11 Here And Now

One look in your eyes and there I see
Just what you mean to me
Here in my heart I believe
Your love is all I’ll ever need
Holdin’ you close through the night
I need you, yeah

I look in your eyes and there I see
What happiness really means
The love that we share makes life so sweet
Together we’ll always be
This pledge of love feels so right
And, ooh, I need you

Here and now
I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully)
You’re all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee (You and me), hey
Your love is all (I need) I need

Say, yeah, yeah…

When I look in your eyes, there I’ll see
All that a love should really be
And I need you more and more each day
Nothin’ can take your love away
More than I dare to dream
I need you

Here and now
I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully)
You’re all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee (You and me), yeah
Your love is all I need

(Starting here) Ooh, and I’m starting now
I believe (I believe in love), I believe
(Starting here) I’m starting right here
(Starting now) Right now because I believe in your love
So I’m glad to take the vow

Here and now, oh
I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully)
You’re all I need
Here and now, yeah
I vow to be one with thee (You and me), yeah
Your love is all I need

I, hey…yeah…yeah…hey…
Uh, hey…
I-I, love is all I need
Ooh…ooh…yeah…
Yeah…yeah…hey…yeah…yeah…
Love is all I need
Ooh…ooh…
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh
Hey…yeah
Hey…yeah…

Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey
Wright Talent Agency
May 11, 2019, 3:00 PM

As Maya attempted to come to sit down on the sofa, Phoenix heard her foot accidentally hit one of his empty bottles, which were tossed listlessly on the ground by his feet. It noisily scattered across the wooden floor.

“What the –?” She got up again, picked up all the empties, and threw them into the trash, examining one of the labels closely as she did so.

“Since when are you such an avid fan of grape juice, Nick?” She arched an amused eyebrow at her boyfriend.

“It was my choice of wannabe poison after you and Pearl left for Kurain a few months ago. It’s what I used to drown my lonely sorrows away in at the bar back then…now it’s just force of habit, OK?” He scowled. “Ya, I know, how lame am I, right? I can’t even be an alcoholic properly.”

She had to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing.

“It may have been slightly less lame if you were chugging back root beer … at least that’s got the name beer in it, right?”

He reluctantly cracked a smile at her quip.

“Well, I wasn’t about to become fixated on real alcohol! You know that costs extra!”

The psychic set the bottle back into the trash can then came over and sat down on the couch.

“I don’t believe that’s the reason you’re not getting into the heavier spirits, Nick. I think it’s because ultimately, you’re made of stronger stuff than that. In the end, you know that you’re better than regressing into some cheap, low-life drunk.”

“You have got to take me off this freakin’ pedestal you’ve got me on, Maya,” he scoffed. You’re not a kid anymore – you’re a grown woman now. It’s high time to take off the rose-colored glasses and realize what your so-called hero has become.”

The words stung like a slap. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

“Come on, Nick, tell me what really happened.”

“You being here means you damn well know what happened!”

“I only know what I heard on the news. And what I read in the papers – all terrible lies that I know aren’t true.”

“Then what else do you need to know?” He let out a humorless laugh. “After all, the news would never lie to the public now, would they?”

“Please, Nick.” she reached for his hand again. He stiffened but didn’t pull away. “Disremember anything else that’s ever happened between us if you want and just talk to me … as your best friend. That’s what we were before anything else happened. It’s what we still are if nothing else. Talk to me.”

Phoenix finally regarded her with expressionless, dead eyes.

“If you’re truly my best friend, you’ll respect my need for privacy then. I want you to leave while you still have all the previous illusions of me, of the man I used to be, intact. I don’t want to shatter your ideal image of me which I can no longer live up to. Just … just go.”

He put his head back down.

The psychic could not have been more pained than if he had physically struck her. The love of her life, after taking her virtue, had decided that she’d been worth nothing more than a weekend of bed-warming. And then, when the chips were down, he preferred complete solitude to any sort of comfort or anything she had to offer him and had practically told her to walk out of his life. Never in all the years that she’d known him had he said anything like this. It was like a stab to the heart.

Maya stepped back from the sofa and clutched her locket, biting back the sob threatening to build up in her chest.

“Nick, why would you say such a thing to me? Do you blame me for not being there when this all happened? I wanted to come as soon as I got back from Japan, but then Pearly and I got seriously sick with a contagious stomach bug I picked up over there and I was completely bedridden… but I hope you don’t feel like I trying to delay seeing you or neglecting you. Why are you being like this?”

Phoenix turned an eye at her without looking up again.

“Sorry. I’m not very good company at the moment. I’m just… not a fan of anyone or anything at present. I hate myself, my life, and the whole damn world right now. Please leave.”

Maya had opted to forgo giving him hell for ignoring all her calls and messages. Moreover, considering his unfortunate circumstances immediately after her birthday, she was loath to bring up what she’d been enduring while he’d been ghosting her.

Like just how gut-wrenching his radio silence, since the night she’d bequeathed her virginity, had been.  And that by avoiding all contact after making such tender love to her, it’d made her feel both cheap and used; as if she’d been nothing more than a random hookup from a bar.

However, she couldn’t brush it all aside entirely.

Instead, she somehow managed to utter the words through the lump in her throat.

“How could you tell me you loved me just last month, and then push me away like this? You’re breaking my heart, Nick.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her to buck up and deal with the pain, just as he had been forced to endure the past few weeks but found the words dying in his throat as he saw the tears sparkling in her beautiful dark eyes. His heart just wouldn’t allow him to do it. He couldn’t intentionally be cruel to the woman he loved.

“If I tell you what happened,” he allowed. “Will you leave right after?”

She shouldn’t be here, anyway. What if Trucy had been home when she’d gotten here? How on earth would I be able to explain that?!

The Master leaned down to study his face, which was partially hidden by an atrocious aqua beanie.

Note to self – lecture him about his hobo fashion sense at a later date.

“I don’t understand. Why are you so eager to get rid of me? I understand you being angry about all this. I know how much your job meant to you and that you must be worried about how you’re going to pay the bills.”

Consequently, I can’t just disappear back to the village and leave him unemployed and in the lurch.

“Therefore … I’m going to pay the rent until you become a lawyer again,” she spontaneously declared.

He looked at her as if she’d acquired a second head.

“Forget it, Maya. There’s no way I’m going to leech off you.”

“Consider this my repayment then, for the hole I ate in your wallet all these years with my burger consumption. I can afford to do this since I’m Master of Kurain now, Nick. I get a cut of the budget and everything!” Her tone left no room for rebuttal.

His tenacious beauty was so stubborn. So tenacious. So … wonderful. Phoenix wondered if it was possibly illegal how much he loved her. And he did, so damn much, despite using every tactic in the book to get her to leave. She was going to be shattered when he told her the truth about why he couldn’t see her anymore.

“Well, it’s true, I can’t afford to keep renting this,” the ex-lawyer admitted, indicating the office. Mia’s original practice had performed well, and it was in a decent part of town. “I’m only paid up until the end of this month.”

“You see? You’ve got to let me help! And I … I can’t just let you throw away Sis’s old practice,” she reasoned, attempting to justify her generosity. “I mean, then later we’d have to open with a new address. What a pain in the arse that would be!”

Realizing she wasn’t about to budge on her unmovable stance, Phoenix, at last, retold the story of his final trial. Maya listened intently, her face unable to suppress her despair as she absorbed all the gory details about the forged diary page, the mysterious little girl who had given him, the vanishing defendant, and the convenient surprise witness who had put the final nail in the coffin.

“So, as you see, it’s a pure case of my complete idiocy,” he finished flatly. “Meā culpā. There’s nobody to blame but me.”

He buried his head in his hands again.

“I’m so sorry, Nick. If only I had been there. I could have…”

“Don’t blame yourself,” the new father told her. “There was nothing you could have done. I just took the bait; hook, line, and sinker.”

The diviner sighed and gently stroked his cheek. He turned his head and kissed her palm, holding it against his unshaven stubble, reveling in the softness of her skin, before tugging at her hand and pulling her onto his lap. She nestled into him and rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat before speaking up.

“We’ll get through this together, Nick. We can fix this, somehow! I know we can!”

“My love, it’s not that easy. There’s more to it than just this legal mess. There’s a reason I was telling you to go. I don’t think I’ll be able to see you for some time.”

The necromancer jerked up from her cuddled position on his lap and looked at him in disbelief. She would have thought he had to be joking, if not for the authenticity of his somber, pained expression.

“What?!” She gasped. “Why?”

“You know that little girl I told you about, Trucy? Well, I decided to look after her when her old man took off. I needed to work extra hard to fight for the right to adopt her as a single father. I had to go through a sea of paperwork and have home inspections and I had to be evaluated, which is still ongoing and nowhere near completed.”

Maya looked around the office, and for the first time, noticed the scattered magician’s props littering the place that she’d overlooked when she’d first entered. She had a sinking feeling of where this was all going, but she was so happy to be back in Phoenix’s arms for the moment that she didn’t want to rush the conversation, even though she knew, deep down, that she should cherish the sensation of being so close to him because it would be ending all too soon.

“Evaluated?” She echoed.

His next words confirmed her worst suspicions.

“Yeah, like an interview for parenthood. They have an incessant need to dig for skeletons in the closet. You know, anything that might make you less than an ideal parent.”

“Well, I’m sure they were hard-pressed to find anything on you.”

“Other than the fact that I present forged evidence in court and have been disbarred?”

“Right. I try to overlook the fact some stupid people think that’s for real.”

There was no doubt in Maya’s mind that her swain had been set up. While she was surprised that her normally sharp boyfriend had so badly slipped up – had he simply been sloppy on that case or had his luck just run out? – she felt terrible about it. She couldn’t help but feel if she’d been there, maybe she would have made him take a closer look at that mysterious diary page, picked up on something, and saved him from this misery.

Regardless, she hadn’t been there and what was done was done. One little mistake and Phoenix’s life had been sent in a completely new direction. It wasn’t fair that a man so dedicated to his work and devoted to proving the innocence of his clients should have it all taken away from him. She’d have done anything to help him earn his badge back.

“You and Trucy are the only ones who think I’m innocent, Maya. I mean, Edgeworth says he’ll help, and he claims he believes me but …” he took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Anyway, at one of these child safety evaluations, they asked me about you.”

“Oh? Why would they do that? We don’t live together anymore. And now with me being Kurain Master, I’m barely going to get to see you.”

Alas, my love, you have no idea just how scarcely that’s going to be … dammit just tell her, Phoenix! Rip off that Band-Aid and stop reveling in the feeling of her in your arms, since you sure as hell won’t be able to get used to it!

“Well, since I’m adopting a little girl, they wanted to know the nature of our relationship because you were only about what, 17, when you started working for me? An under-aged minor, regardless. And there were suspicions and rumors…”

“But you set them straight?” The horror of what he was saying slowly began to dawn on her. “You told them the truth – that nothing happened? I mean for heaven’s sake you didn’t even kiss me until I was legal drinking age!”

“Of course! But then I had to renounce us and claim that of course, I didn’t have any feelings for you; that you and I are like brother and sister, just pals.” Phoenix had been unable to look directly at her while he said the ugly words, but he turned his head towards her now, an agonized look on his mien. “Oh, Maya! I lied! I’m so sorry! I didn’t have a choice!”

He buried his face in her shoulder.

“Nick, it’s alright,” Maya soothed, taking the opportunity to take off the hated hat and stroking his soft hair, running her fingers over the beloved, familiar spikes, which miraculously hadn’t flattened despite the tightness of the beanie. “There’s nothing to forgive. I understand.”

“I hate this!” The disbarred attorney’s voice was muffled against her neck as he spoke. “I despise myself for having to lie about you! I had to deny the love of my life! I had to … just so that wretched old biddy of a social worker wouldn’t think I was some kind of pervert; like I wanted to groom a little girl to become…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Nick, it’s OK. Calm down.” Her voice was firm. She pulled up his head and looked him directly in the eye. “Tell me, what are the challenges of this case?”

Despite her take-charge demeanor, Phoenix saw the empathy and love mingling in her expression. More than anything in the world all he wanted to do was bury his lips against hers and be mindless to his plight, even temporarily. But he needed to focus right now. His eyes were red, but he managed a small grin. Talking in pseudo-legal terms helped put things into a clearer perspective for him.

“Well, I have a daughter who is not fully, legally mine. These processes take God knows how long … and one of the conditions of her remaining with me is I appear of upstanding moral fiber. In other words, I don’t fall in love or have sex with my employees who were living with me while underage.”

“Right, the fact we’re like this now would cast doubt on your previous testimony that nothing was ever going on, even though that’s the truth!”

For the most part anyway… That night of my birthday notwithstanding…

“This is why we can’t see each other right now, my love. I’ve been taking the coward’s path and dodging you by not returning your calls because I couldn’t stand to tell you the ugly truth. I’ve had a difficult enough time dealing with it myself. It’s a relief that the kid’s at school right now. I wouldn’t know how to explain who you are to her. And I don’t want Trucy to have to lie about us. I can’t see how teaching her to lie is being a good role model for her.” Phoenix looked absolutely miserable. “Maya, I can’t choose between you two. I can’t.”

Her eyes widened as she realized this is what he’d been fretting over, the big dope! He should have known that she would never tell him to give his daughter up, but he’d been worried that he wouldn’t have a choice. The poor child didn’t deserve to grow up without parents. Maya knew firsthand what that was like and wouldn’t have wished that on anyone, especially since she could see some traces of the old Phoenix whenever he spoke of his daughter. The grumpy, apathetic persona withered away, replaced by some of his former spark and vigor, which used to be directed for his work. If all of that was going to be directed now at Trucy, at fatherhood, so be it. Perhaps it was for the best for him to have somebody to look after … or rather, have somebody look after him. To give him a purpose in life and be there for him, because right now, it appeared that the cruel hand of fate dictated that she couldn’t be able to.

“Of course not. And you don’t have to. Because Trucy needs you.”

Phoenix finally took the opportunity to take in the kind, understanding, compassionate woman he was cradling in his lap as if seeing her for the first time. Her silky raven hair was down, just as it’d been the night of her party, and rather than her regular robes, she was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, although her ethereal face was free of makeup, which he’d never thought was needed. She had such a natural beauty, one that in adulthood rivaled even that of her late sister. He had always loved the scent of her vanilla perfume, but noticed today, despite being scent-free, she smelled just as wonderful. Like lavender soap, pine needles, and fresh air. She was everything he’d ever wanted. The thought of being apart from her, he realized now, gutted him more than the loss of his badge ever could.

“I don’t know much time this whole process will take, my love,” he expressed mournfully. “I don’t know how long we’ll have to be apart. It could be months … or even years. I can’t be a selfish bastard and expect you to wait for me.”

She eyed him steadily. He was her soulmate. And while she wanted to be with him all the time, she knew their time perhaps wasn’t meant to be right now. But she also knew that since they had endured so much together already, this was merely a storm that would surely pass. There was no one else for her. Phoenix Wright was worth waiting for.

“But what if I want to, Nick?”

His eyes dropped from hers.

“You can’t put your life on hold for me like that, Maya! You … are so young! You have your own life, and you have your responsibilities, and me … I’m too much of a mess right now to be anything to anybody right now. My daughter has to be my top priority.”

“Nick, like you said earlier, I’m a grown woman now,” she reminded him, trying not to let her voice break. “Which means I can make my own decisions.”

Phoenix let out a defeated sigh.

“So, there’s nothing I can do or say to get you to walk out that door right now and make this all be nothing but a distant memory to you?”

“Not a damn thing, Nick. I love you.” Her lip began to quiver. “I believe in you. And I will wait for you. Forever, if I have to.”

“I love you, too.” He tenderly wiped a tear from her eye with his thumb. “They say anything worth having is worth waiting for.”

“I thought it was worth fighting for?”

“You’re worth that and more, Maya Fey. I promise I will do everything in my power to ensure that I am a man who will be worth the wait. And even though you’re going to be taken away from me for a while, I swear to you from this day on, you’ll always be here in my heart. Now and forevermore.”

Phoenix brushed her hair out of her face, shaking his head at this willful, obstinate, firecracker of a girl who loved him more than he deserved, even as he relented and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

The Master stared up at him with sorrowful eyes.

I see you. I really do. I see the pain lurking behind your eyes, a pain that has lingered there for what feels like an eternity, trapped in the confusion that we all carry. But I also see love, a love that you would have given freely were it not for your scars. It’s still there, and one day I will help you set it free. I’m not perfect, but I love you, and I know what love means. Give me a chance to get my bearings and I’ll prove it. I know that so much of your life is a living hell for your soul, and you stay there out of strength rather than weakness. Let me join you in that pain, walk with you, and bear the same torture that you do. And one day I’ll find the right way to bring you home, my love.

“I don’t want to complicate your decision,” she whispered.

“You already have.”

He leaned in and kissed her gently, like a breeze on her lips. Then he closed his eyes and pulled her close, letting her ease him back onto the couch. He held her face in his hands as they kissed, his heart racing and his pulse points throbbing. He just wanted to stay there forever, holding her, trusting her. Loving her.

Closing her eyes, she tangled her fingers in his midnight hair and pulled his lips even closer to hers, melting into the kiss and feeling dizzy with pure bliss. The kiss was filled with all the aching love and bittersweetness that they couldn’t put into words at that moment.

She tried to commit to memory the feeling of his lips, the pressure of his arm on her back, and the texture of his hair as if he might disappear as soon as the kiss ended. Phoenix pulled her closer as she wrapped her arms around him. Even though she knew she should have stopped him, she didn’t resist when his touch became more intimate. She didn’t want this to be goodbye, but if it had to be, she wanted it to be now, while she could still manage to breathe through the tightness in her chest.

She turned her face up to his, but her half-hearted protest became a moan of surrender as he flipped them over, trapping her beneath him on the sofa and kissing her hungrily. For a moment, she was too shocked to react. She breathed in his warm, musky scent, which always reminded her of him, and the sensation sent a powerful rush through her body. She could feel the strength in his arms and the sleek power of his body.

She could also feel the evidence of his desire pressing against her through the fabric of his track pants. The sensation sent a vibration through her, raising her heart rate and making her tremble with need. Heat pooled in her stomach and down to her throbbing core. Phoenix moved one of his hands to the base of her neck, his fingertips playing with the short hairs there. He applied just enough pressure to keep her head tilted back as he looked down at her. She was breathing heavily, staring up at him. At this moment, they were ignoring their painful reality and just enjoying and living out their passions.

His eyes locked onto her lips, and without thinking, she wet them with her tongue. The distance between them vanished as his mouth met hers. She tangled her fingers in his thick, dark hair, holding him close. She parted her lips, inviting him in, craving the taste of him on her breath, filling her lungs. He accepted her invitation, intensifying their kiss and filling her senses.

One of his hands remained pressed under her back, keeping their clothed bodies in a state of tortured desire, while the other roamed over her hair, and her cheek, and caressed the length of her neck. He stopped kissing her mouth and kissed and nipped along her jaw. She took in deep breaths between the moans and whimpers. When his teeth scraped roughly down her neck, which was an especially sensitive area, she forgot to breathe, swallowing her cries and arching against him, desperate for him to join their bodies together. Every sense was filled with Phoenix – taste, touch, smell, sound, sight. She was willing to do anything to hold onto this perfect moment with the man she loved.

As their clothing drifted away, they lay together, their bare skin pressed against each other. The fewer barriers between them, the more skin-to-skin contact, and infinitely more pleasure.

His hardness pressed against her softness, and she wished she could grow a foot taller to ease both their desires by having him exactly where they both wanted him to be.

Maya’s body had never responded like this before, never reached such a peak of desire so quickly. She wanted Phoenix to enter her, to be intimately connected with her, to make love to her until their bodies were joined and covered in sweat. She breathed in his heavy breaths as his hungry mouth kissed hers, knowing that he wanted to be with her just as much as she wanted to be with him. It was a powerful feeling, to both desire and be desired. It didn’t matter that they might not have a future together, because at this moment they were able to forget about their problems and focus on their passion for each other. Unable to resist the overwhelming desire to be as close to Phoenix as possible, she let go of all her reservations and surrendered to the pleasure of being with him again.

“I need you, Nick,” she gasped and cried out when he finally obliged and once again, made her his.

They made love with tears in both their eyes, just as they had their first time, only this time it was for different reasons. They held each other tightly, trying to forget about their pain and the hardships of the outside world, and instead focusing on each other and the limited time they had together. Phoenix’s hands ran down her back, pressing her close to him, and his fingers left deep impressions on her skin that would remain in her memory forever. Despite the sadness that surrounded them, they were able to find solace and comfort in each other’s embrace.

He let himself go from past and future and was reduced to savoring the moment with her, in which he took her and was one with her and there was nothing beyond.

As they moved together, Maya’s nails dug into Phoenix’s skin and her movements became more urgent. The couch they were on began to slide across the floor. She arched her back and cried out from the back of her throat, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He could feel his imminent release approaching, a wave of pleasure that drowned out all other sensations. She screamed against his neck as her muscles tightened around him, and he involuntarily cried out with her. Together, they reached the zenith of pleasure and oblivion.

Afterward, convinced he was doing the right thing and that it had nothing to do with how damn bad he had wanted to feel her soft body pressed against him, Phoenix wrapped his arms around her. She sighed, settling into his embrace, fitting against him, her head tucked beneath his chin like they’d come together this way a hundred times before. His hands had a mind of their own, stroking the silky length of her hair, kneading circles into her back. The subtle scent of floral shampoo and clean, beautiful woman filled every breath and he inhaled deeply, taking that small part of her inside as Maya lay there contentedly in his arms, and remained quite still, relaxed against him, mingling into him. They were together in an elemental embrace that they both wanted to cherish for as long as they could.

Each moment spent with her convinced him that maybe, someday, she really could be his.

A part of him felt it was wrong to let her go on caring and loving him so much when he didn’t even know when he would ever be able to set eyes on her again once she walked away from there. Perhaps that was why he had been driven to be with her for what might have been their last time. He didn’t want to allow himself to be distracted by such bleak thoughts. He did not want to lose her. If there were any way to keep her after all this was over, he would move heaven and earth to ensure he could find it.

Luther Vandross – Here and Now