156 I Think I Wanna Marry You

“I only wish to be the fountain of love from which you drink, every drop promising eternal passion. If a kiss was a raindrop, I’d send you a shower. If a hug was a second, I’d send you an hour. If a smile was water I’d send you the sea. If you needed love, I’d send you me.”

Phaya, Miles Edgeworth and Mystery Proposer
Kurain Village, Courtyard
June 16, 2026, 4:25 PM

There was a rustling in the otherwise still courtyard following the plaintive cry, and only slight, bewildered murmurings as the entire congregation of 400 people craned their necks, trying to ascertain the source of the impromptu marriage proposal.

“Who the heck shouted ‘no, marry me!’ just now?” Asserted Reverend Paesano, sounding both perplexed and yet slightly hopeful. “Whoever it was, do let me know if you’re serious! A man of the cloth deserves to know if he’s actually going to get to earn his keep here and perform a wedding, instead of just being paid to stand here and look pretty, which I’ve been doing since morning! I mean, I know we’re essentially much a capitalist society by now, but come on! I can’t be expected to honestly rejoice in the concept of money for nothing!”

“Zut alors! Eez everyone hard of hearing?!” Armstrong sulked in the background. “I just proposed to Longines!”

“It most definitely was a male voice…” Edgeworth muttered to himself, as though the corpulent best man hadn’t even spoken, tapping his finger against his arm in contemplation. “And I have a sinking feeling about the fact that it sounded curiously familiar… hold it! No! It can’t possibly be…!”

“Non mais allo quoi!” Armstrong piped up indignantly. “Z’at would have been moi, monsieur autre beau homme en rose!”

Oh, them be fighting words there, you bumptious flibbertigibbet! Phoenix barely bit back a snigger. Ce n’est pas pink! C’est magenta! But zee faux Frenchman probably wouldn’t know the correct français word for it anyway!

In the meanwhile, both Phoenix and his magenta-clad friend heard another voice mumbling from behind them. Their accusing glowers landed on Jesse Ventura, the unexpected busboy/turned waiter/turned videographer from hell! Unbelievably, the indecorous young man was still filming and narrating this newest turn of events, all the while droning his latest narrations to an imaginary audience.

“It’s me, Jesse Ventura, again, at Jess/Desserts Productions! The celebrity scoop of the century has now taken an unexpected turnabout as the Longines Beaugosse and Maya Fey wedding came to a screeching halt! In an explosion of cinematic-worthy romantic intrigue, The Runaway Bride’s estranged previous paramour, ex-Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright, posed the objection of his lifetime and brought the nuptials to an absolute standstill! However, neither he nor the Master of Kurain, who shared a passionate reunion that was so steamy, it nearly fogged up my camera lens, seems to be keen to tie the knot!”

The legal legends both bore censorious expressions, and their eyes narrowed dangerously at the meddlesome, impromptu Spanish song translator from the Mexican restaurant as he went on with his monologue bloviation.

“This reluctance to solidify their resumed relationship is in spite of having the opportunity to do so handed to them on a silver platter by the ever fervent Reverend Paesano, the wise-cracking cleric lookalike played by Mel Brooks from the hit comedy flick, Robin Hood, Men in Tights! To only further add to the thrilling drama, another mysterious marriage proposal has emerged from the stupefied congregation just now! But from whom is what remains to be seen! Will yet another person emerge as the alternate kickie-wickie from this latest calamity…? ”

“Objection! I order you cease your cockamamie shenanigans posthaste, you overly garrulous gamin!” The prosecutor snapped, startling the cameraman with his biting tone and nearly making Jesse drop his camcorder in shock. “Young man, are you so deliberately obtuse that you fail to grasp how this is neither the time nor the place to be filming?! Likewise, I demand to know just to whom you’re even speaking in the first place!”

“Um…sorry, Mr. Edgeworth!” Jesse gulped. “Er…I’m still getting a feel for this whole solo video guy racket, and thought I’d assist with the chronicle aspect of this material, to what perchance would be desired by someone as a kinda, sorta …commemorative footage?”?

“Is this your idea of some sort of tasteless joke?!” Edgeworth stared daggers at the visibly flustered videographer. “Mr. Ventura, at this point, I hereby declare that you have far surpassed even Larry Butz as the urchin with the most ill-begotten timing in the history of –”

“Relax, Edgeworth!” Phoenix placed a placating hand on the disgruntled lawyer’s arm. “We can chastise Jesse for his unseemly and ill-timed narrative later! Right now, the mystery still remains about just who hollered that second marriage proposal after Armstrong’s?”

Sister Bikini, now completely recuperated from her channeling, seemed to have regained her boisterous disposition as she let out her trademarked booming laugh.

“Well, the only twosome within immediate proximity would be these two teenage lovebirds, right here!” The tiny nun gestured at the blushing Pearl and her boyfriend while giving the confounded British lad a playful wink. “Mayhap it was you who made that matrimonial proposition, Luke? After all, both of you kids are certainly dressed formally enough for the occasion!”

“What?! Me and Luke?! Get married?!” Pearl squeaked, clapping an astonished hand to her mouth. “Um, hello! I am only 16 years old! And this is California, not Kentucky!”

“Blimey!” Luke exclaimed before he could stop himself. “Utterly preposterous! Of course, it wasn’t me!”

“Preposterous?!” Pearl squealed, this time with infuriation. “Why would you say such a thing, Luke?! You made it sound as if the very idea was utter rubbish!”

“Pearl, this is hardly the time to bite your arm off about such matters!” Luke’s pink cheeks were now flaming scarlet. “Have you forgotten that you entirely dismissed the very notion just now?”

“Only because I’m too young right now, not because I never intended for it to happen!” Pearl glowered at him as she rolled up her sleeve menacingly. “Lucas Gabriel Triton! Do you mean to tell me you’ve never even thought about us getting married … like, ever?!”

Looks like I’ve botched that one! Luke recoiled at the heated glint in his sweetheart’s normally serene eyes. I never expected her to be having a wobbler over something like this! I don’t know what to say!

Barely resisting the urge to facepalm, Layton’s former apprentice glanced helplessly at Phoenix, whose arms were wrapped snugly around Maya’s waist. The spiky-haired man wore a knowing expression even though he flashed a sympathetic smile over the top of his girlfriend’s head, and Luke wildly pondered how Maya’s lover had somehow withstood a decade of the infamous Fey temper, relatively unscathed! The English youth’s eyes slid over to Maya for some sort of reprieve and shrunk back at the smirk the village leader wore on her visage as she addressed him from her cozily snuggled position against the pianist’s chest.

“I do believe the question warrants a response, Luke!” The former bride’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “I myself am most eager to hear for myself exactly what your intentions are towards my daughter?”

“Erm…” The teenage boy ran a finger inside the collar of his shirt, suddenly feeling as though he were suffocating from the tightness of his necktie. “I…um…”

“Sacre bleu!” Armstrong was getting even more peeved by the moment, fists digging into his ample hips while his lips began to quiver dramatically, the rose he’d miraculously managed to keep clenched in his teeth bobbing with every agitated breath. “Eez z’er nobody ‘ere who wishes to pay mind z’at I just made my own heartfelt proposal to zee groom?!”

“It was me!”

Having finally shoved his way to the front aisle from the back of the large, bustling throng, where his painter’s easel had been set up, the somewhat winded Larry Butz raced up to the front altar at last. Panting slightly, he dropped onto one knee before the flabbergasted Iris, still seated in the front row. He bowed his head and clasped the open-mouthed shrine maiden’s hand in his own as he stared beseechingly into her eyes with his own pleading topaz ones.

“My beautiful Iris, my bounty is as boundless as the sea, and my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite!” The artist announced dramatically, without hesitation or pausing for breath. “There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights, and if you’ll have me, Iris Hawthorne, I want you to be my wife!”

There was a collective gasp of disbelief from the congregation, while Iris simply stared down into Larry’s longing face in wide-eyed, dumbfounded silence.

“Marry me, Iris!” Larry pleaded. One hand remained tightly clutching hers, while with his free one, he yanked off his beret and clasped it against his chest. “Either give me your hand, or end it now, and put us both out of our misery!”

Phoenix, Maya, Luke, Pearl, Longines, and Armstrong simply gaped at him, speechless. Edgeworth, however, was the first to recover from their collective gobsmacked state as he drew in a sharp breath.

“Oh Larry,” Iris breathed, at last, her luminous orbs never leaving his. “Of course I –”

Her response was cut off by the incredulous logical genius.

“What the shit, Butz?!” The prosecutor’s atypical use of even the mildest profanity was proof that even he didn’t know what to make of this latest turn of events. “Where is all this coming from?! Have you officially lost what is left of your mind?!”

“I’m sorry, Edgy, but this is one thing it seems we’ll never see eye-to-eye on.” The artist’s cadence and countenance were uncharacteristically solemn and unwavering as he levelly met those stern grey eyes. “As painful as that may be, it is a cross I’m prepared to bear, regardless.”

Larry rose from his kneeling position and stood up, but pulled the bride’s cousin to her feet and wrapped an arm around her shoulder as he faced his two childhood friends. Iris’s bashful gaze remained on the ground, but she made no move to pull free from his hold. The children’s illustrator took a deep breath and looked Phoenix straight in the eye.

“In addition, I’m even sorrier for how unexpected this is to you, Nick. I realize I’m breaking The Bro Code yet again, first by agreeing to be the artist for your one ex’s wedding, and now declaring my love for the other girlfriend from your past. I can only plead for your forgiveness for this unpardonable sin. But this thing with Iris…it was bigger than both of us.”

Larry’s expression was earnest as he continued to address the staggered pianist.

“Believe me when I assert that I never made one single, untoward advance towards her this entire time I’ve been up at Eagle Mountain. After all, I, along with everyone else, thought you’d left Maya so you and Iris could be together. On my honor, I swear to you that even though I’ve loved her with all my heart for  seven long years, I  never actively pursued the woman who I thought belonged to my best friend.”

Larry’s eyes swam with lamenting tears of regret and guilt, which for once, were completely sincere, even as Phoenix silently continued to stare at him with an unreadable expression.

“Nick, you have no idea how hard I’ve been trying to fight how I feel about Iris for some time now, even though deep in my heart, I know she loves me, too. At last, I get the reason she’s been holding back from me, as well. Her unwavering loyalty to those she cares about, and her kindhearted tendency to always put others before herself, also forever cause her to be putting her own wants on the back burner. I now understand it was all because she altruistically promised to go along with your ruse, all in order to protect Maya, even though it would cause Iris strained ties with her own family. Discovering how she was willing to put her own happiness on hold, because of that big, beautiful heart of hers, only makes me love her even more.”

Maya felt her own throat constricting with tears as she listened to this additional addendum to the heartbreaking tale of utter selflessness on her cousin’s behalf. While she was now aware, after hearing Phoenix’s letter, of the fact that Iris had endured unjustified scathing ire from both Pearl and herself by agreeing to his well-intended ploy to keep her from danger until right then, she’d had no idea just how much of her own happiness Iris had forsaken in the process as well. The shrine maiden had even been willing to keep away from Larry, just to ensure her cousin’s safety, and there was no question for Maya about how large an additional sacrifice this had been because she could easily see that Iris loved Larry back just as much as he loved her. It was written all over her downcast face, as clear as day.

“Iris,” she choked, gently freeing herself from Phoenix’s embrace and walking towards the timid shrine maiden, her arms outstretched. “Is this true? Were you really willing to give up your own happiness, just for my sake? Even after the way that I treated you?”

Limpid doe eyes met watery mocha ones, and Iris nodded, at last, clasping Maya’s proffered hands in her own.

“For such a long time, I’ve yearned to make amends, knowing I’ve caused you so much pain in the past, Maya,” she uttered tearily. “You and Feenie both. I did what I had to do because it was the very least I could do! I owe him so much, and you – you’re the leader of this village! So many people depend on you and need you. On top of that, you’re my baby sister’s guardian. Pearl’s already lost her mother – I couldn’t let her lose another. Above all else, you’re both my flesh and blood. I only hope maybe now, we can all put all this behind us and start anew…”

“Iris!” The hysterical Pearl interrupted, rushing past Maya and wrapping her arms around her sister’s waist while she sobbed against her chest. “Iris, I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t know! I said such horrible things to you! Please forgive me!”

“It’s OK, Pearl,” the benign nun soothed, wrapping her arms around her younger sibling while tears slipped down her cheeks and into the teen’s hair. “You didn’t know. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I’m sorry too, Iris,” Maya said humbly. “Please accept my heartfelt apology as well. You’re a wonderful, compassionate, beautiful person, both inside and out. Because of that, and your past with Nick, I guess I’ve always felt threatened by you, and deep down, was paranoid he’d someday recall how much he’d loved you once, and feel like I fell short in comparison.”

“What Feenie and I had is long in the past, Maya. You’re his future now,” Iris assured her. “We’ve both since moved on. You have to know that.”

“I do. I should have had more faith in Nick’s love. I – I should have had more faith in you. Forgive me, cousin,” Maya begged. “Can we start over again, from this day forward? I beg you to pardon both me and Pearly our unknowing follies.”

“I would have felt the same way in either of your shoes,” Iris insisted, even as the happy, relieved droplets continued to flow down her face. “Believe me, Pearl, Maya…there’s nothing to forgive. The past is the past. None of this matters anymore. I – I just want us to be family from here on now.”

Maya’s eyes flooded over, and her heart swelled with love and admiration for this benevolent angel she was so blessed to call her kinswoman. Before she knew it, she was hugging Iris tightly from the side in a tight embrace while Pearl continued weeping on her sister’s other shoulder, clinging to her sibling as though she’d never let her go. Both Fey’s tears dripped from their cheeks onto the shrine maiden’s robes while the sobbing Iris’s arms tightly encircled both her sister and cousin, making all three of them forget their surroundings and just bask in the deep seeded bond which had now been planted, never to be uprooted ever again.

“Larry, Iris, I’m sorry too,” Phoenix spoke, at last, his voice thick with emotion. “I had no idea just how big an additional sacrifice I was unwittingly subjecting Iris to when I begged her to continue to go along with this subterfuge until the wedding date. Believe me when I say this, Larry…There’s no need to apologize to me for anything. Love does not measure qualities, nor set any standards. Love happens. Iris is a very easy woman to love, but my time with her has passed. You’re a lucky man to have won her heart, and I wholeheartedly wish for you to make her as happy as she once made me. Not that you really need it, but from the bottom of my heart, you have my blessing, both of you.”

“You’re really sure about that, Nick?” Larry asked hesitantly, his eyes bright with hope. “After all, I know now, more than ever, that you’re pretty much on par with Iris in the mensch department…”

“I really mean it.” Phoenix met his gaze steadily and extended his hand to his friend, who clasped it firmly as the two men exchanged a warm smile. “When the right chance to love comes in hand, you cannot let it go, for it might be the last chance you would’ve been waiting for and when it’s gone, you will never see it again. Far be it for me to even think of trying to stand in the way of two people who were meant to be. Besides, even while attempting to use it in my own defense that one time, I’d always thought The Bro Code was ridiculous, anyway! Hell, the first time I mentioned it, Edgeworth thought I’d made the whole thing up!”

Edgeworth cleared his throat awkwardly and jabbed his hands in his pockets.

“I – I may have said some unfair things to you, Larry,” he said gruffly. “As of late, I profess to have had my own, personal prejudices in that farcical Bro Code department, and regretfully admit that I have indeed, to a certain degree, been guilty of taking it out on both you and Wright, most undeservedly…”

“Edgy! Come here, you big softie!”

The prosecutor’s words were cut off as Larry lurched himself at the slate-haired man, wrapping his arms around him in a crushing embrace.

“Larry, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” The stoic barrister demanded, his face rapidly becoming the color of his suit. “Unhand me, you fool!”

“I knew it!” Larry whooped, squeezing the austere attorney even tighter. “You’re not a stodgy, cold, unfeeling robot after all! You really do care, Edgy!”

The alexithymia martyr scowled at the once again embracing Phoenix and Maya, who were both snickering audibly at this whole exchange.

“Stop this at once!” Edgeworth was blushing to the roots of his hair now. “Larry, let go this instant! You’re making a fool of both me and yourself with such undignified actions!”

“Not until you say you love me!” Larry was grinning like an idiot. “Admit it Edgy! You lurve me!”

“Ngh!” Edgeworth grunted, fruitlessly attempting to dislodge himself before sighing in defeat. “If I acquiesce to this nonsense, will you allow me to breathe again?!”

The goateed man turned on his most pleading puppy-dog expression, and the prosecutor let out a groan of surrender.

“Larry Butz, you are the mother of all fools, and a constant pain in my…neck!” Edgeworth grumbled. “Nevertheless…you’ve been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and thus, you’ve grown on me…like a wart…so you always will be. You – you mean a lot to me. And I …I guess I do genuinely care about you…”

“This couldn’t have been easy for him to say,” Maya giggled in Phoenix’s ear. “Coming from someone as emotionally constipated as Edgy, this was actually touching!”

“Good enough!” Larry announced cheerfully, abruptly releasing his friend and then throwing his arms in a side hug around Phoenix, who chuckled good-naturedly and freed one arm from his lover long enough to clap him indulgently on the back. “I already know Nick loves me! He doesn’t even need to say it!”

“More than words, Larry. More than words.” Phoenix’s tone was laced with beguilement as he shook his head ruefully, then dropped his chin back atop its resting spot on Maya’s head. “You have no idea.”

The cleric coughed loudly, jolting everybody around him, as up until that moment, they’d been momentarily unmindful of his presence.

“It has been most moving to be watching everyone apologize to one another about everything, including, but not limited, to World War II, and thus establish that you lot all positively adore each other, to the ends of the earth!” Reverend Paesano inserted wryly. “Feasibly, will we be able to carry on now? Will at least one set of you love-infused folks allow me to bind them into blissful matrimony already?”

“The vicar may be as subtle as a Mack truck, but he makes a valid query!” Maya beamed at her cousin. “As a matter of fact, Reverend Paesano, it appears we’re going to have a wedding today, after all! Iris, I’d be most honored if you would wear my wedding dress.”

She glanced down at the tiny bodice of her unwanted gown and studied the other woman’s equally petite figure.

“You and I are exactly the same height, so the length is no issue. Moreover, whereas I’ve had to whittle down on the diet from hell to fit into this thing, it appears as though the arduous task of all that cabin maintenance these past few months has resulted in you being able to wear it just as perfectly as well!”

“But Maya, I surely am not worthy to wear such finery!” Iris protested as she blushed modestly. “This was a designer bridal gown designed for the prestigious Master of Kurain, and I am naught but a mere shrine maiden of Hazakura Temple! Also, there is the matter of the fact that I have neither been styled nor primped for the occasion and don’t even have any jewelry to wear in an attempt to do that garment any sort of justice…”

“I disagree, wholeheartedly,” Larry interjected lovingly. “Iris, you needn’t ever worry about your appearance, because true beauty springs from the heart and dwells in the eyes. You are a rare gem to behold, milady, who unknowingly dazzles all those around you with your loveliness. There are but a select few women who need no jewels to make them sparkle, and you, without doubt, are one of them.”

“Very aptly, and surprisingly poetically, put Larry!” Maya tittered. “Cousin, I cannot think of a lovelier, nobler nor grander lady to don this dress, which is so brand, spanking new, it has only been worn for less than an hour! You are one in a million, so it’s only fitting that you wear a half $1 million wedding gown!”

“Objection!” Porfirio interposed, his jaw slack eyes the size of saucers as he waved a shaky pointer finger at the Master.

Everyone turned to stare at the thunderstruck designer, who looked equally surprised at the words that had just escaped his lips.

“Whoops! I guess I’ve been hoping to get the opportunity to yell that power word out since everybody else was! Surprisingly satisfying for any occasion!” The designer flushed slightly at their scrutiny but then composed himself once more as he turned to Maya. “Gurl! Wherever did you come up with such a grossly inflated price tag for that gown?!”

“I’m the one who told Maya that number.” Longines appeared puzzled at his friend’s strange reaction. “And it’s because it’s the figure Mildred gave me to write the check for, to make out to you, Pepper! She claimed the gown would fetch at least $1 million, a.k.a. double its price, when it was auctioned off for charity, which was all a part of her plan to help bring the spotlight to benefit both Kurain Village and Beaugosse Enterprises!”

“But Longines, that’s inconceivable!” Porfirio protested. “I gave you the friends and family discount on that gown, given the long-standing nature of our friendship! I only charged you for the material and not the workmanship on the dress, since it was off the rack! The cost to you was only $100,000!”

“What?!” Now it was Longines’s turn to have his jaw drop to his chest. “That can’t be! Where the in the world could the extra $400,000 have come from?”

“And more importantly…” Maya’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, then instinctively pivoted in the direction of Mildred, who shrank back slightly. “Where has it gone?”

“I have an even better question!” Luke added, reaching into his pocket and waving what appeared to be a printed-out sheet of paper in his hand. “Which is, why these guest favor swag bags were being sold for a $2000 starting bid on eBay? Also, why there are 800 of them up for grabs when there are only 400 wedding guests?”

“Luke!” Pearl stared at her boyfriend, agog. “Where did you find this information?”

“You instructed me not to take my eyes off that woman when you and Maya rushed down to the city with the Chief earlier, so I didn’t let her out of my sight.” Luke jerked his head at the Dragon Lady. “Shortly before you and Mr. Gumshoe returned, she slipped away for a spell, so I naturally followed her. When the coast was clear, I snuck into her chambers. There I saw that she had left herself logged in to her eBay account on her computer, along with several more boxes filled with the additional bombonieres, which must’ve been delivered to her personal quarters and not set up on the table alongside the ones the Berry Circus folks and I set up before the ceremony!”

“That doesn’t make any logical sense!” Longines exclaimed. “Why would there be such a surplus of the favors? And why would she be hoarding them?!”

“This is highly suspicious behavior, most undeniably,” Edgeworth agreed, directing an icy glare in the direction of the old harridan, who discreetly had begun inching away during this conversation with a look of panic in her eyes. “It’s one thing to order a little bit extra in case of surprise uninvited guests, but the inflation on these numbers, both on the bridal attire and bombonieres, is not only ludicrous… I daresay they are downright criminal, and most definitely require further scrutiny!”

Knowing she was cornered, Mildred attempted to make one final grasp at straws. Straightening up, she affected an air of outraged dignity in an attempt to deflect from her own misdeeds.

“You have a lot of nerve, snooping in my personal quarters, you bratty, nosy little crumpet!” She snarled at Luke and then jutted her chin haughtily at Edgeworth. “And you, pretty boy with the frills! You’re no better! How dare you have the gall to question an esteemed elder’s actions or character? You cast all these senseless doubts on an innocent old woman, who has only had this village’s best interests at heart, yet I see zero opposing objections being made about a genteel-bred shrine maiden tying the knot to a womanizing rake of that rogue Larry Butz’s magnitude!”

“Just what in Mystic Ami’s name are you going on about now, Mildred?” Matilda demanded, her dark eyes shooting off angry sparks at her adversary. “Do we need to add slander to your list of transgressions on top of everything else?”

“I second the motion!” Sister Bikini nodded industriously. “Mr. Butz is a fine, upstanding young man who adores my daughter, and I would be delighted to have him as a son-in-law!”

“How typically naïve of you two simpletons to not have done your homework on this meandering Casanova, who you’re so quick to welcome into your clan with such open arms!” Mildred sneered. “I have taken the liberty have looked into all ongoings of the man also known as Laurice Deauxnim, as he is an artist of some worldwide acclaim. His character history proves he is little more than a hound dog of cover girls! Why, he was even once on trial for the murder of one of his model girlfriends! He has been known to shamelessly and indiscernibly, pursue celebrities, socialites, and women of all shapes and sizes – some even married or spoken for! His countless and ruthless skirt-chasing and tawdry liaisons, both in his American and Europe tours, have been captured in the local news! In fact, some of this man whore’s rendezvous have made international headlines on the Internet, along with the fact that absolutely none of these have lasted more than a fortnight!”

“No! These are all lies! They can’t be true!”

Sister Bikini clapped a hand to her chest, looking appalled. The poor dear stared at the red-faced Larry, who simply stood there with his head bowed in submission, averting his gaze from her accusing eyes while Iris turned pale upon hearing all this venom about the man she loved.

“Stop being a fool, Bikini! I speak nothing but the truth!” Mildew gloated, practically cackling with glee. “See how the scoundrel stands there looking guilty against my accusations but saying nothing in return? Notice he has not uttered even a peep in his own defense?”

The aghast nun turned her distressed eyes onto Larry, her expression pleading with him to tell her a different tale that refuted Mildred’s vile accusations.

“Larry, please tell me there is no validation to anything this horrid woman has just said!” Sister Bikini cried. “Say it isn’t so!”

“Alas, I cannot lie about the man I have been, good lady,” Larry confessed, shaking his head dejectedly. “While there is, of course, gross exaggeration with all rumors and media headlines, my unsuccessful track record with women is not something that can be denied. My two best friends stand at my side, both of them men who have been renowned in the legal field, and not even they can defend my previous deplorable convictions, nor my lackluster romantic résumé. It is not something I am proud of in the least, but neither is it something which I can claim to have never existed.”

“So it’s true then?” Sister Bikini probed, her expression crestfallen. “You are the man Mystic Mildred just described as an unspeakable cad, vile libertine, and despoiler of innocents?”

“I’m all that and more,” Larry replied grimly, his lips twitching slightly into an amused smirk. “I have been a seeker of love immeasurable times, and have had my heart broken nearly every single time in the process. But never before did I know what true love actually was, before I met your daughter, Sister. That was when I knew I needed to modify my old ways to become a man worthy of her, for she captured my heart completely. To fall in love is a legendary action that doesn’t need any explanation.”

Iris swallowed hard as she heard these words, and felt such a strong wave of love for the man next to her that it nearly took her breath away. Larry wasn’t trying to be a coward or attempting to cover up the man he’d been in the past. He was courageously owning up to everything he’d once been, and showing everyone present that he was now a changed man. Because of her.

“I cannot deny the man I used to be,” Larry continued, staring hard at Mildred. “Nonetheless, I can expose the fact that it’s purely venomous hatred and attempted deflection, and not an unadulterated concern for Iris’s well-being, which have prompted this wretched harpy to try to cast light upon my past misdemeanors. Having a need to love – or in this case, pretending to love – without having a heart that loves, is nothing but hatred. If you weren’t so loathsome, I would pity you, Mildew, for that is all you will ever know in your miserable, lonely, degenerate life.”

The artist’s words cut so deeply that not even the unflappable Dragon Lady was quick enough to mask the slight flinching effect they caused within her. Lifting his chin, Larry turned and flashed Iris’s adopted mother his most shit-eating grin as he saw her nod of approbation.

“I can also assure you, Sister Bikini…reformed rakes often make the best husbands!”

The artist then turned his tender gaze back to Iris, letting her see the unmasked love in his eyes as he spoke again.

“Milady, I did not come to love for joy alone. We fell in love as it was dictated by nature and so shall we abide by it as we live in the universe that desires love and not hatred. And I will never have wanderlust, for I have seen, firsthand, what else is out there in the world. 7 billion smiles… but yours is my favorite, Iris. I only yearn to make a life, and home, with you. And only you.”

Iris’s eyes filled with happy tears. “You truly do mean that, don’t you?”

“From my heart to yours,” he replied simply.

“Tell me, Lawrence Butz.” Her gaze met his searchingly. “Where is your home?”

Reaching forward, he cupped her cheek in his palm and stroked her face softly with his thumb. “Wherever you are.”

“Dare I really believe,” Iris whispered, placing her hand over his and pressing her cheek into his palm. “That after all the women you have known and loved, that I can ever be enough for you? To keep you satisfied for a lifetime?”

“You have everything,” Larry swore, tracing her lips with the tip of his thumb. “That I will ever want, Iris. Light of my life. Keeper of my soul. Fire of my nights…”

“Oh la vache!”Armstrong shrieked suddenly, interrupting the romantic spell and making everyone jump slightly with his ear-piercing screech. “Z’at eez it! I ‘av ‘ad enough!”

The pink tuxedoed man was obviously uncaring that he had interrupted the couple’s romantic moment, his face still twisted into a petulant moue as Larry and Iris reluctantly broke apart.

The chagrined Mildred realized her plan to distract from her swindling efforts by airing Larry’s dirty laundry had been foiled, so the cunning spinster had begun creeping away stealthily, as all eyes were now swiveled back to the irate best man, who was stamping his foot like a recalcitrant child having a tantrum.

“Bon sang! Fais chier!” The cream pouf wailed woefully, already in incensed, torso wriggling mode. “I will not be ignored for a moment longer! Why does nobody ‘ere give un putain de merde z’at I also made a proposal?! To z’ee groom, who is z’ee keeper of my heart?!”

“I recant my previous statement about both Butz and Jesse having the worst timing I’ve ever seen!” Edgeworth stated icily, subjecting the drama queen to a withering glare. “It is grossly evident how certain entitled parties present are obviously incapable of grasping the fact that the expression all the world’s a stage does not designate them sole spotlight! This is neither the time nor place to be discussing multiple marriage proposals –”

The ever-observant prosecutor cut himself off mid-tongue lash to Armstrong as he spotted Mildew’s attempted escape from the corner of his eye.

“Not when there is potential criminal activity afoot and the suspected perpetrator herself is attempting to flee the premises! Gumshoe! Detain that woman, posthaste!”

The crafty village elder was almost at the exit route, and Luke could see the burly police Chief had the daunting task of shoving his way through the huge crowd in order to reach her, which he would never be able to do in time! Immediately, he snapped his fingers to get the attention of the Berry Circus monkeys, who had been idly sitting by Max and Regina.

“Desse! Jylan!” The animal whisperer commanded. “Stop that woman immediately! Use any means necessary!”

Being of much smaller stature, and speedier than any human, the primates reached Mildred within seconds, with Desse managing to trip the old woman by wrapping his tail around her ankles, causing her to fall backward with a heavy thud on her rear end and sending her purse sailing to the ground. The surprisingly swift senior citizen quickly recovered from the fall and was scrambling to get back on her feet when Jylan seized the golden opportunity to halt her mid-action with the most powerful weapon at his disposal. With a toothy leer, the monkey lifted his tail and turned his rear end in the battle-axe’s direction.

Then Jylan the Big Berry Circus primate, spawn of the famed Money the Monkey, let it rip with everything he had.

THPPTPHTPHPHHPH!

“Gahhhhhhh!”

Mildred screamed in horror from the putrid fumes, the stench so sickening that she literally fell back to the ground, clutching both hands to her nose in futile efforts to protect it from the miasmal blast of flatulence Jylan just emitted in her general direction.

“That foul beast just broke wind right in my face!”

Everybody was too astounded to even react to this latest catastrophe, although Maya had a hand clapped over her mouth in a vain attempt to mask her horrified laughter at the sight of her arch nemesis being subjected to such degrading atrocities.

Mildred’s relapse back to the ground had the desired effect of Gumshoe managing to catch up to the culprit, at last, clamping a ham-sized fist around her spindly wrist in a vice grip while the chittering monkeys went racing back to Luke, with Desse handing the British lad the old woman’s confiscated purse with a flourish as he bowed grandly.

“Good job boys!” Luke praised, already rummaging within the contents of the bag. “Chief Gumshoe, Mr. Edgeworth!” He triumphantly waved what appeared to be a ledger, an open-dated airline ticket to the Cayman Islands, and a bank book in the air. “I think I just found some more vital evidence of criminal activity!”

“Excellent work there, pal!” Gumshoe hauled Mildred back to her feet and began dragging her handcuffed hand back down the aisle towards the rest of the congregation. “Don’t worry about this one now, she’s not going anywhere!”

The big man beamed broadly at Larry and Iris.

Now, I do believe, before they were rudely interrupted –” The chief looked pointed at Armstrong, who simply crossed his arms huffily and sulked. “That these two crazy kids were in the final act of this romantic presentation, to which we’re all the privy, and captivated live audience! Intermission is over everyone! Now that we’ve gotten the matter of detaining the suspected embezzler taken care of … The show must go on!”

“While I still cannot believe I’m about to say this…I shall nevertheless proceed to say: the stage is all yours once more, Larry.” Edgeworth smirked and shook his head. “Please continue. Might I suggest, however, that you take it from the top? Less drama this time, and perhaps more heartfelt emotion?”

Larry was already back on bended knee at Iris’s feet before the prosecutor had even finished the sentence.

“Milady, I am just an ordinary man, but I have an extraordinary heart. I am also a man who possesses great vulnerability and is easily hurt, so please don’t break it in two. Once again, I humbly ask you to give me your hand in matrimony, my beautiful Iris.”

He took her hand in his own as he stared up at her imploringly.

“I don’t promise you riches, I don’t promise you the suburban house and a picket fence. I plan to spend my days trying to make this a more beauteous world with my art, and while I cannot guarantee you a life of splendor with it, I can offer you comfort and stability. Furthermore, I promise to love you faithfully for the rest of our lives, and I mean the kind of love that puts you before anyone else, the kind of love that would face down the devil himself to protect you. For better or worse, for richer or poorer…will you marry me?”

The corners of Iris’s beautiful dark orbs lustered happiness in soft twinkles, reflecting the joyous light which made her eyes copper against caramel as she finally heard, without interruption, the words she’d been wishing to hear for so long. Her voice shook as she responded.

“Larry, when you returned to Hazakura Temple all these years later, even though I had gotten my freedom once again, my life as I knew it lay in tattered remains around me, as though devastated by a hurricane, as everything which once held me in place had been ripped away. I was raw, hurting, and fragile, yet you were so caring, and offered such endless divine patience, no matter what. You have changed my world as I know it for the better. I used to be ashamed of who I was, and now I am proud. My world once was black, and now it is bright. I used to walk with my head bent, and now I stand up tall. I used to have dreams. But now I have hope. All because of you.”

The shrine maiden’s eyes glazed with a liquid that revealed pure blissfulness, which glistered inside the almonds, circumscribed by her wet, eye-lined lashes as she continued to speak her heart.

“Larry, the love you showed was a new thing to me. Although I’d given it to others, I’d never felt it poured over me like a salve as with you. I’d been aware of my love for you only for a short while, but in those precious moments, in those times you picked me up and set me back on my feet, it magnified. At times I feared the love burned too hot, that it’d consume me, and I felt I must quiet the flames, and bring them to a warmth that could be sustained. The fuel of new romance should only be affection, caring, and love – never the fear of being alone. With you by my side, I have grown stronger, and no longer have such fears. Together, you and I can create a better foundation, a footing that can last.”

Iris’s lips were trembling as she leaned down and pulled Larry to his feet, staring deeply into his eyes as she finally said the words he’d been aching to hear.

“I love you with all my heart, Lawrence Butz.” She rested her cool palm against his cheek. “And there is nothing in this world that would bring me more joy than to be your wife.”

Larry would have been lying if he’d claimed to have had no expectations. He’d imagined kissing this ethereal beauty countless times in the past, in a hundred different places and positions. But in that instant, he wasn’t doing anything but beholding the captivating essence of the woman herself; the way her luminous eyes shone with ardor; the feel of the skin on her inner wrist; the size of her hand against his face, and most of all, the smiling shape of her lush lips when she commented, without guile, about returning his love for her.

He loved everything about her – and it was beyond her pulchritude. Her kindheartedness to have been willing to put her own heart’s desires aside, her protective nature of her loved ones, and her steadfast willingness to always help others first. Most of all, he loved her overwhelming sense of humility, in that she’d seriously questioned if she would ever be enough to satisfy him.

Larry wanted to spend the rest of his life telling to her that she was everything he’d ever dreamed of wanting. Above all, he wanted to prove it to her. Today, tomorrow, the next day. But right now, more than anything else, he wanted to, at last, learn what those exquisite rosebud lips tasted like.

Before you kiss someone for the first time, just wait. Take a second to look at them. They are so new, so unfamiliar. Right now you don’t know how they taste, how their hands will press against your skin, how they’ll breathe. You won’t see them like this again. Look at them wanting – the apprehension in their eyes. They don’t know either. In their mind, you are uncharted territory. Isn’t that special? Keep it. That’s how you’ll never lose them. Every so often afterward, look at them through these eyes. Don’t lose that wonder. Don’t lose the spark.

With Iris Hawthorne, Larry Butz knew he never, ever would.

“Iris, as much as you have given me credit for my forbearance with you, I no longer possess any sort of divine patience.” His voice was raw. “My heart is aflame, and my lips are now burning. Since I first looked at you, I have been running from every corner of this earth and sky, wanting to kiss you.”

With a groan, he pulled the woman of his dreams into his arms and lowered his face to hers, and at last, their lips met, the moment they had both dreamed of for so long.

Larry’s kiss stole the words Iris didn’t need to say. In that silence, all of their secrets were laid bare, all of their passions and the spark of love that existed between them. At that moment, in his love, she was strong. One kiss and she had the courage to do anything at all, as long as the man she loved remained by her side forever.

He placed his hand on her waist and drew her closer, deepening the kiss. She kissed him with all the aching longing that being this close to him evoked; she kissed him in all the ways he had ever dreamed of kissing her, feeling faint with joy when he began to kiss her back, his mouth moving with fierce tenderness, then opening with fiery demand over hers, until their breaths were mingled gasps, and they were straining to one another until they heard the Reverend clear his throat behind them.

“Oy!” The holy man chortled. “Save something for the honeymoon, you two! You’re about to start a forest fire here!”

Though both Larry and Iris were blushing furiously at the reminder that they’d just had their first kiss in front of hundreds of witnesses, she gave a breathless laugh as they parted. She saw his eyes sparkle and his lips curve up into a smile and she couldn’t help but smile back. The kiss had obliterated every thought.

“Now that you’ve said all those other things, Larry,” she whispered unsteadily as his lips remained hovering just inches above hers, “do you think you could possibly say I love you and say my name as you do so this time? No man has ever said they loved me…O-only Dollie, w-when I was her. I’ve been waiting to hear you say those very words, with my name, since you began and—”

“I love you, Iris Elizabeth Hawthorne,” Larry said fiercely, the words sounding like music to her ears. “I love you,” he whispered softly, burying his face in her hair. “I love you,” he groaned, kissing her lips again. “I love you, I love you.”

Bruno Mars – Marry You