93 Seeds Of Yesterday

 “You slashed at me with betrayal. I’ll parry with my vengeance.”
~Keertiga Chandran~

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Franziska Von Karma
Von Karma Estate, Germany
April 29, 2025, 6:15 AM

Miles was leaving that day to go back to work. He was currently packing his bags in the master bedroom, but Franziska couldn’t bear to watch this, so she’d slipped out when he’d gone to the bathroom and sought comfort in the seclusion of her study so she could mentally prep herself for the moment when she had to bid the love of her life adieu.

A misty haze of painful memories looms upon the horizons of my mind. That’s where I keep everything, in my mind. That was – until now when the weight of them all threaten to consume me. I can feel the hard painful lump in the back of my throat as the tears begin to form…as I sit here and think…and remember…

Shortly after Gretchen had been fired, Manfred had sent his ward off to an all-boys boarding school in England where he’d continued his legal studies, effectively abandoning his Big Sister, however unwittingly.

The result had been that she’d only seen her Little Brother again at Katharina’s wedding, and then afterward, just during summer holidays, the odd family event, and holidays for the next four years, until he’d left to the States to become a prosecutor. After which she’d barely seen him at all.

One way or another, the love of her life ultimately always wound up leaving her.

Franziska supposed she should have been used to it by now, but she wasn’t. And knowing, deep down, all along, what an inevitable outcome it would be still didn’t make it any less agonizing – after her mother had died and her sister had married, her erstwhile Little Brother had been her sole companion and prime ally against the monster she’d called Papa.

Franziska angrily wiped away the stray tear that had rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t cry. Not yet. Not until Miles left. Otherwise, if she allowed the tears to fall now, they’d never stop.

To describe Papa now makes him sound like a tyrant. Maybe that’s fair. He screamed at us for the slightest thing with a voice that would make even grown-ups quake when they heard it. I bet when he was young, he was the playground bully, he was certainly the bully of our house. Whenever something didn’t go his way, the entire household would hear about it. His yell echoed between walls, creeping under doors and squeezing through keyholes, traveling through windows like they weren’t even there.

What choice did Franziska have after that, but to adopt the “if you can’t beat them, join them” motto? What other options were there as the last Von Karma child residing, but to try to follow the Von Karma family creed? All of it was in vain hopes that if she could somehow meet Manfred’s high expectations and be just like him, he would respect her and she might regain a glimpse of the occasional love and kindness he’d bestowed on her as a young child.

To be a Von Karma meant to be perfect in every way. Always be strong. Never show unnecessary emotions…including any sort of fear.

That was why she’d never openly shed any tears when Minna had died. She had kept on a brave face when her sister had left. Why she’d remained dry-eyed even when Miles had gone away each time.

She’d gotten so good at keeping a stiff upper lip that she even fooled herself at times. But it’d gotten to the point where everyone who’d ever met her must’ve deemed her either a cold-hearted bitch, or an unbreakable tough cookie who never crumbled, and was completely fearless.

Nobody would ever know how she’d never gotten over the overwhelming feelings of abandonment, or how terrifying it to know she was the sole Von Karma who risked bringing dishonor to her father who was now the sole remaining parent she had left.

I always had to be strong. I was never permitted to be afraid. I was never allowed to show the tenseness, sadness, or doubts that grew in my head and heart. I was to be “warrior” and “survivor,” preferably wrapped up with “perfect” to be above all others. There is a height at which adulthood level of perfection was expected of me, regardless of age, and I simply reached it faster than my peers when I started prosecuting at 13. A few growth spurts too many and childhood was gone well before the teen years began. So, I rose to the expectations; I stood tall no matter what came my way, whip ready and drawn, and resting in my holster beside me. It is not for me to regret who I am, but to fulfill the destiny given. So I balled up the fear when I needed to, allowed it to seep out when it was safe, and knew that ahead lay a path I was born to follow.

The girl gritted her teeth and took a deep breath. Slowly, her breathing hallowed itself, yet a small but intense pain struck the top nerve in her head.

I want to be as nonchalant, aloof, unruffled on the inside as I am on the outside. I have perfected a mask of calm and competence; the person I present is mature and capable, professional. On the inside is the same kid I was when mama died, scared that someday someone will pull the rug out, tell me that all my accomplishments are truly nothing to behold, that I’m just overall rubbish, no prodigy worth mentioning…that I have no talent at all.

She expelled a heavy sigh. She’d long ago come to terms with the fact that she was far from being perfect or a genius like her father, but always wondered if she paled in comparison if anyone were ever to line up her accomplishments compared to those of Manfred’s, her sister’s, or even, and she hated to admit this last part, Miles. What evidence was there, really, that she was truly worthy of any of them?

I yearn to be one of those people with a rock at their centre, someone able to stand alone and not be lonely – someone who attracts people because they are strong. In a way, I do, but it’s just a charade, a tower of cards. Should my foundation get a good jab, then the whole thing will come down to reveal the abandoned child within- the child who still mourns for who they were before the world imploded. Before they learned that “forever” could be frighteningly short and “unconditional love” was subject to the whims of a selfish parent and that information is still burnt into my cerebral cortex, writ large in scars. Forever means never.

Sitting at her computer desk now, she buried her head in her hands.

Perhaps I am cynical. Perhaps I am damaged. Perhaps I would have wound up a different person if I hadn’t been forced to learn, excessively early in life, that love means betrayal…

Franziska Von Karma and Katharina Rudolf
Germany
November 11, 2015

“Tell me you are not serious, Schwester.” Franziska was gripping the telephone receiver so tightly, her knuckles turned white. “Tell me I am a foolish fool who is hard of hearing, and that I did not hear what you just said.”

“If you would prefer me to lie to you, Franziska, I will gladly do just that.” There was a blast of Arctic in Katharina’s normally warm, loving cadence. “However, I am quite certain that you heard perfectly fine me the first time.”

“But I simply cannot understand!” Cried the normally composed younger sibling. “Just three months ago, I was at your residence, celebrating my brother-in-law’s birthday party for his milestone third decade! I had never seen a happier couple than you two! Was it all merely an act on your parts?”

“Mayhap on his part; any joy you witnessed was real and most definitely not performing on my behalf,” Katharina returned crisply. “Be that as it may, that Schwein is clearly deserving of an Oscar! This year’s Academy Award for Best Performance of a Happy Husband goes to Günther Rudolf!”

“Now is hardly the time to be facetious!” The prosecutor exclaimed. “Especially not after ringing me out of the blue to inform me that after seven years of wedlock and one beautiful child later, you are now leaving your spouse! This isn’t like you, Schwester! I know how seriously you took your marriage vows. Pray tell, what has brought this on? Do not tell me you have gotten the proverbial seven-year itch?”

“I suffer from no such thing,” the elder Von Karma replied flatly. “Nevertheless, my soon-to-be ex-husband was indeed suffering from such ailment. Evidently, I was the only one who held those marital vows as sacred, since Günther had zero qualms with indulging in connubial calisthenics elsewhere, which is why I am leaving him.”

Franziska felt as though she’d been blindsided, such was her level of shock. Günther, her tall, fair-haired, handsome brother-in-law, who’d known and loved her sister since her secondary school years … had partaken in an extramarital affair?! Verdammt noch mal! Was nothing sacred?

Suddenly, the world made a lot less sense to her.

“But you two were soulmates.” Her dismay was evident. “I was a bridesmaid at your nuptials! You had a fairytale wedding…”

“There are no such things as fairytales,” the psychologist snapped. “Grow up, Franziska! Sometimes your knight in shining armor in naught but a Scheißkerl in tin foil!”

She cringed inwardly, yet couldn’t stop herself from playing Devil’s Advocate. This had to be a mistake! Surely someone in their family was deserving of matrimonial happiness?!

“What evidence do you have to support such an allegation?” She asked hesitantly. “Is it in any way possible that this is all mindless conjecture?”

“This is real life, not a courtroom, Prosecutor Von Karma!” Katharina erupted like a volcano. “I walked in on him and his lover in our sacred marital bed when I decided to come home for lunch yesterday and saw them copulating like a couple of while animals with my own two eyes! Does this firsthand eyewitness account suffice as a suitable burden of proof for you?”

Franziska was stunned into silence. She had no idea how to reply to such earthshattering news of yet another revered female in her life having to suffer the humiliating denigration of infidelity. First her beloved sainted Mama, and now Katharina.

Exactly what does it take to please a man so that he can actually keep his trousers zipped up? She wondered sadly. My kindhearted sister is a gorgeous tiny dancer of a woman, as well as a brilliant psychologist who has her own family psychologist practice and gave her husband a tidy, lovely home and beautiful child. What more could a husband possibly want?

What did any man want? Was monogamy honestly such an impossible dream to attain?

She’d idolized, even envied, her sister’s union. For Katharina Von Karma and Günther Rudolf, marriage had been the foregone conclusion from the time they were teens. They’d been inseparable. Each was the centre of the universe for the other. They were so relaxed in each other’s company, so caring. Their love for one another radiated from them, touching the lives of everyone they knew. Over the years, they’d remained fiercely devoted to one another. Through sicknesses and family tragedies, including Minna’s passing, they had supported one another. They walked through the neighborhood arm in arm, the light spring sunshine reflecting from their golden heads. When asked the secret to a long happy marriage, they would smile and say, “Good communication, never go to bed on an argument, and never let fun become unimportant.”

In rough times, neither had ever strayed.

Until now.

“This simply cannot be happening,” Franziska heard herself saying, as though in a daze. “You two were like … a real-life Ken and Barbie! Where could it have gone so wrong?”

“I have been asking myself the same thing.” Katharina sounded positively drained now. “Things were not always perfect, of course – like all couples, we naturally had our ups and downs. There were moments my gaze would fall on the road that passed our home and followed the cracked and dappled grey to the bend in the road where it twists out of sight. Often I had wondered what might have happened if I had taken a step on that road less traveled, and just keep going. Ultimately, I did not, because I never truly wanted to.”

“Schwester, I am so sorry,” the teen said at last. “What will you do now?”

“I am going to get away from that lying, cheating Hurensohn is what I’m going to do! I am taking my daughter to Switzerland and plan to continue my practice there.”

The prosecutor hated the idea of her beloved niece having to pay the price for her father’s sins. Anneliese adored Günther and shouldn’t have to reside such a long distance away from him, especially during her formative years! She needed to make her sister realize that.

“But what about Anneliese?” She asked hesitantly. “The child is only six. Is it prudent to have her be so far from her father at such a tender young age…?”

Her well-meaning words went over like an atomic bomb, as in the next instant, the normally benign Katharina exploded in a fit of rage.

“Franziska, I cannot believe my ears! You are supposed to be a prosecutor, yet you would be a turncoat and side with the guilty party in this instance?” Rife fury had the good doctor’s raised voice dangerously unsteady.  “How can you show your only sister such disloyalty during my hour of need? Just where is your sense of loyalty, not to mention justice, when it comes to your own flesh and blood?”

“Schwester, I never meant to imply fealty to anyone but you!” Franziska protested with uncharacteristic meekness. “I only meant…”

Her sister cut her off sharply.

“Donnerwetter! Why am I even speaking to your simple-minded foolish self about this?! You are naught no more than just ein Kind child who has never had any sort of relatable life experience!”

The harsh words were more than unfair. Moreover, they stung.

“I am 17-years-old and have been a prosecutor with a flawless record for the past four years!” Franziska countered. “I am hardly a child!”

“I have no idea why I am even wasting the breath of my marital woes to a virginal teenager with naïve dreams, who has never even had a boyfriend of her own!” Katharina’s tone was beyond scathing now. “This means you are still a little girl internally! You have shown me evidence as such by comparing me and my husband to plastic doll figures, while still harboring ludicrous fairytale ideals! Do not even deny the fact that to this day, you are still sitting in your castle tower, waiting for Prince Miles to come to rescue you on his white horse!”

The younger Von Karma felt her face grow hot and her arguments become scrambled.

“What nonsense!” She declared angrily. “And how cruel of you to attack me in such a manner merely because you are upset! You know I see Miles Edgeworth as nothing more than my…”

“Do not lie to me, Franziska!” Her sister warned. “I have reached my quota for people who are dishonest and play me for a fool by denying charges we both know are accurate. You have been in love with that man since the day you met him! You stopped seeing him as your Little Brother ages ago if you ever did! I saw the way you were looking at him at Günther’s party in August. The look of ardor on your face was unmistakable!”

Franziska’s mouth went dry. Her latent feelings for Miles – or so she’d thought they were – were they that evident?

As though reading her mind, Katharina sighed, the ire draining from her, and when she spoke again, she sounded much calmer.

“Often, I wondered if Papa had ever known, or somehow sensed those more than sisterly feelings?” She mused. “I would ponder if that had any bearing as to why he’d be so cold to Miles at times? Or why he insisted on putting the two of you against one another competitively so that you would never form a true alliance?”

“He did not!” Franziska protested feebly. “Papa just always … expected ambition and the best from us, because he was so revered in the legal field…”

“We are veering off-topic,” the psychologist interrupted. “I apologize for speaking so harshly to you, Franziska. Everybody seeks love, and naturally, you are no exception.”

A note of melancholy crept into her voice then.

“Mama often said there was love out there for everyone and I had always assumed Günther was it; the one who brought me over a beer at a crowded party one night and said I was such ‘so schön for such a short Frau.’ I thought that was so sweet at the time but now I wonder … was that the highest I rose in his eyes? He pursued me merely because he thought me to be fair of face?”

“Of course not!” Franziska replied quickly. “There’s so much more to you than your beauty, Schwester. You are every man’s dream woman! You would be perfect even if you were not born a Von Karma!”

Her sister laughed softly at the outburst but then grew subdued again.

“My apparent perfection did not suffice, as, in the end, I was not enough for my husband. Also, I am no longer a young ingenue,” Katharina reminded her sadly. “I was barely more than a child bride when I tied the knot; an idealistic, hopeful student pursuing her doctorate.  But now that I am pushing my third decade, I shall be doing so as a single woman, all alone. And though it may be facile and anti-Von Karma to admit as much … frankly, I am outright petrified.”

Franziska didn’t know how to respond. It was so distressing to hear her strong-willed sibling sound so devastated and there were no words to convey the sympathy she was feeling at that moment.

“I wasted so much time with the wrong man. I gave him the best years of my youth and alas, it has all been nothing but a waste.” Katharina sniffled slightly. “I know Miles is a good man but I do not want you to be squandering your life on an impossible dream for someone who is not even aware of your affections. On the other hand, keep in mind there is the chance he may never feel any affection for you beyond the brotherly kind even if he did know, dear sister.”

Suddenly, a steely edge crept into her normally dulcet voice.

“Remember to heed these words of mine, Princess, before you waste another decade waiting for your Prince in that lonely tower. Age is not kind to women. I already feel like a slab of sunbaked, dilapidated roadkill on a scorching day. Monogamy does not seem to exist in this world anymore. Ultimately, love only ends up meaning … betrayal.”

Katharina’s heartbreaking verse echoed in Franziska’s mind for a long time after that.

Little did she know that the cruel hand of fate would allow her to see the shattering validity of her sister’s words sooner than she thought …