“Mr. Nick”
Sung to the tune of “Peaches”
From “The Super Mario Bros. Movie”
For the past two months, Phoenix had been tirelessly working to accomplish three objectives: be the best father that he could be for Trucy, learn how to play the piano for his new job at the Borscht Bowl, and find solid evidence that proved without a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t forge that fake diary page that cost him his badge so that he could go back to his dream job of being a defense attorney.
For the first objective, Phoenix felt that he was on the right track- Trucy was happy, healthy, and had a safe place to call home. Of course, there were plenty of times when Phoenix was at a loss for what to do, such as when he discovered that Trucy was an early bloomer around two weeks after adopting her, but in those cases, he was able to fall back on the old adage of ‘it takes a village to raise a child’; and fortunately for Phoenix and Trucy, they had quite the village, with Maya, Larry, and Gumshoe as the fun aunt/uncles, Edgeworth as the stern, but fair uncle who always made a point to emphasize responsible decision-making and a focus on learning, and Franziska as the soccer mom who went out of her way to attend as many of the young magician’s magic shows as she could, partially for moral support and partially to whip away any hecklers or the creeps who frequented the Wonder Bar. In fact, there were plenty of times when Phoenix felt like Trucy was the parent while he was the child, what with her bringing in a sizeable chunk of their income and providing him with encouragement whenever he was feeling down.
As for the second goal, despite Edgeworth and Kristoph doing everything in their power to teach Phoenix even the most rudimentary of techniques, which entailed a lot of yelling, insults, and, in the case of the lattermost, bodily harm, the best the ex-attorney was capable of was playing a semi-bearable version of Chopsticks. Thankfully, since Phoenix was an undefeated poker champ first and a fifth-rate pianist second, his boss was willing to let it slide. In fact, after hearing countless complaints from the customers, Sergei, being the eccentric, business-minded individual that he was, decided to capitalize on this by making all orders at the bar half-off during Phoenix’s shifts and selling tomatoes to customers. Though while Phoenix wasn’t too fond of a bunch of angry drunks pelting him with produce if it meant not having to deal with Kristoph going on insane, hour-long tirades over him butchering On the Good Shop Lollipop, Animal Crackers in My Soup, and other timeless Shirley Temple classics, it was a price that he was more than willing to pay.
But as for the third goal, things weren’t going so well. Despite his best efforts, Phoenix’s investigation was hitting a dead-end, prompting him to have lunch with Franziska at a fancy café to discuss potential leads and documents that she could obtain for him thanks to her rank and ‘ways’, which he fully knew was code for her whipping anyone who even thought of questioning her. Now Phoenix was the first to admit that it was never fun to be on the receiving end of that whip, but even he couldn’t deny that it was a pretty handy tool when it was on his side.
“Thanks for treating me to lunch today, Franziska,” Phoenix mentioned as he and the silver-haired prosecutor exited the elevator and walked down the hall toward the Wright Talent Agency.
“Don’t mention it, Phoenix Wright,” Franziska said with a wave of her hand. “As long as I get my chance to crush you in court and avenge my perfect record, then it’s worth every cent. Plus, I wouldn’t be opposed to knocking that foolish fool Klavier Gavin down a peg and wiping that smug grin off of his face.”
“Speaking of which, thanks for driving me to and from the café. Ever since I got disbarred, things get pretty awkward pretty fast whenever I ride the bus- not because of my newfound slimeball reputation as the Forgin’ Attorney, but because whenever my ‘bus family’ sees me, they go on and on about how Klavier did me dirty and how he thinks he and the rest of the beautiful people are better than us. Then, before I know it, they get so riled up that they yell at the driver to take them to Klavier’s house to teach him a lesson.”
“Well, with how little progress we made over lunch, I’m not entirely opposed to that kind of justice.” Franziska joked as she waggled her finger. “And while we’re on the topic of appreciation, thank you for your willingness to go to lunch an hour early. Even though I’m confident that this case I’m prosecuting will take less than 20 minutes, I still have to be at the courthouse on time to prepare Scruffy and the witness.
“No problem. If only we had Edgeworth’s logic… Too bad he couldn’t join us because of that big Interpol investigation that he got roped into.”
At that moment, Franziska heard something that she never imagined that she’d hear coming from Phoenix’s office: music from a piano. However, she couldn’t recognize the song, which was simple, yet surprisingly catchy and upbeat.
“Phoenix Wright, is that… music coming from your office?”
“Oh, that’s just Pearls.” Phoenix nonchalantly answered. “Originally, I planned to do some investigating with her and Maya after our lunch outing, but right before you picked me up, Maya called saying that she couldn’t assist me today because of some urgent matters in Kurain. So since Pearls had her heart set on helping me and she’s no stranger to coming here alone, it would be just her.
“P-Pearl Fey’s here…?” Franziska nervously gulped.
“Yeah, I guess she just got here early. Now I know you have that trial this afternoon, but would you be willing to spare a few minutes to help me and Pearls come up with some investigation plans?” Phoenix awkwardly smiled as he scratched the back of his neck. “Otherwise, I’m afraid that it’ll be a repeat of our last brainstorming session, in which the best idea to come out of it was Maya going to Kristoph’s apartment and charming the evidence out of him with the- and I can’t stress enough how these were Maya’s words, not mine- ‘Dance of 1,000 Burgers’.”
Franziska snickered. “As much as I’d love to stay and watch you make a fool of yourself Phoenix Wright, I think it would be best if I left now. It’s just that…” The silver-haired prosecutor took a deep breath, her embarrassed gaze pointed toward the ground. “Pearl Fey hates me and I’m afraid that my staying here would only end in disaster.”
“Franziska, Pearls doesn’t hate you,” Phoenix replied in a reassuring tone, only to feel the sting of the silver-haired prosecutor’s whip.
“Are you as forgetful as you are foolish, Phoenix Wright?” Franziska snapped as she tugged her whip. “You saw how Pearl Fey acted towards me when we encountered her at the Inner Temple Gate during Misty Fey’s case! I treated her with nothing but kindness and respect during her hour of need, yet she didn’t hesitate to tear me to shreds over how I prosecuted Maya Fey! And before you mention how Pearl Fey’s just a little girl, she slapped you unconscious over having your hands held by a woman who wasn’t Maya Fey, and she likes you! So I can only imagine what she’d do to me without worries or the presence of witnesses other than you holding her back.”
“I swear, Maya will never let me live that down…” Phoenix muttered under his breath with a sigh. “Look, I’ll admit that Pearls can be a bit… passionate, but she isn’t vengeful. She’s nothing like her mother.”
Franziska sighed, knowing that if Phoenix was willing to be friendly with her despite everything that she and her family put him through, then she could give Pearl another chance. “Fine, Phoenix Wright, I’ll stay for a couple of minutes.”
With a nod and a friendly grin, Phoenix opened the door to the office, where sure enough, Pearl was busy playing the piano and entered with Franziska. “Hey Pearls, I’m back. Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“No worries, Mr. Nick. How was your- What is she doing here?” Pearl snarled, her sweet smile being replaced with a sour frown and her kind eyes morphing into an icy scowl that would put the Arctic to shame.
“H-Hello, Pearl Fey.” Franziska nervously stated with a weak wave, only to be completely ignored as Pearl glared daggers at Phoenix, who was trying to come up with a response that wouldn’t leave Trucy as an orphan again.
“Well, Mr. Nick, what do you have to say for yourself?” Pearl growled, her fingers drumming across the piano’s keys, the pace becoming faster with each passing second as her patience grew thinner. “Because from what I’m seeing, while Mystic Maya’s hard at work in Kurain with her duties as Master, you’re cheating on her with the mean, scary prosecutor lady who tried to put her in jail and whipped you a whole bunch!”
“I swear, Pearls, I wasn’t on a date with Franziska!” Phoenix objected, his eyes wide with fear as he raised his hands in self-defense. “We just went out to lunch-“
“Which is a date!” The young spirit medium roared as she rolled up her sleeve and clenched her fist.
“Please Pearls, it wasn’t a date!” Phoenix pleaded as he practically got down on his knees. “Franziska and I were just having lunch and discussing what leads and documents she could use her position as a prosecutor to get for me; and to be honest, with how much she was pausing our conversation to check her phone, it was more of a working lunch for her with no feelings attached.
Upon hearing the ex-attorney say this, Franziska couldn’t help but feel dejected. Truth be told, the reason why Franziska was on her phone so much during that lunch wasn’t because she was blowing him off, but because she was trying to take her relationship with Phoenix to the next level, one that was more on the romantic side. However, Franziska realized that wooing Phoenix would be easier said than done thanks to her upbringing in a house where a brief hug was a laughable fancy, not a right. So, in order to win the card shark’s heart, Franziska came up with a plan for Adrian Andrews to help her out: the silver-haired prosecutor would attach a pin-sized transmitter to her lapel, allowing Adrian to listen in on the outing and send her texts with suggestions about what to say. Yes, Franziska knew it was foolish, but darn it, Phoenix was a kind, loyal, reliable man and she was willing to take her chance. So spurred on by her feelings, Franziska decided to do the unthinkable: stand up against Pearl.
“Pearl Fey, I apologize for how I treated Maya Fey and Phoenix Wright when we first met. I was dealing with my own issues at the time and thought that the only way to handle my problems was to lash out and take advantage of the opportunity and power that I was granted at that moment through my job. However, while I was in the wrong, that doesn’t make it right for you to persecute Phoenix Wright for merely having lunch with me and rule over his love life with an iron fist. While his foolishness in the courtroom may be on par with that of an infant spider monkey, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a grown man and free to choose who he does and doesn’t want to date. I’m not saying that there isn’t a chance that he could enter into a romantic relationship with Maya Fey- they have a long history and have demonstrated on several occasions that they… care for each other- but there are no certainties in life and Phoenix Wright may choose to love and spend the rest of his days with someone… unexpected, someone that he thought was cold and unfeeling until he taught them to trust; someone who thinks of him as a fool, but also the perfect person to form a relationship with.”
By the end of her tangent, Franziska’s cheeks were quite red as she could hardly believe what she just said. However, while the silver-haired prosecutor all but confessed her feelings for Phoenix, he was hardly analyzing her words on account of his mind being clouded with adrenaline and fear directed towards Pearl, who simply burst out laughing.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ms. Scary Prosecutor Lady. Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya are a timeless pairing like peanut butter and jelly or salt and pepper. Sure, Mr. Nick hasn’t proclaimed his love to Mystic Maya yet, but that’s only because he’s too shy and has been overwhelmed by everything that’s been going on. That’s why I wrote this song for Mystic Maya’s true love, Mr. Nick, who by the end of it, will be only too happy to admit to her that he feels the same way.
After cracking her knuckles, Pearl started to play a song on the piano.
{Pearl}
Mr. Nick,
You’re so couth,
And with Mystic Maya’s love,
You always find the truth.
Mr. Nick,
So you see,
You and Mystic Maya are meant to be!
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Marry my cousin!
Oh!
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Marry my cousin!
Oh!
Iris, Franziska, and Mr. Edgeworth, too,
A thousand murder charges won’t keep Mystic Maya from you!
Mr. Nick,
When this song is done,
You’ll wanna smooch your special someone!
Oh!
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Mr., Mr., Mr., Mr. Nick,
Marry my cousin!
Oh!
Mr. Nick!
Mr. Nick!!
MR. NIIIIIII-
Suddenly, Pearl’s song was interrupted by the 8-bit remix of the Steel Samurai theme song that served as Phoenix’s ringtone, which ended as quickly as it began upon the ex-attorney answering the call.
“Hello…? Hey Edgeworth, what’s up?”
“Mr. Nick, please put your phone on speaker.” Pearl requested in a sweet tone that was in stark contrast to the intense look of anger in her eyes, prompting the card shark to gulp as he complied without hesitation.
“S-Sorry, Edgeworth. You mind repeating that? I was a little preoccupied with… something.” Phoenix nervously requested as he scratched the back of his neck, casting a quick glance at Pearl, who was rolling up her sleeve and clenching her fist.
“Sure thing, Wright. I was just wondering where you are.”
“My office. Why? Do you need my help with your investigation? Because while I’m happy to lend a hand, I don’t think that Lang will be too keen on the idea of working alongside the Forgin’ Attorney.”
“What are you talking about?” Edgeworth asked in an irritated tone. “The only thing I’m currently investigating is why I’ve been spending the last 20 minutes alone at a table in the café, contending with a short-tempered waitress who keeps on insisting that I order something despite you and Franziska being nowhere to be found; an issue that has been made all the worse by how I can’t get ahold of her.”
“In that case, I can help out after all.” Phoenix wryly responded. “Franziska’s currently with me and Pearls. She and I-“
“Hold that thought, Wright,” Edgeworth interjected as an angry female voice became audible on his end of the call. “For the last time, ma’am, I don’t know where the rest of my party is! I’m currently on the phone with one of them, so if you’ll just wait a minute I- I’m sorry, but that’s no way to speak to a customer…!”
“Curse you, Adrian Andrews!” Franziska angrily muttered under her breath as Phoenix and Pearl listened to the maroon-cladded prosecutor’s argument, her cheeks reddening as she glared at the ground. “This is the last time that I foolishly take foolishly foolish love advice from a foolishly foolish fool such as yourself!” And as if on cue, the silver-haired prosecutor felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, which upon pulling it out, was revealed to be caused by Adrian sending her a text message that read ‘Sorry, Bestie!!!! ☹’.
“Sorry about that, Wright. What were you saying?” Edgeworth sighed in exasperation.
“Well, this morning, Franziska told me that you couldn’t make it to lunch today on account of you suddenly getting roped into some huge international smuggling ring case. That’s why she and I had lunch at the café an hour ago.”
“Wait, why would Franziska-“
Fortunately for the silver-haired prosecutor, before Edgeworth could finish his question and figure out her plan, Pearl leapt up from her seat and, with lightning-fast speed that made her appear as a blur, ripped the phone out of Phoenix’s hand, prompting him to reel back as if he was attacked by a shark.
“Stay away from Mr. Nick! He’s Mystic Maya’s special someone, not yours or anyone else’s!” Pearl shouted as she gripped the phone, its frame starting to crack as she used every ounce of restraint she had to keep herself from completely crushing it.
“What?!” Edgeworth shouted, completely caught off-guard by this random outburst.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Mr. Edgeworth! I may have been unfamiliar with pretty much everything outside of Kurain Village until two years ago, but I’m not stupid! I’ve heard all of the
rumors going around the courtroom about you and your ‘unnecessary feelings’ and I refuse to stand idly by while you and Ms. Scary Prosecutor Lady try to destroy the beautiful thing that Mr. Nick has with Mystic Maya!”
“Objection! Those unnecessary feelings that I had at that time had nothing to do with romance, but rather deep-rooted guilt and regrets that reemerged after reuniting-“
Enough with your mind games, Mr. Edgeworth! Now if you’ll excuse me, Mr. Nick’s going to be busy with something that he should have done a long time ago!”
Before Edgeworth could further argue against Pearl’s accusations, the young spirit medium ended the call, placed the cell phone down on the nearby desk, grabbed Phoenix’s left arm with her right hand and Franziska’s right arm with her left hand, and proceeded to drag the two adults towards the door.
“Uh, Pearls, where are you taking us?” Phoenix nervously asked.
“We’re going to Kurain Village so that you can declare your love for Mystic Maya! You’ll propose to her, she’ll say yes, and it’ll be beautiful!”
“Then why are you foolishly dragging me along?” Franziska snarled, wriggling about and using her free hand to try to free herself from Pearl’s iron-clad grip, but to no avail.
“You won’t stop trying to steal Mr. Nick for yourself until you see the intense beauty of his and Mystic Maya’s love firsthand! But once you learn that you can’t compete with perfection, you can tell Iris, Mr. Edgeworth, and any other vultures that Mr. Nick isn’t for them!” Pearl proclaimed with a triumphant look in her eye as she dragged Phoenix and Franziska into the hallway before closing the door behind them.
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