97 I’m The Phantom

Notes

CT: I would like to thank JP for allowing me to use this chapter to close out a story arc that I spent the last few chapters of my “Debeste of Friends” fanfic writing. For those of you who haven’t read that story and don’t feel like reading it, here’s a brief summary:

During Sebastian’s freshman year at Themis, as you’d expect, he had only one friend, an OC I created named Chloe Ernst who was the school mascot and had social anxiety/self-esteem issues that were so crippling that she wouldn’t casually talk or take off her costume. However, if Chloe was pretending to be someone else (something she had quite the talent for with her keen observational skills, eidetic memory, and the artistic prowess to create flawless masks), she was perfectly fine. Though despite her unrivaled ability to become anyone on the stage, Chloe wished that she was brave enough to be herself- a desire that resulted her developing a crush on Sebastian.

However, after making the mistake of asking Sebastian out on a date, Blaise got involved, and as you know, when Blaise gets involved, people disappear. However, despite nearly three years of unspeakable torture at the hands of Blaise, after his arrest, Chloe was able to escape. Though despite being free from her suffering, the pain had forever shattered her psyche, stripping her of all her morality as she fled the country and became the Phantom that we know and hate.

As such, since this is parody involves Simon dealing with the person who killed his mentor and ruined his life and Sebastian having to come to terms with a person he once knew as a friend having become an emotionless monster, it’s not going to have my usual brand of humor.

So with that in mind, I hope that nica2026 enjoys the parody of I’m the Bad Guy that they suggested.

JP: For anyone reading my collab drabbles with ForGreatCoffee (on his wall) called Heartwarming Java Shots they’ll know I’m no stranger to throwbacks to my own works within my other stories, so I figured green light for CT’s pimping out of his criminally underrated story about the fiendish trio! Check it out – it’s your twisted, snaflatulating brand of CzarThwomp humor at its finest, as demonstrated here with no exception! 😊


 I’m the Phantom”
Sung to the tune of “I’m the Bad Guy”
From 
 Wander of Yonder

After the Phantom’s arrest, Simon thought that he would be instantly assigned as the prosecutor for the case. After all, who better to prosecute the Phantom than the man who knew more than anyone else did when it came to the spy’s methods? Who better to lead the case than the prosecutor with the psychological knowledge to go toe-to-toe with the Phantom’s mind games? Who was more deserving to be the prosecutor to lock away this soulless husk of a human being than the man who was not only arrested for murder and put on death row because of that monster, but also was tortured nearly every day for a year thanks to that psycho spy killing and assuming the identity of the most annoying dolt to ever receive a police badge and then proceeding to stick to him like glue on the grounds of ‘rehabilitation’?

However, life’s rarely straightforward and goes as expected. Simon learned that lesson the hard way when he entered Metis’ lab on that fateful day, only to find his beloved mentor dead and little Athena standing there with blood on her face, smiling and saying how she was ‘fixing’ her mother like something out of a horror film; he learned it once more when it was revealed that the bumbling detective who was only capable of raising his ire and blood pressure was the very spy he was trying to apprehend; and on this day, he was learning it a third time as he found himself walking to the detention center’s visitor’s room to see the Phantom- not as the prosecutor for the case, but rather to assist in questioning and to provide emotional support to the lead prosecutor, Sebastian Debeste.

“I can’t believe that the Phantom’s a girl, Mr. Blackquill.” Sebastian said with unease in his voice, his gaze pointed towards the ground as he slowly walked forward, almost as if his body was on auto-pilot. “Not only that, but she’s Chloe Ernst, my best friend from Themis!”

“Your best friend was someone who has caused me nothing but pain, misery, and irritation for seven years? I have to say, Deworste, that’s the least surprising thing I learned about the Phantom yet.” Simon wryly commented, only for his remark to go right over his naïve coworker’s head.

“Why, when Mr. Edgeworth told me that the Phantom was Chloe, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I mean, we all thought that Chloe was dead ever since she vanished without a trace on Halloween of 2016. But then Mr. Edgeworth showed me all the forensics tests that they ran on the Phantom, and sure enough, they matched Chloe’s information to a tee- at least the information that they could gather. Apparently, Chloe burnt off her fingerprints several years ago.”

“Do you blame her? Why, if I were your friend at any point in time, I’d have perfected the art of sky diving without a parachute.” Simon chuckled.

“Is this just one big joke to you, Mr. Blackquill?” Sebastian asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone as he looked up at his fellow prosecutor with grief-filled eyes. “Do you find it amusing that my only friend during my time at Themis turned into some international spy who blew up a courtroom and sabotaged two space missions funny? Because it isn’t. You don’t understand how painful this is to me!”

“Don’t understand?! DON’T UNDERSTAND!?” Simon roared as he flashed his coworker a death glare. “You listen to me, you little git! Your ‘friend’ snuffed out the life of my beloved mentor, forcing me to take the fall and spend seven long, agonizing years on death row so that the innocent girl who had her mother unjustly stolen away from her by your ‘chum’ wouldn’t have the crime of matricide hanging over her head for the rest of her life! You want to talk about pain? Do you understand how it feels to cry yourself to sleep every night for seven years in a cold, dark jail cell because you know that with each passing day you’re one step closer to being killed like an animal for a crime you didn’t commit, the fear of your sacrifice being in vain while the real criminal runs free?! Do you know how it feels to finally have a chance to fight back and be part of the plan to have that criminal put away, only to later learn that the detective assigned to be your partner was the monster you were hunting down and was playing you like a fiddle!?”

“You suffered for seven years?” Sebastian scoffed. “Try 17. Ever since I could remember, my pops had made my life a living hell. Every morning, Pops would wake me up by hitting my crotch with some kind of blunt object; and every evening, he would tell me that I’d be doing the world a favor if I killed myself. Pops would barely feed me, not wanting his food to be wasted on an unwanted idiot, he would lock me in a closet whenever he couldn’t hire some little kid to babysit me for mere cents or if he just felt like it, and he wouldn’t even ‘waste’ money on buying me different clothes. Why do you think I only wear my old Themis uniform? It’s all I know! Heck, do you know what my childhood bed was? It was some futon that Pops apparently killed a couple over and then proceeded to break with a bat and then give to me because he found it to be too soft. That’s right! According to my pops, I was only worthy of his trash because that’s what he saw ME as! And it wasn’t just Pops! When I was at school, the other kids would hate me because they thought that I was stupid, my teachers hated me because they thought that I was annoying, and the janitors hated me because I always had… accidents because I had to potty train myself!

But then I met Chloe, a kind, caring girl who built up my self-esteem, not tear it down; who listened to me, not ignore me; and who treated me like a human being and not as some joke! Chloe believed in me and we would spend hours after school having deep conversations about our thoughts, hopes, and dreams- well, I would talk while she would use a speak-and-say or something of the sort. In fact, Chloe was the first girl to ask me out, but on our first and only date, I was too assertive and scared her off, never to see her again…” Sebastian let out a long sigh, tears that he had been trying his hardest to hold back during his tangent streaming down his redden cheeks that he proceeded to wipe away. “For the last 11 years, I had to live with the guilt that Chloe was dead because of me; that if I had only been a little smarter, or a little more enounced- er, nuanced, she would have stayed at that dance just little longer and would still be with us. And now I learn that Chloe’s alive, only to find out that she’s done so many bad things and has hurt you, a guy who a see as one of my best friends…”

“Heh…” Simon softly chuckled. “You know, you really aren’t all that bright if you think that. So tell me, Deworste, why do you see me as one of your best friends despite all the times I insulted you, had Taka attack you, and used your pathetic tricycle to break my shackles?”

“Simple, Mr. Blackquill: because you need a friend.” Sebastian stated matter-of-factly with a small grin. “You try to hide your pain behind your edgy tough guy persona, but deep-down, you’re hurting and crying out for help. You created that image to convince the world that you were strong and capable, but more importantly, you did it to convince yourself. I was the same way when I was first starting out as a prosecutor…” A small tear trickled down the naïve prosecutor’s cheek. “I-I acted like I was so cool, as if I was the best of the best and that everyone was beneath me in the hopes that I could finally win my Pop’s love. But then I met Justine and Mr. Edgeworth, who taught me that if you have someone to guide you and be your friend, then you don’t need to hide behind fake personas; that you can be yourself and that no matter what kind of bad stuff life’s thrown at you, you can move past it and find peace.”

“Well, well. It seems like you do have a brain somewhere in that head, Deworste.” Simon remarked in mock amazement before turning his back to his coworker. “You know, when Edgeworth-dono chose you to prosecute this case instead of me, I couldn’t grasp his logic- how he could pick someone like you over someone like me on the grounds of ‘conflict of interest’, but I think I finally understand his reasoning…”

“Yay! Mr. Blackquill’s warming up to me!” Sebastian chirped.

“I said nothing of the sort- only that you aren’t completely useless.” Simon curtly responded. “Now let’s go. We need to spend less time discussing our inner demons and more time questioning the Phantom.”

“Right.” Sebastian nodded as he and his coworker picked up their pace as they made their way to the visitor’s area.

When Sebastian had first learned from Edgeworth that the Phantom was his old high-school friend, he was prepared for the worst. After all, if your hopes are as low as they can go, things can only get better. However, nothing could prepare the naïve prosecutor for what he saw when he entered the visitor’s room with Simon.

Behind the bulletproof glass sat a woman of around five feet, five inches in height, though she looked a bit shorter on account of how she slightly hunched over with crossed arms as she vacantly stared out the window towards the back wall. Maybe she was formulating an escape plan, or perhaps she trying to come to terms with how her, a superspy who prided herself on her complete lack of emotions, was bested by a bluffing idealist who had just gotten his badge back, a wannabe therapist, and some small, loud, edgy child. But what thoughts were racing through Chloe’s mind were the least of Sebastian’s issues as he took note of her appearance.

While the naïve prosecutor had never seen Chloe without her mask, he was certain that she didn’t look the way she did when last they saw each other all those years ago, and that said years were less than kind to her, to say the least. Chloe’s skin was pale and chalky, almost as if she was a ghost who had never even heard of the sun, let alone see it, and was covered in scars and stitches, making her resemble something akin to Frankenstein’s monster- something that was made all the more apparent thanks to the short-sleeve prison shirt that the police gave her on account of her not wearing anything other than her body suit doing nothing to hide her gaunt, twig-like arms. Like her arms, Chloe’s frame was thin, with the only full feature being her breasts which were nearly entirely covered by her long, messy dirty-blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and down to her waist, her bangs partially obscuring her emerald-green eyes, with the right one being noticeably cracked at the top, not unlike a broken egg.

For a brief moment, an awkward silence filled the air as Simon and Chloe locked eyes with stoic, emotionless expressions as Sebastian stood off to the side as stiff as a soldier as he desperately tried to keep himself from crying. But then suddenly, the silence was broken- not by either of the prosecutors, but rather the convict herself.

“Prosecutor Blackquill…” Chloe mentioned in a monotone voice with a face to match. “When they told me that I would be visited by the prosecutor for my trial, I figured it would be you. After all, what kind of ‘samurai’ walks away without one final showdown with his archenemy…? Perhaps the same kind of ‘samurai’ who cried himself to sleep for seven years over his inability to save his mentor and never bothered to wipe his tears away like the little bitch that he is…” The Phantom emotionlessly tittered, internally savoring the scowl that was starting to form on the Twisted Samurai’s face. “Or were you just feeling a bit homesick? Not that I’d blame you. After all, this was home-sweet-home for you for the last seven years after you so kindly took the fall for me after I taught Metis why smart people don’t leave swords lying around.”

“Save your breath, Phantom.” Simon curtly stated as he turned his back to the spy. “You can try to get under my skin until you’re blue in the face, but you’ll never succeed, and do you know why…?” The Twisted Samurai turned around to smirk at his longtime enemy and brought Sebastian over to the window. “Because in a few days, this will be your permanent home after the prosecutor for this case reminds the court of your countless crimes.”

“I-I-I…” Sebastian stammered, bending his baton as he continued to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

“Well, if he’s the prosecutor for this case, Blackquill, then maybe you wouldn’t mind doing another sentence for me after I get released and tie up some loose ends with that Athena girl you care so much about.” Chloe emotionlessly mused, not even flinching when Simon slammed his fist on the glass that was separating them.

“If by some slim chance you manage to weasel your way out of paying for your crimes, the day I allow you anywhere near Athena is the day I eat a hamburger while watching an English dub of a beloved anime!” Simon snarled.

“Don’t worry, Blackquill. Even if your friend completely fails, there’s still a chance he could pull through. After all, you’ve seen it first-hand with those Anything Agency lawyers. Who knows? Your little friend may squeeze out a victory thanks to the judge taking pity on him and those cute little Bambi eyes he’s giving me now.” Chloe said with a lifeless giggle and a hint of intrigue in her gaze as she directed her attention to the other prosecutor. “So, little guy, what’s your name?”

“Y-You don’t know my name?” Sebastian asked in a devastated tone.

“Correct.” The Phantom nodded. “I may be an international spy who can become anyone, but that doesn’t mean that I know everyone.”

“B-But you do know me!” Sebastian whimpered.

“Trust me, kid. After spending a year working with Prosecutor Evan Draven here, I think I would remember seeing someone like you.” Chloe joked in a deadpan tone as she gestured over to Simon, who’s only response was to quickly shoot her a glare. “So once again, who are you.”

Sebastian took a brief pause to wipe away his tears and straighten his posture. “I’m Prosecutor Sebastian Debeste.”

“So?” Chloe shrugged with pure indifference.

“So?!” Sebastian exclaimed. “Don’t you remember me, Chloe? It’s me, Sebastian, your old best friend! We were freshmen in Themis together! We ate lunch every day! You helped me with my homework every day! You even helped get me down from the flagpole every other day after the football team would hoist me up to the top by my Underoos! You mean to tell me that you don’t remember any of that?!”

“Like I said at Cykes’ trial, I left my memories, personality, beliefs, emotions, and soul behind a long time ago. You see, when a person’s tortured every day for nearly three years in almost complete isolation- their flesh peeled off, bones broken, and even being forced to eat one of their eyes after it’s painfully removed from its socket with a melon baller- it shouldn’t be all that surprising that when said person is finally freed from captivity by the police, they proceed to make the officers to find them… disappear to cover their tracks before running off and leaving their crappy life behind. Actually, scratch that. I can’t say that I cast away all of my past…”

“Wha-What do you mean…?” Sebastian weakly asked as he cocked his head off to the side in confusion.

“Well, remember how I killed Fulbright in order to infiltrate the L.A.P.D. and stop Edgeworth and Blackquill’s plan to bust me? Well, he wasn’t my original target. That honor would belong to a certain science-loving detective working under none other than Klavier Gavin…” Chloe rolled her eye, the tiniest spark of rage flickering in her good pupil before quickly being extinguished by her icy stoicism. “After all, if I was going to go through the trouble of killing a detective and stealing their identity for the sake of revenge, I might as well have done it right by also getting revenge on one of my old bullies, someone who reminded me of all the pain I felt before I became the Phantom. And what better way to do so than by killing a girl that he’s clearly head-over-heels for? But after doing some recon and discovering that the girl was as fed up with that pompous peacock as I was, I decided to cut her a brake and instead target the dumb oaf of a detective who felt that it was a good idea to walk the streets alone at night.”

“So you do remember who you are, Chloe…?” Sebastian softly grinned, a glimmer of hope filling his eyes. “In that case, during your trial, just admit to your crimes! That way, you can receive the help you need, get over whatever bad things happened to you since the last time we saw each other, and you can go back to being Chloe Ernst, my best friend!”

“How many times do I have to say this? I put my past behind me a long time ago and am never going back.” Chloe stated in the same monotone voice despite the angry undertone in her words. “I would rather walk up to that assassin who failed to shoot me during the trial, get down on my knees, put the barrel of their gun in my mouth, and guide their hand to the trigger before going back to being Chloe Ernst, the mascot who was kidnapped off of the streets for merely being herself.

“But-” Sebastian tried to argue, only to be immediately interrupted.

“Fine.” The Phantom stated with the slightest hint of anger in her voice. “In that case, let me put this in a way you’ll understand: in song.”


{Chloe}

I’m not the girl who was your friend.

I’m not some oaf who you can just condescend.

I’m not the dorky mascot who’d dance to the school anthem.

No, I’m the Phantom.

All of the sins that I’ve committed:

Murders, bombings, and getting you, emo weeb, indicted,

And so many more that few could hope to fathom.

So who am I?


“Y-You’re the Phantom, but-” Sebastian whimpered, trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes, only to be interrupted by the girl who used to be his friend.


{Chloe}

Oh, it’s so grand,

To see this sad land,

Fall into chaos.

Oh, it’s a blast,

To learn people’s pasts,

Which I use to completely destroy their lives.


{Blaise?}

Y’see, ’cause I’m the Phantom!


“How does she have a mask of Pops?! I thought that they took away all of her masks!” Sebastian replied in a flustered tone.

“How does Prosecutor Dandy’s brother have a solitary cell that’s nicer than most penthouses despite killing several people?” Simon angrily retorted as he glared daggers at the woman who ruined his life. “Our police force is completely inept when it comes to punishing criminals… with the unfortunate exception being when they confiscated my mangas!”


{Blaise?}

Y’see, the world’s my playpen,


{Metis?}

I see someone,

I become them.

Care to theorize why?


{Chloe}

I’ve always had a penchant,

For acting and for vengeance.

I become your loved ones so I can break your soul.


{Blaise?}

Y’know, I find this quite amusing,


{Athena?}

That you’re so blind to how this is a fight you’re losing!

I’ll just escape from here in the blink of an eye!

Why?

C’mon, guys! Guess!


{Sebastian and Simon}

‘Cause you’re… the Phantom…


“And that’s why you’re Debeste.” Chloe deadpanned.

License

Singing in the Courtroom Copyright © by JordanPhoenix and CzarThwomp. All Rights Reserved.

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