39 “Les Garçons”
[The following singing witness testimony of one, Jean Armstrong, sole proprietor and chef of the restaurant Trés Bien, has been stricken from the court records of the State vs. Maggey Byrde trial by unanimous decree of His Honor, Jughead Chambers, The Prosecution, Defense Counsel and Detective in charge. This was due to the reasons of Mr. Godot nearly choking on his own hot beverage, Mr. Wright suffering insurmountable nausea, and Detective Gumshoe alarmingly declaring he’d never eat again, despite existing entirely on a diet consisting of nothing but Ramen noodles. This transcript is the only known remaining copy]
“Les Garçons”
Sung to the tune of “Les Poissons”
from Disney’s The Little Mermaid
[Armstrong]
Les garçons, les garçons
How I love les garçons
Monsieur Wright, such a delightful dish!
Hair like midnight silk threads
Makes me shiver and moan
Oh oui, il est toujours délicieux
Les garçons, les garçons
Hee hee hee, hohn hohn hohn
Z’at Phoenix makes me rise, through and through!
Makes me quiver inside
Passions can’t be denied
Forz’is ‘andsome devil, oui it’s true
Z’at Godot also whets zeez here palate
On him z’at visor seems so chic
Actions so macho yet so gallant
Those strong bones and that chin
Ah, z’at voice oh so nice
Makes z’is girl want to sin
And those lips that entice
Mon Dieu, I am not done!
Sacre bleu, what a diss!
How could I be remiss
Z’at grand homme, his muscles so fab
Dick Gumshoe what a man!
Heats me like a fry pan
Even though that trench coat is so drab!
All tres hommes fill my head
Would kick none out of bed!
But sadly I wish from afar
‘Cause none of this lot seems at all hot to trot!
C’est dommage mes garçons
Baisers!
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