74 Daddy Issues Month Take 2 Redo Double Feature!
“Ramen, Ramen (It’s All I Can Afford!)”
Sung to the tune of
“Heigh-ho” from Disney’s
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
These bigwig big prigs leave this poor dick broke
And always screwed
No figs, no jigs, no big shindigs for poor ol’ Dick Gumshoe!
How can this Dick make wallet thick
When working for two stingy pricks
I won’t whine! I won’t whine! I won’t whine! I won’t whine!
Cheap eats while fighting crime!
I will not ever get a raise without causing a fight
I’ve gotten every pay cut there can ever be in sight
I’m working for a grumpy bore
The Wild Mare whips me till I’m sore
I wonder what I’m staying for?
Rough life for flatfoot pig
[CHORUS STARTS]
Ramen!
(Ramen!)
Ramen!
(Ramen!)
Ramen!
(Ramen!)
Ramen!
Ramen!
It’s all I can afford
Ramen! Ramen!
Ramen! Ramen!
Ramen!
It’s all I can afford
Ramen!
(Ramen!)
[REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE]
Notes
CT: I know that JP has already nailed a “Dancing Queen” parody in the form of “Burger Queen” back in Chapter 69, but after reading my reply to the review that Joeclone left for that chapter in which I pondered the possibility of what a “Dancing Queen” parody featuring Angel Star, a.k.a. the Cough-up Queen, would be like, my wonderful co-writer felt that it would be a wonderful idea to make that concept a reality. That’s why for this double feature chapter, we’ve decided to really mix things up by each of us doing our own version of a parody already uploaded here that the other has written. Though what makes things even more interesting is that at the time of writing this A/N, I don’t know which of my parodies JP is going to be covering. But regardless of which one my wonderful co-writer decides to tackle; I know she’ll do a great job as always!
JP: My hilarious co-pilot re-did a side-splitting Dancing Queen parody, “Cough-Up Queen” starring who else? Angel Star. Made me want to jive my heinie off! My version, “Jailbird Queen” if you want to compare, was on chapter 69! 😉
“Cough Up Queen”
Sung to the tune of
“Dancing Queen”
from the musical Mamma Mia!
It was the first day of Lana’s trial and Edgeworth was determined to prove without a shadow of a doubt that she murdered the victim, Detective Bruce Goodman- not because he strongly felt that she was guilty, nor a desire to restore his win record, but because the Chief Prosecutor made it personal the second she decided to commit the crime in the trunk of his car with his knife. As if the lowly gossips at the precinct and Prosecutor’s Office didn’t have enough fuel stoking their flames, now they were probably going to go around spreading lies that he was somehow the mastermind behind this whole thing. And to make things worse, his car would most likely be impounded and he’d be down one Portia. Though even if the car wasn’t impounded, the maroon-cladded prosecutor would still have to spend an arm and a leg cleaning the blood out of his trunk.
Though thankfully for Edgeworth, luck was on his side in the form of his first witness being none other than Angel Starr, a renowned ex-detective whose skills were matched only by her promiscuity. Sure, Phoenix may have had some lucky breaks in the past thanks to Gumshoe’s incompetency and big mouth, but today was going to be much different.
At least, that’s what Edgeworth thought until he saw his star witness handing out lunchboxes instead of stating her name and occupation.
“Ah, and you, sir… Did you order ‘The Fingerprint’ lunchbox?” Angel asked with a warm smile, obviously taking pleasure in irritating the Demon Prosecutor.
“It is too early for lunch. Your name and profession, please.” Edgeworth curtly requested with crossed arms.
“I can do better than that, Mr. Edgeworth. Boyfriend #9,001, would you be so kind as to start up my music?” Angel chirped, prompting a bailiff standing near the Judge’s bench to pick up a boombox near his feet, turn it on, and hold it above his head as it started to play a karaoke remix of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.”
{Angel}
Oooh,
She can’t lie,
She can’t hide,
Behind her power and pride!
Ooh,
‘Cause now I’m here,
Saw the scene,
I am the Cough-up Queen!
I witnessed the crime from afar,
Done near that gaudy, foul pink car-
“Objection!” Edgeworth angrily shouted as he slammed his fist hard on the prosecutor’s bench. “My car is clearly red, not pink! And furthermore, will the witness please state her name and- OW!” The Demon Prosecutor yelled out, nearly knocked off his feet by a deceptively heavy lunchbox being thrown at his head, courtesy of the Cough-up Queen as she continued her song.
{Angel}
She was a leopard woman,
Savoring her kill,
Getting high off of the thrill.
But that was her biggest mistake,
‘Cause the Cough-up Queen takes no breaks,
So I gave her a few scrapes,
And made the world right.
She may have power and clout,
But I have my boyfriends…!
“Come, my boyfriends, sing for your Cough-up Queen!” Angel purred with a sultry grin, prompting half of the men in the gallery to stand up and start singing.
{Boyfriend Chorus}
She is our Cough-up Queen,
Fierce, yet fun,
Only thir- er, 21!
Cough-up Queen,
No one can top your looks or cuisine!
Oh yeah!
Skye can’t lie,
Skye can’t hide,
Behind her power and pride!
Ooh,
‘Cause now you’re here,
Saw the scene,
You are our Cough-up Queen!
{Angel}
I’m a tease,
I turn the boys on,
Leave them wanting more when I’m gone.
Searching for a new boyfriend,
I’m good with anyone.
“Well, almost anyone…” Angle bitterly added, casting a brief glare at Edgeworth with her demon eye before returning to her bubbly persona.
So, if you think you’re the guy,
Then help me take down Skye!
The rest of the men in the gallery proceeded to join the others in the chorus.
{Boyfriend Chorus}
She is our Cough-up Queen,
Fierce, yet fun,
Only thir- er, 21!
Cough-up Queen,
No one can top your looks or cuisine!
Oh yeah!
Skye can’t lie,
Skye can’t hide,
Behind her power and pride!
Ooh,
‘Cause now you’re here,
Saw the scene,
You are our Cough-up Queen!
{Angel}
Beware the Cough-up Queen!
“Name. Profession. Now.” Edgeworth growled as he slammed his palm on the prosecutor’s bench.
I swear, first White, then my geriatric stalker- who, by the way won’t stop sending flowers and ‘Steel Samurai’ merchandise to my office- then that hellion Cody Hackins, and now THIS…!? Is it too much to ask for witnesses to simply just state their names and professions? What did I do to deserve this constant torment?
“The name is Angel Star. Don’t go forgetting it.” Angel tittered.
That’s right, little man, squirm. Squirm like the disgusting, lowly worm that you are! You deserve every second of this for what you and the Ice Queen of the Prosecutor’s Office did to me!
Comments