174 The Miles High Club

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I want to feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave
And it’s me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You’re the light in my deepest, darkest hour
You’re my savior when I fall
And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside that I really do
And it’s me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

Miles Edgeworth and Rhoda Teneiro
Flight 1-390, Second Floor
First Class Cabins, iFly Airlines
July 18, 2026, 3:15 PM

For once, things at the normally frenzied Los Angeles International Airport were running smoothly. Being a very frequent flier with privileged travel member status, Miles knew this meant he and his amiable travel companion, already standing at the front of the line by the iFly Airlines departures gate, would be amongst the first seated, with no rushing. There were another 20 minutes left until the scheduled 3:35 takeoff, which was set to land at London’s Heathrow Airport at 10:10 AM the next day.

Normally the fastidious legal eagle would have been pleased that regardless of several, teeth-grinding hiccups he’d endured en route to LAX, things had
nonetheless gone quite swimmingly.

However, there was only pesky detail that was conspicuously missing, thus keeping things from perfectly going according to plan – otherwise known as the
the maddening twosome of Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey!

The pair had traveled in the same airport taxi with him and Pearl, and the foursome had checked in their luggage with almost zero issues – yet somehow, the wayward duo had managed to utterly vanish 15 minutes ago. Phoenix was nowhere to be seen, and in Maya’s case, she remained a missing medium at large!

Those fools better show up shortly! As soon as the gold member travelers are called, and then seated, the rest of first class is thenceforth set to follow! What was the point of me taking the trouble to ensure the four of us traveled here together so no one would be running tardy when Wright hasn’t evolved whatsoever from his ever-tardy lawyer days?! It boggles my mind that even when he’s on time, that spiky-haired prat somehow still manages to be late!

“This is the final boarding call for all first-class passengers with VIP gold-flyer member status for Flight I-390 to London England.” The comely (and seemingly familiar) black-haired flight attendant with the geometric topknot announced into her handheld intercom. “Please proceed to gate three.”

“It is unfathomable that this airline still insists on spelling their name as ‘iFly Airlines’!” Miles grumbled, his tone rife with disdain as he and Pearl settled themselves into their luxurious, first-class loungers near the front of the plane. “Why does nobody know how to properly capitalize and space nouns anymore!?”

“Maybe they think the name is suitably cute-iful for Mr. IFly, who’s the symbol for their logo?”

The teenage spirit medium’s head was already too deliriously in the clouds to even be marginally affected by the prosecutor’s surly disposition. Carefully placing the small puppy carrier containing the snoozing Feyt under her seat, she then pointed to the golden Slow Loris model piggy bank, which wore a blue captain’s hat, pictured on the cover of the airline magazine tucked into her chaise pocket.

“I think this little guy is just adorable, don’t you, Mr. Eh-ji-worth?” She gushed, her doe orbs sparkling with a youthful enthusiasm, which the slate-haired man normally would’ve found endearing if he wasn’t already feeling peevish. “He comes in a piggy bank and even a plushy! His sweet miniature hat reminds me of my boyfriend’s newsboy cap! Oooh! I’m  going to buy one for Luke … Do you think he’d prefer the coin holder or the stuffed mascot version?”

Miles cringed as he recalled being on board when the gaudy (and neither adorable nor cute-iful!) Mr. IFly piggy bank statue had been used as the weapon for a grisly murder seven years ago – which he had initially been accused of committing!

However, despite his present disgruntled mood, he liked the starry-eyed girl too much to ruin her unalienable dreamy state about the prospect of seeing her darling beau again and saw no need to ply her unassuming ears with gory past details.

Therefore, he kept his advice short and sweet.

“The doll. Most definitely the doll.”

Glancing down at his Patek Philippe watch, he frowned and peered around at the bustle of travelers seating themselves, noticing that two conspicuous spots near the bathrooms, situated five rows behind them, had yet to be filled.

“They just announced the last call for the remaining first-class passengers! Where in the world are Wright and your cousin, Pearl? Their seats are still empty!”

“Uh-oh…”

Pearl bit her lip and anxiously fired off a rapid text on her cell, which in typical teenage fashion, she was going to leave turned on until the last split-second when advised to power off by the airline before takeoff.

“Mystic Maya wanted to get a quick bite to eat in the airport bistro lounge. I guess she and Mr. Nick missed the boarding call because they couldn’t hear it over there. I just sent her a friendly reminder to hurry up, and she just replied that they’re hauling their tails!”

“Maya went to go eat something … again?!” Miles stared at his seatmate incredulously. “Has she forgotten that she nearly made us late arriving here because of her need to stop the taxi and grab a half dozen takeout burgers at noon on the way to the airport, despite my numerous reminders to you all that we were supposed to arrive at the airport three hours prior because this is an international flight?!”

“Mystic Maya claimed she burned off a bunch of calories laughing herself silly at the unexpected, um … incident at baggage check-in.”

Pearl’s cheeks reddened as Miles arched a knowing brow at the mention of the unforgettable (and slightly embarrassing!) episode, which had only compounded his presently irritable temperament.

“Um, she also swears up and down that it was because of the said incident that she was nearly rolling on the ground in hysterics, and was not at the sight of your ‘girly canary’ luggage!”

Don’t bother defending your laughing hyena kinswoman, Pearl! We’re both aware that the sight of Rhoda Teneiro’s hideously designed baggage – along with the matching carry-on – which Hendricks thought would be hilarious to secretly procure and pack as well, was the cause for all the mirth! There’s no use in trying to deny it was my garish luggage that really had both Maya and Wright doubling over the entire time, whereas I was left trying to smooth things over with security!

Miles scowled at the memory, barely cognizant of the fact that the boarding call for the rest of the economy class passengers had now been announced, and wondered if his scatterbrained friends would even make it before the plane took off. Well, after being subjected to their unspoken ridicule, he would hardly be shedding any tears for them!

Also, note to self, find some sort of loophole to justify lowering the recently wrangled salary – that was very handsomely inflated! – of my normally loyal and steadfast British Butler due to his twisted sense of humor! I reckon this is his attempted retribution for having to scrub out posterior marks from my leather furniture for months! Ngh! There must be some punishment that’s suitable for evidently deeming it would be an absolute riot to pack my clothing in that horrendous valise! I judge no one but myself for foolishly keeping Rhoda’s gifted monstrosity all this time, rather than decreeing that my manservant – who was conveniently nowhere to be found this morning when I awoke – kill it with fire, in the same manner, he did my old bedsheets!

“Don’t be mad, Mr. Eh-ji-worth!” The teen spotted the dark cloud looming across his mien and guessed his murky thoughts. “Even with the certain unanticipated events, we all made it on time nevertheless! Plus, I think those lime green Mr. IFly faces on your bags are quite nice against the sunshine yellow background! And the pink bows are the perfect touch – they’re almost the same shade as your suit!”

Objection! Miles was too irked to even respond to this, though he knew the dulcet teen was only trying to placate him. My magenta suit is not Barbie pink!

“Yay! They made it!”

Pearl bounced up from her seat, then stood and waved enthusiastically at the rapidly ascending Phoenix and Maya. Miles turned and saw the harried-looking couple being escorted by the same dark-haired flight attendant who’d been making the boarding announcements. The pianist was lugging both his own carry-on luggage, along with his girlfriend’s. In the meantime, the village leader was hastily dabbing at a stray smear of telltale mustard on her cheek with a Kleenex.

The barrister felt something jump inside his stomach as he observed the stewardess wasn’t stopping at the assigned rear spots, which he’d strategically booked for the twosome. The seats were close enough to be within shouting distance from himself and Pearl if need be, but also purposefully far enough behind them so he wouldn’t even need to lay eyes upon the public display of affection aficionados unless he turned around or needed to use the facilities!

The iFly employee hurriedly ushered the duo up the aisle – right toward where Miles and Pearl were located!

Gaaaaaaah! Miles shrank back in horror. I’m in the aisle spot, which means the noisier and more boisterously rambunctious Fey is now within spitting distance away from me! How could such a gross, negligent error have transpired here, in spite of all my painstaking plotting to ensure my tranquillity and peace of mind during this nearly 11-hour flight?!

The flabbergasted lawyer continued to gape while Phoenix and Maya quickly took their seats, completely unaware that, no more than a foot and a half away, they were sitting in the two-seater section… right beside Miles and Pearl!

Which of these four doesn’t belong here? The magenta-clad man could not believe this was happening. Up, down, left… Wright!

“Here you go Mr. Wright, Ms. Fey. So glad you made it in time!” The air hostess beamed congenially at the tardy travelers. “I’ve put your carry-ons in the luggage bin overhead for you. Please fasten your seatbelts and make sure your chairs are in the upright position as we get ready for takeoff.”

As the woman in white uniform turned around to make her way back down the walkway, Miles saw her familiar visage, and finally realized that it was actually the gifter of his much-mocked, eyesore luggage who’d shepherded the fellow travel neighbors from hell to his side – Rhoda Teneiro herself!

“Ms. Teneiro!” He hissed, frantically waving to get her attention, attempting to be discreet and not have the dual beanie-sporting lovebirds – who were, ad nauseam, already rubbing their noses together! – overhear. “Ms. Teneiro, your attention please!”

An inquisitive expression on her pretty face, Rhoda strode up to the prosecutor, her dark eyes lighting up with friendly recognition at the sight of him.

“Mr. Edgeworth!” She smiled brightly. “There you are!”

Yes indeed, here I am, she who is still deserving the Master of Obvious title! Miles thought frantically. Wait- that’s a strange response, even for her! Did she know I was on this flight prior to this?!

“Long time no see!” Rhoda trilled. “How can I help you? As we are preparing for takeoff, I do hope it’s quick Mr. Edgeworth…”

“Edgeworth?!” Phoenix exclaimed, this time overhearing the flight attendant just as Maya cried, “Miles?!”

Barely stifling a groan at having been detected before he could remedy this grievous blunder, Miles ignored his friends and attempted to speak in a slightly hushed tone, momentarily forgetting that Pearl was sitting right beside him.

“Ahem, this seems to be a slight oversight, Ms. Teneiro.” He tried to speak lightly, and not let his growing panic be too evident. “As memory serves me, you are an esteemed Chief Flight Attendant, ergo, I’m hoping you’re the right party who can remedy this situation.”

“You know me! Service with a smile, even if we’re crashing into the ocean!” Rhoda replied cheerfully. “What can I do to ensure you keep your love of the friendly skies?”

“I booked the tickets for myself and my young companion here.” He subtly inclined his head towards Pearl. “As well as for those two passengers you just seated. All in first class, of course, except I could’ve sworn I’d booked their spots several rows back. I thought I would advise you about this mishap, as I would sorely hate for there to be any sort of unnecessary kerfuffle if their places had gotten mixed up with another passenger…”

“Did you mean your good friends, Mr. Wright and Ms. Fey?” Rhoda stepped back so that Miles was now in direct line of vision from the curious-eyed duo, who weren’t even bothering to pretend they weren’t trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. “I’ve always been aware of this Ace Defense Attorney being your courtroom rival back in the day – the two of you were always in the media headlines!”

Before Miles could shamelessly lie about the nature of his friendship with Phoenix (he was desperate enough to do anything in an attempt to preserve his lucidity by this point!) and claim that since the other man had lost his badge, their previous bond over the years had become nonexistent, and therefore, sitting next to him on such a lengthy flight would be nothing short of awkward, the bubbly stewardess blithely put the kibosh on the entire notion with her next words.

“Then, last winter – I think it was in November? – I had the pleasure of attending to your former associate, Dick Gumshoe, on a flight to Europe. He’s such a kind man – did you know he tried to tip me for my services? Tee hee! Anyway, he was going to visit his old mentor, Detective Badd, who’d been hospitalized at the time. We got to chatting, and he mentioned that despite the forgery scandal which engulfed Mr. Wright all those years ago, both of you had loyally stayed in touch with your old pal, and never abandoned him, even for a second!”

“Did he now?” Miles murmured faintly. “How… telling of him…”

He was going to shove cotton balls into Gumshoe’s large, overly flapping cakehole the next time he saw the big lug! As he brooded his ex-subordinate’s loose lips, Rhoda rounded the bend and made him realize it’d have been a moot point.

“Then, of course, I saw the viral video of Ms. Fey serenading her boyfriend in that wedding video last month, which also showed the two of you legal legends sitting next to each other at the reception hall, all dapper and dressed to the nines, even though you were still in that trademarked suit of yours!”

Rhoda sounded quite proud of herself.

“Therefore, when I saw that you and Mr. Wright were booked on the same flight, I took the liberty of changing the seating around, so you could all be together! I figured being in the company of your dear chums would make your flight even more enjoyable – and I did this fleeting game of musical chairs at no extra charge since you’re such a valued, frequent flier!”

Miles felt his face warming as he felt three sets of eyes, Phoenix’s, Maya’s, and now Pearl’s, staring at him intently, awaiting his feedback. He barely kept from groaning in defeat as he saw no way out of the situation whatsoever, thanks to the meddling hand of the former Master of Obvious turned Master of Oblivious, whose nobly intended actions could never possibly allow her to clue into what a glaring faux pas she’d made!

“I’m sure… the results of your efforts shall result in a flight that’s most… unforgettable, indeed,” he managed to get out in a slightly strangled voice. “Thanks to your … arrangements, I may be so entertained that I may not even get a chance to lose myself in the thriller hardcover I brought along, which I’ve been most eager to read! So, thank you for trying to have my best interests at heart, Ms. Teneiro.”

“My pleasure!” Rhoda chirped. “I’ll see you later, Mr. Edgeworth. I need to get to my seat now!”

And off she went.

“Hey, this was nice of Rhoda, wasn’t it?” Maya smiled happily at the prosecutor. “I mean, I know you said you wanted to be cordoned away from me and Nick at the time, Miles, but don’t you worry about being distracted! I’ve got my laptop and tablet to entertain us, and I swear we won’t interrupt your reading at all!”

“Yeah, Edgeworth, don’t give us another thought!” Phoenix assured his friend with a grin. “This is the first time Ace Mommy and Daddy have had a moment to ourselves since Maya and Trucy met because we’ve spent every waking minute until now doing the family bonding thing with the girls, so the gal pal and I have some catching up to do! You’ll see – you won’t even know we’re here!”

Miles Edgeworth and Larry Butz
Blood-Soaked Nightmare Hellscape
AKA
First Class Cabins, iFly Airlines
July 18, 2026, 4:45 PM

Miles hadn’t been lying about wanting to lose himself in the book he’d brought with him. He figured his recently reawakened Anglophile yearnings were further bolstered at the concept of being reunited with a true English gentleman, in the country where he’d done most of his legal schooling.

Therefore, the attorney was quite eager to use the long flight as an opportunity to immerse himself in the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and was thoroughly enjoying the solitude and relatively quiet atmosphere Phoenix and Maya had promised him. Pearl, the angel that she was, was amusing herself on her tablet and appeared to be messaging with her boyfriend, lost in her own little world of teenage romance.

Even though his laptop was turned on and connected to the airplane’s Wi-Fi, in case Agent Lang needed to message him, an hour into the flight, Miles was surrounded by nothing but heavenly silence. This allowed the prosecutor the prime opportunity to pleasurably sip the English Breakfast tea Rhoda had just served him when making her beverage and snack rounds, while contentedly pouring over the legendary British author’s Sherlock Holmes mystery: A Study in Scarlet.

Sherlock was no ordinary sleuth who’d relied on the disciplines of criminal and forensic science. He was able to conclude the most detailed information from the minutest scraps, for he was strongly led by intuition and a keen sense of observation which came to him as though by second nature. His immense powers of observation and his tactics were very prescient and thus influential.

“Oh! A mystery is it?” I cried, rubbing my hands. “This is very piquant. I am much obliged to you for bringing us together. ‘The proper study of mankind is man,’ you know.”

Miles was both captivated and amused by Watson’s quote about his new flatmate, Holmes. It seemed the character of Sherlock Holmes was acclaimed not only for his famed Detective skills, but watching men and observing their every move, utterance, and physical characteristic. He knew that Phoenix, no doubt, would have likened this to his ability to use his magatama’s spiritual powers when he’d been an attorney, and even now, his innate capabilities as an unbeaten card shark.

A fascinating concept but surely naught more than a work of brilliant fiction? I know Wright claims his undefeated card shark streak is because there’s much more to a game of poker than merely dumb luck; that it’s all about being able to read your opponent, but even in court, although he was talented, nevertheless, for the longest time, that man did possess a lucky streak greater than any horseshoe, rabbit’s foot, and four-leaf clover… combined! As if there could ever be any sort of superpower in the real world that existed which would allow any mere mortal to perceive the most minuscule actions of an individual and properly deduce their true latent intentions because of it! Poppycock, I say!

Smirking to himself over such nonsensical drivel, the logic genius continued to read.

Suddenly, a ringing noise sounded in Miles’s headset from his laptop, indicating he had a call on video chat. He quickly answered, assuming it would be the Wolfman, but instead saw the smiling, goateed mug of the newly married Larry Butz on-screen.

“Wazzup, Edgy? Got a few minutes to help an old pal out?”

Surprised but slightly wary, as nearly all his conversations with his childhood friend had threatened to destroy every last lingering shard of his sanity, Miles gave a cautious nod, figuring he could handle a quick chat with the other man, whom he hadn’t heard from since the wedding.

“Looks like you’re on a plane,” Larry observed. “Can you hear me OK?”

“I can. The reception is quite clear on this Internet connection. It’s a good thing you caught me now, as I am presently flying to Europe for Interpol and will be there for an undetermined amount of time.”

“Then I’m glad I got you when I did! I’m sorry in advance to be bugging you with these matters, and normally I’d ask Maya since Nick wouldn’t even know how to use video chat if his life depended on it, but she’s not online right now…”

Miles glanced across the narrow aisle at the seats beside him. Phoenix and Maya were chatting and laughing softly amongst themselves, lost in their world of private lovers’ paradise. Normally, he would’ve leaned over and crisply instructed the spirit medium to use either one of her available electronic devices and log onto her messenger service so Larry could contact her directly, thus getting the Butz out of his hair so he could get back to his book!

However, now that everything was smooth sailing on their journey, he was feeling quite relaxed and magnanimous, and supposed it would be unkind to break the couple out of their lover’s spell, especially since so far, they’d made good on their promise and hadn’t given the lawyer any reason as of yet to reach for his emergency barf bag!

Plus, he was going to assume (hopefully not regrettably!) that marriage and being with Iris must have accordingly mellowed and matured Larry to the point of at least being somewhat tolerable by now! After all, it wasn’t as though his friend could have possibly gotten any worse!

“Let me see if I can be of any assistance before ascertaining if there’s a need to bother the newly reunited lovebirds. How can I help you?”

“The wife and I have barely had a free moment to even breathe since getting back from our fortnight honeymoon in Italy, as we’ve had to get right back into the daily grind!” Larry explained. “We’re only now managing to slowly get through the tower of frivolous and bizarre gifts Mr. You Blo Me’s equally richer-than-God friends bequeathed him and Maya… But ended up being given to us in the end.”

He jerked his thumb at the large pile of packages behind him, a nonplussed expression on his mien.

“Almost all of the prezzies are some sort of mystery gadget for the kitchen. What is up with that anyway?! It’s like people think once you’re married, all you’ll be doing is sitting around…cooking… and eating!”

Miles felt his lips twitch ever so slightly.

“Didn’t you know, Larry?” He deadpanned. “That’s exactly what people think, for that is the general expectation: marriage signifies letting yourself go, and therefore, no longer needing to be attractive!”

“Who the heck says that?!”

Larry seemed appalled at the notion of ever being married to anything besides the beauty queen he’d tied the knot with a month ago.

“Iris has only gotten hotter since we got hitched, dude! Like, her skin glows more, her hair appears shinier … and man, let me tell you, she hasn’t gained a pound from what I can tell, but her boobs seem to have gotten bigger!”

And… you’ve disappointed me from the start. The prosecutor let out a soundless sigh. So much for Larry changing post-wedlock!

The disapproving expression on his normally stoic countenance was hard to miss, and the newlywed was immediately contrite, grinning self-consciously and scratching his head.

“Oops! Sorry! That last part sort of slipped out! The point is, my gorgeous wife is a total goddess, and I can’t see my point of view about that ever-changing – even if she gains 100 pounds!”

Miles nodded indulgently. The Butz would always be a boneheaded Putz, but his genuine love for his wife was unmistakable. The solicitor decided he found this newfound attribute of the former womanizer slightly charming.

“I’m sure Iris will be delighted to hear your love is unconditional. Nonetheless, I am going to go out on a limb and presume you did not call me to prattle on about the fetching attributes of the new Mrs. Butz?”

“Actually, it’s still Hawthorne,” Larry revealed. “My wife and I decided to compromise, and Iris decreed that I could name any kids we have, as long as she didn’t have to deal with having a first and last name that were parts of the human anatomy! She said Iris Butz reminds her too much of getting pink eye! Alas, I divagate….”

“As is tradition,” Miles said wryly. “Also, Iris seems to be quite the shrewd negotiator!”

She’s also dodged the lifelong-ridicule bullet associated with that moniker, and ergo, is much cleverer than one would give her credit for!

“The thing is, we have some whatchamacallit’s here for which I can neither think of any use nor begin to identify! Send in the clowns! What kind of lazy dumbass needs an electric cheese grater or an automated twirling spaghetti fork?!”

“Nobody I know – or care to know.”

“Really?! No one… at all?! Well, spank me cross-eyed – although I may like it! Heh, heh! I was honestly hoping maybe you knew some over-privileged, thrasonical Yuppies of similar shi-shi frou-frou circles? Ones who’d possibly covet any of this overrated stupidness?”

“You thought I associated with these sorts of poseurs?!” Miles was indignant. “Wh-Where did that cockamamie idea come from!?”

“I dunno, you’re all fussy and urbane so I figured maybe you hung around other snooty folks too –” Larry’s voice trailed off as he saw his friend’s murderous expression. “I mean, ah…no particular reason! Just … because!”

“Humph! I would appreciate it if you didn’t take my life so lightly with a simple, just because!”

“Anywhore … I have neither space nor need to be like the James Bond of the kitchen, with a gadget for each occasion and every possible kitchen emergency, but hell, maybe you would! I mean, you even have the sorta British accent!”

There was a rummaging sound in the background.

“How about this bad boy?” Larry held up a large red, cylinder-shaped launcher and smiled hopefully.

“What on earth is that?” Miles was bollixed at the sight of the canister. “Some sort of culinary shooter contrivance?!”

The newlywed appeared to be reading the written inscription on the accompanying gift card.

“Pulling out a popcorn bag and throwing it into the microwave is easy, but cooking this snack like a sane person is so overdone, don’t you think? Relive the glory of the Revolutionary age by loading that shit into a cannon. Yes, I said a cannon! The Cannon Popcorn Maker uses hot air circulation technology to bring out the deliciousness of each kernel. But more importantly, it shoots the finished product into a bowl. Frivolous? Indubitably! Totally awesomesauce? Also yes!”

He shrugged helplessly at Miles.

“I guess what they’re trying to say is that ultimately … bitches love cannons?!”

The prosecutor barely stifled a snort of derision, but again shook his head in silent refusal.

“How about the SensorFreshQ?”

Larry read aloud the accompanying gift card with a furrowed brow.

“Mad cow and all sorts of food-related diseases have been in the news lately, so it’s for people who can be a bit paranoid, so this doodad “sniffs” uncooked meat to determine if it’s fresh or not. If you see a “green” light, that means the meat is fresh; “yellow” means the meat is still edible, while “red” indicates that you should steer clear!”

The jokester aimed the laser downward at his pelvic area and suggestively waggled his eyebrows.

“Nothing but a “fresh” green light here, FYI!”

“Larry…” Miles narrowed his eyes warningly, visibly unamused. “How about … no?!”

“Awe stop being such a stick in the mud! I’m just messin’ around! But shitnuts, dude! Considering most of Kurain village and the surrounding Eagle Mountain area exists on a mostly vegetarian diet, this thing would is as useless as a fart in a spacesuit! Why wouldn’t they just go by the expiration date on the meat?!”

Larry threw his exasperated hands in the air at the sheer madness of it all.

“If you can’t tell whether the meat that’s been sitting in your fridge for weeks is bad, then your family probably doesn’t want you to cook for them anymore! I don’t understand these elite rich folks, Edgy! I mean, an aerosol power Stainless Steel Whipped Cream Dispenser?! Iced Tea and Lemonade machine?! It’s like they have more dollars than sense! Nyuk-Nyuk! Hey… dollars…cents… lookit me, I made a funny!”

Miles barely resisted the urge to facepalm at this low-brow attempt at wit.

“Thanks, but no thanks, Larry. I barely eat red meat, and whenever I do, I implicitly trust my competent manservant with everything household related, including not poisoning me!”

Well, that being said, I suppose I still do trust Hendricks with everything …. But effective today, I no longer have much confidence in his taste in selecting an acceptable traveling valise! What was that man thinking? …Rather, not thinking?

“Grrr! Have a heart, Edgy!” Larry whined plaintively. “Pleeeease take some of this cluttery junk off our hands! We have no room for it, and compared to our place, that swanky condo of yours is Buckingham Palace! Hey speaking of England … ask Luke’s old mentor the good professor if he wants any of this stuff? He probably entertains more than we do, and could probably make better use of at least this European Drinking Chocolate Machine, designed for mixing and dispensing espresso-like shots of velvety drinking chocolate! Hey, they left the price tag on this by accident… Say whaaaaat?! Dip my balls in sweet cream and squat my ass in a kitchen full of kittens!”

Miles nearly rolled his eyes at this irreverent exclamation, but Larry’s eyeballs were too busy bugging out of his skull to notice his friend’s unimpressed reaction.

“This thing costs $1,169! That’s ridiculous! Wait, apparently they justify the price by claiming it does a couple of other things, such as dispensing cream sauces, drawn butter for seafood, cheese sauces, or gravy, because darn it if I didn’t always wish I could get me a big ol’ mug o’ gravy in the morning! What a pick-me-up!”

“I concur, that does sound pretty outlandish for such a limited-use apparatus.”

The slate-haired man tried to sound noncommittal, wondering at what point he could politely terminate this conversation since he had nil intention of allowing Larry to unload his newly acquired smorgasbord of gastronomic paraphernalia upon him!

“Just to clarify though, was there something you needed my actual succor with, aside from merely inquiring if I would be a willing taker for any of these space-hogging gadgets, for which by the way, you could fetch a pretty penny if you tried to pawn online?”

“Hey! That’s a great idea, Edgy!” The Butz enthused, nodding earnestly. “Now why didn’t I think of that? If lame folks can buy fidget spinners and Pet Rocks, they’ll buy anything! OK, I’ll try to thrust some of this junk upon some fancy-pants schmuck with a boner for overpriced, high-end implements!”

More fumbling sounds.

“Still, quite a few unidentified objects are remaining that I’m hoping you can help me at least pinpoint, so I can decide whether or not I want to try to use it myself or to sell it for the highest dollar. Warning … some of these are mondo disturbia, and if I saw them in anyone’s house, I’d run – not walk! I’d run so far away!”

At this point, the now very impatient Miles was thinking he’d willingly buy any device at all – regardless of how peculiar and/or frivolous! – if that was all it took to make Larry Butz stay far, far away from him! In fact, he’d gladly buy a dozen of them!

“I’ll do my best to help.” A note of impatience crept into his voice as he longingly eyed his novel, which he’d barely cracked open. “Let me see what you’ve got that is so perplexing.”

With a discombobulated frown, Larry held up another cylinder-shaped item, this one black and white, and much smaller than the cannon popcorn maker.

“Oh, hell shit fire! What is this Rollie Eggmaster thing supposed to do?! I mean, aside from making the creators of this idiotic contraption giggle maniacally that they’ve made you consume eggs that resemble a … dildo?”

Ngh! Miles recoiled at the crude description. I had a bad feeling before about where this was all going, but this just made it official!

“Uurrngh! That does it, Larry Butz…! You’ve really outdone yourself this time!”

The barrister cast a furtive glimpse at Pearl, who luckily continued to be unaware of this conversation, then went into incensed, finger-tapping against forearm mode as he glared at the artist.

“Why must you be so damn crass? There’s an innocent young girl right beside me, and I am ever grateful that I’m wearing privacy headphones, so she can’t hear your cringe-worthy speculating! For your kind information, you heathen, that device is a multi-purpose, vertical grill. Not only for eggs but also cinnamon rolls, pizza rolls, and burritos. Mayhap Iris would enjoy the versatility of this particular item.”

“Nah. Why should eggs be eaten in the shape of a schlong – er, long…roll? Just seems so limiting. Why not in the shape of an octagon, or a triangle, ya know? Kitchen tools that discriminate in such a manner don’t deserve a place in my drawer!” Larry declared.

Before Miles could point out the ludicrousness of that statement, his friend was already rooting for the next mysterious offering. He then gingerly held up a gleaming chrome object, which resembled an oblong Morningstar!

“Holy shit-snacks! What’s this scary-ass thing? Some horrendous … alien probe?!”

“For the love of – that’s a citrus reamer, Larry!”

“Huh. Welp, I maintain my stance that at first glance, it’d be deemed as a sort of hedonistic adult toy! Listen, I know up until the day of the nixed nuptials, Longines was so deep in the closet, Aslan the Lion was ready to ask him to save Narnia, but I think his pals were doing their best to coax him out!”

Arngh! Butz has a point there! That’s not “Friendship”; it’s utter humiliation to have anyone be that involved in your intimate details and try to expose them!

Larry grimaced as he held up the next questionable item.

“I don’t care what you say, but there seems to be a legit kinky fetish theme here! First that medieval weaponry from hell, then there was the dong-shaped egg-maker, and now this Kitchen Art Ham Dogger takes hamburger meat and shapes it into a one-fourth-pound hot dog?! That’s a lot of meat they’re asking him to handle … then eat! What is with his deviant perv friends being obsessed with giving Longines naughty or johnson themed shizz?!”

Ngrk! The less I know about other’s private affairs, the happier I am! I’m not interested in caring to discover other people’s unnecessary business. I used to work with a man for 3 years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had! We still never talk sometimes…

“A burger press is bad enough, especially if you have two hands,” Miles finally conceded in a strained voice. “Just eat a bloody hot dog!”

“That’s not even the worst of the gifts to further fuel my speculation about Blondie’s hairdresser friends being a bunch of depraved freakazoids!”

Larry held up a white, phallic-shaped wand, which appeared to make a buzzing sound when he pushed the button.

“Well shiver me timbers and call me Woody – for more reasons than one! Ha-ha! Seriously though, this is hardly an appropriate wedding present! A stag gag gift maybe, but who presents a bride and groom with a battery operated … marital aid?!”

The children’s book illustrator expelled a lamenting sigh.

“You’re probably going to tell me I’m the one with a dirty mind and that it’s a coincidence that this curious thing happens to vibrate. Am I right, Edgy?”

Miles blew out a long-suffering breath and began rubbing the sides of his skull.

“Larry, your uncultured Philistine behind is officially beginning to cause a searing and throbbing pain – in both my temples!”

“Headache?” Pearl asked perkily, glancing up from her tablet. She dug into her purse, producing a small bottle. “Aspirin?”

The prosecutor smiled politely at the helpful teen and shook his head at the proffered meds, then turned back to his galling mate.

“For the record, the aforementioned reverberating device is intended for giving satisfying head…”

“Ew, man! Mondo Grosso!” The plastic object flew out of Larry’s horrorstruck grip and shot across the room, as though ejected from the popcorn canon maker. “What the shit?!”

“For beer, Larry, you uncouth Neanderthal!” Miles couldn’t even hide his irritation this time. “That’s a Beer Vibrator, intended to give ale connoisseurs the ability to create the perfect, creamy head – aka foam! – on any kind of carbonated beer!”

“Oopsie! My bad!” Larry grinned sheepishly. “The onus is on you for this one, though, Edgy! You’re the one who used the word head … What else was I supposed to think?!”

Miles gritted his teeth and silently began counting to ten.

Then, instead of replying, the now thoroughly vexed counselor raised a hand in the air for the passing Rhoda’s attention and brusquely ordered a brandy, much to her consternation.

“Are you sure you want such a stiff drink already, Mr. Edgeworth? It’s not even 5 o’clock yet!”

“It’s happy hour somewhere in the world!” He retorted laconically and waited until the air hostess had returned with his liquor and he’d taken a long swig from the tumbler in his hand before addressing the nerve-grating man occupying his monitor once more.

Judge me all you want Ms. Teneiro, but I need to put some alcohol in my mouth to block the words from coming out!

“Um, it’s been nice chatting with you, Edgy…” Larry seemed relieved that the cravat wearer no longer appeared homicidal. “I guess I’ll sign off now and wish you a safe trip and flight. Iris sends her regards, of course. She’d normally come on and say hello, but she’s resting right now. I’m sure you can appreciate that in light of our current circumstances, my poor wife is simply too worn out to even move a muscle…”

“Sweet Jesus!” Miles exploded wrathfully, slamming his glass down on the table and glaring daggers at the shameless lummox on screen. “Larry Butz, what in the name of all that is holy is wrong with you? You’re a married – albeit clearly not respectable! – man now! At least attempt to show some respect for the genteel woman whom you’ve wed and spare me the lecherous alluding to your marital life!”

“Martial life?! Edgy, what kind of dude do you take me for?! I wasn’t in any way trying to claim my Iris’s somnolence was due to her vigorous… wifely duties!”

Larry first sounded gobsmacked at his friend’s unforeseen vagaries, and then a tad offended.

“FYI, it’s because, as I thought you already knew, thanks to her cousin’s loving broadcast for Nick at our wedding, the spirit business, along with cabin rentals, has been through the roof! Almost every day, milady, Maya, Pearl, Bikini, and Matilda have been working from nearly dusk till dawn! And with her sister and cousin gone now, it’s just going to be the three of them, and Irish had been channeling until maybe an hour before I called you! Of course, she’s wiped out! I am affronted you’d think I’d simply blurt out personal details about the woman I tied the knot with such a lewd manner!”

Miles felt his cheeks warming at being on the rare receiving end of such a much-deserved tongue lashing – and from the Butz, of all people! But after all the preceding built-up and assumptions the new groom had made, could he honestly be blamed for jumping to the worst conclusion?!

Regardless, it seemed a slice of humble pie was in order.

“Indeed…it was wrong of me to have assumed a libidinous undertone on the subject of your wife, Larry,” he said abjectly. “Verily, I say. Ergo…”

“No sweat, Edgy! We’re pals, I hold no grudges!” Larry shrugged amicably. “While I’m not about to divulge anything juicy about the love of my life, I can share this much…”

A goofy, dreamy smile came over his face, and it seemed he momentarily forgot Miles was even there.

“I have no clue why people assume once you’re hitched, the behind-closed-doors stuff is either nonexistent… or mundane! Knowing someone in the biblical sense…when it’s your soulmate, just takes things to a whole new spiritual level that I’ve never experienced before! Almost tantric, ya know what I mean?”

I never should have apologized! A sense of foreboding slowly crept over Miles, as he waited for the other shoe to drop. It’s made him think it’s now acceptable to disclose! I’m sensing my own shoe is about to get blood on it…

“It’s so charged, I don’t know where my flesh ends and hers begins. A sensation so intoxicatingly addicting, it’s pure, unadulterated… sexual napalm. Like… doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours…”

….because I just shot myself in the foot!

The appalled Miles spluttered on his brandy, and then, without even bothering to say goodbye, his hand reflexively flew to the logoff button, silencing Larry from stating one more nightmare-inducing word and effectively terminating the call.

No good deed went unpunished! This was his reward for not passing the buck to Maya when he had taken Larry’s hellacious call in the first place!

Nnnghhhooooh! His temples had resumed their pounding. What did I ever do to deserve unwitting participation in the traumatizing game of SCARE not SHARE with the Butz?! Peyote?! As in psychedelic/hallucinogenic effect?! And…napalm?! Gaaaaaaah! As much as I wish I could, nonetheless, I cannot… un-hear what the blasted man just said!

“Ngh! My poor ears!” He went back to massaging his temples, not even realizing he’d spoken aloud until he heard the slight rustle of his seatmate turning towards him.

“Are your ears bugging you, Mr. Eh-ji-worth? Mine also tend to pop from the air pressure every time I fly, but this can help!” Pearl waved a package of Wrigley’s Doublemint at him. “Chewing gum?”

Miles stared blankly into her sweet face, unsure of how to respond for a moment, before finally shaking his head.

“No thank you, Pearl. I didn’t mean my ears in the literal sense.”

“You look kind of disturbed,” the observant teen noted. “Who were you talking to that got you so mad?”

The entire time he’d been chatting with Larry, whilst being fearful he was about to have an aneurysm of sheer stupidity, his benign fellow passenger had been so quiet and unobtrusive that he’d nearly forgotten she’d been present the entire time!

“I don’t know if mad is the word per se…”

For once he felt himself struggling for words, unsure of how to articulate his displeasure, seeing as it was with an actual member of the Fey family, albeit through marriage!

“But I just got off a call with your new brother-in-law…”

“I know he’s married to Sis, and most of the time I like him just fine, but I know that Larry’s still kind of a … tool.” She nodded solemnly. “Was he being a pain in your butt?”

“Pearl, even if I tried…” The prosecutor sighed ruefully and took a long sip of amber. “Words would still fail to describe the immeasurable suffering he has caused me!”

“Married or not… once a tool, always a tool,” she said knowingly, with a sage maturity that belied her years. Reaching over, she gave his arm a consoling pat. “Forget about him, Mr. Eh-ji-worth. Go back to your book. I promise I won’t bother you at all.”

A slight smile tugged at his lips as he picked up his novel again and nodded at Pearl.

It seemed like he’d picked the right Fey as his airplane companion after all.

Miles Edgeworth and Phaya
Underworld Chasm of Hades
July 18, 2026, 6:00 PM

Another hour passed with no harrowing activity occurring, and despite the earlier disturbance, Miles found himself once again thoroughly engrossed in his novel.

“Do you remember what Darwin says about music? He claims that the power of producing and appreciating it existed among the human race long before the power of speech was arrived at. Perhaps that is why we are so subtly influenced by it. There are vague memories in our souls of those misty centuries when the world was in its childhood.’

That’s a rather broad idea,’ I remarked.

One’s ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature,’ he answered.”

What a fascinating character Holmes was, he mused. Doyle’s stories had a veneer of magic to them –an ability to beguile readers with a mixture of science and wonderment. The detective was quite a complex and intriguing man, mixing the contrast of sheer reason and practicality with poetry, both in his speech and his appreciation for the arts.

It’s quite true. Musicians and lyric writers are often the truth-tellers of society. They open a window into the soul, show the pain inside and search for love – the antidote to fear. They are not simply the “entertainers,” they often carry the spirit of the young, a safe way to hold a community conversation. That’s why we love our music, that’s why it speaks to us…

“Fuck-a-roo, and suck me off with a breast pump! That was the best titty-farting rest I have ever had!”

“Maya!” Phoenix loudly groaned in mortification just as Miles’s head shot up at the shocking vulgarity.

“Wright?! Maya?!”

He jolted in his seat at this rude interruption and shot daggers at the couple, thankful that everybody else in their immediate vicinity of the plane appeared to be dozing and/or wearing headphones, and therefore had been spared overhearing the Master’s profane outburst.

“Do you two have no shame?! There’s an unsullied ingénue present, whose innocuous ears must be bleeding even more than mine…”

Sliding his gaze towards the adolescent in question, he noted with relief that Pearl wasn’t in her spot beside him, and had therefore missed this moment of her zany cousin acting more unseemly than usual!

“Well, never mind, I reckon Pearl went to use the facilities, but still…what the deuce?!”

“Relax, Miles! It wasn’t me being randomly raunchy!” Maya snorted, not at all daunted by his ire. She tapped at her tablet. “I was just reading aloud this hilarious email from Longines! He was regaling me with details of his Curacao trip with Armstrong – which turned out to be not just the best vacation of his life, but a spontaneous elopement and honeymoon!”

“Beaugosse and Armstrong tied the knot over there, did they?” Miles felt some of his irritation dulling and being replaced by mild curiosity. “Well, good for them.”

“Am I the only one who finds it crazy that the man who came flying out of the closet at your canceled nuptials is even remotely referring to any part of the female form, a.k.a. breasts?!” Phoenix asked dubiously. “What’s that all about?”

“Well… Armstrong is spouting an impressive pair of man boobs in this picture!” Maya sniggered, gesturing to the screen. “Even bigger than mine  … I’d say those moobs are at least a C-cup, Nick! What say you?”

She held up the iPad to Phoenix’s face, but her lover swatted away at the tablet, as though shooing away a pesky fly.

“Christ on a pogo stick, Maya! Get that thing away from me! I don’t need to lose my appetite – or my eyesight! – before they serve dinner!”

“You’re being such a baby!” She twittered. “How can you support my claim and rate his bra size unless you see for yourself?”

“I am making the mother of all objections on this one!  No guy – or girl! – other than your ex, and that’s only because in this case, love must be blind, wants to see any bared skin of that wriggling mass of pink poufiness!”

“At least Longines was easy on the eyes. Wanna see his wedding attire?”

“NO!”

“Well, the phony Frenchman is utterly topless in this pirate-themed beach wedding photo, where their hot chocolate minister is dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow! You can’t help but look!”

Maya scrolled through the attached pictures in the email.

“This is so cute… Longines is wearing a pirate hat! Wow… And that’s all he’s wearing! Yarr! Lucky Armstrong! That’s quite the impressive Golden Pirate Cutlass his new husband be wielding!”

“Maya!” Phoenix goggled at his girlfriend in comical disbelief, making Miles smirk ever so slightly in spite of himself. “I can’t believe you!”

“Oh come on, Nick! The fact that my ex-fiancé, with whom I assure you I shared a most chaste betrothal, happens to be swinging a massive pipe is a brand-new revelation to me! I assure you I was not privy to this knowledge until this very moment!”

Maya hooted with laughter at Phoenix’s aghast expression.

“Awe! Armstrong is doing the whole pirate-themed costume as well! He’s even wearing an eye patch! But is it still considered an eye patch if he’s wearing it on his…”

She suddenly raised the screen so that both unsuspecting men’s eyes were simultaneously assailed by the sight of the two beaming bridegrooms … At their clothing-optional, Pirates of the Caribbean-themed wedding!

“Arrr!” Miles choked out just as Phoenix garbled out a horrified “Argh!” at the exact same time.

“Hee! You two sound like fellow pirates! All that’s missing is the parrot!” The sadistic Maya cackled gleefully in the background, uncaring that she had just committed the unforgivable sin of eye rape!

The lawyer fell back against his seat and squeezed his eyes shut, still reeling from the unforgettably, scarring vision of Jean Armstrong and Longines Beaugosse, both wearing nothing but smiles in a tropical beach surrounding.

Life why do you continue to torment me so mercilessly? He thought wildly. What have I ever done to justify being subjected to both auditory and visual assault within only a few hours of one another?

Miles had never been a huge fan of weddings, but at least when he’d been with Franziska, they had at least been bearable. Since losing her, he still thought it was a miracle how he’d managed to survive Larry and Iris’s nuptials with only a slight hangover the next day, but otherwise not feeling any other bilious side effects, such as feeling positively nauseated, like he presently was, thanks to the images of this particular wedding which he hadn’t even been present for!

“First a grueling headache, and now I feel sick to my stomach!” He muttered disgustedly to himself. “The next miracle will be if I somehow managed to survive this bloody flight without flinging open the emergency exit and making myself airborne to put myself out of my misery!”

“Stomach?”

Pearl’s concerned voice popped up out of nowhere as she returned to her seat just then, mercifully having missed the entire dueling swashbuckling sword show. She regarded Miles with a pensive expression.

“Is your tummy bothering you, Mr. Eh-ji-worth? You look sort of green. Are you feeling airsick?”

She dug into her bag and held up a blister pack of Dimenhydrinate, anti-nausea tablets.

“Gravol?”

Miles Edgeworth and His Sherlock Holmes Deductions
Everlasting Fiery Abyss, Abaddon
July 18, 2026, 7:00 PM

Dinner was served shortly after the gut-churning event. Since it was first class, as far as airline fare went, the food was at least edible, and not completely terrible – not that Miles was overly hungry after said unsettling vision!

Phenomenally, Phoenix and Maya piped right down when mealtime came around, allowing Miles some peace and quiet. Unsurprisingly, Pearl faithfully kept her word and was no trouble at all. She continued happily chatting with Luke on video chat the entire time, while discreetly slipping pieces of the Chicken à la King to Feyt in his cage when nobody was watching.

Miles somehow managed to get back into his book and found himself increasingly enthralled with Sherlock.

“Let me see—what are my other shortcomings? I get in the dumps at times and don’t open my mouth for days on end. You must not think I am sulky when I do that. Just let me alone, and I’ll soon be right. What have you to confess now? It’s just as well for two fellows to know the worst of one another before they begin to live together.”

I most certainly know what that feeling is like! It’s going to take a lot of reflective solitude time until my quantum of solace is restored after all the previous upheaval, but I’ll be alright eventually. My frayed nerves will surely be restored by the time we get to England, surely? There are still about another eight hours to go!

At one point, Miles had heard the familiar music of Walt Disney’s Lady and the Tramp coming from Maya’s tablet and assumed it’d been the reason the vociferous duo had been quiet for the past hour.

However, the unaccustomed silence coming from the seats adjacent to him was downright unnerving – like something out of science fiction!

Peeking up from his novel, he noticed Phoenix’s and Maya’s spots were both vacant, then cast a sideways glance at Pearl, who was making soothing sounds to the puppy beneath her, as the plane had hit some minor turbulence.

“Wherever did your cousin and Wright jet off to?”

“I saw them go to the bathroom about 20 minutes ago.”

Did they fall in?! I’ve long since been aware of the mystifying female behavior which makes them always go to the loo in pairs, but couples?! Franziska and I never did that!

“20 minutes?” He echoed. “That sounds almost like cause for concern. Should we send out a search party?”

“Maybe dinner didn’t sit right in their tummies?” The unassuming teen shrugged. “Chicken can be pretty temperamental, I guess?”

I hope at least one of the facilities is suitable for use if that’s the case! I’ll need to go use the loo myself soon!

Several more moments passed by, and he realized he had to take care of the call of nature. Rising and stepping into the aisle, he saw the couple had returned to their seats and were now giggling amongst themselves.

“Stop acting like such an old fart, Nick! I want to try it!”

“Awe Maya! This is so embarrassing!”

“It was so cute when they did it! What’s wrong with wanting to have life imitate art?”

“Is this why you made me order the spaghetti and meatballs?!”

“Just humor me, old man!”

There was the familiar, somewhat comical sound of loud slurping immediately thereafter, and the prosecutor had the misfortune of walking past his friends’ seats just in time to see Hobo Mama and Papa reenacting the overly saccharine, noodle slurping scene between the two dogs outside the Italian restaurant.

“Actual canines don’t need to worry about excess tomato sauce dribbling down their chin!”

Miles paused beside the couple just as their lips met in the middle with a loud smooch as the ends of the connecting pasta strand were sucked into their mouths.

“That goes double for both of you goo-birds! Also, it’s a good thing I already ate my dinner, because that nauseating display of sugary sweetness would easily be made me lose my appetite otherwise!”

Drawing back quickly, Phoenix’s cheeks turned the same color of the marinara now decorating his face as he self-consciously dabbed at himself with a napkin.

“Cut us some slack, Edgeworth! I needed to watch something sweet and innocent like Disney after I got eye-saulted earlier, and I guess I got affected by the mushiness! Sue me!”

Maya grinned impishly and playfully stuck out her tongue at her friend.

“Sorry Miles, but this is the first time Nick and I have had a chance to even marginally be alone together all week since we’ve been spending every free minute with our girls! But we’ll try to keep it down to a minimum, for the sake of your delicate sensibilities, OK?”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Miles said dryly, his sharp eyes zeroing in on the Master’s pink beanie, which now seemed askew. “I admit, your cap is slightly less of a fashion don’t than your partner’s, but wasn’t the Mama lettering more visible and turned to the front? Why is it now facing backward?”

His gaze narrowed as Phoenix’s face turned even redder by this observation, while Maya quickly adjusted Trucy’s bestowed gift on her head back into its normal position and smiled sheepishly.

“And Wright, wasn’t your manky beanie at least giving you the benefit of covering up those spikes? They’re sticking out all over the place now, which defeats the purpose of wearing the blasted thing!”

“Oh, are they?” Phoenix awkwardly began tucking his stray black locks back under the aqua hat. “Thanks for letting me know! There, all fixed now!”

“You two are acting awfully strange…” Miles commented suspiciously as he headed towards the restroom. “Let’s hope it wasn’t something you ate.”

Especially since it’s my turn to now use the bathroom after one of you!

Once he got to his destination, the prosecutor was taken aback when he realized there was only one deluxe-sized lavatory for passenger use. A horrible sense of déjà vu came over him as he cautiously entered… And spotted the hastily smudged palm prints on the mirror!

Handprints…butt prints…Nghoooo!

Flashbacks about his dearly beloved, coarsely defiled bearskin rug, tainted, priceless Italian leather sofa, and memories of his English-imported, but grossly besmirched Monarch bed flashed through his scandalized mind as all the clues of this latest puzzle began clicking together in his perturbed mind.

Single bathroom…Wright and Maya went together…20 minutes… unruly hair… misaligned hats…Gack! This must be the turbulence that was making Pearl’s poor puppy whimper earlier! Oh, dear, God! Is there no place that is safe from being sullied by their voracious, overused loins?!

It seemed a mere sennight of playing Mommy and Daddy, instead of playing doctor, had resulted in the ever-insatiable Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey becoming the latest members of the Mile High Club!

Shuddering slightly, Miles backed away from the contaminated washroom and gritted his teeth.

It appears I will need to be at the mercy of the toilets in the coach section of the airplane. I am now half tempted to take up Wright on his half-assed offer to sue him for that alone!

A quarter of an hour later, he stalked back to his seat and glowered at the lovebirds, who were now cozily resting their heads against one another as they watched the rest of the animated film on the iPad.

“Wright. Maya.”

They looked up with surprise at the terseness in his tone.

“I hate you both. That is all.”

No more timing
Each tear that falls from my eyes
I’m not hiding
The remedy to cure this old heart of mine

I can dream about you
If I can’t hold you tonight
I can dream about you
You know how to hold me just right

I can dream about you
If I can’t hold you tonight
I can dream about you
You know how to hold me just right

Moving sidewalks
I don’t see under my feet
Climbing up from
Down here below where the street sees me lonely for you, oh

I can dream about you
If I can’t hold you tonight
I can dream about you
You know how to hold me just right

I can dream about you
I’m gonna press my lips against you
And hold you to me
I can dream about you
You know you got me spellbound
What else can it be?

Moving sidewalks
I don’t see under my feet
Climbing up from
The pain in my heart cause it’s you that I need

I can dream
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, (whoa-oh-oh-oh), I can dream
Yes, I can dream
Whoa-oh-oh-oh

I don’t understand it
I can’t keep my mind off loving you
(Not even for a minute)
Ooh, now baby, I’m caught up
In the magic I see in you
There’s one thing to do

I can dream about you
If I can’t hold you tonight
I can dream about you
You know how to hold me just right…

Miles Edgeworth and Pearl Fey
Infernal Regions of Hades
July 18, 2026, 8:00 PM

It was a stroke of sheer genius. He seriously judged himself for not thinking of it sooner.

Eventually, Miles had gotten wise and grasped that the only way he’d survive whatever fresh hell was dealt with him on this voyage of the damned would be to essentially create a modified sensory deprivation atmosphere, where nobody around him subsisted.

He realized things were quite copacetic when utilizing the very headphones that’d allowed him the privacy to converse with Larry, allowing him to listen to the songs downloaded on his laptop while pouring over his book.

The double immersion into the peaceful realm gave him the ability to visually block and drown out the sounds of everybody around him – especially the gruesome twosome!

At last, Miles was in a very tranquil mindset. He’d managed to convince himself that as long as he didn’t turn his head – for any reason! – there was zero need to look at Phoenix and Maya, and with these magical earbuds playing soul-soothing music in his ears, he couldn’t hear them either!

If I can neither see you nor hear you… You don’t exist. Ergo, strangulation via ruffled neck-wear urges dwindling… Along with blood pressure. Happiness levels consequently… Rising!

Miles’s Personal Flight Itinerary

*Turned red – 8
* Drinks consumed – 4
* Excused himself to go to the *Coach!* bathroom – 2
* Pieces of Wrigley’s chewing gum swallowed – 5
* Moaned in self-pity- 307
* Grumbled – 539
* Tried to read – 9
* Wanted to kill Wright/Maya – 250
* Wanted to throw self off of plane while yelling Geronimo! – 251
* Tried not to think about Franziska – 99
* Thoughts of Franziska – 500

Admittedly, the running tally about his ex-fiancée would’ve probably been lower – and possibly his levels of contentment would have been higher, and less laden with melancholy had he not currently been listening to the poignant lyrics from the  Streets of Fire film soundtrack.

Such is life. It’s a cruel irony my music player chose to shuffle to such a sentimental tune, designed to make me think of my own love lost, especially when I’m sandwiched between those sickening PDA-fiends and a lovestruck teen who has not even once halted in talking off the ear of her boyfriend, even though it’s probably an ungodly hour in England right now.

At least he had Sherlock. And it was getting eerily relatable, in more ways than one!

“I had neither kith nor kin in England, and was therefore as free as air – or as free as an income of eleven shillings and sixpence a day will permit a man to be. Under such circumstances, I naturally gravitated to London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained….”

Miles was so absorbed in a particular passage that he was idyllically unaware of the shenanigans in the next aisle.

“Nick! Can’t you catch?”

“I am not a trained sea lion, Maya! Therefore, sorry for being untrained in the art of catching the food in my mouth that you toss at me!”

“It’s easy! Let me show you! I’m going to open wide this time, and you try throwing it at me, and I’ll catch it!”

*ka-tonk*

Something bounced off Miles’s forehead. Not hard, but certainly with enough velocity to get his attention and snap him out of his transfixed state into the wonder of mystery.

What the blazes?!

*ka-tonk*

Miles agitatedly yanked out his earbuds, just as another small spherical object beaned him yet again!

*ka-tonk*

“Nick, you goof! Your aim stinks! That one went way over my head!”

Glaring down at the offending item which had ricocheted onto his lap, the chess enthusiast saw it was a green grape, part of the bunch which had been included with the cheese and crackers Rhoda had just distributed as an evening nosh.

I cannot believe those two! Miles fumed, feeling his blood pressure going through the roof yet again. I swear, someone needs to summon the air marshal and handcuff their hands behind their back, while gagging them so they can’t make any more noise or mischief! I’ve seen preschoolers who were better behaved and less annoying to be around! Give me the proverbial crying baby on the aircraft over these bloody imbeciles any day!

“Wright!” The sharpness of his tone could’ve cut through steel. “You damn buffoon! Cease these childish antics post-haste! This is not a request!”

“Oh, hey, Edgeworth.” Phoenix leaned across his girlfriend and peered guiltily at the tight-lipped prosecutor. “Um, I guess my aim is a wee bit off, huh? Did that hit you? Sorry!”

“If one more of those flying objects comes in my direction Wright, you will not like the consequences.” He affixed his best friend with his best baleful glare. “This is not a threat, it’s a promise. I used to take fencing. And I assure you, nothing is lacking about my aim! Do I make myself clear?!”

“Crystal.” Phoenix gave him a weak smile. “Roger that! No more grapes of wrath! Heh, heh.”

Miles nodded curtly and was about to put on his headphones once again when he heard the mellifluous susurrating of not one but two sets of voices coming from Pearl’s seat. Clenching his jaw, the edgy solicitor listened as the girl cooed at Luke on her FaceTime chat, in customary melodramatic teenage fashion.

“It’s getting late. I really should let you go this time.”

The spirit medium sighed mournfully, as though she hadn’t been gabbing with her boyfriend this entire time until now and wouldn’t be seeing him again in only a matter of hours.

“You need to get your rest, otherwise you’re going to be so pooped by the time our four-legged son and I meet up with you at Heathrow tomorrow morning!”

“I can’t wait,” Luke replied tenderly. “It’ll be like a family reunion!”

The British lad yawned slightly right after he spoke.

I really should give them their alone time, Miles thought. It’s rude to eavesdrop. But why isn’t Pearl using her earbuds anymore?

A quick glimpse at the mangled wires on her side table immediately gave him the answer. Somehow, the teen must have unknowingly dropped them too close to Feyt’s cage, and in typical puppy fashion, he had chewed right through it.

“Oh no! You’re so tired!” Pearl moaned in dismay. “I should really let you go so you can get some sleep!”

“Sleep is overrated, love!” Layton’s former apprentice dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Besides, even if I do close my eyes, I’ll still see that precious face of yours in my dreams.”

“I’m always dreaming of you too, Luke.”

Miles felt a cavity forming during this entire exchange! Sighing, and against his better judgment, he slid one earbud into his ear and swiveled his head to regard the recently chastised pair on his left – then immediately wished he hadn’t.

Whereas Luke and Pearl merely made his teeth rot with their cloying antics, Phoenix and Maya could have given him diabetes at this point! The former defense attorney was now resting his head in his girlfriend’s lap as she fed him grapes directly off the vine, all the while lovingly stroking his head.

I wish I had taken Pearl up on her previous offer for the vomit-prevention pills from earlier! Once again, I feel slightly queasy – albeit this time, for different reasons! This time it’s because my poor body has endured a saccharine overdose and is going through sugar shock!

“I’m not going to go unless you hang up!” The bloke maintained stubbornly. “So if that’s what you want, you’re going to have to be the one to end this call.”

“You know I can never be the first one to hang up!” Pearl wailed, as though her boyfriend had just asked her to unplug his life support. “You hang up!”

“No, you hang up!” Luke insisted with a chuckle.

Miles felt his left eye beginning to twitch.

“No, you hang up!” She giggled.

The prosecutor’s other eye began to twitch.

“No, you hang up!”

“No, you hang up!”

Clenching his jaw so tightly his teeth hurt, Miles’s hand moved, as if of its own volition, and without preamble, reached over and disconnected the call, leaving him and Pearl in merciful reticence.

The stunned teenager simply stared at him in disbelief, her eyes wide.

It slowly dawned on him what an appalling thing he’d just done, and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Er, Luke’s a growing boy, and he needs his rest. Bad things happen whenever people don’t get enough sleep. It’s the premise for most horror movies. Trust me on this one.”

“Um, he’s 19, Mr. Eh-ji-worth.” Pearl bit her thumb. “He’s not going to get any bigger.”

“Then… blame turbulence and call him back.”

“No…it’s OK. Luke really should get some rest. He’s been awake for over 24 hours. You probably did us a favor.”

Miles’s temples were beginning to throb yet again, and he slowly began to rub them, wondering if ordering a coffee from Rhoda would help.

“Irrespective of that, I was unspeakably rude just now. My head isn’t right, Pearl. Please accept my apologies for doing such a churlish thing.”

“Is your head hurting again, Mr. Eh-ji-worth?”

Miles nodded and continued massaging the sore area with his fingertips.

“That’s not good, having your head hurt again so soon after the last time. It could be something serious. Do you get headaches very often?”

“Sometimes, but only in stressful situations. This one is most definitely tension related.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is? You should get that checked out! It could be a tumor!”

“It’s not a tumor!”

She eyed him apprehensively, then reached into her purse and held out another small white bottle, this one different from the previous one.

“Did you want acetaminophen? Excedrin has caffeine in it, so it might help constrict the blood vessels better than aspirin.”

This time, he accepted the offer and washed the pill down with the scant remains of his tea from snack time.

“Are you always a walking pharmacy whenever you travel?”

“It never hurts to be prepared,” she replied primly. “I also have a first aid kit and a mini sewing kit as well. Plus, antacids, because airplane food is yucky and gives me indigestion.”

Miles swallowed back an endeared chuckle. He truly was fond of this beatific young lady, and Pearl was possibly the last person in the world he’d ever want to suffer his aggravation. He’d have to find some way to atone for his brash actions – perhaps start with purchasing an iFly plushy for both her and Luke.

There was a brief silence, and then she beamed sunnily.

“Luke’s super nice, isn’t he?”

“Very.” He shot her a puzzled smile. “But of course, it’s not as though you needed my validation, did you? You surely couldn’t have asked for more of a gentleman.”

“He’s the best guy in the whole world!” The lovestruck one gushed, her eyes sparkling. “We talked about marriage at Larry and Iris’s wedding you know! Mr. Eh-ji-worth, I want you to tell me everything you know about boys! Do you think Luke will ever change his mind about wanting to marry me someday? What do you think is the perfect age to get married and have children?”

He gaped at the teen, his mind spinning at the rapid-fire succession of questions … None of which he felt fit or desirous to answer!

“Well…”

“How can I be certain if he’s giving me a kiss of true love or a fake one?” She interrupted, uncaring that Miles still hadn’t answered her previous questions. “And how was your first kiss of true love? Did you know right away?”

The tea drinker was haplessly starting to think the option of skydiving despite not having a parachute was becoming a more and more attractive option!

“I…I suppose together, you’ll both someway just… know when things are right?” He offered uncomfortably. “If Luke truly loves you, he will love you when you are an ocean breeze, but also when you are a summer storm. You were not made to be loved in parts. You were meant to be loved as a whole.”

“Hmmm. That makes sense – you mean he’d take the bad and the good,” she responded thoughtfully. “I think he proved as much to me at Sis’s wedding. Thank you for reminding me of that.”

“As for when to settle down … May I suggest waiting until at least one of you is no longer in school?”

“That’s a given!” She giggled, then switched gears without even missing a beat. “My Luke is so handsome, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Eh-ji-worth?”

“Er, yes…”

“I hope he’s as handsome as you when he gets older!” Pearl treated him to a megawatt smile, oblivious to the slight blush on the lawyer’s cheeks at the unexpected compliment, and reached into her carry-on. “I was so excited about this trip that I went shopping for lots of new clothes because London is so posh and I want Luke to think I’m his pretty little fashionista! Soooo…. I brought a few special outfits to change into once we land at Heathrow, so I can surprise him with my Euro Chic look!”

She held up a lilac sundress against her jimp form.

“Do you think I could use a strapless frock like this to impress him? Or do you think something more floral and pink would be better?”

“I’m not sure if I’m the best person to ask…” the barrister hedged, growing increasingly flustered. He had never been an expert on female matters, and was beginning to feel as though he were being subjected to interrogation rather than giddy teenage conversation! “Don’t you think Maya might be a better source of fashion advice?”

“She’s not around at present,” the acolyte told him. “I saw her and Mr. Nick leave their seats right before my call with Luke got … um, disconnected. I think they must’ve drunk a bit too much since they keep needing to go to the bathroom!”

What?! The forever frisky duo have both left their seats – again?!

Miles swung his head to look in the direction of the vacated spots across the aisle and mentally face-palmed.

I swear to God… There are bunny rabbits out there who I’m sure would stare at those two in amazement!

Turning back towards the tiny brunette again, who was blissfully unmindful of the concupiscent reality of her OTP’s absence, he flashed her an uncomfortable smile.

“Apologies, I forgot what we were talking about.”

“So did I! Maybe I’m more tired than I thought!” She tittered good-naturedly. “By the way Mr. Eh-ji-worth… All my talk earlier about me and Luke being married someday made me realize that when Mr. Nick marries Mystic Maya, he’s going to be my new Daddy, just like she’s going to be Trucy’s new Mommy. My future sister and I decided to wait until they officially tie the knot so then we can call them Mommy and Daddy together. It gives us something extra to look forward to!”

“That’s really nice, Pearl,” he told her sincerely. “I’m honestly happy for you and your family.”

“Thank you. But then I was also thinking … You and Mr. Nick have known each other for so long, you’re like brothers more than simply just friends!”

Startled, the legal eagle contemplated this instantiation. Yes, Phoenix was like his brother in arms. They more often than not bickered like siblings, but in the end, his Ace Idiot, seemingly
younger sibling always had his back, in the identical manner Miles would always have his.

“And that means when those two get married, Mystic Maya will be like your sister-in-law, which would also make you… my Uncle Miles!”

“Yes…” he agreed slowly, finding this irregular conversation to be unexpectedly pleasant. “I suppose that union would indeed make me family by marriage, thus uniting us all, wouldn’t it?”

“So you wouldn’t mind then, Mr. Eh-ji-worth?” Pearl smiled at him shyly. “If when Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick get married … I call you Uncle Miles, just like Trucy does?”

His heart melted at the words, as did any previous resentment and frustration he’d felt toward the goopy swains. Yes, more often than not the maddening pair drove him crazy, but that was par for the course – because at the end of the day, nevertheless, they were family. The only one he had at the moment.

It was unbelievable how this Bambi-eyed stripling could have such a way with words, giving him no choice but to remember these important matters, especially during times when he’d been contemplating Hari Kari!

Miles smiled warmly at the spirit medium and patted her hand.

“Pearl Fey, you can call me Uncle Miles whenever you want.”

Bee Gees – How Deep Is Your Love
Dan Hartman – I Can Dream About You