17 Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

As the dealer dealt the cards to everyone,
I could see that I was free.
I had an ace of hearts, the dream of every man,
And I could see my destiny.
I can not justify the way I play,
But only see them as they fall.

The diamond Jack
Black magical Lady Luck,
Who will show me the way.

When you have your freedom
Without worldly care,
Around human share.
Along the way there’s evil waitin’ for you,
And evil’s not judge and jury, but yourself.

When you’re tired to the bone
Remembrance gone,
And you have cast your dice,
Take your chances as they come, one by one,
The hand of fate is as cold as ice.

Phoenix Wright
Babysitter Headquarters
May 12, 2019, 10:45 PM

Phoenix stood there inside the door, mouth agape and completely aghast at the sight before him. His gaze was riveted, in fascinated horror, on the unexpected sight of his eight-year-old little girl, who was still awake at quarter to eleven on a school night!

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the pink blur that used to be Trucy Wright was bouncing off the walls of the apartment and knocking over everything in sight, leaving an alarming state of disarray in her wake – there were broken knickknack pieces on the floor, paintings knocked off the walls and replaced with colorful crayon scrawlings, and varying stains on the floor. The place appeared as if a nuclear bomb had hit it!

On top of all of this, the normally well-behaved little magician was running amok – at warp speed – in circles around the room, under the helpless watch of her bedraggled babysitters, blissfully ignoring their pleas to calm down as they tried unsuccessfully to catch the lighting fast child zipping by them as she alternated between laughing gleefully and jabbering so quickly that it came across as incomprehensible gibberish; she may as well have been babbling in a foreign language.

Phoenix remained in flabbergasted silence at the chaos. He observed the erratic rush of adrenaline the child was feeling for another gobsmacked moment before his senses returned. Jolted into attention, having been properly awoken by seeing the girl like this, he, at last, found his voice.

“What in God’s name is going on here?!”

He had to yell to make his voice heard over the adult’s hapless cries of chagrin and Trucy’s bouncing and running all over the place.

The greenhorn card shark’s accusing gaze first met the shamefaced ones of his daughter’s temporary guardians, before casting downward to the newly stained area rug. His question was answered when his sharp eyes spotted a small ripped-open package next to scattered chocolate pellets emptied next to it. As he knelt to examine it, the ex-lawyer’s eyes shot wide open as the pieces of this puzzle clicked together inside his head.

A sugar rush!

The new Papa straightened up, his left hand tightly gripping the empty package of the saccharine evidence in a death grip. All traces of exhaustion within him were completely abolished as he glared at the accused party.

“What the hell did you careless clods do to my daughter!?” He inquired sharply, his dark blue gaze burning with the same fire the other two were all too familiar with, having been around to witness it in court on numerous occasions when he’d shouted Objection!

Phoenix was not a delusional man under normal circumstances. At 5’9″ and 170 pounds, he knew he was relatively fit and in good shape, what with all the walking and biking he did as he had no car. However, he was also well aware of his limitations when it came to bodily confrontations and thus was not the type to ever instigate any sort of physical altercation. As a peace-loving patron, he tended to avoid them at most costs.

In short, he didn’t pick fights with people bigger than him when he knew he’d probably get his ass kicked.

However, in his current state of mind, it completely eluded him that Dick Gumshoe was built like a human refrigerator and had at least 40 pounds of muscle and six inches on him and without contest, would make minced meat out of him if ever provoked to do so.

The former ace attorney rushed up to his friend without thinking, seizing the fabric of the larger man’s shirt, and thus prompting the detective to shrink back a bit in slight guilt.

“Gumshoe, you freaking idiot!” Phoenix tightened his grip, teeth bared. “You fed my daughter chocolate, didn’t you?”

“It – it wasn’t my fault, pal!” Gumshoe protested, recovering from the surprise attack and removing the irate father’s clenched mitts off of him with insultingly easy agility. He gently but firmly held onto his friend’s hands with his own ham-sized ones to prevent further attack. “Trucy got into my secret stash!”

“It’s true, Sir!” Maggey cried out, rushing to stand between the two and plaintively placing her hand on Phoenix’s arm in an attempt to calm him. “We tried to child-proof the place as best as we could but somehow she got into Dick’s hidden stash of chocolate-covered coffee beans!”

The pianist stepped back from the burly man and abruptly swiveled his head towards his friend’s wife, eyes wide with disbelief.

“Are you telling me that Trucy is not just suffering from a sugar rush, but also caffeine high?” He demanded incredulously. “Are you freaking kidding me?!”

“She pushed a chair against the counter and climbed into the cabinets up top,” Gumshoe admitted miserably. “I had just gone to make her a snack and the wife was in the bathroom at the time…”

“I’m pregnant!” Maggey wailed. “I’m due in three months! I always need to go pee! It’s why we were so late coming to pick you and Maya up for her party, remember?”

“When did this happen?” Phoenix asked wearily, the anger draining out of his voice and being replaced by resignation.

“About two hours ago,” the mama-to-be told him.

“She did all this …” the hobo gestured at the disastrous mess around him, open-mouthed in shock. “In two hours?”

“She did all that within about 30 minutes,” Gumshoe corrected, striding across the room and plucking the little girl from the heavy window drapes, which she’d been attempting to climb like a miniature spider monkey. He brought the squirming pink bundle over to Phoenix and deposited her at her father’s feet.

“She’s been like this for the last two hours,” Maggey informed grimly.

Trucy finally stopped to catch her breath and lifted the brim of her pink silk hat, which although knocked askew, had somehow managed to remain on her head. She smiled brightly up at her father, noticing his presence for the first time.

“Hi, Daddy!” She chirped.

“Hi, baby girl,” Phoenix struggled to keep his voice level as he looked down at Trucy, whose overly brightened eyes were the size of saucers. “What’s this I hear about you sneaking some candy?”

“Ummm… I had some of Uncle Gumshoe’s chocolate raisins,” Trucy admitted sheepishly. “They tasted so yucky though! All bitter … I think they went bad!”

“Did you ask Uncle Gumshoe if you could eat his ‘chocolate raisins’ Truce?” Phoenix asked, struggling to keep a straight face as the actual hilarity of the situation kicked in. “Or did you just help yourself to them?”

“No, I didn’t,” she confessed, then turned apologetic china doll eyes towards the detective and his wife. “I’m sorry! But I was so hungry! And I know you offered to make ramen noodles for me, Uncle Gumshoe, but that’s all Daddy and I eat at home! I just was in the mood for something else for a change…”

“OK, that’s enough, Trucy,” Phoenix interrupted, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. He reached down and lifted his daughter into his arms, pressing her head against his shoulder and effectively silencing her from any other ramblings. He gave her a gentle squeeze. “How about a hug for Daddy?”

“I’m so happy you’re home, Daddy!” Trucy squealed, lifting her head and throwing her tiny arms around his neck, effectively vanquishing any lingering feelings of annoyance Phoenix had had within him. A glance over her head showed no hard feelings on the faces of Gumshoe and Maggey either, just sheer relief that the situation was now under control.

“I’ll help you clean up this mess, I promise. Gumshoe, Maggey, I’m so sorry for the trouble she caused,” Phoenix mumbled, his face red with mortification. “I haven’t had any sweets to give her at all … money’s been tight, so she must have been like the proverbial kid in a candy store when she saw what she thought were goodies in your cupboards … especially after living the past few weeks on cereal and instant noodles…”

“Don’t sweat it, pal,” Gumshoe assured him, smiling benignly. “You needed a sitter, and we were happy to help you out. Figured it would be good practice for when our own little one arrives.”

“I thought I’d gotten enough experience when I babysat Pearl last month,” Maggey admitted. “But she was much tamer – although to be fair, she didn’t consume copious amounts of caffeine and sugar that night, either! I figure after this particular experience, Dick and I are ready for anything!”

The understanding and compassion of his friends were overwhelming. Phoenix swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t even begin to voice the words to thank them. Instead, he flashed them a heartfelt, grateful smile that spoke more than any words could say, and sank gratefully into the chair Gumshoe pulled out for him, a slightly more subdued Trucy still in his arms.

The little magician lifted her head, which had been snuggling against her father’s chest, and smiled winsomely at the couple.

“I can pay you back for your candies, Uncle Gumshoe, Aunt Maggey,” she assured them. “I’m going to make some money from a birthday party I’m performing magic tricks for my friend Jinxie this weekend!”

“Don’t worry about it, Pal,” Gumshoe grinned, reaching down and affectionately tapping her on the nose. “You keep your money. Maybe buy something for you and your Daddy to eat other than noodles.”

“Besides,” Maggey added anxiously. “She’ll be dealing with her own payback tomorrow, and possibly the day after, from all those coffee beans she ingested!”

Phoenix nodded in agreement, even as he barely stifled a groan at the realization. He had a feeling that Trucy would be in for a few rough days ahead, as she had eaten way too much sugar for an eight-year-old to digest properly. She would probably get a very horrible stomach ache because of this. Not to mention the ill effects of caffeine on a child’s system.

Good grief, I hope this doesn’t stunt her growth! Or potentially worse, have Mrs. Wretched Beavertail-Face from Social Services get wind of this!

“She’s going to crash hard, and soon,” he noted, gently rocking the drowsy child in his arms. “Would it be too much of a hassle to ask you to drive us home now, Gumshoe, so I can tuck her into bed at home?”

“She can sleep here,” the pregnant woman offered. “We converted one of the closets into a baby’s room and my sister gave us my nephew’s old bed, and you can take the couch. You look about ready to crash and burn yourself.”

The ex-lawyer dragged his hand down his face.

“It was a rough night.”

“Let me make you a little snack – I promise, not ramen!” She joked, waddling over to the kitchen. “Why don’t you put Trucy on the sofa for now, and the three of us can play a little catch-up while you eat before we all head to bed?”

“You’re a gem, Maggey. Thank you.”

Surround yourself with good people who have earned your trust and respect and they will always be there for you.

The pianist carefully rose from his seat and gently placed the droopy-eyed moppet onto the cushions before taking a seat at the dining table next to Gumshoe.

“We can put her to bed later, pal,” the detective agreed amiably. “Relax and take a load off!”

Phoenix dove into the grilled cheese sandwich and apple presented before him with gusto. He was beyond famished. His friends eyed him with barely repressed amusement at his record-time food consumption, and he flashed a rueful smile.

“I um, didn’t get a chance to have dinner, heh, heh. So tell me, what’s been going on with you guys?” He asked the couple. “How have you been?”

Maggey came and sat down on Gumshoe’s lap.

“We do have some news, but first and foremost, how have you been?” She asked kindly. “I know a lot has happened since…um, the incident...”

“You mean since I lost my badge and since gained a daughter?” He supplied dryly. “You don’t have to mince words, Maggey. It is what is. Tonight is earlier than I normally will be home from this gig; they just let me go early as it was my first night. The shift runs from 6:00 in the evening to 2:00 in the morning Thursday to Sunday. I got myself a job as a piano player at The Borscht Bowl.”

Gumshoe had taken a swig of cola while his friend had been speaking, and nearly did a spit take upon hearing the news.

“You are going to be playing piano, pal?” The flatfoot was the epitome of discombobulation “At the same place where you made your debut last month?”

“The very same. Trust me, Gumshoe, the irony isn’t lost on me.”

“Inconceivable, pal!” The detective objected, never one to miss stating the obvious. “You can’t play the piano!”

“Why wouldn’t Phoenix be capable of doing so, Dick?” Maggey asked blankly, whose delicate condition and babysitting duties that night had not allowed her to be privy to the acclaimed performance the previous month. “As his friends, we should be supportive and tell him he can do anything he puts his mind to!”

“No, honey, he literally can’t play the piano!” Her husband insisted. “As in, he’s no musician! He somehow fluked and bluffed his way through that one song for Maya, but … that’s all he knows how to do! He is not capable of playing any other tune! He admitted it himself!”

“Hold it! That is erroneous witness testimony!” Phoenix flashed his best shit-eating grin. “I will have you know that as of today, I can now play a select handful of Disney theme songs!”

Gumshoe looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“And this is what they want you to do for your new job? When you told me earlier you’d gotten a gig at a certain type of bar, I briefly wondered if you were going to venture into being some sort of exotic dancer…”

“Objection! I would never debase myself like that!” Phoenix responded with mock indignation. “I may be broke, but I’ve got my dignity! Plus, how would I possibly explain debriefing for dollars to my kid?!”

Besides, I am living incarnate proof of why they say white men can’t dance, for money or for free! Heck, I may as well be a four-legged animal, since I have two left feet!

The scruffy bumbler smiled sheepishly.

“Believe me, pal, I was really hoping you’d meant you were a waiter or a busboy …”

“Gumshoe, unless I plan on squeezing myself into a pair of Daisy Duke black shorts and getting a sex change operation, I don’t have what it takes to be a server at this joint,” Phoenix replied wryly. “And they have a great guy there who does double bartending and busboy duties. They like to keep their costs low, even if that means scrimping on the heat in that place. Don’t you remember how sub-zero the temperature was?”

“How could I forget? Maya almost turned into a Smurf that night, she was so blue!”

“Anyway … to be honest … they don’t actually want me for my sub-par pianist skills so much as for my, ah, poker-playing ones.”

The big lug’s head shot up.

“Poker?” He repeated sharply. “As in gambling? Uh, am I supposed to pretend that I didn’t hear that, pal?”

“No, no,” Phoenix assured him. “Relax, I can play poker at that place with ease … not illegally, of course. They play for glory, not money. I haven’t forgotten I’m talking to a cop, pal!”

“Not anymore you’re not!” Maggey declared with a huge smile.

“Say what?” Phoenix’s jaw dropped. “Gumshoe, don’t tell me you got fired again?!”

“Not fired … just retired,” Gumshoe told him proudly. “Remember how I helped create the Blue Badger? Well, with the success of Gatewater Land and its merchandise franchise, guess who’s finally getting a sweet cut of the royalties…and no longer needs to be a ‘Doughnut Boy?’

“C – Congratulations!” While Phoenix was stunned, he was genuinely pleased for his friend. “When did this happen?”

Gumshoe’s gaze shifted downward then, and he and Maggey both suddenly looked uncomfortable. “About a month ago, pal. Shortly after you…”

Got disbarred. The unspoken words hung over the three of them like an awkward cloud.

“I tried to call you, pal,” Gumshoe mumbled, scratching his head nervously. “So many times! But every time I tried to reach you…”

I didn’t pick up my phone or answer my door for two weeks. Right.

“Listen, pal, no need to feel bad!” He told the former flatfoot. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to celebrate your good news right after the fact, but I’m here now, and I toast you!”

He raised his Coke in a toast.

“Hurray for fulfilling the ultimate American Dream and sticking it to The Man! Cheers to you,  former 
Detective Gumshoe!”

“Here, here!” Maggey agreed happily, raising her can as well and clanking it against first Phoenix’s, then her husband’s.

They all took a chug of their sodas.

“So, what does all this worldly wealth mean now?” Phoenix asked. “Does this mean you’re going to move from here? And get rid of those trench coats?”

Even behind her glasses, Maggey’s exasperated eye roll was evident.

“Yes, after the baby is born, and no … he won’t let me!” She grumbled. “He insists on still wearing them all the time because he thinks they’re his ‘trademark.’

“I threw out all the old ones except for the one you bought me,” Gumshoe reminded her.

“And then insisted on going out and buying new ones!” She exclaimed.

“They’re designer trench coats, honey!”

“I still can’t believe I haven’t burned them yet…” she muttered darkly.

“Come on, Maggey.” Phoenix barely stifled a laugh. “You fell in love with him when he was still rocking that coat! Surely you must have some sentiment?”

“For the man, not the coat,” Maggey grumbled. “Do you know he insists on wearing them even when we go to a fancy, five-star restaurant?”

“The real swanky kind that only Mr. Edgeworth could afford before,” Gumshoe bragged shamelessly.

“Sweetheart, I keep trying to tell you that your trench coats are not suitable attire for places that require a suit and jacket dress code!”

“Come on, honey! They’re still fancy trench coats, with silk underlining and detailing and big gold buttons!”

Maggey face-palmed.

“I give up!” She turned to their guest and shrugged resignedly. “Hell, I tried! You can take a detective out of the police department, but damned if you can get the trench coat off of the detective!”

Phoenix decided the time had come to try to change the subject.

“So essentially, they want me to be a poker shark,” he told his friends, ignoring Gumshoe’s reflexive Cop cringe at the not-so-legal sounding phrase. “You guys feel up to a few practice rounds?”

“Sure, let me deal.” Maggey fished out a deck of cards, then, with surprisingly expert flair, shuffled and dealt them. “Since we’re friends here, I’m assuming this is a friendly game? Fancy playing with some M & M’s as betting chips?”

“Sure,” Gumshoe chuckled. “Red ones are high, greens are low.”

Phoenix anted, then looked at the dispensed hand and inwardly cursed. There was a king of clubs, a jack of spades, a two of hearts, an Ace of diamonds, and a two of clubs. All he had worth mentioning was a couple of lousy deuces!

He looked at Gumshoe and tried to read his expression, but for once the normally animated man’s face was as stoic as a rock.

He turned over the cards he’d been dealt and saw that he had another two. Woot!

The big man pushed four red candies forward.

“Raise you.”

Phoenix was surprised. He had three of a kind, but it wasn’t that great when it was only two’s. He was debating about his odds as he turned over the other card. Another Ace! He had a full house now.

He saw Gumshoe’s raise.

“Ready?” Maggey asked.

Phoenix flipped his cards.

“Full house.”

His opponent flipped his cards over and clapped a dismayed hand on his forehead.

“Oh, crap jacks! I only had a pair of kings!”

“Then why did you raise him?” His wife snapped peevishly.

“I was trying to bluff!” Gumshoe cried feebly.

“I win!” Phoenix grabbed his ‘winnings’ and popped a green M & M in his mouth with a smirk.

“Dick, you can’t bluff for beans!” Maggey declared. “Let me show you how it’s really done!”

Gumshoe dealt the next hand, and Phoenix realized he’d finally met his match. Maggey raised the ante immediately with a pile of reds after being dealt, while all he had was a pair of Kings. He looked across the table at her pretty, inscrutable face.

“Where did a nice girl like you learn how to play poker like this?” He teased.

“Less talk, more play,” Maggey growled. “Are you going to see my raise or not?”

Phoenix hesitated. It wasn’t like his friend of normally sunny disposition to be so – curt. She sure took this game seriously! Which meant she probably had a blockbuster hand. He put his fingers on some red M & M’s and hesitated for a brief moment.

“Daddy?”

With a start, he turned his head and found his sleepy-faced daughter standing by his elbow, rubbing her eyes. When had she woken?

“Truce, what are you doing up? You have school tomorrow!”

“I wanted a glass of water,” Trucy yawned. She leaned forward and looked at his hand with interest, then at Maggey. Then she looked back to her father and gave the slightest, surreptitious nod of her head to him. Surprised, he contemplated whether to accede or not for a moment, then mentally shrugged and tossed down a handful of red candies.

“I see your raise and double it.”

Maggey’s lips parted in a soundless gasp.

“Ready?” Asked Gumshoe.

Phoenix flipped his cards. “Pair of kings.”

Maggey avoided Phoenix’s eyes as she slowly turned her cards over. She had nada. Zilch. Not even a pair. Amazed, he swung his eyes back to his daughter. How had she known that Maggey’s bravado had all been a bluff? Or had it merely been a lucky guess?

“I’m going to get her that water,” he told his friends, getting up and following Trucy to the kitchen.

“Trucy!” He urgently whispered in her ear as she took a long gulp of water. “How did you know Maggey was bluffing? I was so sure she had a killer hand!”

Trucy shrugged. “It was so obvious to me! She got all loud and gruff…and she was puffing out her chest a bit to look bigger and meaner…to hide the fact that she didn’t have anything!” She caught her father’s questioning look and beamed mischievously. “My other Daddy was big on the poker scene and always took me with him. I know everything there is to know about poker, and its players. I could tell who had a good hand or not just with a quick look at their faces. Daddy never lost a game with me. He claimed he only lost that one game to you because I wasn’t there!”

Was this all nonsensical children’s prattle merely a residual result of the caffeine and sugar high, or was his daughter seriously claiming…?

The card shark peered searchingly into Trucy’s eyes.

“Baby girl, do you think you could do that again, with Uncle Gumshoe?”

“Sure, I could, Daddy,” she shrugged. “It’s a piece of cake for me. That is – if you want me to.”

“Trust me, baby girl, I really, really want you to.” Phoenix winked conspiringly at his daughter. “When all is said and done … you and me … I think we’re going to be alright, after all.”

Diamond Jack – Wishbone Ash

The Police – Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic