he raised his head as he finally caught his breath and saw Mia was studying him with a surprisingly straight face, as though accustomed to this profound effect she unwittingly had on every man she encountered.

Heaven help me! The exasperated legal legend groaned inwardly. I need this kid to open up somehow if I hope to have a much-needed heartfelt tête-à-tête! Perhaps we need a change of scenery from this deafeningly silent hallway?

“While our present location is probably better suited for a private pow-wow compared to that noisy soirée atmosphere, I guess the air is pretty dry out here, isn’t it?” Mia susurrated, with as much sympathy as she could muster. “I’m feeling a tad parched, myself, and we have so much chatting to do! Perhaps we should go wet our whistles first?”

The teen nodded dumbly, falling in step as they turned to head back into the ballroom and made a beeline for the bar.

“It’s been ages since I had a drink!” The head-turning bombshell remarked to the still-mute Luke as they made their way through the bustling reception hall. “I wonder if they make piña coladas here…it was my favorite, and also because I figure ordering a Dead Lawyer cocktail would be a tad too morbid, don’t you?”

The bloke only managed a weak smile in response, and she flashed him a wink before smiling benignly at the bartender and leaning forward to whisper something into the server’s ear, before turning back to her companion.

“Although considering I’m borrowing Pearly’s body, I guess it would be more prudent and fitting that regardless of what I order, I make it a virgin drink, wouldn’t you say?”

A strangled sound emerged from his throat, and Mia finally took pity on the poor kid and gave him a commiserative pat on the hand, even though the teasing lilt was evident in her tone.

“I meant because my cousin is a minor, ergo not old enough to legally consume alcohol, Luke! What were you thinking, you naughty chap?” There was a devilish glint in her eye. “If you’re going to maintain your gentleman status here, I strongly suggest you get that head out of the gutter, immediately!”

Luke found his voice at last.

“Pardon me, Madam.” He flashed a cheeky grin. “With all due respect, I must counter your statement with my own confutation!”

“Oh?”

“Riddle me this: whilst my mind was in the gutter, how was it that you knew exactly what I was supposedly reckoning, hmmm?”

Mia blinked with surprise at the unexpected sassy rebuttal to her relentless ball-busting, and then let out a silvery peal of laughter, with Luke joining right in, the ice between them finally broken.

“Look, it speaks! And not a moment too soon! I was starting to feel like some sort of Shakespearean actress, doomed to be performing voluble monologues all night!” Her amused expression morphed into one of veneration. “It’s nice to see that famous British wit come into play, at long last!”

“Please accept my humble apologies for the gross delay in becoming your worthy dialogue partner, fair lady,” he replied gallantly. “Believe me when I tell you that the pleasure in making your acquaintance, at long last, is all mine.”

Luke made a slight, chivalrous bow in formal greeting, a disarming smile on his lips. He then reached for the soda he’d just been poured and with a flourish, waved his hand towards the ballroom’s vestibule.

“Now that we have the necessary liquid reinforcements, we should return to our previous milieu, as it would offer you better privacy to commence your interrogation about my intentions towards your assuredly most virtuous cousin/niece.”

“Such a dapper fellow indeed, so politely yet fearlessly cutting right to the chase! Color me impressed!” Mia declared admiringly. “Luke Triton, I like you already!”

Max Galactica and Regina Berry
The Ballroom, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026, 10:52 PM

“Greetings, esteemed wedding guests!” Jesse boomed as he swept down upon Phoenix and Maya’s table, camcorder in hand. “I’ve already recorded the bridesmaid and best man’s well-wishes …”

Taking note of the thunderous expression on Edgeworth’s countenance upon noticing him, the videographer gulped, then wisely opted not to pry if the prosecutor was ready to say his bit just yet and smiled hopefully at the others.

“So, um, is there anyone else who’d now like to give their congratulations and/or marital advice to the newlyweds?”

“Get over here, cameraman!” Regina was practically bouncing in her seat. “Max and I want to go next!”

The bubbly blonde wrapped an arm around her beaming husband’s shoulder as she waved at the camera.

“A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. So, congratulations, Larry!” The Big Berry heiress chirped. “You have found that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life! And congratulation, Iris, on your promotion from “When will you marry?” to “When are you going have babies??? Tee hee! I kid! Advice for the bride: don’t expect your husband will change after marriage! And… over to you, Maxie!”

The acclaimed magician smiled adoringly at his wife before facing the lens.

“To the groom: don’t expect your wife won’t change!” He joked. “But seriously, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Both of you will change over time, and you’ll have to keep falling in love with the new person in front of you. Exciting because of the new, and comfortable because of the old – what more could you ask for?”

Regina effusively kissed him on the cheek, then waved at the camera again.

“Three simple words “I love you” will never be enough. Never stop showing your love to each other, and never stop loving each other! Good luck to you both!”

“Larry, Iris … Marriage … when to the right person, is incredible.” Max gave one of his wife’s springy golden curls an affectionate tweak. “It’s able to make people experience things they thought they would never experience and learn things they thought they would never know. So sweeties, congratulations on your wedding, and wishing you both a lifetime of love!”

Mia Fey and Luke Triton
Vestibule, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026 10:53 PM

The unlikely duo parked themselves on the plush couch out in the hallway near the restrooms.

“These settees are so much more comfortable than the table chairs,” Luke remarked. “Plus I can now actually hear myself think out here!”

“Well, you may as well get comfortable, laddy, because there’s a lot of ground that needs to be covered before I let you get back to Pearly,” Mia warned him playfully. “Let’s take this from the top, shall we? First things first, I know I don’t need to ascertain if my baby sister is going to be a grandma since you already assured me there’s no cause for concern there…”

“None whatsoever, I assure you!” Luke interrupted hastily, his cheeks burning. “I have nothing but utmost love and respect for Pearl – and have been naught but a gentleman for this entire courtship!”

“Duly noted!” Mia grinned. “But if I’m not mistaken, the reason Pearly was so upset was that you seemed to be hesitant in declaring if this wooing of yours was just for the short term, or the long haul?”

“You’re not mistaken, Mia.” His cheeks flamed. “That’s exactly what it was! At first, I’d assumed Pearl had just succumbed to a little bit of wedding fever and wasn’t serious in her perusal of my intentions! Cor blimey! How daft am I to have forgotten just what a die-hard romantic that girl is? Bloody hell, when we first met in Europe, one of our preliminary dates was to an actual castle!”

“You took Pearly to a real castle? That’s so romantic!” She praised. “Although you have to realize that only must have unleashed every fairy tale fantasy she’d ever had about Phoenix and Maya  tenfold, as it made her envision you as her own Prince Charming from that day forward!”

“Most young girls harbor such inclinations, I’m quite aware of this. However, this wedding seems to have unleashed some sort of Pandora’s Box – this unspoken obsession within her, and I have no idea where it manifested from!”

Luke regarded the brunette helplessly.

“I thought Maya and Mr. Wright reconciling would only strengthen Pearl’s previously shaken belief in true love conquering all and feel more secure in our relationship, but it seems like Larry and Iris tying the knot had just the opposite effect, and I don’t know what to do!”

“Yes, the majority of ingénues do daydream of a handsome prince who’ll sweep them off their feet someday, and your girlfriend is no exception. Maya and I would be the first to acknowledge Pearly’s always had somewhat unrealistic flights of fancy when it comes to romance.”

Mia took a sip of her virgin piña colada.

“That’s probably why she was such a Phaya shipper right out of the gate! Phoenix and Maya getting together would have finally given her the complete family she’s always wanted, and the father she’s never had. The Fey families have never really existed as the traditional nuclear sort, you see. You’ve been to Kurain, surely? Have you never noticed it’s an all-female village? It’s certainly not on purpose, believe me!”

“I figured there was some sort of history there,” he admitted. “But Pearl never really got into it a whole lot – and I felt it would have been unseemly to pry. All I know is that the Fey psychic gene is purely female, and it made the men feel alienated, to the point where they eventually  left, and that was what happened with Pearl’s father.”

“There’s a whole darker story that comes along with our family tree, including, but not limited to, Misty and Morgan Fey,” she sighed. “While I don’t have time to get into all that right now, you must find out the whole story, so you can truly grasp the root of all this, Luke. You deserve to know all about the Fey history – the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

Mia stared at him unflinchingly.

“The key thing you need to apprehend is that Pearly’s relationship idealizations, and putting marriage on such a high pedestal, stems from 100% lack of actual real-life example. It’s probably why Pearly’s always envisioned Phoenix as Maya’s real-life knight in shining armor. Seeing the Special Someones living happily ever after would have been enough of a joyful dream come true for her, one she’d probably never dared ever wish for herself, until you came along, Luke.”

“I know Pearl sees me as her prince, and as I told her, I am no prince, if not hers.” He blushed furiously when Mia made an endeared cooing sound. “I meant it when I said that she made me believe in fairytales! I loved that she viewed me as such because to me, she’s this delicate, beautiful princess I just want to cherish and protect for all time.”

Luke suddenly realized he had bared his soul, something he was not accustomed to doing, to a woman he had known for all of 15 minutes, and suddenly feigned an extreme interest in tracing the patterns on the carpet with the toe of his dress shoe.

“For all time, you say? So, you have thought about the two of you being together forever?” Mia peered into his pink, downcast visage. “Luke, I’ll concede that Pearly making you feel pinned to a wall all day and seeming to expect your teenage self to publicly blurt out some sort of matrimonial intent was naïve, maybe even unfair. Nonetheless, why couldn’t you at least have let her know you do plan to stick around for keeps? It may have been enough to placate her and avoid all this misunderstanding and heartache.”

“Because I’m painfully aware of how much Pearl revered Mr. Wright and Maya’s relationship!” He burst out, clenching his glass so tightly, Mia feared he’d break it. “I met her shortly after they split up last year, and she was beyond shattered by it. I already knew that I already loved her, even back then, and I was utterly gutted to see such this precious fairy angel be so dejected – her idealistic hopes and dreams all smashed to smithereens, along with her heart.”

“Sensitive people like Maya and Pearly love too much, give too much and hurt too much. Nonetheless, they also have the kindest hearts.”

“Pearl’s big, lovely heart is what I fell in love with,” Luke confessed, without guile. “That, and those expressive, luminous gray eyes. They’re my favorite stars, and the sight of those mesmerizing orbs filled with lachrymose nearly broke me! That day in Scotland, I swore to myself that I’d rather suffer the most agonizing tortures known to man than see tears in those eyes, ever again! Therefore, I’ll be damned if I’m ever the one, even unwittingly, who raises her hopes and then crushes them!”

Mia was astonished at the rife frustration and anguish in the youth’s genteel voice but held her breath, afraid that if she spoke now, he would stop talking, so she merely nodded encouragingly for him to continue.

“Pearl and I are so similar … but separate,” he reflected. “She’s the dreamer, whereas I am the more of the realist sort, but we’ve always managed to balance each other out. I can’t help it if I’m a more pragmatic individual. I blame my nature, upbringing, and spending my formative years with a brilliant, world-renowned professor of archaeology! In the end, I didn’t want to raise her expectations about our future until I knew I could make her a tangible promise that it was definitely going to happen.”

Luke’s gaze remained downcast, almost as though forgetting he wasn’t alone, as he paused to collect his thoughts.

“So you see, this is why I was planning on waiting until I next saw Pearl in person, at Christmastime, when I expected to have some legitimate news for her about my intentions, so it wouldn’t sound like a pipe dream, which is the way I felt it would come across now, what with us being oceans apart and not even being able to legally remain in this country!”

“It all makes perfect sense, Luke,” Mia soothed. “Moreover, I adore you for loving my cousin so much you risked her ire to sequentially protect that fragile heart of hers, considering she’s already known so much hardship and disappointment in her young life. I promise you I won’t divulge any information to Pearl if you prefer me not to, but I am hoping you can at least tell me what this forthcoming news would be about?”

“Right now, I’m majoring in Linguistics and minoring in Archaeology. I’m also Sir Layton’s teaching assistant at Gressenheller University,” Luke explained. “Despite our differences, I immediately sensed an affinity in her, due to her otherworldly capability of necromancy, whereas I was born with the uncanny superpower, if you will, to be able to communicate with animals.”

“You’re the Animal Whisperer, and Pearly’s a spirit medium…how positively adorable!” The beauty exclaimed enthusiastically. “You are so perfect for each other! The two of you should open up your own business…like pet séances or something, so people could talk to their deceased Fluffy or Rover, and you could be their spirit interpreter!”

Luke chuckled at the absurd notion, uncertain if she was serious or kidding, but decided not to dwell on the matter and pressed forward.

“I’ve always known Pearl was The One for me, but it’s hardly practical to make plans for our future when we’re presently living in different countries and continents! Ergo, I’ve been looking into transferring my Gressenheller credits to the Department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology at UCLA. I plan on becoming a zoologist, specializing in husbandry, in hopes of helping preserve some endangered species.”

“The controlled cultivation, management, and production of animals? Wow, that’s quite an ambitious, but estimably noble career path, Luke.”

“Thank you. I’d been hoping to at least have some news concerning the status of my student visa by year’s end, but emigrating is no rapid process, even with a famous knighted professor pulling some strings to help expedite the paperwork! Henceforth, I am entirely at the mercy of the British government’s schedule to finalize the details which would allow me to immigrate here to the States. On top of everything else, I need to find an appropriate assistant replacement for me at the University, which is another lengthy procedure in itself!”

He stared at her beseechingly.

“Mia, now can you understand why I didn’t want to say anything until things were more substantial and finalized?”

“Of course, I understand, sweet boy,” she said kindly. “Luke, you’ve proven to be not only a bright young man, with a maturity that belies his ears but a very level-headed one, as well. My starry-eyed cousin needs someone like you in her life, who’ll keep her grounded. Moreover, I wish you nothing but the best of luck with all your endeavors to ensure that distance shall no longer keep you apart! I am as sure as I am of my own name that you crazy twitterpated kids will get everything worked out, because in the end, despite all your differences, I know you and Pearly are meant to be.”

Mia’s twinkling orbs were filled with affection as she beamed at him.

“You two are truly soulmates, and so blessed to have found each other. Hold onto this togetherness, this friendship, this great love that brought you together. I pray to God for everlasting happiness for my darling Princess Pearl and her handsome prince, and I hope you’re the ones from the story which quotes: Happily Ever After.”

Being so impulsively, yet lovingly, blessed resulted in Luke flushing red with bashful pleasure, and as Mia leaned forward and lightly kissed him on the cheek, she tried not to giggle as his mien turned even more scarlet.

“Pearly is such a lucky girl to have you, Lucas Gabriel Triton. Don’t you worry about having to spill the beans too soon in order to fix things with her, alright? I swear I’ll leave her a very reassuring message – but without giving anything away until you’re ready to tell her everything yourself.”

“There are no words for how much I appreciate you being so compassionate and understanding Mia,” he said shyly. “I was afraid that perhaps you want to box my ears for hurting Pearl, however unintentionally.”

“Not at all! You’re a great guy who has clearly thought things out thoroughly and thus deserved to be heard out, not judged. Also, I try very hard to use my words and never resort to violence, except in extenuating circumstances.” Mia’s lips twitched as she recalled her smackdown with her sister’s lover at the hospital earlier that day. “Besides, don’t you know that we Fey girls save our outbursts of physical anger strictly for a certain spiky-haired bumblebutt?”

“Ha-ha! Well nevertheless, I’m very happy you support my decision not to be making grandeur avowals and pretty promises to my girlfriend, considering that I am presently nothing but a penniless student living thousands of miles across the globe, who can’t offer Pearl much of anything at this point!”

At that moment, the aforementioned bumblebutt in question had just exited the reception hall en route to the men’s room. He recovered quickly from stupefaction at the sight of Mia (of all people!) sitting beside Layton’s former apprentice, which quickly changed back to his previous languor as in the next split second, he heard Luke’s innocuous statement, which was only a sharp reminder about his own latent glum thoughts regarding his future with Maya. Swallowing hard, he tried to do an about-face and attempted to zip past his friends, in no mood to be social in his current bleak mood.

However, it was too late, as they’d already seen him.

Furthermore, the ever-observant Mia had caught the lugubrious look that’d crossed her former protégé’s features at Luke’s last words, and was not only astute enough to immediately know the reason but was vividly reminded about the other task she needed to take care of during this impromptu earthly visit.

“Good evening, Phoenix,” she called out in her most honeyed cadence. “Weren’t you going to even stop and say hello to your favorite ex-boss … and potential someday son-in-law?”

Swearing inwardly at having been spotted, the ex-lawyer made his way over and smiled gawkily at the two.

“Hey, Luke. Hello again, Mia. Er, long time no see, heh, heh.”

“I know! It’s been so many long …  hours since you saw me last! I’ve missed you so much! But obviously, the feeling wasn’t mutual, since you just tried to dodge me!” She affected an air of mock sadness. “Seriously, though Phoenix, can you ever get enough facetime with your favorite future sister-in-law?”

“Not at all!” The DILF felt his face warming he leaned down to accept the kiss on the cheek Mia offered him in greeting. “This is surely a most pleasant surprise.”

“Is it, though? Your blatant attempts to slip past me incognito make me think otherwise. Did I perhaps overstay my welcome with you earlier today?”

Phoenix’s cheeks were now burning. Despite his best efforts, his erstwhile mentor had always been able to see right through him, even at times like right now, when unburdening his heavy heart was the last thing he was in the mood for. As much as he adored Maya’s sister, he hated her unfailing perceptiveness.

He also wished Mia wouldn’t always be such a terrible teaser whenever she saw him lately!

It’s only funny when she’s pulling Edgeworth’s leg, being the uptight stick in the mud that he is! He lamented sullenly. But when she does it with me, it’s just downright mean!

“It’s nothing like that, Chief! It’s just that I’ve had quite a few at the bar tonight, and now I exceedingly need the bathroom – I was going to say hi on my way back, honest!”

“A few, he says! I’ve seen you and Miles in action at the bar, making that poor bartender earn his wages tonight, you little lush bunny! I’m surprised you didn’t break the seal sooner!” She arched a perfectly shaped brow. “Did you have the courtesy of letting Maya know you weren’t going to be gone for half the evening, this time around?”

The blushing pianist pretended not to notice how Luke was visibly fighting back laughter at this whole exchange, while silently cursing how he’d briefly forgotten Mia was able to retain the memories of everything she’d witnessed on earth from up above that day.

“Of course, I did.” He scratched the back of his head nervously. “It’s just … I legitimately have to go answer the call of nature this time! So could you please excuse me for a second?”

“By all means, go ahead!” She smiled innocently, then turned to the amused teenager. “Luke, head on back to your table, and ask Sister Bikini and Matilda to give you the lowdown on the evil history of all the usurper attempts at the Kurain Master and why marriages have previously been doomed in that village! While you’re at it, ensure my sibling knows I’m here, but that I’ll catch up to her later. In the interim, she needs to ascertain Miles has company. He’s not doing too well, and since I’m taking Maya’s date hostage for a spell, I don’t want my favorite prosecutie left alone for too long in his current state. You may also want to warn my baby sis that the dear cinnamon roll may turn slightly salty at some point tonight, so in the meantime, until I sort things out, tell her to keep him far away from the bar!”

“You can count on me, my good lady!” Luke smiled and nodded. Then he waved at the adults before merrily jaunting back to the reception hall.

Mia flashed her old assistant an impish grin.

“You do what you need to do my friend. I’ll be right here waiting when you return to me, for which you’ll have zero alternatives since there’s no window in the bathrooms to escape from – just in case you were intending another feeble attempt to evade me!”

“Never!” Protested the card shark, who’d indeed been contemplating exactly that! “I’ll be right out!”

“And I’ll be waiting!” Mia sing-songed in a syrupy lilt. “We dead folks tend to have all the time in the world, you know! Go on now, Phoenix. Just bear in mind – there’s only one way out of that john … And I don’t think even you can hold your breath long enough!”

Letting out a barely audible moan of resignation, Phoenix nodded and went to seek temporary solace in the men’s room, knowing Mia was going to pull the truth behind his gloomy disposition out of him as soon as he got back to her, whether he liked it or not!

Reverend Paesano
The Ballroom, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026 11:00 PM

“Shalom, Jesse.”

“How you doing, Reverend?” The videographer greeted the minister, who was enjoying his well-earned third glass of bourbon and schmoozing amicably with Sister Bikini and Mystic Matilda while sitting in Phoenix’s recently vacated seat at the table. “Are you enjoying the party?”

“It’s nice for an old man finally sit down after being on his feet for 10 hours straight!” Reverend Paesano chortled gaily as he sipped from his tumbler. “Luckily, this fancy joint serves some high-quality amber, to make the stress on my poor bunions worthwhile!”

“Well, since you’re in good spirits, and no longer want to circumcise me…” Jesse’s tone was light although he was still inwardly cringing at that particular memory. “How about we take advantage and have you dish out some wise marital advice for the newlyweds?”

“I’d be delighted to bestow some counsel based on 45 years of wedded bliss! Larry, Iris: Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful. But marriage goes in waves. You’ve got to be patient. People bail and give up on their marriages way too early. They just don’t put the work and the effort into it. You’ve got to suck up your ego a lot of times because that can be a big downfall. You’ll just have to stick it out through the tough times, to get to the wave of good times.”

The bushy-bearded cleric beamed at the camera.

“Listen to me – being all schmaltzy! I sound like a stodgy old fart! Now for something more contemporary: Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Lawrence, one piece of advice for a successful marriage if you wish to zie ga zink: Keep her happy! To achieve this, two things are necessary. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it! You’ve got to set the ground rules and establish who the boss is: Then do everything she says!”

“It’s worked this long for me!” Gumshoe snickered in Maggey’s ear. She shushed him, all the while giggling madly as the vicar continued.

“Never forget that the man can be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, hence, she may turn the head in any direction she wants! In short: To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up!”

Jesse was snickering as he filmed this, as was everyone at the table – except for the logic enthusiast. The stone-faced lawyer was pretending to be listening to something Sister Bikini was prattling in his ear but was just mostly attempting to crush the ice in his mostly drained tumbler with his straw, in an attempt to extend the amount of liquid he could consume.

Draining the last of the drink, the prosecutor was about to rise from his seat and head back to the bar when he was accosted by Maya, who’d just been relayed the frantic whisperings of the recently reconvened Luke. Jutting her chin determinedly, the Master firmly grabbed Edgeworth’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

Unaware of all the rigmarole around him, the oblivious holy man raised his glass at the camera as he brought it home.

“Dear groom, look at your amazing bride – she is just lighting up with joy! Now, shayner bride, look at your handsome groom – he can’t even express his feelings. Try to keep your faces happy forever. Congratulations on your wedding, Lawrence and Iris! Also, thanks for letting me do my job – finally! Mazel tov!”

Phoenix Wright and Mia Fey
Vestibule, Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel
June 16, 2026, 11:05 PM

“Soooo….” Mia drawled as she patted the space on the couch beside her, indicating that the resigned pianist should sit. “I sense that you’re neither in congenial nor overly loquacious mindset, Phoenix. Care to elaborate?”

Wearing an unabashedly languorous expression, the hobo acquiesced and sank onto the cushion.

“Even if I said no, it wouldn’t make a lick of difference to you, would it, Madame Attorney?”

“None whatsoever!” She replied cheerfully. “I plan on cross-examining you until you crack! Don’t even think of trying to be mendacious with me, Phoenix! I have no idea how you’ve managed to fool anybody with that so-called poker face of yours these last seven years, but you can’t with me. It’s as clear as day that something is bothering you, and I would like to know exactly what it is.”

The spiky-haired man obdurately opted to be taciturn, so Mia tried a different tactic.

“Talk to me, Phoenix! Why are you sitting around with that long face? And don’t even think of giving me some smart-aleck reply about how your face won’t get any shorter if you stood up! What gives?”

His gaze remained downcast, and a wave of impatience coursed through the dead woman, trickling into her intonation due to his continued tight-lipped defiance.

“Earlier today, I witnessed a small village’s collaborated efforts at reconciling you with Maya. Up until now, I’d been priding myself on my starring role in assisting with said reunion!” She raised her voice a notch. “A reunification which, by the way, you commemorated by sticking your tongue halfway down my baby sister’s throat! So why is it that very same tongue is conveniently acting as though it’s tied when I’m trying to get a straight answer out of you, a mere few hours later, buster?”

Lugubrious indigo eyes met disquieted copper ones, and her tone softened, all jesting overtures now vanquished.

“I’m not trying to hold to you here against your will because I’m trying to be an overbearing lawyer or your meddlesome sister-in-law. It’s because I care about you so much, Phoenix. I saw the look on your face when you heard what Luke said, about not being able to offer Pearl anything right now at this point in his life. You looked as though you’d just been mortally wounded. I want to know why?”

“Because a 19-year-old teenage boy has more common sense than I do!” Phoenix could barely choke out the words. “Luke was willing to risk a brief interlude of despair with his girlfriend if it meant sparing her a lifetime of heartache by plying her ears with pretty words that had no substance! This kid is self-aware enough to realize he has no business talking about a future he can’t provide for Pearls just yet, and yet here’s me, giving your sister a promise ring when I don’t even have two nickels to rub together! The fact that Maya whipped it back in my face last year is beside the point!”

Mia was torn between sympathy and frustration at how thin-skinned and insecure her normally resilient and self-reliant friend had become despite her pep talk with him earlier.

“Be fair! Whatever happened between you two back then was because of a series of unfortunate lies, which have since been brought to light –”

“As the icing on the cake,” he continued fiercely, as though she hadn’t spoken. “Like the romantic, but never pragmatic, man that I am, my foolish self goes and proposes to that same woman before hundreds of witnesses, with total disregard of the fact that ultimately, Mildew was right! Maya is still a prestigious Master, whereas I remain a socially outcast pariah who is far beneath a woman of her stature! Suit or no suit, it’s like putting lipstick on a pig; it does nothing but temporarily disguise the fact that I am nothing more than scummy, disgraced forgin’ attorney!”

“Phoenix, why are you rehashing all this again?” Mia was taken aback by the crude way he spoke of himself. “None of this is relevant – Maya loves you no matter what!”

“Your sister is just as impractical as I am!” His tone was bitter. “When the dust all clears, she’ll realize we both should have taken a page out of Luke’s book. She’s going to be forced to come crashing back down to earth when it finally hits her that nothing’s changed for me – I still have no stature or money to speak of! I’m a man who can barely provide for one daughter, never mind another one, plus a wife! Luke has his whole bright future ahead of him, whereas I have no bright light at the end of my tunnel in sight, seven years later! Tonight has been an eye-opening series of glaring spotlights to remind me that I can never maintain this luxe lifestyle that Maya has grown accustomed to!”

“You honestly believe this is the life she wants?” Mia’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “Phoenix, you have to know that none of this obscene extravagance was your girlfriend’s design nor her choosing, except that junk food buffet – especially those sliders – they have Maya written all over them! I don’t even think Longines had a hand in too much of this opulence – it was pure Mildew!”

He merely nodded.

“But all that notwithstanding, my sister forever remains the low-key Burger Queen you fell in love with! Who gives a crap about the venom spewed by some crotchety, decrepit Cryptkeeper, or the hateful ramblings of a heinous, wig-wearing frogmouth, who wouldn’t know class if it bit her in the hillbilly ass? As far as I’m concerned, you seem to be getting yourself all worked up over the insignificant slurs of degenerate losers – aka nobody worth mentioning!”

“Your sister isn’t nobody, Mia!” His voice shook with emotion. “She’s my world. And … these promulgations about me weren’t just slung by Lotta and Mildew. Maya herself gave me a sharp reminder of what I really am: a degenerate hobo bum, phony pianist turned shady poker player in a dive bar amongst the other like riffraff.”

“Maya said these horrid things to you?” The elder Fey sucked in a sharp breath. “When was this? At the hospital when she ran out in tears after you’d upset her? Surely you can’t hold that against her…”

“I love her, Mia. I’m not holding anything against her.” He shook his head. “I’m just stating the fact that these inconsequential people didn’t say anything about me that your sister didn’t already say to my face earlier today. It was in her dressing room, right before the wedding, when I struck out with her for the second time.”

Feeling slightly queasy, the legal legend shut her eyes for a moment as her mind rapidly went over the many occurrences she’d witnessed from her viewpoint in the heavens above that day. In light of the happy turnabout with the two lovers, she’d nearly forgotten all the heartbreaking instances that had occurred prior to their reunion – which was presently impossible to forget! Waves of remorse and guilt began to eat away at her as in her mind’s eye, she could now clearly recall the stinging barbs her incensed sister had subjected Phoenix to, and this had been after she’d bequeathed his second slap of the day at the hands of a Fey female!

She was now at a loss of what to say, seeing as how her sister had been the underlying catalyst of Phoenix’s latest feelings of misery and self-loathing.

“Goddammit, Maya!” Mia cursed under her breath, then cast an apologetic skyward glance. “Oops! Sorry!”

Clearing her throat, she turned her remorseful gaze to the sorrowful poker champ, unsure if it was even in her place to apologize on behalf of her all too fiery, act-first, think-later sister! Maya’s runaway tongue and quick-fire palm were Fey traits, she ruefully acknowledged, that’d been shared with Mia herself on occasion!

“Deep down, you have to know Maya didn’t mean those awful things, dear friend,” she said at last. “She was still hurt and believed all these terrible untruths about you – which need I remind you – you told her yourself!”

“Fair enough. But it doesn’t erase that even though the threat of Children’s Services and a homicidal psychopath have been taken off the table as barriers between us, the fact remains that Maya has chosen to align herself with a disgraced man who remains far beneath her station.” His voice was hollow. “Nothing’s changed – we still need to be in hiding about being together! Otherwise, her name will be dragged through the mud along with mine if it becomes known she’s associating with me, in any way. What will become of Kurain’s recently restored name and her esteemed reputation then?”

The sharp words fell like a heavy katana, slicing mercilessly into the tension hanging over them, leaving her feeling overwhelmingly helpless and discouraged.

Mystic Ami have mercy, but I can’t do this with him anymore! I feel like I’m playing a never-ending game of bowling, where things beyond my control keep knocking him down like a set of pins, but this time, I can’t be the one to pick them up again! As much as I’ve tried to be reassuring that there’s no better man for my sister, due to the character virtues Phoenix possesses, which are more significant to Maya than either reputation or wallet size, it won’t do any good now.

Mia’s head felt as though it were going to explode.

The damage is too deep, due to the underlying cause of this latest setback. Not only am I unable to fix things this time, as hard as it’s going to be, but I also can’t let him cry in my arms as I have before. It won’t solve anything. All I can do is try to prevent him from further spiraling down this dark, lamenting path.  I’m not the one who can make it right this time. But I know who is.

“Phoenix, I need you to do something for me right now,” she said abruptly.

“What is it?” He asked wearily.

“I need you to go fetch my razor-tongued sister now, and then remain by Miles’s side for the rest of the night.”

Phoenix had been bracing himself to have to make some sort of finagled promise, and therefore it took a moment for the words to properly register.

“Anything you want, you know I’ll always do – wait, what? Miles?!”

“You heard me. I still have a lot that needs to be done, and while you seem to have let it slip your mind, I am quite cognizant that I’m here on limited time, in the borrowed body of the very distraught young girl who channeled me.”

Mia’s voice was firm and no-nonsense.

“I still need to ensure Pearly and Luke patch things up. As much as I love you and my sister, I can’t baby you anymore, because these lingering unresolved issues cannot be dispelled by me this time. There’s somebody who needs my assistance even more than you and Maya right now, and that’s your best friend. Miles may act all hard and lofty, but we both know he’s only human, and a big softy underneath that tsundere façade! He’s presently dealing with an overwhelming amount of emotional upheaval, and he’s doing it all alone, whereas at the end of the day, unless you do something irrevocably idiotic, Phoenix, you’ll have my sister’s undying love for the rest of your days. And that is why you’re now at the bottom of my priority list.”

The poker shark felt the stinging rebuke of the eye-opening reprimand about his self-involved behavior, gently put as it was. A wave of ignominy washed over him as he realized that rather than comforting his tormented best friend while he’d attempted to numb himself into an alcoholic stupor, Phoenix had simply joined the pity party with his own woes, which, now that they’d been pointed out, far paled by comparison to Edgeworth’s.

“You’ve made your point, Mia,” he said humbly. “I’m just sorry that you had to shame me somewhat to see things in a different light. I’ll go fetch Maya now.”

“Thank you.” Mia leaned over and hugged him. “I’m sorry that I had to give you a little bit of tough love this time, but it’s because, with my sister by your side, I know that you’re going to be fine Phoenix. Think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”

Joe Cocker – With A Little Help From My Friends 

Buddy Wasisname & The Other Fellers – Carry Me