80 Traitors
“Traitors”
Sung to the tune of “Savages” from
Disney’s Pocahontas
Part 1
Inside the Khura’inese throne room, Ga’ran stands on the raised portion of the room in front of her golden throne, towering over each and every member of the secret police standing at attention in neat, orderly columns. And while the secret police are awaiting their queen’s orders with the greatest respect, Inga, who’s standing by his wife’s side, is rolling his eyes and shifting his body back and forth, wanting nothing more than to run away from his wife- an attitude which has not gone unnoticed by the spider queen, earning him a subtle, yet painful, slap behind the head.
“I know that asking you to act refined is like asking you to know how to pleasure a woman, but try to look like a respectable man in front of the secret police .” Ga’ran growls in whispers into her husband’s ear. “It makes me look bad!”
“Trust me, that ship’s long since left the harbor.” Inga whispers back with a sneer on his face. “Why do you think they’re so loyal to me? I tell them everything you do to me and threaten them that they’ll suffer the same fate if they screw up, see?”
“Yes, but little do those officers realize that they’d all be an improvement over the disappointing two minutes I get on Mr. Inga’s Not-So Wild Ride.”
“Like you’re one to talk? Doing it with you is like riding the Haunted Mansion- cold and scary. Hell, I train new officers by showing them an internet video of the Haunted Mansion ride to show them the extents I go to serve this country.”
“Well, if you fail to rile up those officers into mounting a full-scale attack on Dhurke’s base of operations, you can expect a visit from the Haunted Mansion tonight.” Ga’ran whispers with a sinister purr, pushing Inga forward by slapping his rear with a sultry grin.
“Members of the Secret Police, lend me your ear!” The Minister of Justice proclaims, earning the attentive stares of his subordinates. “As you know, these past couple of weeks have been a dark time in our nation’s history. For over two decades, the DC Act has protected Khura’in and her people against the debauchery, the duplicity, and the dastardly tricks employed by defense attorneys. But recently a defense attorney from the west has rolled into our nation and, like a dark cloud that blocks out the sun, stole warmth and happiness from our fellow citizens’ lives, replacing them with the coldness of fear and doubt after he defied the Princess’ Divination Séance and lied his way to victory not once, but twice. And if it wasn’t bad enough that he made you- Khura’in’s bravest and most devoted of citizens- look like mindless mooks by acquitting those you’ve arrested using only the finest logic and investigation techniques, but he had the gall to drag Rheel Neh’mu’s name through the mud by depicting him as a villain and a thug! That vile snake of an attorney keeps preaching on about justice, but did he show any justice to Neh’mu?!”
“NO!” The officers yell in unison at the top of their lungs, some holding a fist up in anger.
“You’re damn right he didn’t! Neh’mu was a good man, a loyal man who bled purple and emerald-green just like you, me, and every other upstanding Khura’inese citizen! Who’d work in the latest hours of night and into the wee hours of morning when everyone else was asleep? Neh’mu! Who helped to reduce police casualties by 20% by taking care of the more violent Defiant Dragons? Neh’mu! Who, on first day on the job came in to the Ministry of Justice with several boxes of magatah’men and a nice note wishing everyone a nice day? Neh’mu! And this same man died as honorable as he lived- trying to take out a rebel that invaded the clergy! So are you boys ready to roll up your sleeves and give those Defiant Dragons what for!?”
Inga pauses for a moment as the room fills with the excited and angry clamoring of the many police officers.
“Good to hear. Because we just got word from one of our boys on the inside that Dhurke’s been getting bold as of lately and decided to attack the city and assassinate Her Eminence in the process!” The minister snarls, glowering at the crowd as he squeezes the life out of his cigar stamp. “But thankfully, Dhurke’s overconfidence has gotten the best of him since he told all of his fellow rebel scum- including our spy- at their main base in the mountains. So early tomorrow morning, we’re gonna go out there and beat Dhurke to the punch with a little attack of our own!”
Seeing that the officers are clearly riled up, Inga decides to fan the flames of rage with a musical number.
{Inga}
But what did ya expect
From a scheming defense attorney?
This is what you get when you hesitate to strike ’em down!
At the Holy Mother’s name they hiss,
Discord’s their only bliss!
We must stop them to defend the Crown!
{Secret Police}
They’re traitors!
Traitors!
{Inga}
Not good enough to lick my boot.
{Secret Police}
Traitors!
Traitors!
{Inga}
Rid them from the nation’s boarders!
They don’t think like us,
Which mean that they’re no good.
We follow the Holy Mother’s orders!
{Secret Police}
They’re traitors!
Traitors!
Damn dirty dragons!
{Inga and Secret Police}
We’ll kill ’em for the Holy Mother!
Though little do Inga and Ga’ran know, one of the officers present is actually a spy for the Defiant Dragon, who’s been sending the audio of Inga’s speech and song back to Dhurke and the other rebels via a hidden transmitter on his lapel.
{Dhurke}
I knew this day was coming,
The police are on the warpath,
The only thing they feel is wrath.
{Datz}
Under that uniform,
There’s no soul of any form.
{Other Rebels}
They’re nothing but a pack of sociopaths.
They’re traitors!
Traitors!
{Dhurke and Other Rebels}
Not good enough to wash my armband.
{Other Rebels}
Traitors!
Traitors!
{Dhurke}
Rid that spider queen from our borders!
{Datz}
They don’t think like us,
Which means they hate justice.
{Dhurke}
We follow the Holy Mother’s orders!
{Other Rebels}
They’re traitors!
Traitors!
The royals are nutjobs,
So we’ll rid ’em for the Holy Mother!
{Secret Police}
Traitors!
Traitors!
{Ga’ran}
I want those heretics neutralized!
{Other Rebels}
Traitors!
Traitors!
{Inga}
Fail and Ga’ran’ll have me sodomized!
{Everyone}
Traitors!
Traitors!
Not good enough to rub my feet!
We’ll defeat them for the Holy Motheeeer!
Part 2
The following morning, in the mountains outside of the city, Inga and his army of police officers and Dhurke and his army of rebels converge on the site of their final confrontation, a battle to end all battles. Meanwhile, Rayfa, who insisted that she wanted to support Inga and the secret police despite his protests regarding her safety for hours on end the previous night, is watching the conflict from atop the peak of a distant mountain with a pair of binoculars, accompanied by two policemen assigned to protect her.
{Inga}
We’ll be victorious today.
“Don’t any of you mooks wimp out while my little girl’s watching !” Inga growls at his men before looking over at Rayfa with a warm smile and waving at her, to which she responds by energetically waving back.
{Dhurke}
This will be our moment of glory.
“Though try not to be too excessive while the Princess is watching.” Dhurke sullenly states with the slightest hint of guilt on his face before casting a quick glance up at Rayfa, who responds by glaring daggers at the rebel leader.
{Dhurke and Other Rebels}
We’ll water the grass with their tears.
{Rayfa}
There’s not much I can do,
But to the Holy Mother I can pray.
{Inga and Secret Police}
For their crimes they must pay.
{Rayfa}
Holy Mother, keep my father’s foes at bay.
{Dhurke and Other Rebels}
The Ga’ran regime’s purgatory.
{Rayfa}
Holy Mother, keep my father safe from harm.
{Dhurke and Other Rebels}
Their screams will be music to our ears.
{Rayfa}
Holy Mother, please use your sway…
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
It’s either us or them.
{Rayfa}
Silence my father’s enemies with your charm…
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
They’re all a bunch of demented, twisted…
{Other Rebels}
Traitors!
{Secret Police}
Traitors!
{Other Rebels}
Tyrants!
{Secret Police}
Heretics!
{Inga}
Make ’em sleep with Ga’ran!
{Other Rebels}
Traitors!
{Secret Police}
Traitors!
{Inga and Secret Police}
Show ’em no mercy!
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
Crush their wicked ways until they’re no more!
{Rayfa}
I’ve always followed the Holly Mother’s orders.
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
We follow the Holy Mother’s orders!
Traitors!
Traitors!
We’ll crush them for the Holy Mother!
Traitors!
Traitors!
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
This is what happens when you show mercy to one another,
So we follow the Holy Mother’s…
{Rayfa}
Can this conflict be put to rest by the Holy Mother’s…?
{Inga, Secret Police, Dhurke, and Other Rebels}
Orders!
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